part 22:
Where No Man Has Gone Before
by Jessi Pysz
and Matthew Atanian
©2003 by Jessi Pysz Matthew Atanian
Boy Scouts ½ created by Matthew Atanian
Where No Man Has Gone Before
by Jessi Pysz
and Matthew Atanian
©2003 by Jessi Pysz Matthew Atanian
Boy Scouts ½ created by Matthew Atanian
Justy Yung glared down at his dinner plate and raised one eyebrow.
“Proctor!!!!”
With almost inhuman speed, Proctor appeared at his side.
“Yes, my Captain?”
Justy pointed at the offending vegetation upon his plate with his baton. Proctor glanced nervously at the small green veggies.
“What,” Justy asked, “are these?!”
Miniature trees of vitamins lay steaming on Mrs. Yung’s good china.
“It’s broccoli, Captain.”
“Aren’t you going to eat these vegetables like you’re supposed to?” Justy’s voice was surprisingly calm, only a twinge of the madness behind it coming through.
Proctor stood at attention, trembling with inner conflict. Under normal circumstances, he would have devoured the disgusting broccoli for his captain without a second thought. But he’d made a promise and no matter how much he hated to disobey his captain, there were some people he just couldn’t go against.
Justy’s patience ran out, although it was surprising it had lasted this long. He swung the baton and thwacked Proctor over the head. Proctor broke down and groveled at Justy’s feet.
“I’m sorry, my Captain!!!! I was making your dinner and your mother mentioned that she was worried that you were looking a bit peeked and made me make the foul vegetables you see before you. She had me promise that you would eat every bite! I can’t go against a mother! I’m sorry sir, but I can’t! Please forgive me!!!!!”
The door to the Yung’s house opened to the rainy spring evening. A moment later, Proctor sailed out through the archway, courtesy of Justy’s foot. He landed on the front lawn, somersaulted a few feet and came to a dazed rest in the grass. His teddy bear, Simon, flew out the door and bounced off his head. Justy stuck his head out and gave Proctor a hateful glare.
“PEON!!” He screamed and slammed the door.
Proctor sat, hardly believing his ears. Had his captain just called him the p-word? The word Justy called everyone else but him?
Proctor held his teddy bear and stood up. As he walked away, he was thankful for the rain that hid the tears on his face.
Holyoke Mall. A wonder of modern commerce. Or, at least, the greatest wonder of it to grace Western Massachusetts. There are better malls, to be sure, but you’d be hard pressed to find one within easy driving distance of Springfield.
And so it is here that we find Sarah Porter, in the company of one Matty Hayes, in the middle of one of their frequent outings.
“You do shop for the strangest things,” Sarah said as they left Best Buy. “I mean, video games, movie soundtracks, or tapes with those Japanese Cartoons.”
“Anime,” Matty reflexively corrected.
“Whatever,” Sarah said. “Let’s go to Filene’s. They have a good sale going on.”
“Um... okay,” Matty said, hesitantly.
Sarah took Matty by the arm. “Let’s go, then!”
They continued to talk as they made their way towards the department store. “You know, Matty, I’ve got this weekend off from work, and both the girls are going to be home, too. It’s been a while since we’ve all had a chance to spend some time together.”
“That should be nice,” Matty responded. “I know how much the mean to you.”
Sarah paused. “Well... it would mean a lot to me if you could be there to.”
Matty blinked.
“You busy this weekend?” Sarah asked.
“I’d hate to intrude...”
“Nonsense!” Sarah insisted. “Matty, you’re practically family to me as it is. You’re the only friend I’ve got, you know.”
“Well, you could make more friends easily enough,” Matty said.
“I don’t have the time.”
“What about Matt?” Matty asked.
Sarah gave her the look. The, “Can we please not bring him up?” look.
Matty frowned. “All men are not assholes, you know.”
“I’ve never seen you out with any guys,” Sarah pointed out.
