and
present:
Of Possible Alternatives
(a.k.a. The God of Copyright Infringement Takes a Holiday)
-------- Part Three --------
by Jason Bertovich
©2013 by Jason Bertovich and Matthew Atanian
Boy Scouts ½ created by Matthew Atanian
Perspectives created by Jason Bertovich
Kenny's Laboratory created by Matthew Atanian
Of Possible Alternatives
(a.k.a. The God of Copyright Infringement Takes a Holiday)
-------- Part Three --------
by Jason Bertovich
©2013 by Jason Bertovich and Matthew Atanian
Boy Scouts ½ created by Matthew Atanian
Perspectives created by Jason Bertovich
Kenny's Laboratory created by Matthew Atanian
Deep in the underground bunker buried underneath the Church in the Acres, Hecubus Proctor stood at rapt attention, arm extended in a outreached salute, waiting for his beloved commander, indeed his personal god, to issue forth his next proclamation.
“HAAAAAAAAAAAAAIL LORD JUSTY!” He squealed, rapturously.
Justy Yung, a.k.a. Il Yung, resplendent in a luxurious cape and armored shoulder pads that Proctor himself forged for him. He looked down to his sole follower and adjusted his glasses. “This World!” he began, pausing for effect, “Is corrupt! It is our duty to bring it under my divine guiding and nurturing hand and so…”
“WHOOO HOO! Il Yung is the Man!” Proctor shouted excitedly.
Justy narrowed his eyes at being interrupted. “Quite. As I was saying, however, this world needs our guidance and control, but seeing as controlling the entire world is a very large and daunting goal, I’ve decided to start smaller with just this single city of Springfield, and in order to not wear ourselves out and to gives us plenty of room for potential setbacks, we shall begin by conquering this single Boy Scout Troop. I think that’s a reasonable goal, don’t you?”
Proctor’s eyes watered in delight at hearing this. He shouted for all his worth, “Wa hoo! That’s a brilliant plan. It’s so great that only the great Lord Justy could come up with it and I, his lowly servant, will do whatever in my power to make it so. Through burning fires! Through raging floods! If you order me to strip down, I’ll rip my own skin off. If you order me to throw up, I’ll throw up my organs!” He then turned to the exasperated Justy and flung himself, arms outstretched, “Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiillllll Looooooorrrrrddd Just…..”
Proctor never finished the sentence as Justy had clubbed him bluntly on the head with his trusty baton, forcing Proctor’s soul to abandon his now deceased body.
Elsewhere, a man in a black trench coat and fedora waited anxiously in a dark alleyway, trying to remain hidden from the two men searching for him.
“Did you find him, yet?” the first man shouted.
“No. Where’d the hell he go, dammit?!” the second barked back.
The man in the black fedora crept to the edge of the alley and mused to himself, “What is this? Why is it that a single scene takes over two years to finish?”
“There he is!” the first man shouted, catching a glimpse of the man in the black fedora, “The Fedora and Trench Coat guy!”
The man in the black fedora bolted, the other two then gave chase. “Come back here, you bastard!” The second man demanded.
The man in the fedora tore down the street, his pursuers coming closer. In a fit of desperation, he screamed, “I’m Sorry, Saraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”
“HAAAAAAAAAAAAAIL LORD JUSTY!” He squealed, rapturously.
Justy Yung, a.k.a. Il Yung, resplendent in a luxurious cape and armored shoulder pads that Proctor himself forged for him. He looked down to his sole follower and adjusted his glasses. “This World!” he began, pausing for effect, “Is corrupt! It is our duty to bring it under my divine guiding and nurturing hand and so…”
“WHOOO HOO! Il Yung is the Man!” Proctor shouted excitedly.
Justy narrowed his eyes at being interrupted. “Quite. As I was saying, however, this world needs our guidance and control, but seeing as controlling the entire world is a very large and daunting goal, I’ve decided to start smaller with just this single city of Springfield, and in order to not wear ourselves out and to gives us plenty of room for potential setbacks, we shall begin by conquering this single Boy Scout Troop. I think that’s a reasonable goal, don’t you?”
Proctor’s eyes watered in delight at hearing this. He shouted for all his worth, “Wa hoo! That’s a brilliant plan. It’s so great that only the great Lord Justy could come up with it and I, his lowly servant, will do whatever in my power to make it so. Through burning fires! Through raging floods! If you order me to strip down, I’ll rip my own skin off. If you order me to throw up, I’ll throw up my organs!” He then turned to the exasperated Justy and flung himself, arms outstretched, “Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiillllll Looooooorrrrrddd Just…..”
Proctor never finished the sentence as Justy had clubbed him bluntly on the head with his trusty baton, forcing Proctor’s soul to abandon his now deceased body.
Elsewhere, a man in a black trench coat and fedora waited anxiously in a dark alleyway, trying to remain hidden from the two men searching for him.
“Did you find him, yet?” the first man shouted.
“No. Where’d the hell he go, dammit?!” the second barked back.
The man in the black fedora crept to the edge of the alley and mused to himself, “What is this? Why is it that a single scene takes over two years to finish?”
“There he is!” the first man shouted, catching a glimpse of the man in the black fedora, “The Fedora and Trench Coat guy!”
The man in the black fedora bolted, the other two then gave chase. “Come back here, you bastard!” The second man demanded.
The man in the fedora tore down the street, his pursuers coming closer. In a fit of desperation, he screamed, “I’m Sorry, Saraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”
“You know, I’m not too sure if this isn’t what actually happens with Justy and Proctor when the rest of us aren’t around. And what was the deal with Matt there? These things are getting more and more confusing.” Becker said as the lights came back up.
“Well, since this is a parallel universe, we should probably assume that Justy’s operations are a touch more mundane,” Kenny posited. He then quickly added, “But I wouldn’t bet money on it.”
“You know, not to point out the obvious or anything, but have you noticed that all these universes seem to revolve around either us or at least people within our social circle?” Becker mused aloud.
“Well, the scouting program creates these glimpses based on criteria entered from the mainframe. So, if I want to see a specific timeline scenario based on potential decision probabilities, I simply enter that data. For example, I could, theoretically, enter criteria that ask to display a universe when you never found your way into the lab,” Kenny explained.
“Probably be a lot quieter around here, I suppose.”
“Quite,” Kenny agreed. “However, in this case I believe that when you got tangled up in the holographic control display, you most likely gave the mainframe a specific set of data to postulate and then it located these parallel universes. My best guess is that one of the criteria happened to be my journals, so the computer is specifically looking for people whom are mentioned within those journals along with Plaank knows whatever other criteria was entered,” Kenny then hypothesized.
“Ah,” Becker said with a knowing nod, not really understanding anything at all. “Magic, got ya.”
Kenny rolled his eyes and sighed. He then grabbed the next disc off the stack and looked it over. “Ahem, Perspectives from the Training Ground of Curse Springs.” Kenny then recognized Nicole again as well as her, he supposed, ex-boyfriend considering how she referred to him the last time he saw her, were on the cover as well as two other people whom he wasn’t familiar with but could’ve sworn he saw at the Christmas party the previous holiday season.
“What’s it about?” Becker asked cracking open a fresh can of Dr. Pepper.
Kenny, lost in concentration trying to place the other two, quickly snapped himself alert and quickly flipped the case over and read on, “Two Mall employees and their significant others win a trip of a lifetime to China, but they may soon learn that the price of the free trip was too high as they bring back an unwanted souvenir – an ancient curse! Contains three episodes: 4. Tales of a Pittsburgh Penguin; 5. Monkey Business; 6. Trouble Times Three.”
“Episodes?” Becker snickered.
“I think I might need to modify the program to not be so colorful with the scouting reports,” Kenny mumbled to himself, pulling out his pocket notepad
and scrawling jotting it down.
“I like it. No offense, but sometimes your reports can be a little, um, dry. Besides, imagine the side-business of direct-to-video movies we could run with this thing,” Becker laughed.
Kenny eyed his partner with an annoyed glare and slipped the disc into the console.
“Well, since this is a parallel universe, we should probably assume that Justy’s operations are a touch more mundane,” Kenny posited. He then quickly added, “But I wouldn’t bet money on it.”
“You know, not to point out the obvious or anything, but have you noticed that all these universes seem to revolve around either us or at least people within our social circle?” Becker mused aloud.
“Well, the scouting program creates these glimpses based on criteria entered from the mainframe. So, if I want to see a specific timeline scenario based on potential decision probabilities, I simply enter that data. For example, I could, theoretically, enter criteria that ask to display a universe when you never found your way into the lab,” Kenny explained.
“Probably be a lot quieter around here, I suppose.”
“Quite,” Kenny agreed. “However, in this case I believe that when you got tangled up in the holographic control display, you most likely gave the mainframe a specific set of data to postulate and then it located these parallel universes. My best guess is that one of the criteria happened to be my journals, so the computer is specifically looking for people whom are mentioned within those journals along with Plaank knows whatever other criteria was entered,” Kenny then hypothesized.
