part 4:
For the Love of the Red Haired Woman
by Matthew Atanian
©1997 by Matthew Atanian
For the Love of the Red Haired Woman
by Matthew Atanian
©1997 by Matthew Atanian
Summer Camp had ended, and Matt was home taking a nice, hot bath. This was a luxury he rarely afforded himself, usually just showering. However, he felt a definite need to unwind after the hellish week he had had up at camp. Especially that squirrel molesting twerp...
Matt opened his eyes and sat up as he thought he felt something move in the water. But that couldn't be. He was the only thing in the tub, and the tub was so small that it barely held him!
Suddenly, the form of Taylor Kuntz rose from the water. Matt recoiled in disgust and shock. "What the hell are you doing in here?" he shouted.
"Matthew Atanian," he said, the hot water dripping off of his bare skin, "I love you!"
"What the hell are you talking about, you pervert!" Matt shouted. "I'm a guy!"
Without warning, the bottom of the tub fell out from beneath them, but instead of falling into the basement, Matt found himself surrounded by an unending sea of blue. Kuntz was no where to be seen. Matt swam up, hoping to break the surface before he ran out of breath.
Finely, his head rose above the water. He was surprised to see open sky overhead, and a voice called out to him, "My sweet, grab hold of this!"
Matt looked, and he saw that somehow he had ended up back at camp. He was floating in Russell Pond, and in front of him was the diving platform at the deeper end of the Swimmer's area of the waterfront. Upon the platform, clad in his rumpled uniform, Kuntz sat and holding a stick out to him. "After I rescue you, we can go catch a movie or somethin'."
"You jerk, open your eyes!" Matt shouted while angrily waving a fist. "I am a guy!"
It suddenly accrued to Matt that if he was in Russell Pond that he was no longer in warm water. He looked down as himself, and sure enough he saw that he wasn't a he any longer.
Matty made an embarrassed little noise as she crossed her arms over her bare breasts and sank into the pond. As she sank, for no explainable reasons, a panda floated through the water. Finely, she came to rest on a rock sitting on the pond's bottom.
From the surrounding depths, a whole group of Taylor Kuntzs gathered around her, joining hands and swimming in a circle around her. "I love you," they chanted in unison. "Go out with me."
Matty began to feel ill.
"I love you, go out with me. I love you, go out with me. I love you, go out with me. I love you, go out with me. I love you, go out with me. I love you, go out with me. I love you, go out with me. I love you, go out with me. I love you, go out with me."
Matty opened her mouth wide and took in a breath to let out a tremendous scream, but it was water, not air, that filled her lungs. The world went dark.
Matt sat up swiftly, bathed in sweat. He was breathing hard as he woke from his nightmare. One more time, a voice rang through his subconscious: "I love you, go out with me."
A shiver went up Matt's spine, as he said, "I think I'm going to be sick!"
He got out of his sleeping bag and got dressed before going over to Mike and Aaron's tent. "You two awake?" he called out.
"Come on in," Aaron responded.
Matt entered the tent and sat heavily on Aaron's footlocker. "You okay?" Mike asked.
"I'll be all right," Matt responded. "How about you?"
"I'm better," Mike said. "Still got a bit of a headache."
"I can't believe some guy was going to gut you, Quad," Aaron said. "How people like that can get into scouts is beyond me."
"You think you have problems," Matt said. "Yesterday was awful for me."
"What happened?" Aaron asked.
"Someone proclaimed their love for me."
"So?" Mike said.
"It was a guy."
"That could be a problem," Aaron said.
As the troops were waiting outside of the dining hall to be let in for breakfast, Matt caught sight of Taylor Kuntz, who was as always clad in his rumpled uniform with his left hand gloved to cover the evidence of his encounter with a certain squirrel. Matt grabbed the scout aside and took him over to the rock pile near the front of the dining hall.
"I know you," Kuntz said. "You're the guy in the Trading Post last summer with the Star Wars music. That shit was annoying as hell. I'm glad they got someone else in there this summer."
