and
present:
Of Possible Alternatives
(a.k.a. The God of Copyright Infringement Takes a Holiday)
-------- Extra --------
by Jason Bertovich
with Matthew Atanian
©2013 by Jason Bertovich and Matthew Atanian
Boy Scouts ½ created by Matthew Atanian
Perspectives created by Jason Bertovich
Kenny's Laboratory created by Matthew Atanian
Of Possible Alternatives
(a.k.a. The God of Copyright Infringement Takes a Holiday)
-------- Extra --------
by Jason Bertovich
with Matthew Atanian
©2013 by Jason Bertovich and Matthew Atanian
Boy Scouts ½ created by Matthew Atanian
Perspectives created by Jason Bertovich
Kenny's Laboratory created by Matthew Atanian
Becker was lightly snoring away in one of the sleep experiment chambers while Kenny sat at a desk in a nearby section of the laboratory, quietly scribbling some notes in regards to this past evening’s viewing. Interesting… Most interesting… There were definitely some things he would need to examine more closely, plus there were many more HMDs that had still needed viewing.
The HMDs. Kenny really should file the discs away. He made his way back down to the Entertainma-drome, and entered the plush and comfortable complex. There, on an end table next to one of the luxury recliners, were piled a large number of HMD cases, identical in appearance to standard DVD cases except that the plastic used was a silvery color, almost chrome in appearance.
Kenny gathered up as many of the cases as he could carry, walked them over to an empty shelving unit, and started placing them alphabetically onto the shelves. The Adventures of Aaron Munchausen, Bill Hur, A Clockwork Kiwi-Mocha, Dominion Mall Police, Johnnie Darko, Kimagure Kenny Road. He was putting Neon Genesis Boy Scouts away when he noticed something odd on the back... “Bonus features: alternate Japanese language audio track, storyboards, alternate endings.”
“Alternate endings?” Kenny wondered aloud. This piqued his curiosity.
He finished filing away the last few HMDs from his first load, then picked up Neon Genesis Boy Scouts. He was about to turn around when he was startled by a voice.
“Kenny? Are you still here?” he faintly heard. It was Matthew Atanian.
Kenny left the Entertainma-drome and found Matt wondering around the darkened lab. “Mr. Atanian? I thought you’d left.”
“I had, but there was something I’d forgotten I wanted to ask you,” he said.
“I thought you were in a hurry?” Kenny reminded Matt.
“Eh, well,” Matt pondered. “I decided it was nothing that couldn’t wait a few more minutes. Matt noticed the case in Kenny’s hand. “Still watching those?”
“Well, I was just filing them away, when I noticed something interesting.” He handed the case to Matt, back side up.
“Bonus features?” Matt said incredulously.
Kenny nodded. “Care to join me?”
The HMDs. Kenny really should file the discs away. He made his way back down to the Entertainma-drome, and entered the plush and comfortable complex. There, on an end table next to one of the luxury recliners, were piled a large number of HMD cases, identical in appearance to standard DVD cases except that the plastic used was a silvery color, almost chrome in appearance.
Kenny gathered up as many of the cases as he could carry, walked them over to an empty shelving unit, and started placing them alphabetically onto the shelves. The Adventures of Aaron Munchausen, Bill Hur, A Clockwork Kiwi-Mocha, Dominion Mall Police, Johnnie Darko, Kimagure Kenny Road. He was putting Neon Genesis Boy Scouts away when he noticed something odd on the back... “Bonus features: alternate Japanese language audio track, storyboards, alternate endings.”
“Alternate endings?” Kenny wondered aloud. This piqued his curiosity.
He finished filing away the last few HMDs from his first load, then picked up Neon Genesis Boy Scouts. He was about to turn around when he was startled by a voice.
“Kenny? Are you still here?” he faintly heard. It was Matthew Atanian.
Kenny left the Entertainma-drome and found Matt wondering around the darkened lab. “Mr. Atanian? I thought you’d left.”