“Ah,” Becker said with a knowing nod, not really understanding anything at all. “Magic, got ya.”
Kenny rolled his eyes and sighed. He then grabbed the next disc off the stack and looked it over. “Ahem, Perspectives from the Training Ground of Curse Springs.” Kenny then recognized Nicole again as well as her, he supposed, ex-boyfriend considering how she referred to him the last time he saw her, were on the cover as well as two other people whom he wasn’t familiar with but could’ve sworn he saw at the Christmas party the previous holiday season.
“What’s it about?” Becker asked cracking open a fresh can of Dr. Pepper.
Kenny, lost in concentration trying to place the other two, quickly snapped himself alert and quickly flipped the case over and read on, “Two Mall employees and their significant others win a trip of a lifetime to China, but they may soon learn that the price of the free trip was too high as they bring back an unwanted souvenir – an ancient curse! Contains three episodes: 4. Tales of a Pittsburgh Penguin; 5. Monkey Business; 6. Trouble Times Three.”
“Episodes?” Becker snickered.
“I think I might need to modify the program to not be so colorful with the scouting reports,” Kenny mumbled to himself, pulling out his pocket notepad
and scrawling jotting it down.
“I like it. No offense, but sometimes your reports can be a little, um, dry. Besides, imagine the side-business of direct-to-video movies we could run with this thing,” Becker laughed.
Kenny eyed his partner with an annoyed glare and slipped the disc into the console.
Jason Bertovich waddled furiously, squawking angrily at his girlfriend Nicole Porter. She loomed over him, now a good two and a half feet taller than him, holding a plastic red bucket. The last drops of icy water dripped onto his beak. He furiously shook himself and squawked again at Nicole who held an expression which was a mix of anger of amusement. She then dropped the bucket on his squat head and walked out of the room, slamming the door as she left.
Jason stood there for a moment, a sight to be seen for sure. A three foot tall emperor penguin, tangled up in his, ironically enough, damp Pittsburgh Penguins jersey, his pants and shoes laying about his feet, and a red plastic bucket laying over his head, stopped by his protruding beak. He sighed a squawking penguin sigh and wondered how it ever came to this.
He could understand why she was angry, but this was completely unfair. It’s not as if he personally pushed her in or anything. It also didn’t give her the right to just transform him out of frustration because she was mad. He shook the bucket off his head and sadly waddled to the dressing mirror in her room. He looked at the animal staring back and him and thought back to the first time he saw that reflection.
It had been two weeks now since that free “Trip of a Lifetime.” It had turned out to be the trip from Hell as far as He, Nicole, his good friend and fellow Mall drudgery slave John Hoelscher and his girlfriend Lina Wells were concerned.
Jason was considering suing the soda company and their stupid contest in question for helping facilitate their conditions, but he quickly realized that if what happened to them became public knowledge, their lives were pretty much effectively over as they become the prey of scientists, the media, and anyone else wishing to exploit their unique dilemma.
The prize was supposed to be great. A three week long, all expenses paid trip to Asia for him and three guests. A chance to visit Japan with Nicole. A chance to check out the Bhuddist temples of Thailand. And who could forget the grand finale, a week-long tour of China! It sounded great, and for the most part, the trip was great. They really saw some great stuff and took some amazing photos. Jason would smile now if his beak would allow it as he looked at the framed picture of him and Nicole on the Ginza that sat on her vanity.
But then came day four of the China trek and that’s when it all fell apart. The four had been enjoying a hike through the Chinese wilderness. Their guide, a thickly accented, slightly heavy built Chinese man in a Mao suit and hat, was taking them to many majestic spots that few foreigners ever get the chance to see.
On that day they were hiking through the area of Mt. Quanjing, a mountain in the Qinghai Province's Bayankala Range.
Around noon, the group reached a strange area filled with countless springs. Each spring had at least one bamboo pole emerging vertically from it, and in the case of some of the larger springs, two or three poles. The mountain filled horizon added to the mysterious field of springs' majestic beauty.
The guide came to a stop and faced the group. "Here, sirs and misses, is legendary 'Training Ground of Accursed Springs,' Jusenkyo. This place very dangerous. Almost nobody use now. Is more than one hundred spring here, and every one have own tragic legend!"
Jason removed his backpack. "We'll break here for lunch." He then sat his pack down and started pulling out some of their food supplies.
“Sir, is very dangerous here. I would not recommend stopping here. Bad things seem to always happen to those who stop, especially a lot more than usual recently,” the guide nervously said.
Nicole looked to Jason, as did John and Lina. Jason shrugged his shoulders and started putting the food back. “You’re the guide. Where would you recommend we stop?”
The guide seemed relieved and smiled broadly. “Home is not far from here. You meet my daughter, sirs and misses, we enjoy authentic Chinese lunch, yes?”
“Sounds good to me, how ‘bout you guys?” Jason asked the others. Nicole nodded with a smile. John and Lina concurred and they prepared to continue on.
Jason was preparing to sling his pack back onto his shoulders when he paused for a moment. He perked his ears, sure that he heard… something.
“Sir?” The guide asked worriedly, anxious to leave this place.
“Jay?” Nicole asked seeing her boyfriend’s look of concentration.
“Hey guys, do you hear that?” Jason asked.
The others perked their ears and realized there was something out there. Something was coming. A loud something with a louder something giving chase.
“What the devil is that?” Jason asked, walking toward the edge of the training ground toward the forest’s edge. Suddenly, he was barreled over by a rather irate, screaming, and most importantly, naked woman. She tore through their group, scampering as fast as she could using all four of her limbs.
Jason stumbled backward, knocked off balance by the combination of the blow and the weight of his pack still in his left hand. A moment later, gravity won and into the nearby spring he went with a resounding splash.
“Sir!” The guide shouted.
“Jay!” Nicole shouting, rushing toward the spring Jason fell into with the John and Lina following behind. A moment all three of them where barreled into themselves by three large burly men. One was carrying a net, another carried a sack, and the third carrying a wooden bucket and ladle. “Hurry! The monkey is getting away!” The first shouted in angry Chinese, completely ignoring the people whom he and his companions had just knocked into the shallow pools of water.
A moment later the men were gone and the commotion they caused had died down, leaving only a very weary guide. He looked up to the heavens and exclaimed “Ai Yai! Not again…”
Another moment later, the pool Jason had fell into stirred as a black and white emperor penguins burst out like an aquatic bullet and slid to the surrounding ground, squawking and gasping for air. It flopped on it’s back and continued to gasp.
From the spring Nicole had fallen into, a small brown monkey screeched as it swam to the surface. The monkey flopped onto the shore and after a moment, stumbled back to the waters surface. Upon looking at its reflection, it screeched again, this time in abject horror.
The penguin sat up at hearing the noise and looked around to see what was causing such a racket. He waddled over to the pool where the monkey was and looked down to his own reflection. A second later the monkey’s screeched were accompanied by confused and horrified squawking.
From the pool Lina went into out came a small, black snake which slithered to the edge of the spring and seemed very unsure what to do next.
Finally from the final pool emerged John. And John. And John a third time. “Guys?” John said in triple stereo. He quickly turned and faced himself and all three were met with the same slackjawed expression of disbelief.
“Oh sirs and misses, you have fallen into cursed springs. Very tragic for you. Always happens it seems,” the guide said with weary sadness.
“What’s going on?” John said in triplicate again, quickly followed by, “Stop that! No you stop it! No, You!” Each angrily pointing at each other. Finally, two of the Johns pointed to the third and signaled that they were shutting their mouths.
The guide walked over to the group of three animals and looked at each of them. “You sir, fall in ‘Spring of Drowned Penguin.’ Very tragic story of penguin that fall in and drown six hundred year ago.” He then looked to the silent and shaking monkey, “and Miss, you fall into ‘Spring of Drowned Monkey,’ also tragic story with monkey who drown there one thousand five hundred year ago.” He then rolled his gaze to the coiled snake, which was eying him very angrily, “and you Miss, you fall into ‘Spring of Drowned Snake,’ kind of tragic story about snake that drown eight hundred year ago.”
“Wait, why is the snake only kinda tragic?” John asked.
“I scared of snakes,” the guide said with an embarrassed smile. “And you sirs, you fall into ‘Spring of Drowned Triplets,’ most tragic story of three identical brothers who fall into spring after fight and drown over seven hundred and fifty years ago.”
“What happened to us?” John asked, looking back to his two doppelgangers.
“I explain. Cursed Springs. Tragic Curses. You cursed now. Very Tragic,” the guide haltingly explained. He then began walking, “Come with me Sirs and Misses, we will go to home and I will explain further. Three sirs, will you help your friends?” He asked the Johns.
“What about our gear?” John asked.