"Are you always this pleasant in the morning?"
"So wha'd'ya want, already?"
"The red haired woman. Stay away from her."
"What is she to you? Girlfriend or somethin'?"
The troops had begun filing into the dining hall, but Matt and Kuntz stayed where they were. "I guess you could say she's close to me," Matt said.
"I don't care if she's your fuckin' wife," Kuntz said. "She's going to be mine."
"If I have any say in the matter, she'll never appear before you again," Matt said as he began to walk away.
Kuntz was rooted in place, anger boiling within him. "What the hell are you talking about?" he hollered as Matt disappeared down a dense path in the trees. Kuntz suddenly took chase, catching up with Matt easily. "What do you mean never appear again?" he shouted as he spun Matt around to face him.
Kuntz's anger quickly disappeared as a stupid grin appeared on his face. "My sweet! It's you!"
Stupid me, Matty thought as she considered the bushes and shrubs that closely lined the path she had took, forgetting that the bushes and stuff would still be covered with dew. She frowned.
Kuntz hugged her and she slapped him in the face, hard. "Get the hell off of me," she shouted.
"But my love," Kuntz said.
A little black piglet wearing a yellow bandanna came walking down the path. It squealed at them contemptuously to get out of its way. Matty took the opportunity during the momentary distraction to break free of Kuntz's grip and run for the dining hall.
Kuntz gave chase, and Matty ran furiously towards the rear entrance to the dining hall.
She quickly ran up the stairs, noting that Kuntz had gone in through the side entrance, apparently hoping to cut her off. "'Scuse me, Kenny," Matty said to one of the chefs, as he scrambled to get out of her way.
"Watch where you're going! You're not supposed to go in there!" Kenny shouted after her.
Matty dashed into the kitchen and straight for the coffee area where she grabbed a pot of hot water and dashed out into the dining hall. She looked left and saw Kuntz standing by the door. She quickly ran to the opposite door.
Kuntz spotted her and gave chase.
Matty ran out of the door and poured the water over herself. He then put his foot out just as Kuntz came flying out of the door, tripping the boy, further rumpling his messy uniform.
Kuntz got up and sloppily swung a fist at Matt, which he dodged easily. "Where did you hide my red haired goddess?" he spat.
"Give it up," Matt said.
"I never will!" Kuntz shouted.
The dining hall door swung open and out stepped Bill, Mike, Billy, and Aaron. "Is this the guy?" Aaron asked.
"What guy?" Bill asked.
"The guy who's 'in love' with Matty, Hughes," Mike responded.
Kuntz growled.
"You have got to be kidding," Billy said.
"Where is she?" Kuntz shouted. He took another swing at Matt, and this time Matt's dodge wasn't completely successful. Matt rubbed his slightly bruised cheek.
Bill and Billy grabbed Kuntz, restraining him. Matt smiled. "I'm bound by Youth Protection Guidelines not to touch you," he told Kuntz. "My friends here, however, are still considered as Youth in Scouts. Calm down and go eat some breakfast before you have no teeth to eat it with."
Matt smiled. Having realized that no one could connect him to the punch Matty had given Kuntz yesterday, and assuming that Kuntz wouldn't report his "goddess" for hitting him, he decided to turn the tables on the boy. "And don't even think of telling anyone about this incident," he told Kuntz, "unless you want anyone to know about you and a little squirrel."
"How did you know about that?" Kuntz shouted.
"That was you?" Mike shouted. He lunged at Kuntz, only to be held back by Aaron.
"No, Mike," Aaron said, "He's not worth it. You don't want to get kicked out of camp for fighting this jerk."
Kuntz shook himself free of the Bills' grip. He looked at Matt for a moment. "I think I will have some breakfast," he said after a moment, "but don't think this is over."
Kuntz turned and walked into the dining hall.
Late that afternoon, Matt was sitting under a tree in the Scoutcraft area reading when Dan Wellington walked up to him.