“I had, but there was something I’d forgotten I wanted to ask you,” he said.
“I thought you were in a hurry?” Kenny reminded Matt.
“Eh, well,” Matt pondered. “I decided it was nothing that couldn’t wait a few more minutes. Matt noticed the case in Kenny’s hand. “Still watching those?”
“Well, I was just filing them away, when I noticed something interesting.” He handed the case to Matt, back side up.
“Bonus features?” Matt said incredulously.
Kenny nodded. “Care to join me?”
Alternate Ending #1
Jason coughed again, and looked at his glass. “I'm starting to wish you did have something a bit stronger to offer,” he said. “Oh well, can't be helped.” He looked up at Matt for a moment, but then looked down before he could bring himself to answer Matt's implied question. “I owed you an explanation,” he quietly said. He sipped the remaining contents of his glass, and slowly put it down. Matt couldn't see that the rim of the glass was stained red.
“Jason, my friend,” Matt said, “we’re about thirty minutes out from the invasion. I should probably join the others, and I would consider it an honor to have you at my side.” Matt then finished the last of his own iced tea in two steady gulps.
Jay coughed once more, this time not bothering to cover his mouth. Blood trickled down the corner of his mouth. He grimaced and then smiled weekly. “Yeah, about that. Looks like I’m going on ahead to scout out Hell. Tell you what, I’ll tell them all that you’re coming. That’ll give them something to really be worried about.” Jay then closed his eyes.
Matt frowned. Just a few hours ago he had wanted to personally kill this man and now he was playing witness to his last moments, and silently grieving it. Jay opened his eyes again and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a small device, similar to the one Kaji had carried. Jay pressed a few buttons and then looked to Matt and smirked, “Leave ‘em on a song…”
Jay closed his eyes, let the breath leave his body, and few moments later, the tiny speaker on the device came to life with the eclectic synthesizers that marked the opening of Prince’s seminal classic 1999.
Matt could only gasp in horror at hearing this. “Oh shi…” was all he managed to utter before he disintegrated into a mass of orangish primordial goo.
And thus began the Third Impact.
Jason coughed again, and looked at his glass. “I'm starting to wish you did have something a bit stronger to offer,” he said. “Oh well, can't be helped.” He looked up at Matt for a moment, but then looked down before he could bring himself to answer Matt's implied question. “I owed you an explanation,” he quietly said. He sipped the remaining contents of his glass, and slowly put it down. Matt couldn't see that the rim of the glass was stained red.
“Jason, my friend,” Matt said, “we’re about thirty minutes out from the invasion. I should probably join the others, and I would consider it an honor to have you at my side.” Matt then finished the last of his own iced tea in two steady gulps.
Jay coughed once more, this time not bothering to cover his mouth. Blood trickled down the corner of his mouth. He grimaced and then smiled weekly. “Yeah, about that. Looks like I’m going on ahead to scout out Hell. Tell you what, I’ll tell them all that you’re coming. That’ll give them something to really be worried about.” Jay then closed his eyes.
Matt frowned. Just a few hours ago he had wanted to personally kill this man and now he was playing witness to his last moments, and silently grieving it. Jay opened his eyes again and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a small device, similar to the one Kaji had carried. Jay pressed a few buttons and then looked to Matt and smirked, “Leave ‘em on a song…”
Jay closed his eyes, let the breath leave his body, and few moments later, the tiny speaker on the device came to life with the eclectic synthesizers that marked the opening of Prince’s seminal classic 1999.
Matt could only gasp in horror at hearing this. “Oh shi…” was all he managed to utter before he disintegrated into a mass of orangish primordial goo.
And thus began the Third Impact.
Matt scratched his head. "I don't get it," he said.
"Well," Kenny pondered, equally confused. "I suppose there's a reason this ending wasn't used. Shall we check out the next one?"
"Well," Kenny pondered, equally confused. "I suppose there's a reason this ending wasn't used. Shall we check out the next one?"