“No safe to fetch now. We will fetch later when we have tools to do so safely. Quick, I must to get you hot water,” The guide explained, walking away briskly. The three Johns each shrugged and picked up an animal/friend and followed the guide to his home.
It was there the guide explained the full details of the curse. He also provided them with the hot water, which reverted Jason, Nicole, and Lina back to their very scared, very confused, and very angry human forms. The moment he poured the hot water on John, the other two vanished in a puff of what could only be described as ‘unsmoke.’
John looked at his own hands with utter amazement.
“Are you okay?” Lina asked worriedly.
“It’s amazing. I have the memories of both of them. I remember the conversation I had with the guide, but I also have a memory of me watching myself having a conversation with the guide as well as the same memories but from a different angle. This is way out weird, guys.”
“Oh my god, my boyfriend is a Penguin!” Nicole said with a sob and then added much more hysterically, “OH MY GOD, I TURN INTO A MONKEY!”
Jason comforted her, patting her head as she cried in his shoulder. “Hey, hey, hey. It could be worse.”
“WORSE?!? How could this possibly get WORSE?!?” Nicole shouted.
That seemed to be the question du jour that stuck with them now that they were back in the U.S. It just seemed that no matter what could possibly go wrong and get them wet, it was going to happen. Jason was beginning to feel like a water magnet.
The bedroom door opened and Jason thought it was Nicole, but was surprised to see it was actually her twin sister, Kirstin. Kirstin had a bundle of clothes under her arms and a small, embarrassed looking monkey clinging to neck.
“Ah, I thought you would be here,” Kirstin said with a warm smile. She then set Nicole down on the bed and looked to Jason. “Here, let me help you out.” She then helped pull the wet jersey off of Jason’s penguin body. She then gathered the rest of his clothes. “I’ll throw these in the dryer for you,” She said as she walked out the room.
Jason looked to the rather timid-looking Nicole and felt at a loss for words, not that words would do him any good since they would only end up a series of unintelligible squawks.
There was a shrill whistle in the air and a few moments later, Kirstin reentered carrying some soft green towns and a kettle from which a wisp of white steam emanated from the spout. Kirstin set down the kettle and wrapped the monkey in the first towel, looking to Jason she explained, “Nicole came into the kitchen as I was mopping the floor, she tripped on the bucket and ended up getting soaked by it.”
Jason nodded his penguin head in understanding. Kirstin then walked up to him and wrapped the second green towel around his slippery black and white tuxedo. She then picked up the kettle and slowly poured the steaming water over his head.
As Jason readjusted his towel around his waist, Kirstin walked over to the monkey that was her sister and poured the water on her, restoring her back to her human self.
Nicole grabbed the third towel that Kirstin had brought with her and proceeded to sheepishly dry her hair. “God, this is so embarrassing.”
Kirstin smiled at her sister. “It could be worse, Nicole.”
Nicole narrowed her eyes and resisted the urge to scream, “Everyone keeps saying that! I turn into a monkey. There is no ‘WORSE!’”
Kirstin kept her warm, comforting smile. She rested her hand on her sister’s shoulder. “You could turn into a monkey that doesn’t have good friends, a loving family, and a guy that seems determined to stick by her even though she just turned him into a penguin because she was in a bad mood,” Kirstin said, looking then to Jason, “Right?”
“Damn right!” Jason concurred enthusiastically.
“One day, we’ll find a cure for this curse, so for now let’s make the best of this, okay?” Kirstin said warmly.
Nicole puffed out her cheeks in a pout. Looking at Jason, drying his own hair and then back to her twin sister. “Okay, sis,” Nicole said quietly. The two then hugged. “But if we don’t, you’re going to China and taking a dip too so we still match.”
Kirstin giggled and soon both sisters were laughing.
Jason stood there for a moment, a sight to be seen for sure. A three foot tall emperor penguin, tangled up in his, ironically enough, damp Pittsburgh Penguins jersey, his pants and shoes laying about his feet, and a red plastic bucket laying over his head, stopped by his protruding beak. He sighed a squawking penguin sigh and wondered how it ever came to this.
He could understand why she was angry, but this was completely unfair. It’s not as if he personally pushed her in or anything. It also didn’t give her the right to just transform him out of frustration because she was mad. He shook the bucket off his head and sadly waddled to the dressing mirror in her room. He looked at the animal staring back and him and thought back to the first time he saw that reflection.
It had been two weeks now since that free “Trip of a Lifetime.” It had turned out to be the trip from Hell as far as He, Nicole, his good friend and fellow Mall drudgery slave John Hoelscher and his girlfriend Lina Wells were concerned.
Jason was considering suing the soda company and their stupid contest in question for helping facilitate their conditions, but he quickly realized that if what happened to them became public knowledge, their lives were pretty much effectively over as they become the prey of scientists, the media, and anyone else wishing to exploit their unique dilemma.
The prize was supposed to be great. A three week long, all expenses paid trip to Asia for him and three guests. A chance to visit Japan with Nicole. A chance to check out the Bhuddist temples of Thailand. And who could forget the grand finale, a week-long tour of China! It sounded great, and for the most part, the trip was great. They really saw some great stuff and took some amazing photos. Jason would smile now if his beak would allow it as he looked at the framed picture of him and Nicole on the Ginza that sat on her vanity.
But then came day four of the China trek and that’s when it all fell apart. The four had been enjoying a hike through the Chinese wilderness. Their guide, a thickly accented, slightly heavy built Chinese man in a Mao suit and hat, was taking them to many majestic spots that few foreigners ever get the chance to see.
On that day they were hiking through the area of Mt. Quanjing, a mountain in the Qinghai Province's Bayankala Range.
Around noon, the group reached a strange area filled with countless springs. Each spring had at least one bamboo pole emerging vertically from it, and in the case of some of the larger springs, two or three poles. The mountain filled horizon added to the mysterious field of springs' majestic beauty.
The guide came to a stop and faced the group. "Here, sirs and misses, is legendary 'Training Ground of Accursed Springs,' Jusenkyo. This place very dangerous. Almost nobody use now. Is more than one hundred spring here, and every one have own tragic legend!"
Jason removed his backpack. "We'll break here for lunch." He then sat his pack down and started pulling out some of their food supplies.
“Sir, is very dangerous here. I would not recommend stopping here. Bad things seem to always happen to those who stop, especially a lot more than usual recently,” the guide nervously said.
Nicole looked to Jason, as did John and Lina. Jason shrugged his shoulders and started putting the food back. “You’re the guide. Where would you recommend we stop?”
The guide seemed relieved and smiled broadly. “Home is not far from here. You meet my daughter, sirs and misses, we enjoy authentic Chinese lunch, yes?”
“Sounds good to me, how ‘bout you guys?” Jason asked the others. Nicole nodded with a smile. John and Lina concurred and they prepared to continue on.
Jason was preparing to sling his pack back onto his shoulders when he paused for a moment. He perked his ears, sure that he heard… something.
“Sir?” The guide asked worriedly, anxious to leave this place.
“Jay?” Nicole asked seeing her boyfriend’s look of concentration.
“Hey guys, do you hear that?” Jason asked.
The others perked their ears and realized there was something out there. Something was coming. A loud something with a louder something giving chase.
“What the devil is that?” Jason asked, walking toward the edge of the training ground toward the forest’s edge. Suddenly, he was barreled over by a rather irate, screaming, and most importantly, naked woman. She tore through their group, scampering as fast as she could using all four of her limbs.
Jason stumbled backward, knocked off balance by the combination of the blow and the weight of his pack still in his left hand. A moment later, gravity won and into the nearby spring he went with a resounding splash.
“Sir!” The guide shouted.
“Jay!” Nicole shouting, rushing toward the spring Jason fell into with the John and Lina following behind. A moment all three of them where barreled into themselves by three large burly men. One was carrying a net, another carried a sack, and the third carrying a wooden bucket and ladle. “Hurry! The monkey is getting away!” The first shouted in angry Chinese, completely ignoring the people whom he and his companions had just knocked into the shallow pools of water.
A moment later the men were gone and the commotion they caused had died down, leaving only a very weary guide. He looked up to the heavens and exclaimed “Ai Yai! Not again…”
Another moment later, the pool Jason had fell into stirred as a black and white emperor penguins burst out like an aquatic bullet and slid to the surrounding ground, squawking and gasping for air. It flopped on it’s back and continued to gasp.
From the spring Nicole had fallen into, a small brown monkey screeched as it swam to the surface. The monkey flopped onto the shore and after a moment, stumbled back to the waters surface. Upon looking at its reflection, it screeched again, this time in abject horror.
The penguin sat up at hearing the noise and looked around to see what was causing such a racket. He waddled over to the pool where the monkey was and looked down to his own reflection. A second later the monkey’s screeched were accompanied by confused and horrified squawking.
From the pool Lina went into out came a small, black snake which slithered to the edge of the spring and seemed very unsure what to do next.