“We’re not talking about me!” Matty said. “Look, Sarah, just because you got burned by this Rodney guy doesn’t mean that...”
Sarah stopped dead. Matty almost bumped into her.
“Oh my God,” Sarah muttered.
“What is it?” Matty asked.
“Speak of the devil, or at least a close equivalent!” Sarah pointed.
Matty’s gaze followed Sarah’s finger. Her eyes rested upon a tall, lanky boy in rumpled dark clothing, wearing a greasy looking leather coat, with his left hand covered by a black leather glove.
Matty’s brain froze for an instant, and then felt like it was going to crack.
“Oh my God,” Matty muttered.
“It’s Rodney’s little brother,” Sarah said with contempt.
“Kuntz,” Matty said with the same contempt.
Matty and Sarah looked at one another. “You know him?” they both asked.
They both nodded. By then it was too late. He was upon them.
“Hey, Sarah, you’re looking as sexy as ever,” Taylor Kuntz said in an offhanded manner. He then turned to Matty, obviously the main reason he had approached the pair. “My red haired goddess! I have come to rescue you!”
“I don’t need rescuing, thank you very much,” Matty said venomously.
“But you have a sickness that clouds your heart!” Kuntz insisted.
“A sickness?” Matty did not know what Kuntz was talking about. Then she thought back to the Spring Camporee, and how she had gotten rid of Kuntz then. “Look, you runt, it is not a sickness, it is an alternative lifestyle!”
“You are just confused, my darling goddess! You need the touch of a real man to set your heart on the proper course!”
“Oh? Well, then, why don’t you go find me a real man then? In the mean time, piss off!” Matty exclaimed.
“I can do no such thing!” Kuntz insisted. “I am on a mission from God to be your one true love!”
Kuntz started to reach for Matty. Matty shot Sarah a look which clearly said, “Help me!” And then Sarah did the absolute last thing Matty ever expected she’d do.
Sarah grabbed Matty and kissed her.
This had rather the same effect on Kuntz that it had had the last time, in that he froze, looked really shocked, and ran off weeping.
Sarah released Matty, who was rather shocked and (to be honest) was also rather enjoying herself.
“Well, that should kill two birds with one kiss,” Sarah said. Matty noticed that Sarah was almost fuming. “Maybe word of this will get back to Rodney, and he’ll stop calling me!”
Matty blinked, trying to clear her head. She sunk onto a nearby bench. “Um... calling... right.” She wished all of the penguins would leave her alone.
Sarah blinked, too. “So how do you know that jerk?” she asked.
Matty sighed. “From Boy Scouts,” she said, her voice almost dreamy in tone.
“Small world, isn’t it?” Sarah asked. She blinked. “Isn’t it?” She blinked again. “Matty?” she said, a little more forcefully.
Matty snapped out of it. “Huh? Oh yes, small world.”
Sarah arched an eyebrow and looked at Matty suspiciously. Come to think of it, she couldn’t remember Matty ever mentioning any old boyfriends... “Why did Taylor think you were gay?” Sarah asked.
“Well...” Matty swallowed hard. She was afraid of this. “I’ll... I’ll tell you later...”
Sarah eyed Matty for a moment. “Promise?”
Matty held up her hand and made the Scout Sign. “Scout’s honor. And you know I can’t break a promise like that.”
Sarah seemed to accept that and changed the subject. “Well, are you coming? I said I want to check out that sale at Filene’s.”
Matty bolted up, relieved to have put off (hopefully indefinitely) a rather touchy conversation. “Of course, I’m coming!”
“And are you on for this weekend?”
“You bet!”
Mike was just explaining to Justy why no one from the Garden Snake Patrol would volunteer to prepare meals for him for the next month when Matt arrived at the meeting and took a seat at the table the Garden Snakes occupied.
“What’s up?” Matt asked as Justy stormed off in search of victims from one of the other patrols.