"Hey Matt, guess what?"
"What's the latest scoop, Dan?" Matt asked in return. Matt often looked upon Dan as a source of news and gossip on what was happening in Scouts, and all Dan asked in return was any information Matt may have heard that wouldn't have reached Dan's ears yet. Most of the miniscule amounts of information Matt had ever provided Dan with concerned the O.A., but Dan would probably be able to get any O.A. info himself in the fall when he took office as Lodge Secretary.
"A group from Bonnie Brae is coming up."
"The Girl Scout camp?"
Dan nodded. "Something's wrong with their waterfront so a group of them's been given permission to come up and use ours. The waterfront's going be closed for our use during that time, but of course that's not a problem for staff. You can come along, if you'd like."
"What, go ogle at a group of half-my-age preadolescents and their fifty-something haven't-aged-well mother/leaders?"
"Something like that. I don't expect to see much either, but the waterfront staff is making it sound like a big deal."
"Yeah. What is it with them? Mike in my troop was telling me something which made them sound like lechers or something."
"What can you do?" Dan postulated. "Like I said, it'll probably be nothing, but if you want to come..."
While most of the girls and their leaders had lived up to Matt's expectations, a few were actually something to behold. And one of them was something to die for.
Matt and Dan sat at a picnic table near the waterfront staff tents, discretely watching the swimmers under the pretence of playing a game of Magic. The woman who had caught Matt's eye was apparently one of the leaders who, like him, had been a scout in the program and had stayed on as a leader after turning eighteen. She had a slender figure that was quite well proportioned, well tanned skin, and a face with elegantly sculpted features. Framing her face was a mane of luxuriously flowing red hair that was presently slicked back with water. Her bikini was making Matt feel kind of funny, like when he used to climb the rope in gym class.
She got out of the water and reached for her towel. As she was rubbing herself dry, she happened to glance in Matt's direction. He quickly turned his gaze away from her and put down a card, even though it wasn't his turn. Of course, he hadn’t been paying the game much attention. Then again, neither was Dan.
The Girl Scouts had stayed for dinner, as it was past five when they had finished swimming. Most of them were eating at the picnic tables outside of the dining hall, as the Boy Scouts took up most of the room within the building.
Matt had also chosen to eat outside, and was sitting at a table with Dan and the Kitchen Aids. Matt spotted the woman he had seen at the waterfront. "That's her," he said to Jim Anderson, a friend of his on the Kitchen crew.
"The one with the red hair?" Jim asked.
Matt nodded. Just then, he saw her stand up and pick up her tray, headed for one of the trash cans. Matt also stood up, rather quickly, and grabbed his trey. "I'm going to go talk to her!"
"You're living dangerously," Dan commented. Jim wished him luck.
As Matt approached her, he caught the gentle scent of the shampoo she had used when she had showered after swimming. His heart began to pound furiously in his ears and he took a deep breath.
She finished dumping her refuse and turned to face him. Matt flashed her a smile. She frowned.
"Hi," Matt said.
"Aren't you that pervert who was pretending to play cards earlier today?" she asked accusingly.
"Um..." Matt said.
"Look, Mr. Testosterone, I know you haven't seen a woman in almost a week, but lower the hormone levels a bit, okay? If you'll excuse me?"
She walked past him, barely affording him another glance, and returned to her seat. Matt also returned to his seat, a depressed look sitting heavily upon his face.
"Got burned?" Dan asked.
Matt opened his eyes and sat up as he thought he felt something move in the water. But that couldn't be. He was the only thing in the tub, and the tub was so small that it barely held him!
Suddenly, the form of Taylor Kuntz rose from the water. Matt recoiled in disgust and shock. "What the hell are you doing in here?" he shouted.
"Matthew Atanian," he said, the hot water dripping off of his bare skin, "I love you!"
"What the hell are you talking about, you pervert!" Matt shouted. "I'm a guy!"