Finally from the final pool emerged John. And John. And John a third time. “Guys?” John said in triple stereo. He quickly turned and faced himself and all three were met with the same slackjawed expression of disbelief.
“Oh sirs and misses, you have fallen into cursed springs. Very tragic for you. Always happens it seems,” the guide said with weary sadness.
“What’s going on?” John said in triplicate again, quickly followed by, “Stop that! No you stop it! No, You!” Each angrily pointing at each other. Finally, two of the Johns pointed to the third and signaled that they were shutting their mouths.
The guide walked over to the group of three animals and looked at each of them. “You sir, fall in ‘Spring of Drowned Penguin.’ Very tragic story of penguin that fall in and drown six hundred year ago.” He then looked to the silent and shaking monkey, “and Miss, you fall into ‘Spring of Drowned Monkey,’ also tragic story with monkey who drown there one thousand five hundred year ago.” He then rolled his gaze to the coiled snake, which was eying him very angrily, “and you Miss, you fall into ‘Spring of Drowned Snake,’ kind of tragic story about snake that drown eight hundred year ago.”
“Wait, why is the snake only kinda tragic?” John asked.
“I scared of snakes,” the guide said with an embarrassed smile. “And you sirs, you fall into ‘Spring of Drowned Triplets,’ most tragic story of three identical brothers who fall into spring after fight and drown over seven hundred and fifty years ago.”
“What happened to us?” John asked, looking back to his two doppelgangers.
“I explain. Cursed Springs. Tragic Curses. You cursed now. Very Tragic,” the guide haltingly explained. He then began walking, “Come with me Sirs and Misses, we will go to home and I will explain further. Three sirs, will you help your friends?” He asked the Johns.
“What about our gear?” John asked.
“No safe to fetch now. We will fetch later when we have tools to do so safely. Quick, I must to get you hot water,” The guide explained, walking away briskly. The three Johns each shrugged and picked up an animal/friend and followed the guide to his home.
It was there the guide explained the full details of the curse. He also provided them with the hot water, which reverted Jason, Nicole, and Lina back to their very scared, very confused, and very angry human forms. The moment he poured the hot water on John, the other two vanished in a puff of what could only be described as ‘unsmoke.’
John looked at his own hands with utter amazement.
“Are you okay?” Lina asked worriedly.
“It’s amazing. I have the memories of both of them. I remember the conversation I had with the guide, but I also have a memory of me watching myself having a conversation with the guide as well as the same memories but from a different angle. This is way out weird, guys.”
“Oh my god, my boyfriend is a Penguin!” Nicole said with a sob and then added much more hysterically, “OH MY GOD, I TURN INTO A MONKEY!”
Jason comforted her, patting her head as she cried in his shoulder. “Hey, hey, hey. It could be worse.”
“WORSE?!? How could this possibly get WORSE?!?” Nicole shouted.
That seemed to be the question du jour that stuck with them now that they were back in the U.S. It just seemed that no matter what could possibly go wrong and get them wet, it was going to happen. Jason was beginning to feel like a water magnet.
The bedroom door opened and Jason thought it was Nicole, but was surprised to see it was actually her twin sister, Kirstin. Kirstin had a bundle of clothes under her arms and a small, embarrassed looking monkey clinging to neck.
“Ah, I thought you would be here,” Kirstin said with a warm smile. She then set Nicole down on the bed and looked to Jason. “Here, let me help you out.” She then helped pull the wet jersey off of Jason’s penguin body. She then gathered the rest of his clothes. “I’ll throw these in the dryer for you,” She said as she walked out the room.
Jason looked to the rather timid-looking Nicole and felt at a loss for words, not that words would do him any good since they would only end up a series of unintelligible squawks.
There was a shrill whistle in the air and a few moments later, Kirstin reentered carrying some soft green towns and a kettle from which a wisp of white steam emanated from the spout. Kirstin set down the kettle and wrapped the monkey in the first towel, looking to Jason she explained, “Nicole came into the kitchen as I was mopping the floor, she tripped on the bucket and ended up getting soaked by it.”
Jason nodded his penguin head in understanding. Kirstin then walked up to him and wrapped the second green towel around his slippery black and white tuxedo. She then picked up the kettle and slowly poured the steaming water over his head.
As Jason readjusted his towel around his waist, Kirstin walked over to the monkey that was her sister and poured the water on her, restoring her back to her human self.
Nicole grabbed the third towel that Kirstin had brought with her and proceeded to sheepishly dry her hair. “God, this is so embarrassing.”
Kirstin smiled at her sister. “It could be worse, Nicole.”
Nicole narrowed her eyes and resisted the urge to scream, “Everyone keeps saying that! I turn into a monkey. There is no ‘WORSE!’”
Kirstin kept her warm, comforting smile. She rested her hand on her sister’s shoulder. “You could turn into a monkey that doesn’t have good friends, a loving family, and a guy that seems determined to stick by her even though she just turned him into a penguin because she was in a bad mood,” Kirstin said, looking then to Jason, “Right?”
“Damn right!” Jason concurred enthusiastically.
“One day, we’ll find a cure for this curse, so for now let’s make the best of this, okay?” Kirstin said warmly.
Nicole puffed out her cheeks in a pout. Looking at Jason, drying his own hair and then back to her twin sister. “Okay, sis,” Nicole said quietly. The two then hugged. “But if we don’t, you’re going to China and taking a dip too so we still match.”
Kirstin giggled and soon both sisters were laughing.
“Wow, that Kirstin sure is unflappable, ain’t she?” Becker said with admiration.
“Yeah…” Kenny said, lost in thought, watching Kirstin’s larger than life visage on the giant screen.
Becker looked over to his friend and couldn’t help but grin at the young man lost in reverie. Becker might have been oblivious to the outside world due to his headphones ninety-nine percent of the time, but that one percent he wasn’t submerged in aural bliss, he had found himself to be quite perceptive. He also was perceptive enough to know not to bring attention to it and save his friend some obvious embarrassment of admitting he was pining for a taken women, even if she herself couldn’t admit she was taken.
"Anyway," Becker then said, "Wouldn't it be weird if curses like that existed in real life?"
That seemed to break Kenny from his reverie. "Hm? Oh, yes. Yes it would," he said, almost too quickly. "Good things such things couldn't happen here. Grab another one, would you?"
Becker snatched another case and opened it and tossed the disc to Kenny who was ejecting the prior disc, though not before letting the final glimpse
into the world linger just a few moments longer.
“So what do we have next?” Kenny asked, preparing to dim the room again.
Becker looked it over. “Not sure. The box just shows a what looks to be a antique wardrobe flying in space. The title says Professor What.”
“Professor what?” Kenny asked.
“Yeah, exactly,” Becker confirmed. He then flipped it over and scanned it over before reading, “The Professor and his companion are back for another series of adventures through time in space, but as always danger and lots of running await them.”
Kenny arched an curious eyebrow and then hit the button, worried about what his machine hath wrought…
“Yeah…” Kenny said, lost in thought, watching Kirstin’s larger than life visage on the giant screen.
Becker looked over to his friend and couldn’t help but grin at the young man lost in reverie. Becker might have been oblivious to the outside world due to his headphones ninety-nine percent of the time, but that one percent he wasn’t submerged in aural bliss, he had found himself to be quite perceptive. He also was perceptive enough to know not to bring attention to it and save his friend some obvious embarrassment of admitting he was pining for a taken women, even if she herself couldn’t admit she was taken.
"Anyway," Becker then said, "Wouldn't it be weird if curses like that existed in real life?"
That seemed to break Kenny from his reverie. "Hm? Oh, yes. Yes it would," he said, almost too quickly. "Good things such things couldn't happen here. Grab another one, would you?"
Becker snatched another case and opened it and tossed the disc to Kenny who was ejecting the prior disc, though not before letting the final glimpse
into the world linger just a few moments longer.
“So what do we have next?” Kenny asked, preparing to dim the room again.
Becker looked it over. “Not sure. The box just shows a what looks to be a antique wardrobe flying in space. The title says Professor What.”
“Professor what?” Kenny asked.
“Yeah, exactly,” Becker confirmed. He then flipped it over and scanned it over before reading, “The Professor and his companion are back for another series of adventures through time in space, but as always danger and lots of running await them.”
Kenny arched an curious eyebrow and then hit the button, worried about what his machine hath wrought…
The sound of what could be described as an old car engine slowly trying to turn over rang out in the Western Massachusetts air as a brightly painted green antique wardrobe slowly faded in and out of existence before coming to rest right on the lawn of a building that was called The Church in the Acres.
A moment later, the twin doors swung over and what appeared to be a fourteen year-old boy with a quaff of excitable hair, thick glasses, a blue 60’s mod-style pinstripe suit with complimentary red bowtie and matching red Converse trainers stepped down with a grandiose leap. A second moment later, another boy of similar age, though of less unusual dress, poked his head out scanning the area before stepping out and down as well.