Alternate Ending #2
Jason coughed again, and looked at his glass. “I'm starting to wish you did have something a bit stronger to offer,” he said. “Oh well, can't be helped.” He looked up at Matt for a moment, but then looked down before he could bring himself to answer Matt's implied question. “I owed you an explanation,” he quietly said. He sipped the remaining contents of his glass, and slowly put it down. Matt couldn't see that the rim of the glass was stained red.
“Jason, my friend,” Matt said, “we’re about thirty minutes out from the invasion. I should probably join the others, and I would consider it an honor to have you at my side.” Matt then finished the last of his own iced tea in two steady gulps.
Jay coughed once more, this time not bothering to cover his mouth. Blood trickled down the corner of his mouth. He grimaced and then smiled weekly. “Yeah, about that. Looks like I’m going on ahead to scout out Hell. Tell you what, I’ll tell them all that you’re coming. That’ll give them something to really be worried about.” Jay then closed his eyes.
Matt frowned. Just a few hours ago he had wanted to personally kill this man and now he was playing witness to his last moments, and silently grieving it. Jay opened his eyes again and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a small device, similar to the one Kaji had carried. Jay pressed a few buttons and then looked to Matt and smirked, “Leave ‘em on a song…”
Jay closed his eyes, let the breath leave his body, and few moments later, the tiny speaker on the device came to life.
Jason coughed again, and looked at his glass. “I'm starting to wish you did have something a bit stronger to offer,” he said. “Oh well, can't be helped.” He looked up at Matt for a moment, but then looked down before he could bring himself to answer Matt's implied question. “I owed you an explanation,” he quietly said. He sipped the remaining contents of his glass, and slowly put it down. Matt couldn't see that the rim of the glass was stained red.
“Jason, my friend,” Matt said, “we’re about thirty minutes out from the invasion. I should probably join the others, and I would consider it an honor to have you at my side.” Matt then finished the last of his own iced tea in two steady gulps.
Jay coughed once more, this time not bothering to cover his mouth. Blood trickled down the corner of his mouth. He grimaced and then smiled weekly. “Yeah, about that. Looks like I’m going on ahead to scout out Hell. Tell you what, I’ll tell them all that you’re coming. That’ll give them something to really be worried about.” Jay then closed his eyes.
Matt frowned. Just a few hours ago he had wanted to personally kill this man and now he was playing witness to his last moments, and silently grieving it. Jay opened his eyes again and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a small device, similar to the one Kaji had carried. Jay pressed a few buttons and then looked to Matt and smirked, “Leave ‘em on a song…”
Jay closed his eyes, let the breath leave his body, and few moments later, the tiny speaker on the device came to life.
Never gonna give you up,
Never gonna let you down.
Never gonna run around and desert you.
Never gonna make you cry,
Never gonna say goodbye.
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.
Never gonna let you down.
Never gonna run around and desert you.
Never gonna make you cry,
Never gonna say goodbye.
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.
Matt grimaced at the musical stylings of Rick Astley. He then pulled out his service revolver and shot Bertovich three times in the chest and head to ensure that he was in fact deceased. He then fired another round into the device to silence it.
Matt then grabbed his black fedora from the hat rack and looked back at Jay’s corpse with disgust. “See you in hell, Betrovich.”
Matt then grabbed his black fedora from the hat rack and looked back at Jay’s corpse with disgust. “See you in hell, Betrovich.”
"...the Hell?" Matt asked.
"Curiouser and curiouser," Kenny mused. He selected the final alternate ending with the remote.
"Curiouser and curiouser," Kenny mused. He selected the final alternate ending with the remote.
Alternate ending #3
Jason coughed again, and looked at his glass. “I'm starting to wish you did have something a bit stronger to offer,” he said. “Oh well, can't be helped.” He looked up at Matt for a moment, but then looked down before he could bring himself to answer Matt's implied question. “I owed you an explanation,” he quietly said. He sipped the remaining contents of his glass, and slowly put it down. Matt couldn't see that the rim of the glass was stained red.