Without warning, the bottom of the tub fell out from beneath them, but instead of falling into the basement, Matt found himself surrounded by an unending sea of blue. Kuntz was no where to be seen. Matt swam up, hoping to break the surface before he ran out of breath.
Finely, his head rose above the water. He was surprised to see open sky overhead, and a voice called out to him, "My sweet, grab hold of this!"
Matt looked, and he saw that somehow he had ended up back at camp. He was floating in Russell Pond, and in front of him was the diving platform at the deeper end of the Swimmer's area of the waterfront. Upon the platform, clad in his rumpled uniform, Kuntz sat and holding a stick out to him. "After I rescue you, we can go catch a movie or somethin'."
"You jerk, open your eyes!" Matt shouted while angrily waving a fist. "I am a guy!"
It suddenly accrued to Matt that if he was in Russell Pond that he was no longer in warm water. He looked down as himself, and sure enough he saw that he wasn't a he any longer.
Matty made an embarrassed little noise as she crossed her arms over her bare breasts and sank into the pond. As she sank, for no explainable reasons, a panda floated through the water. Finely, she came to rest on a rock sitting on the pond's bottom.
From the surrounding depths, a whole group of Taylor Kuntzs gathered around her, joining hands and swimming in a circle around her. "I love you," they chanted in unison. "Go out with me."
Matty began to feel ill.
"I love you, go out with me. I love you, go out with me. I love you, go out with me. I love you, go out with me. I love you, go out with me. I love you, go out with me. I love you, go out with me. I love you, go out with me. I love you, go out with me."
Matty opened her mouth wide and took in a breath to let out a tremendous scream, but it was water, not air, that filled her lungs. The world went dark.
Matt sat up swiftly, bathed in sweat. He was breathing hard as he woke from his nightmare. One more time, a voice rang through his subconscious: "I love you, go out with me."
A shiver went up Matt's spine, as he said, "I think I'm going to be sick!"
He got out of his sleeping bag and got dressed before going over to Mike and Aaron's tent. "You two awake?" he called out.
"Come on in," Aaron responded.
Matt entered the tent and sat heavily on Aaron's footlocker. "You okay?" Mike asked.
"I'll be all right," Matt responded. "How about you?"
"I'm better," Mike said. "Still got a bit of a headache."
"I can't believe some guy was going to gut you, Quad," Aaron said. "How people like that can get into scouts is beyond me."
"You think you have problems," Matt said. "Yesterday was awful for me."
"What happened?" Aaron asked.
"Someone proclaimed their love for me."
"So?" Mike said.
"It was a guy."
"That could be a problem," Aaron said.
As the troops were waiting outside of the dining hall to be let in for breakfast, Matt caught sight of Taylor Kuntz, who was as always clad in his rumpled uniform with his left hand gloved to cover the evidence of his encounter with a certain squirrel. Matt grabbed the scout aside and took him over to the rock pile near the front of the dining hall.
"I know you," Kuntz said. "You're the guy in the Trading Post last summer with the Star Wars music. That shit was annoying as hell. I'm glad they got someone else in there this summer."
"Are you always this pleasant in the morning?"
"So wha'd'ya want, already?"
"The red haired woman. Stay away from her."
"What is she to you? Girlfriend or somethin'?"
The troops had begun filing into the dining hall, but Matt and Kuntz stayed where they were. "I guess you could say she's close to me," Matt said.
"I don't care if she's your fuckin' wife," Kuntz said. "She's going to be mine."
"If I have any say in the matter, she'll never appear before you again," Matt said as he began to walk away.
Kuntz was rooted in place, anger boiling within him. "What the hell are you talking about?" he hollered as Matt disappeared down a dense path in the trees. Kuntz suddenly took chase, catching up with Matt easily. "What do you mean never appear again?" he shouted as he spun Matt around to face him.
Kuntz's anger quickly disappeared as a stupid grin appeared on his face. "My sweet! It's you!"