The pair took a moment to stretch and mill about before the more flamboyant of the pair took out a small keychain and pointed it the wardrobe. The doors slammed shut and there was the distinctive ‘chirp chirp’ sound of a car alarm being activated.
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Massachusetts of the late 1990’s. I always love coming back here,” The boy in the suit stated to himself.
The second boy, a lad by the name of Jon Becker, adjusted the headphones sitting around the back of his neck and shifted the knapsack he had been carrying over one shoulder. “What are we doing back here, Professor? Are you taking me back home?”
The Professor turned to his companion with a surprised look, “What? No, of course not. This is just a routine fuel stop.”
“Fuel stop?” Becker asked.
“Ah yes, Weeeell, you see this location in this point in history is actually home to a transdimensional rift in time and space, a wibbily-wobbly tear of spacey-wacey leaking timey-whimey stuff. So, it’s an ideal spot to let the TASICS sit for about a day or so and recharge the ‘battery’ as it were.” The Professor then burbled his lips for a moment while balancing on his heels and then turned back to Becker, “Oh that’s right, this is your home or abouts, right? Right! Fantastic! Molto Bene! You can show me ‘round. Didn’t have a lot of time to sightsee last time I was here, you know. Mutant wombat-spiders and all.”
“Um,” Becker started still never quite sure how to deal with The Professor’s excitableness, especially since his recent change. “Right. Yeah, the sights.”
“Fantastic,” the Professor said with a broad toothy grin. “Allons-y!”
The Professor then grabbed Becker by both shoulders and starting steering him in a random direction until Becker started asserting his own will and led rather being steered. The pair walked the streets for a few minutes, and it struck them that something seemed… off.
“’Ang on a sec.,” the Professor said, flaring his nostrils slightly, “I’ve heard of sleepy little towns, but this place is in a coma.”
“Well, I wouldn’t call Springfield a little town,” Becker commented in a tone that indicated he felt slightly insulted.
“Sorry, I tend to think on the galactic scale,” the Professor commented aloud. “In any case, I do believed I misdiagnosed. Not coma. Dead.”
Becker looked around and realized that The Professor was right. The streets were completely quiet and still. Not a person out and about. Not a car in the streets. Not even a bird chirping. This was beginning to creep him out. “What is going on here? Where is everyone?”
“Indeed. Good question. Exciting one, too, don’t you think,” The Professor said with his cheeky grin and plowed ahead, leaving Becker there with a stunned look before he bolted to catch up.
A few minutes later, they came to the local library. They walked to the front door, only to find it locked. The Professor reached into his interior jacket pocket and pulled out the small keychain that was his Infrared Spanner and after pointing it at the door, the audible click of the tumblers releasing and unlocking was heard. “Open Poppyseed!” the Professor said, delighted.
Becker rolled his eyes, “That’s sesame, Professor.”
“No thanks. They get stuck in my new teeth,” the Professor said as he stepped inside. Becker hesitated a moment before following.
The library was dark and still. It looked as if it had been abandoned, though not too long ago. There were papers and books scattered about. The computers were all off, but there didn’t appear to be any major accumulation of dust or large cobwebs that seem to indicated long periods of inactivity. Becker pulled out a small flashlight from his back, learning long ago to be prepared when it came to traveling with the Professor.
The Professor whistled shrilly and idly picked up a book and started flipping through it. He then coughed loudly and then paused awkwardly, eying the darkness, before looking back to Becker. “No librarian, it would seem.”
“So it would seem,” Becker agreed.
“Interesting. Weeeeeeeell, I say interesting, but it’s really actually very dull. Weeeeeeeeell, dull for interesting reasons. Weeeeeeell, interesting reasons because they’re unknown reasons,” the Professor mused to himself and then walked over the turned off computer. He pulled out his Infrared Spanner again and a second later the computer glowed alive, rapidly displaying data faster than Becker could read.
Becker looked over the Professor’s shoulder. The Professor adjusted his glasses and ‘hmmmed’ to himself, absently. “Did you find out anything?” Becker asked.
“No. Interesting,” the Professor answered.
“Why is that interesting?”
“Something most definitely happened here and happened here very recently, but there’s no info to be found here. There’s an information blackout in place here and that is very interesting because whatever did happen here, someone doesn’t want it getting out and, most likely, causing some sort of panic,” the Professor explained back over his shoulder before standing up.
“This is going to end up with us doing a lot of running, isn’t it?” Becker asked with a exasperated sigh.
The Professor grinned again, “Yeah. Fantastic!” The Professor then quickly marched his toward the entrance of the library. Becker quickly followed.
As the pair excited, they were greeted by a pair of military jeeps screeching to a stop at the library’s front steps. The Professor slipped his hands into his pocket and started rocking back and forth on his feet. As several men leapt from the jeep and aimed automatic rifles at them, Becker instinctively threw his hands in the air.
“Hands up!” a voice barked, and a second later there was the audible sound of rifles being prepared to fire at a moment’s notice.
The Professor ignored this order and looked over the men in the jeep, scanning from right to left until he smiled. “Brigadier Sir Matthew Atanian‑Hayes. Oh, how the time flies.”
Becker kept his arms up and slowly looked to The Professor who was still smiling. A few quiet moments passed before a man in a black trench coat and black fedora covering a khaki colored military uniform stood up and silently eyed the Professor.
“Professor? Is that you?” the man asked.
“Sir?” one of his men, still aiming his rifle at the pair queried.
“Ah, that does explain so much,” the Professor said happily. “Media blackout would require some diligent work. That just screams of Sp.I.T.”
“Sp.I.T.?” Becker asked, confused and still nervously eyeing the guns pointed at them.
“Special Intelligence Taskforce. They are…” The Professor then looked to the man in the coat and fedora. “Really, Brigadier, is all this necessary? The guns and all?”
The Brigadier then shook his head clear of the stunned moment he was appearing to have and gestured his hand. A moment later, the four men aiming rifles clicked back on the safeties and took their aim away from the Professor and Becker. “I must say, it’s been a long time. The change never gets easy to get used to,” the Brigadier said with slight amusement.
“You know him, Professor?” Becker asked.
“The Brigadier? Oh, for quite while. Know Sp.I.T. quite well, too. Considering I helped set up most of the science protocols they use. Weeeeeeeeeell, I had some help, but you know, it’s fun to toot your own horn from time to time.”
“I see you’re quite chatty now, Professor,” the Brigadier said with a laugh. “I assume you’re an odd numbered one. The odd numbered ones were always chatty.”
“That’s not very nice, Brigadier. Until you get to live a few centuries, you don’t get to use the phrase ‘always’ to describe other’s behavior,” the Professor said with an aghast tone.
“You are chatty, though,” Becker confirmed.
The Professor gave Becker a steely glare and then looked back to the Brigadier who was grinning smugly. “Eleventh,” The Professor admitted and then added, “But it’s still rude to say ‘always.’” The Professor then walked down the steps and shook the hand of the Brigadier who returned the hand shake warmly.
“We should go back to the temporary Sp.I.T. HQ. It’s not safe to be out in the open like this for too long,” the Brigadier said, sliding over and offering a cramped seat to the other two.
The four men who had previously been covering them with their rifles took positions in the back of the two jeeps and after the Professor accepted the
Brigadier’s offer, they were motoring down the road.
“Are you really the legendary Professor?” asked the driver, a young man by the name of Bill Gelinas.
“Oh I don’t know about legendary, but if you are asking if I am the Professor referred to in the Sp.I.T. databases, then yes,” the Professor confirmed.
“But that’s an incredible coincidence that you would show up just as…” the young man started.
“Lt. Gelinas, please kindly shut up,” the Brigadier sternly ordered.
Becker eyed the Professor and then the Brigadier as they drove rapidly down the quiet streets. “What exactly happened here? Where is everyone?”
“All will be explained back at the HQ,” the Brigadier stated and soon enough they had pulled into a gated area. The Brigadier was leading the pair down the concrete corridors of what appeared to be a underground bunker. As their steps clicked and clacked on the pavement, Becker counted the doors they passed. At door number forty-seven, the Brigadier opened the steel door and inside there were several people working on large, impressive-looking consoles, hurriedly moving about. As soon as the Brigadier entered, all eyes focused on him.
Another young man who was wearing a lab coat with a ID badge that read, ‘Hughes, W,’ quickly grabbed the Professor’s hands and shook them furious. “This is quite an honor, Professor. I knew as soon as we detected that reversal of the neutron flow’s polarity in the Tachyon field that it had to be you!”
“I assume that you are the current Science consultant?” the Professor said returning the enthusiastic shaking.
“Professor, please meet Dr. William Hughes, Sp.I.T.’s top expert on extraterrestrial phenomenon and threats,” the Brigadier stated.