“Jason, my friend,” Matt said, “we’re about thirty minutes out from the invasion. I should probably join the others, and I would consider it an honor to have you at my side.” Matt then finished the last of his own iced tea in two steady gulps.
Jay coughed once more, this time not bothering to cover his mouth. Blood trickled down the corner of his mouth. He grimaced and then smiled weekly. “Yeah, about that. Looks like I’m going on ahead to scout out Hell. Tell you what, I’ll tell them all that you’re coming. That’ll give them something to really be worried about.” Jay then closed his eyes.
Matt frowned. Just a few hours ago he had wanted to personally kill this man and now he was playing witness to his last moments, and silently grieving it. Jay opened his eyes again and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a small device, similar to the one Kaji had carried. Jay pressed a few buttons and then looked to Matt and smirked, “Leave ‘em on a song…”
A few moments later the music began to play. A gentle guitar came to life across the facility’s PA system. Jay looked to Matt, smiled, and begin to sing, his voice accompanying the music playing to everyone left in NERV-01…
Jason coughed again, and looked at his glass. “I'm starting to wish you did have something a bit stronger to offer,” he said. “Oh well, can't be helped.” He looked up at Matt for a moment, but then looked down before he could bring himself to answer Matt's implied question. “I owed you an explanation,” he quietly said. He sipped the remaining contents of his glass, and slowly put it down. Matt couldn't see that the rim of the glass was stained red.
“Jason, my friend,” Matt said, “we’re about thirty minutes out from the invasion. I should probably join the others, and I would consider it an honor to have you at my side.” Matt then finished the last of his own iced tea in two steady gulps.
Jay coughed once more, this time not bothering to cover his mouth. Blood trickled down the corner of his mouth. He grimaced and then smiled weekly. “Yeah, about that. Looks like I’m going on ahead to scout out Hell. Tell you what, I’ll tell them all that you’re coming. That’ll give them something to really be worried about.” Jay then closed his eyes.
Matt frowned. Just a few hours ago he had wanted to personally kill this man and now he was playing witness to his last moments, and silently grieving it. Jay opened his eyes again and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a small device, similar to the one Kaji had carried. Jay pressed a few buttons and then looked to Matt and smirked, “Leave ‘em on a song…”
A few moments later the music began to play. A gentle guitar came to life across the facility’s PA system. Jay looked to Matt, smiled, and begin to sing, his voice accompanying the music playing to everyone left in NERV-01…
Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...
And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...
And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.
Matt found himself joining along, elsewhere other men listening found themselves tapping their toes to this jaunty tune…
And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.
Always look on the light side of life...
For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.
Soon every man left found themselves joining in. Throwing all their nervous energy into one final outburst at the joy of life, no matter how little time still remained…
So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath
Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.)
(What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life...
(Nothing will come from nothing, you know what they say?)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Cheer up you old bugger, c'mon give us a grin!)
(There you are, see, it's the end of the film.)
(Incidentally, this record is available in the foyer.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Some of us have to got live as well, you know.)
Just before you draw your terminal breath
Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.)
(What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life...
(Nothing will come from nothing, you know what they say?)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Cheer up you old bugger, c'mon give us a grin!)
(There you are, see, it's the end of the film.)
(Incidentally, this record is available in the foyer.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Some of us have to got live as well, you know.)
Kenny punched a button on the console and the screen went black. “No, no, sorry, these alternate endings are getting much too silly.”
Matt shrugged and then casually broke the fourth wall. “And now for something completely different.”
That said, Matt made his leave once more and again departed for Japan. Kenny placed Neon Genesis Boy Scouts back on the shelf, then grabbed another handful of HMDs to file away. While he supposed someday he would have to explore the discs to their fullest, for now he made it a point to not look at the backs of any of the cases.
Matt shrugged and then casually broke the fourth wall. “And now for something completely different.”