Stupid me, Matty thought as she considered the bushes and shrubs that closely lined the path she had took, forgetting that the bushes and stuff would still be covered with dew. She frowned.
Kuntz hugged her and she slapped him in the face, hard. "Get the hell off of me," she shouted.
"But my love," Kuntz said.
A little black piglet wearing a yellow bandanna came walking down the path. It squealed at them contemptuously to get out of its way. Matty took the opportunity during the momentary distraction to break free of Kuntz's grip and run for the dining hall.
Kuntz gave chase, and Matty ran furiously towards the rear entrance to the dining hall.
She quickly ran up the stairs, noting that Kuntz had gone in through the side entrance, apparently hoping to cut her off. "'Scuse me, Kenny," Matty said to one of the chefs, as he scrambled to get out of her way.
"Watch where you're going! You're not supposed to go in there!" Kenny shouted after her.
Matty dashed into the kitchen and straight for the coffee area where she grabbed a pot of hot water and dashed out into the dining hall. She looked left and saw Kuntz standing by the door. She quickly ran to the opposite door.
Kuntz spotted her and gave chase.
Matty ran out of the door and poured the water over herself. He then put his foot out just as Kuntz came flying out of the door, tripping the boy, further rumpling his messy uniform.
Kuntz got up and sloppily swung a fist at Matt, which he dodged easily. "Where did you hide my red haired goddess?" he spat.
"Give it up," Matt said.
"I never will!" Kuntz shouted.
The dining hall door swung open and out stepped Bill, Mike, Billy, and Aaron. "Is this the guy?" Aaron asked.
"What guy?" Bill asked.
"The guy who's 'in love' with Matty, Hughes," Mike responded.
Kuntz growled.
"You have got to be kidding," Billy said.
"Where is she?" Kuntz shouted. He took another swing at Matt, and this time Matt's dodge wasn't completely successful. Matt rubbed his slightly bruised cheek.
Bill and Billy grabbed Kuntz, restraining him. Matt smiled. "I'm bound by Youth Protection Guidelines not to touch you," he told Kuntz. "My friends here, however, are still considered as Youth in Scouts. Calm down and go eat some breakfast before you have no teeth to eat it with."
Matt smiled. Having realized that no one could connect him to the punch Matty had given Kuntz yesterday, and assuming that Kuntz wouldn't report his "goddess" for hitting him, he decided to turn the tables on the boy. "And don't even think of telling anyone about this incident," he told Kuntz, "unless you want anyone to know about you and a little squirrel."
"How did you know about that?" Kuntz shouted.
"That was you?" Mike shouted. He lunged at Kuntz, only to be held back by Aaron.
"No, Mike," Aaron said, "He's not worth it. You don't want to get kicked out of camp for fighting this jerk."
Kuntz shook himself free of the Bills' grip. He looked at Matt for a moment. "I think I will have some breakfast," he said after a moment, "but don't think this is over."
Kuntz turned and walked into the dining hall.
Late that afternoon, Matt was sitting under a tree in the Scoutcraft area reading when Dan Wellington walked up to him.
"Hey Matt, guess what?"
"What's the latest scoop, Dan?" Matt asked in return. Matt often looked upon Dan as a source of news and gossip on what was happening in Scouts, and all Dan asked in return was any information Matt may have heard that wouldn't have reached Dan's ears yet. Most of the miniscule amounts of information Matt had ever provided Dan with concerned the O.A., but Dan would probably be able to get any O.A. info himself in the fall when he took office as Lodge Secretary.
"A group from Bonnie Brae is coming up."
"The Girl Scout camp?"
Dan nodded. "Something's wrong with their waterfront so a group of them's been given permission to come up and use ours. The waterfront's going be closed for our use during that time, but of course that's not a problem for staff. You can come along, if you'd like."
"What, go ogle at a group of half-my-age preadolescents and their fifty-something haven't-aged-well mother/leaders?"
"Something like that. I don't expect to see much either, but the waterfront staff is making it sound like a big deal."