“That’s gotta be hell on your business cards, eh?” the Professor remarked.
“What is going on?” Becker once again asked, fearing that the whole reason they were here was being lost in the hustle and bustle of meeting and greeting.
The Professor coughed lightly and straighten himself up. “Ah yes, my companion here does have a point. Something very much is up and seeing as Sp.I.T. is involved, I would guess it is not good.”
The Brigadier too straightened himself up and looked to Hughes, who quickly lost the jovial expression. The Brigadier then spoke grimly, “It’s the Justleks. They’re back.”
At hearing this, Becker saw a dark cloud of anger and rage expressed in eyes the usually lighthearted Professor. He also notice the clenched fists that were lightly shaking.
“That’s impossible. There are no more Justleks. The Time War saw to that,” the Professor muttered, trying to keep his tone even, but definitely betraying the anger in his voice.
Hughes looked to the Brigadier, who nodded in a consenting fashion, and then gestured toward the nearby screen in front of them. A moment later, a
visual of pepperpot shaped mechanical object appeared. It appeared to be hovering over the local park, in it’s single protruding arm, it gripped a baton. A moment later it proclaimed in a grating, metallic voice, “You will give us what we want. You will OBEY. OBEY! OBEEEEEEYYYY!” Another moment later this was followed by a excruciating bout of maniacal laughter.
“Professor, what is that thing?” Becker asked.
“A monster that is made up of only two things,” the Professor answered.
“What is that?”
“Ego and Hate,” the Professor replied and then looked to the lab coated Hughes. “How long has that thing been here?”
“Forty-eight hours. We’ve been able to keep it under wraps after evacuating the area, but that will probably not hold up too much longer. It hasn’t deviated from the Springfield metro area, so we assume it was searching this area for something specific.”
The Professor’s eyes widened in horror. “The rift!”
“The fuel stop thingie?” Becker asked.
“It can be used as a source of power, but at its heart it’s still a rift in space-time. A being with knowledge can use it for very horrible things. And if that monster is looking for it, it can only have horrible things in mind for it,” the Professor explained.
“Can we stop it?” the Brigadier asked.
“You? No. All you would be doing is sending in corpses,” the Professor stated, rubbing his chin studying the visual.
“Can you stop it?” the Brigadier then asked.
“Probably not, but that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna try. I need to get back to the TASICS, pronto!” The Professor said, turning to march out.
“TASICS?” Hughes queried to Becker as he turned to follow.
“Our Magic Green Wardrobe. It stands for Technology And Science In Compressed Space,” Becker answered and then left.
He caught up to the Professor who was marching alongside the Brigadier. “Professor, what are we going to do?”
“You’re going to stay here, that’s what you’re going to do. Me, I’m probably going to die in a very irritating fashion,” the Professor mused, which met with a grim look from the Brigadier.
“Oh, hell NO,” Becker shouted, which cause all three to pause. “You’re not gonna go running off, saving the day, and then going on your merry way. I heard how you operate from Ms. Kirstin and that’s not gonna cut it. We’re a team.”
The mention of the name Kirstin, caused the Professor to wince slightly, but quickly his stoic resolve returned. “You die, you end. You don’t get second or third or fourth chances,” the Professor said looking at his stalwart friend, “and if I let you die, I don’t get second or third or fourth chances. I’m sorry.” The Professor then nodded and Becker was quickly restrained by a soldier who had quietly walked up behind them.
Becker could only watch as the Professor and the Brigadier then walked away. Becker fumed for a moment and then decided to call out, “You bolt before I catch up and you’re so off my Christmas card list!”
“Don’t keep me waiting too long, then,” the Professor shouted without looking back. A moment later, and he and the Brigadier were gone.
The Professor and the Brigadier drover back to the Church in the Acres in silence. “Like old times, eh?” the Brigadier finally commented.
“Yeah. Always waiting to fight some monster who got s serious stick up their bum,” the Professor replied and the shot the Brigadier a toothy grin. “Fantastic, isn’t it?”
The Brigadier smiled and nodded. A few moments later the jeep slowed down and pulled into the Church in the Acres lot. Sitting on the lawn was the Green Wardrobe. However, it was now obscured by a menacing black SUV parked in front of it.
Standing near the SUV were four people wearing very stylish outfits usually in some variation of Black, Grey, and Charcoal. The shorter of the two women held her gun out to show she was armed.
“What’s all this, then?” the Brigadier demanded.
“Nicole Porter, Mallwood Institute,” the woman identified herself. “The Professor, I presume?”
“Have we met?” the Professor asked.
“No, but we’re quite well versed on you. It’s quite a surprise, you know, it’s not every day you get to meet the only alien specifically named in our one hundred and twenty year old charter,” Nicole Porter said with a bemused grin.
The Brigadier shot The Professor a questioning look. The Professor glanced back and whispered quietly, “Queen Victoria. She was not amused.”
“This matter is under the jurisdiction of Sp.I.T.,” the Brigadier stated authoritatively.
Nicole shook her head. “This matter involves a hostile alien threat. This matter involves the being known as the Professor. Those criteria dictate that this is a Mallwood matter.”
A moment later, a panel of the sidewalk pavement opened up and a man in a WWII era US Army Air Corp officer’s long coat, a blue oxford shirt with suspenders, and a perfectly capped smile emerged from the hole, “You also happened to have parked right on top of us, so that also kinda puts it in our jurisdiction.” The man then looked at the Professor and smiled knowingly, “You left me pretty hastily back then, Professor. Like the new look, though. The bowtie is very cheeky.”
The Professor played with his red bowtie for a moment and said indignantly, “Bowties are cool.”
Captain Jay grinned in boyish delight at this exchange. “Almost couldn’t recognize you. The green box was a dead giveaway, though.” The man then walked up and hugged the Professor before turning his attention to the Brigadier extending his hand. “Captain Jay Bertovich, head of Mallwood Three. Who might you be, Brigadier?”
“Don’t start,” the Professor deadpanned.
Captain Jay looked to the Professor with a hurt expression and quickly returned to his cool demeanor, “Buzzkill. I was only saying hello. This is my team: my second in command, Nicole Porter, My chief technician, Lina Wells, and of course our chief medical officer, Dr. John Hoelscher.”
A moment later, the fourth person standing next to the SUV, a young man in a stylish suit, brought Capt. Jay a cup of steaming coffee sitting on a silver tray. He then smiled sheepishly.
“Oh, and Hecubus Proctor. He’s sort of our Boy Friday here,” Captain Jay said coyly, eying the slightly embarrassed Proctor.
“What’s all this Mallwood jurisdiction business then?” the Professor asked.
“Well, it’s kinda what we do here. We fight aliens. And shag. Well, we mostly shag, but we do fight aliens. Ok, we once fought an alien, so we can now claim to do more than just shag,” Captain Jay said, flashing his trademark smile. Nicole to smacked her forehead in frustration, while John, Proctor, and Lina looked at each other guiltily.
The Brigadier bristled at this man’s demeanor and was proceeding to tell him where to jam his jurisdiction when the air was filled with the most horrible, ear splitting cackling. Every looked up and saw it, the Justlek hovering above them, looking down at them.
“You will surrender the Rift to The Justleks. We are superior! You will Obey us. OBEY! OBEY! OBEEEEEYYYYYYYY!!!”
A moment later, the twin doors swung over and what appeared to be a fourteen year-old boy with a quaff of excitable hair, thick glasses, a blue 60’s mod-style pinstripe suit with complimentary red bowtie and matching red Converse trainers stepped down with a grandiose leap. A second moment later, another boy of similar age, though of less unusual dress, poked his head out scanning the area before stepping out and down as well.
The pair took a moment to stretch and mill about before the more flamboyant of the pair took out a small keychain and pointed it the wardrobe. The doors slammed shut and there was the distinctive ‘chirp chirp’ sound of a car alarm being activated.
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Massachusetts of the late 1990’s. I always love coming back here,” The boy in the suit stated to himself.
The second boy, a lad by the name of Jon Becker, adjusted the headphones sitting around the back of his neck and shifted the knapsack he had been carrying over one shoulder. “What are we doing back here, Professor? Are you taking me back home?”
The Professor turned to his companion with a surprised look, “What? No, of course not. This is just a routine fuel stop.”
“Fuel stop?” Becker asked.
“Ah yes, Weeeell, you see this location in this point in history is actually home to a transdimensional rift in time and space, a wibbily-wobbly tear of spacey-wacey leaking timey-whimey stuff. So, it’s an ideal spot to let the TASICS sit for about a day or so and recharge the ‘battery’ as it were.” The Professor then burbled his lips for a moment while balancing on his heels and then turned back to Becker, “Oh that’s right, this is your home or abouts, right? Right! Fantastic! Molto Bene! You can show me ‘round. Didn’t have a lot of time to sightsee last time I was here, you know. Mutant wombat-spiders and all.”