“Oh, Justy’s just up to his usual idiocy,” Mike said. “How about with you?”
Matt opened his mouth to answer. Aaron put up a hand to silence him. “Let me guess, planning another get together with Sarah?”
Matt nodded. “How’d you know?” he asked.
“Because,” Aaron told him, “you look so damn pleased with yourself.”
Kenny looked up from his book, interest in the conversation obvious on his young face. “WHAT!?” Becker randomly shouted. Shmuler wasn’t paying attention, as he was busy trying to guess (in a rather loud voice) the number of molecules in Leonard Nemoy’s butt.
“As Matt or Matty?” Mike asked.
Matt opened his mouth to answer. Hughes put up a hand to silence him. “Let me guess, Matty?”
Matt nodded. “How’d you know?” he asked.
“Because,” Hughes told him, “you don’t have the balls to ask her out as Matt.”
Matt frowned.
“Half the time, that could be taken literally,” Bill Gelinas thought it’d be fun to add.
“Shut up, Bill,” Matt muttered.
“Why you no tell her you and Matty is same person?” Perry asked. “Is not honorable.”
Matt shrugged. “Well, you know, sometimes you let a little...”
“Or big,” Hughes offered.
“Or big, thank you, white lie slip out towards the start of a relationship... and then as time passes, as much as you might want to clear the air, it becomes harder and harder to say, ‘Oh, by the by, guess what?’” Matt turned to Hughes. “Oh, and you’re one to talk, ‘Neko-chan.’”
Hughes blinked at Matt with his best, “What did I do?” look.
Hughes was saved as Swett walked over, followed by Kirstin Porter. He waved nonchalantly as he took a seat. Kirstin, pausing to glance warmly at Aaron, stood beside Matt and asked if she could sit down.
Matt nodded and she took a seat. “What can I do for you?” he asked her.
“Well,” she said, “I know you have a, um, rather refined pallet,” she ventured.
“You mean, I’m the pickiest damn eater on the face of the planet?” Matt asked her.
She nodded, relieved that the ice had been broken, and continued. “Well, I was wondering what I should cook this weekend.”
“Actually, I was hoping I could cook dinner, as sort of a thank you to all of you for the hospitality.”
“If you’d like,” Kirstin said. “That would be nice.”
Meanwhile, the entire Garden Snake Patrol (with the exception of Becker, who was watching them but couldn’t hear a word and Shmuler, who was still loudly making his calculations) was eavesdropping intently on the conversation.
“Any side dishes you want, though, feel free to contribute,” Matt said.
Kirstin nodded and smiled. “Of course, to properly plan side dishes, one must know the main course.”
“Well,” replied Matt, “I thought I might prepare for you my mother’s lasagna recipe. Hope you like a lot of cheese.”
“Sounds splendid,” Kirstin said. “Now, any particular snacks you might like? Or perhaps beverages?”
“I can bring some beverages, and as for snacks, I don’t want to impose too much.”
“No imposition at all. I insist.”
“Well, maybe things like pretzels, Smartfood, or Doritos. I like the regular ol’ fashioned Nacho Cheese ones.”
Kirstin smiled. “Nicole’s partial to Cool Ranch, but I can splurge a bit. Now, how about breakfast?”
At the mention of this bit of information, the listening members of the patrol all exchanged glances with one another. Swett mouthed the word, “Breakfast?”
“Oh, please, I don’t want to...”
“It really is no trouble. I insist.”
“I love French Toast. I even have a supply of real maple syrup I can bring, if you wish.”
“Oh, that would be lovely!”
Matt and Kirstin talked for a small while longer, and then Kirstin got up and left.
Matt turned to the others. He noticed they were all staring at him.
“What in the hell was that about?” Swett asked.
“Oh dear,” Matt said. He turned to Kenny.