"Yeah. What is it with them? Mike in my troop was telling me something which made them sound like lechers or something."
"What can you do?" Dan postulated. "Like I said, it'll probably be nothing, but if you want to come..."
While most of the girls and their leaders had lived up to Matt's expectations, a few were actually something to behold. And one of them was something to die for.
Matt and Dan sat at a picnic table near the waterfront staff tents, discretely watching the swimmers under the pretence of playing a game of Magic. The woman who had caught Matt's eye was apparently one of the leaders who, like him, had been a scout in the program and had stayed on as a leader after turning eighteen. She had a slender figure that was quite well proportioned, well tanned skin, and a face with elegantly sculpted features. Framing her face was a mane of luxuriously flowing red hair that was presently slicked back with water. Her bikini was making Matt feel kind of funny, like when he used to climb the rope in gym class.
She got out of the water and reached for her towel. As she was rubbing herself dry, she happened to glance in Matt's direction. He quickly turned his gaze away from her and put down a card, even though it wasn't his turn. Of course, he hadn’t been paying the game much attention. Then again, neither was Dan.
The Girl Scouts had stayed for dinner, as it was past five when they had finished swimming. Most of them were eating at the picnic tables outside of the dining hall, as the Boy Scouts took up most of the room within the building.
Matt had also chosen to eat outside, and was sitting at a table with Dan and the Kitchen Aids. Matt spotted the woman he had seen at the waterfront. "That's her," he said to Jim Anderson, a friend of his on the Kitchen crew.
"The one with the red hair?" Jim asked.
Matt nodded. Just then, he saw her stand up and pick up her tray, headed for one of the trash cans. Matt also stood up, rather quickly, and grabbed his trey. "I'm going to go talk to her!"
"You're living dangerously," Dan commented. Jim wished him luck.
As Matt approached her, he caught the gentle scent of the shampoo she had used when she had showered after swimming. His heart began to pound furiously in his ears and he took a deep breath.
She finished dumping her refuse and turned to face him. Matt flashed her a smile. She frowned.
"Hi," Matt said.
"Aren't you that pervert who was pretending to play cards earlier today?" she asked accusingly.
"Um..." Matt said.
"Look, Mr. Testosterone, I know you haven't seen a woman in almost a week, but lower the hormone levels a bit, okay? If you'll excuse me?"
She walked past him, barely affording him another glance, and returned to her seat. Matt also returned to his seat, a depressed look sitting heavily upon his face.
"Got burned?" Dan asked.
To be continued...
Disclaimer:
Certain aspects of this series are inspired by Takahashi Rumiko's Ranma ½. A certain widdle piggy is used without permission. Ranma fans should recognize the nightmare in the beginning as an obvious rip-off, too.
All characters except for Taylor Kuntz and the Girl Scout leader of Matt's dreams are based on real people. Horace A. Moses Scout Reservation is based on an actual location.
Note: After rereading part 3 to myself, something occurred to me that I'd like to make clear. The name Kuntz is pronounced "Koontz", not "Cunts". Just wanted to make that clear to prevent and wide scale protests from feminist groups or fanatical southern Baptist groups.
This story was written without the consent of the Boy Scouts of America, and in fact if they ever found out about these stories, they'd probably send a letterbomb to my house.
This story is brought to you by the letters "J," "S," and the number "42."
All characters except for Taylor Kuntz and the Girl Scout leader of Matt's dreams are based on real people. Horace A. Moses Scout Reservation is based on an actual location.
Note: After rereading part 3 to myself, something occurred to me that I'd like to make clear. The name Kuntz is pronounced "Koontz", not "Cunts". Just wanted to make that clear to prevent and wide scale protests from feminist groups or fanatical southern Baptist groups.
This story was written without the consent of the Boy Scouts of America, and in fact if they ever found out about these stories, they'd probably send a letterbomb to my house.
This story is brought to you by the letters "J," "S," and the number "42."