“Um,” Becker started still never quite sure how to deal with The Professor’s excitableness, especially since his recent change. “Right. Yeah, the sights.”
“Fantastic,” the Professor said with a broad toothy grin. “Allons-y!”
The Professor then grabbed Becker by both shoulders and starting steering him in a random direction until Becker started asserting his own will and led rather being steered. The pair walked the streets for a few minutes, and it struck them that something seemed… off.
“’Ang on a sec.,” the Professor said, flaring his nostrils slightly, “I’ve heard of sleepy little towns, but this place is in a coma.”
“Well, I wouldn’t call Springfield a little town,” Becker commented in a tone that indicated he felt slightly insulted.
“Sorry, I tend to think on the galactic scale,” the Professor commented aloud. “In any case, I do believed I misdiagnosed. Not coma. Dead.”
Becker looked around and realized that The Professor was right. The streets were completely quiet and still. Not a person out and about. Not a car in the streets. Not even a bird chirping. This was beginning to creep him out. “What is going on here? Where is everyone?”
“Indeed. Good question. Exciting one, too, don’t you think,” The Professor said with his cheeky grin and plowed ahead, leaving Becker there with a stunned look before he bolted to catch up.
A few minutes later, they came to the local library. They walked to the front door, only to find it locked. The Professor reached into his interior jacket pocket and pulled out the small keychain that was his Infrared Spanner and after pointing it at the door, the audible click of the tumblers releasing and unlocking was heard. “Open Poppyseed!” the Professor said, delighted.
Becker rolled his eyes, “That’s sesame, Professor.”
“No thanks. They get stuck in my new teeth,” the Professor said as he stepped inside. Becker hesitated a moment before following.
The library was dark and still. It looked as if it had been abandoned, though not too long ago. There were papers and books scattered about. The computers were all off, but there didn’t appear to be any major accumulation of dust or large cobwebs that seem to indicated long periods of inactivity. Becker pulled out a small flashlight from his back, learning long ago to be prepared when it came to traveling with the Professor.
The Professor whistled shrilly and idly picked up a book and started flipping through it. He then coughed loudly and then paused awkwardly, eying the darkness, before looking back to Becker. “No librarian, it would seem.”
“So it would seem,” Becker agreed.
“Interesting. Weeeeeeeell, I say interesting, but it’s really actually very dull. Weeeeeeeeell, dull for interesting reasons. Weeeeeeell, interesting reasons because they’re unknown reasons,” the Professor mused to himself and then walked over the turned off computer. He pulled out his Infrared Spanner again and a second later the computer glowed alive, rapidly displaying data faster than Becker could read.
Becker looked over the Professor’s shoulder. The Professor adjusted his glasses and ‘hmmmed’ to himself, absently. “Did you find out anything?” Becker asked.
“No. Interesting,” the Professor answered.
“Why is that interesting?”
“Something most definitely happened here and happened here very recently, but there’s no info to be found here. There’s an information blackout in place here and that is very interesting because whatever did happen here, someone doesn’t want it getting out and, most likely, causing some sort of panic,” the Professor explained back over his shoulder before standing up.
“This is going to end up with us doing a lot of running, isn’t it?” Becker asked with a exasperated sigh.
The Professor grinned again, “Yeah. Fantastic!” The Professor then quickly marched his toward the entrance of the library. Becker quickly followed.
As the pair excited, they were greeted by a pair of military jeeps screeching to a stop at the library’s front steps. The Professor slipped his hands into his pocket and started rocking back and forth on his feet. As several men leapt from the jeep and aimed automatic rifles at them, Becker instinctively threw his hands in the air.
“Hands up!” a voice barked, and a second later there was the audible sound of rifles being prepared to fire at a moment’s notice.
The Professor ignored this order and looked over the men in the jeep, scanning from right to left until he smiled. “Brigadier Sir Matthew Atanian‑Hayes. Oh, how the time flies.”
Becker kept his arms up and slowly looked to The Professor who was still smiling. A few quiet moments passed before a man in a black trench coat and black fedora covering a khaki colored military uniform stood up and silently eyed the Professor.
“Professor? Is that you?” the man asked.
“Sir?” one of his men, still aiming his rifle at the pair queried.
“Ah, that does explain so much,” the Professor said happily. “Media blackout would require some diligent work. That just screams of Sp.I.T.”
“Sp.I.T.?” Becker asked, confused and still nervously eyeing the guns pointed at them.
“Special Intelligence Taskforce. They are…” The Professor then looked to the man in the coat and fedora. “Really, Brigadier, is all this necessary? The guns and all?”
The Brigadier then shook his head clear of the stunned moment he was appearing to have and gestured his hand. A moment later, the four men aiming rifles clicked back on the safeties and took their aim away from the Professor and Becker. “I must say, it’s been a long time. The change never gets easy to get used to,” the Brigadier said with slight amusement.
“You know him, Professor?” Becker asked.
“The Brigadier? Oh, for quite while. Know Sp.I.T. quite well, too. Considering I helped set up most of the science protocols they use. Weeeeeeeeeell, I had some help, but you know, it’s fun to toot your own horn from time to time.”
“I see you’re quite chatty now, Professor,” the Brigadier said with a laugh. “I assume you’re an odd numbered one. The odd numbered ones were always chatty.”
“That’s not very nice, Brigadier. Until you get to live a few centuries, you don’t get to use the phrase ‘always’ to describe other’s behavior,” the Professor said with an aghast tone.
“You are chatty, though,” Becker confirmed.
The Professor gave Becker a steely glare and then looked back to the Brigadier who was grinning smugly. “Eleventh,” The Professor admitted and then added, “But it’s still rude to say ‘always.’” The Professor then walked down the steps and shook the hand of the Brigadier who returned the hand shake warmly.
“We should go back to the temporary Sp.I.T. HQ. It’s not safe to be out in the open like this for too long,” the Brigadier said, sliding over and offering a cramped seat to the other two.
The four men who had previously been covering them with their rifles took positions in the back of the two jeeps and after the Professor accepted the
Brigadier’s offer, they were motoring down the road.
“Are you really the legendary Professor?” asked the driver, a young man by the name of Bill Gelinas.
“Oh I don’t know about legendary, but if you are asking if I am the Professor referred to in the Sp.I.T. databases, then yes,” the Professor confirmed.
“But that’s an incredible coincidence that you would show up just as…” the young man started.
“Lt. Gelinas, please kindly shut up,” the Brigadier sternly ordered.
Becker eyed the Professor and then the Brigadier as they drove rapidly down the quiet streets. “What exactly happened here? Where is everyone?”
“All will be explained back at the HQ,” the Brigadier stated and soon enough they had pulled into a gated area. The Brigadier was leading the pair down the concrete corridors of what appeared to be a underground bunker. As their steps clicked and clacked on the pavement, Becker counted the doors they passed. At door number forty-seven, the Brigadier opened the steel door and inside there were several people working on large, impressive-looking consoles, hurriedly moving about. As soon as the Brigadier entered, all eyes focused on him.
Another young man who was wearing a lab coat with a ID badge that read, ‘Hughes, W,’ quickly grabbed the Professor’s hands and shook them furious. “This is quite an honor, Professor. I knew as soon as we detected that reversal of the neutron flow’s polarity in the Tachyon field that it had to be you!”
“I assume that you are the current Science consultant?” the Professor said returning the enthusiastic shaking.
“Professor, please meet Dr. William Hughes, Sp.I.T.’s top expert on extraterrestrial phenomenon and threats,” the Brigadier stated.
“That’s gotta be hell on your business cards, eh?” the Professor remarked.
“What is going on?” Becker once again asked, fearing that the whole reason they were here was being lost in the hustle and bustle of meeting and greeting.
The Professor coughed lightly and straighten himself up. “Ah yes, my companion here does have a point. Something very much is up and seeing as Sp.I.T. is involved, I would guess it is not good.”
The Brigadier too straightened himself up and looked to Hughes, who quickly lost the jovial expression. The Brigadier then spoke grimly, “It’s the Justleks. They’re back.”
At hearing this, Becker saw a dark cloud of anger and rage expressed in eyes the usually lighthearted Professor. He also notice the clenched fists that were lightly shaking.
“That’s impossible. There are no more Justleks. The Time War saw to that,” the Professor muttered, trying to keep his tone even, but definitely betraying the anger in his voice.
Hughes looked to the Brigadier, who nodded in a consenting fashion, and then gestured toward the nearby screen in front of them. A moment later, a
visual of pepperpot shaped mechanical object appeared. It appeared to be hovering over the local park, in it’s single protruding arm, it gripped a baton. A moment later it proclaimed in a grating, metallic voice, “You will give us what we want. You will OBEY. OBEY! OBEEEEEEYYYY!” Another moment later this was followed by a excruciating bout of maniacal laughter.
“Professor, what is that thing?” Becker asked.
“A monster that is made up of only two things,” the Professor answered.