Kenny pulled out a pair of sunglasses, said, “Sure thing, Mr. Atanian,” got up, and asked Swett to follow him. The others all looked away from where Kenny had lead Swett just as a bright blue flash went off. They all looked back to see Kenny take off the sunglasses, and Swett stagger away looking somewhat disoriented. Kenny made his way back to the table and sat down once more.
“Will he be okay?” Aaron asked, watching Swett.
Kenny slipped a metal cylinder roughly the size of a large cigar back into his pocket. “I think so, I have most of the kinks in the design all worked out.”
“Now, where were we?” Gelinas asked.
“I know,” Mike said. He turned to Matt. “What in the hell was that about?” he asked.
“Well, I’m not so much going out with Sarah, as much as I am... well...”
“Holy shit,” Hughes said. “I remember Nicole saying something a few days ago about a slumber party.”
The patrol (those, at least, who had been paying attention) turned to Matt. “Slumber Party?” they asked in unison.
Matt laughed nervously.
Saturday had arrived quickly... and then time ground to a screeching halt. Matt woke up early. Too early. And he couldn’t get back to sleep.
A few hours later, he rolled out of bed, grabbed a duffel bag, and threw a change of clothes into it. Then he realized the t-shirt he had packed was one Sarah had seen him in. He pulled it back out and spent a while looking for another clean shirt. He found a nice one and packed it.
Then he realized he had packed men’s underwear, and switched them for a nice pair of panties.
Now... what else should one bring to a girls’ sleepover?
Bra! He hastily threw one in.
Now... how to kill eight or nine hours?
Ah, yes, Matt thought. I was trying to find a vaccine for Sherry. Matt turned on his PlayStation and grabbed the controller.
After a while, Matt started to have the feeling that he was forgetting something.
He shrugged, and kept playing.
An hour later he bolted to his feet, pulling the controller from its socket as he did so. He ran out of his room, grabbed his coat, and bolted out of the door.
Meanwhile, Kirsten had also awoken early. She did some cleaning around the house and then started to think about provisions. She assembled her own meager funds, along with a donation from Nicole, and the extensive grocery list and went to raid the local Big-Y.
“Let’s see,” she mumbled to herself. “Salsa, check. Doritos, Cool Ranch and Nacho, check. Salad greens and dressings, check. I still need to get Italian Bread.”
As she headed for the bakery, she noticed a familiar fedora and trench coat clad man standing at the deli counter.
“Hello, Matt,” she said. “I didn’t expect to see you until later.”
“Oh, Hello, Kirsten. Just picking up stuff for the lasagna.”
Kirsten took a peek into his basket.
“Um, Matt, just how much cheese is going into dinner tonight?”
Matt looked at the two half-pound packages of deli cheese, the container of Parmesan, and the large package of mozzarella.
“Oh, not much more than this.” He took the package the woman behind the counter offered to him.
Kirsten’s eyes grew a size. “There’s more?”
Matt blinked. “Something wrong?”
“No, nothing. Uhm... I think I should go get some more greens. I’ll see you tonight.”
Matt covered the lasagna dish with some aluminum foil, went into the bathroom, stripped down, and doused himself. Then she went into her room and got dressed for the party. She considered her little black dress, and then thought that might be a bit too formal... just slightly... for a sleepover. So she grabbed a Moses t-shirt and a pair of pants.
She got dressed, grabbed her coat, grabbed her bags, and started for the door, glad that her parents had gone out for the evening.
At his house, Bill Gelinas looked up from whatever he was doing. He blinked for a moment, and then for no reason he could fathom he felt compelled to say, “So they’re not home to see their ‘son’ going out. Isn’t that a little bit convenient?”
“Shut up, Bill!” Matty shouted. Then she got confused. Why had she just shouted that? Ah, well... She was in a rather lightheaded state of mind. After all, she was about to go where no man had gone before.
“Wish me luck,” she said to the penguins. And then she was on her way.
“They’re here, sis.” Nicole called from the kitchen.
“Hello, Matty,” Kirsten said. “Let me take your bag.”