That said, Matt made his leave once more and again departed for Japan. Kenny placed Neon Genesis Boy Scouts back on the shelf, then grabbed another handful of HMDs to file away. While he supposed someday he would have to explore the discs to their fullest, for now he made it a point to not look at the backs of any of the cases.
Matt's Notes & Disclaimers
Howdy, folks! Just when I thought that all was said and done with Of Possible Alternatives, I received an e-mail from Jason. "Rereading NGBS got my brain kicking and while I doing some gardening work with Sarah today, this idea just kinda happened.
"Turns out that HMD's that Kenny produces those transdimensional snapshots with have more in common with DVD's than even he was aware of. Even he was not aware that these strange discs contained bonus materials such as Alternate Endings. Until now."
I opened up the attached document file, and found the above three alternate endings to Neon Genesis Boy Scouts. The endings didn't have much of a framing device around them... Only the first two paragraphs of the bit at the end. So I thought, to give the endings context, I'd whip up a more meaty frame and then present the alternate endings that Jason wrote to you, the world.
The first ending is a reference to Studio Sokodei's marvelous Neon Genesis Evangelion fandub parody, Evangelion: ReDeath. Oh, baby. The second ending is, of course, an example of Rickrolling. Objectively, these are somewhat anachronistic. ReDeath was premiered in February of 2000. According to that Wikipedia thingy, the first known example of Rickrolling was in May of 2007. I usually try to avoid anachronisms in Boy Scouts ½, which becomes slightly more difficult as we get farther and farther apart in timeframe between reality and fiction. (For example, in my list of other HMD titles, I reluctantly decided against Azumanga Boy Scouts, as it would be a few more years before Azumanga Diaoh would exist.) But I decided not to be bothered by this in Jason's alternate endings. Just because something doesn't exist yet in our reality (or, by extension, the reality of Boy Scouts ½) that doesn't mean that it couldn't somehow be touched upon in an alternate reality.
The third alternate ending, of course, is Eric Idle's song, Always Look On the Bright Side of Life, as first heard during the ending sequence of the classic Monty Python film, Life of Brian.
Well, I hope you all enjoyed this surprise extra dip into the tale of Of Possible Futures. That should wrap things up then... assuming I don't get any further e-mails from Jason! ^_^
"Turns out that HMD's that Kenny produces those transdimensional snapshots with have more in common with DVD's than even he was aware of. Even he was not aware that these strange discs contained bonus materials such as Alternate Endings. Until now."
I opened up the attached document file, and found the above three alternate endings to Neon Genesis Boy Scouts. The endings didn't have much of a framing device around them... Only the first two paragraphs of the bit at the end. So I thought, to give the endings context, I'd whip up a more meaty frame and then present the alternate endings that Jason wrote to you, the world.
The first ending is a reference to Studio Sokodei's marvelous Neon Genesis Evangelion fandub parody, Evangelion: ReDeath. Oh, baby. The second ending is, of course, an example of Rickrolling. Objectively, these are somewhat anachronistic. ReDeath was premiered in February of 2000. According to that Wikipedia thingy, the first known example of Rickrolling was in May of 2007. I usually try to avoid anachronisms in Boy Scouts ½, which becomes slightly more difficult as we get farther and farther apart in timeframe between reality and fiction. (For example, in my list of other HMD titles, I reluctantly decided against Azumanga Boy Scouts, as it would be a few more years before Azumanga Diaoh would exist.) But I decided not to be bothered by this in Jason's alternate endings. Just because something doesn't exist yet in our reality (or, by extension, the reality of Boy Scouts ½) that doesn't mean that it couldn't somehow be touched upon in an alternate reality.
The third alternate ending, of course, is Eric Idle's song, Always Look On the Bright Side of Life, as first heard during the ending sequence of the classic Monty Python film, Life of Brian.
Well, I hope you all enjoyed this surprise extra dip into the tale of Of Possible Futures. That should wrap things up then... assuming I don't get any further e-mails from Jason! ^_^