“What is that?”
“Ego and Hate,” the Professor replied and then looked to the lab coated Hughes. “How long has that thing been here?”
“Forty-eight hours. We’ve been able to keep it under wraps after evacuating the area, but that will probably not hold up too much longer. It hasn’t deviated from the Springfield metro area, so we assume it was searching this area for something specific.”
The Professor’s eyes widened in horror. “The rift!”
“The fuel stop thingie?” Becker asked.
“It can be used as a source of power, but at its heart it’s still a rift in space-time. A being with knowledge can use it for very horrible things. And if that monster is looking for it, it can only have horrible things in mind for it,” the Professor explained.
“Can we stop it?” the Brigadier asked.
“You? No. All you would be doing is sending in corpses,” the Professor stated, rubbing his chin studying the visual.
“Can you stop it?” the Brigadier then asked.
“Probably not, but that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna try. I need to get back to the TASICS, pronto!” The Professor said, turning to march out.
“TASICS?” Hughes queried to Becker as he turned to follow.
“Our Magic Green Wardrobe. It stands for Technology And Science In Compressed Space,” Becker answered and then left.
He caught up to the Professor who was marching alongside the Brigadier. “Professor, what are we going to do?”
“You’re going to stay here, that’s what you’re going to do. Me, I’m probably going to die in a very irritating fashion,” the Professor mused, which met with a grim look from the Brigadier.
“Oh, hell NO,” Becker shouted, which cause all three to pause. “You’re not gonna go running off, saving the day, and then going on your merry way. I heard how you operate from Ms. Kirstin and that’s not gonna cut it. We’re a team.”
The mention of the name Kirstin, caused the Professor to wince slightly, but quickly his stoic resolve returned. “You die, you end. You don’t get second or third or fourth chances,” the Professor said looking at his stalwart friend, “and if I let you die, I don’t get second or third or fourth chances. I’m sorry.” The Professor then nodded and Becker was quickly restrained by a soldier who had quietly walked up behind them.
Becker could only watch as the Professor and the Brigadier then walked away. Becker fumed for a moment and then decided to call out, “You bolt before I catch up and you’re so off my Christmas card list!”
“Don’t keep me waiting too long, then,” the Professor shouted without looking back. A moment later, and he and the Brigadier were gone.
The Professor and the Brigadier drover back to the Church in the Acres in silence. “Like old times, eh?” the Brigadier finally commented.
“Yeah. Always waiting to fight some monster who got s serious stick up their bum,” the Professor replied and the shot the Brigadier a toothy grin. “Fantastic, isn’t it?”
The Brigadier smiled and nodded. A few moments later the jeep slowed down and pulled into the Church in the Acres lot. Sitting on the lawn was the Green Wardrobe. However, it was now obscured by a menacing black SUV parked in front of it.
Standing near the SUV were four people wearing very stylish outfits usually in some variation of Black, Grey, and Charcoal. The shorter of the two women held her gun out to show she was armed.
“What’s all this, then?” the Brigadier demanded.
“Nicole Porter, Mallwood Institute,” the woman identified herself. “The Professor, I presume?”
“Have we met?” the Professor asked.
“No, but we’re quite well versed on you. It’s quite a surprise, you know, it’s not every day you get to meet the only alien specifically named in our one hundred and twenty year old charter,” Nicole Porter said with a bemused grin.
The Brigadier shot The Professor a questioning look. The Professor glanced back and whispered quietly, “Queen Victoria. She was not amused.”
“This matter is under the jurisdiction of Sp.I.T.,” the Brigadier stated authoritatively.
Nicole shook her head. “This matter involves a hostile alien threat. This matter involves the being known as the Professor. Those criteria dictate that this is a Mallwood matter.”
A moment later, a panel of the sidewalk pavement opened up and a man in a WWII era US Army Air Corp officer’s long coat, a blue oxford shirt with suspenders, and a perfectly capped smile emerged from the hole, “You also happened to have parked right on top of us, so that also kinda puts it in our jurisdiction.” The man then looked at the Professor and smiled knowingly, “You left me pretty hastily back then, Professor. Like the new look, though. The bowtie is very cheeky.”
The Professor played with his red bowtie for a moment and said indignantly, “Bowties are cool.”
Captain Jay grinned in boyish delight at this exchange. “Almost couldn’t recognize you. The green box was a dead giveaway, though.” The man then walked up and hugged the Professor before turning his attention to the Brigadier extending his hand. “Captain Jay Bertovich, head of Mallwood Three. Who might you be, Brigadier?”
“Don’t start,” the Professor deadpanned.
Captain Jay looked to the Professor with a hurt expression and quickly returned to his cool demeanor, “Buzzkill. I was only saying hello. This is my team: my second in command, Nicole Porter, My chief technician, Lina Wells, and of course our chief medical officer, Dr. John Hoelscher.”
A moment later, the fourth person standing next to the SUV, a young man in a stylish suit, brought Capt. Jay a cup of steaming coffee sitting on a silver tray. He then smiled sheepishly.
“Oh, and Hecubus Proctor. He’s sort of our Boy Friday here,” Captain Jay said coyly, eying the slightly embarrassed Proctor.
“What’s all this Mallwood jurisdiction business then?” the Professor asked.
“Well, it’s kinda what we do here. We fight aliens. And shag. Well, we mostly shag, but we do fight aliens. Ok, we once fought an alien, so we can now claim to do more than just shag,” Captain Jay said, flashing his trademark smile. Nicole to smacked her forehead in frustration, while John, Proctor, and Lina looked at each other guiltily.
The Brigadier bristled at this man’s demeanor and was proceeding to tell him where to jam his jurisdiction when the air was filled with the most horrible, ear splitting cackling. Every looked up and saw it, the Justlek hovering above them, looking down at them.
“You will surrender the Rift to The Justleks. We are superior! You will Obey us. OBEY! OBEY! OBEEEEEYYYYYYYY!!!”
“Okay, spill it,” Becker demanded, again eyeing Kenny with suspicion.
“Spill what, exactly, Mr. Becker?” Kenny answered.
“ONE universe in which your alternate is a time traveling alien, okay, sure. Bizarre coincidence, right?”
“Exactly,” Kenny confirmed, defensively.
“But… TWO universes in which your alternate is a time traveling alien, I do believe we have what you once told me is called ‘a pattern,’” Becker concluded accusingly.
“No, we don’t have a pattern. We have a coincidence. We have only viewed two of what is an infinite number of possible realities. More so, any number subtracted from infinity is still infinity, so therefore there are an infinite number of universes in which I am a time traveling alien. There are also, for example, an infinite number universes in which I am an ape, or a protozoa, or a brunette girl named Julie Heinekins. For that matter, there are also infinite universes in which your transdimensional doppelganger is also those very same things.” Kenny then crossed his arms and eyed Becker with the same suspicious glare Becker had been giving him.
Becker shifted uneasily in his seat and then quickly grabbed a DVD case and threw it playfully at Kenny. “Just put in the next disc, Professor.”
“Fantastic,” Kenny said, mocking his previous counterpart’s mix of Scottish and Northern. He popped open the disc and after sliding it into the slot, looked over the case. It read Matt Atanian Vs. The World. He flipped it over to read further – Boy Scout, Video Gamer, and Otaku Matt Atanian has met the girl of his dreams… and her baggage that is trying to kill him, which comes in the form of Seven EVIL Ex-boyfriends.
The lights dimmed…
“Spill what, exactly, Mr. Becker?” Kenny answered.
“ONE universe in which your alternate is a time traveling alien, okay, sure. Bizarre coincidence, right?”
“Exactly,” Kenny confirmed, defensively.
“But… TWO universes in which your alternate is a time traveling alien, I do believe we have what you once told me is called ‘a pattern,’” Becker concluded accusingly.
“No, we don’t have a pattern. We have a coincidence. We have only viewed two of what is an infinite number of possible realities. More so, any number subtracted from infinity is still infinity, so therefore there are an infinite number of universes in which I am a time traveling alien. There are also, for example, an infinite number universes in which I am an ape, or a protozoa, or a brunette girl named Julie Heinekins. For that matter, there are also infinite universes in which your transdimensional doppelganger is also those very same things.” Kenny then crossed his arms and eyed Becker with the same suspicious glare Becker had been giving him.
Becker shifted uneasily in his seat and then quickly grabbed a DVD case and threw it playfully at Kenny. “Just put in the next disc, Professor.”
“Fantastic,” Kenny said, mocking his previous counterpart’s mix of Scottish and Northern. He popped open the disc and after sliding it into the slot, looked over the case. It read Matt Atanian Vs. The World. He flipped it over to read further – Boy Scout, Video Gamer, and Otaku Matt Atanian has met the girl of his dreams… and her baggage that is trying to kill him, which comes in the form of Seven EVIL Ex-boyfriends.
The lights dimmed…