“Oh, um, thank you, Kirsten.” Matty balanced her lasagna in one hand as Kirsten took her backpack. “Um, where can I put this?” She asked, indicating the large lasagna dish.
Sarah pointed to the small kitchenette across the room where Nicole was piling salsa and sour cream onto her Doritos.
“You can put that in the fridge until the oven preheats.”
Matty made her way through the small, yet crowded, living room, stepping over sleeping bags and dodging TV trays loaded with bowls of chips and popcorn. She managed to find a space for the lasagna in the fridge, and was about to close the door when Nicole turned around and crashed into her. Nicole’s plate of Cool Ranch Doritos, chipotle salsa and sour cream spilled all over Matty’s shirt.
“Oh, jeeze! Matty, I’m sorry! I didn’t see you!” Nicole grabbed a length of paper towels and started wiping up the red and white mess.
Kirsten and Sarah trotted over to assist. Matty blushed and tried to clean the spill off her shirt.
“Oh, Matty, let me take care of that,” Kirsten said. “If you don’t rinse that out, the stain will set and ruin it.”
“Please,” Matty began. “I don’t want to be a both— “
“Nonsense,” she stated. “I can get any stain out of clothes. Just give me your shirt and I’ll go bring it to the laundry room downstairs. It’ll be ready by morning.”
Matty blushed again.
“I appreciate that, Kirsten, but... I only have my shirt for tomorrow to wear...”
Sarah raised an eyebrow. “Then what were you going to sleep in?”
Matty shrugged. “In my clothes. I usually do that when I stay over someplace.”
“No jammies?” Nicole asked.
“Umm... not really... Normally, I sleep in a T-shirt or something...” Matty began to wonder if she would ever stop blushing.
Sarah snapped her fingers. “I know. Matty, you go into the bathroom and get out of that shirt. I’ll go get you one of my old night shirts for you.”
Matty’s heart leapt into her throat and took up residence. “No, really, Sarah, you don’t—“
However, it was too late, Sarah was already halfway down the hallway. Kirsten put her hand on Matty’s shoulder and led her toward the bathroom.
Kirsten opened the door and told Matty to hand her the stained shirt. Matty waited in the bathroom for Sarah to bring her a replacement. She noticed the three, well-worn towels hanging on the wall. One pink, one pastel green, and one white. Matching face cloths lay beside the sink, and three toothbrushes sat in a holder like bristly flowers in a vase. Matty caught her reflection in the slightly cracked mirror and wondered if anyone else had seen how her throat pounded with her pulse.
A knock on the door.
The penguins went crazy.
“Matty, you decent?”
Sarah’s voice.
“Y-yes, it’s alright.”
Matty hoped her voice didn’t sound as strange as it did in her head.
The door opened a crack and Sarah held out an over-sized blue T-shirt. “Here you go, Matty.”
Matty took the shirt and put it on. It went nearly down to her knees, and had a black kitten in a basket printed on the front. She smiled and realized that the shirt smelled like Sarah.
“Thank you, Sarah,” Matty said.
The evening progressed rather uneventfully. Matty’s lasagna was well received, although Kirsten took only a small piece and doubled up on her salad portion. Upon questioning Matty about why she didn’t take any salad and then learning of her abhorrence of all things vegetative, Nicole delighted in teasing Matty with a piece of lettuce on the end of her fork until Sarah put an end to the debacle.
The four females had just finished their second movie (Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion) when the subject of fashion and its effect on women came up in conversation.
“Why on earth did you two get that movie”, Sarah asked her sisters. “Mira Sorvino and Lisa Kudrow almost ruined their careers with that materialistic, anti-feminist crap.”
“Lighten up, sis”, Nicole countered from her seated position on the floor. “At least there was Janeane Garofalo to add a touch of cynicism to an otherwise Valley-Girl chick-flick.”
“Is it just me,” Matty said, “Or did those two look like Barbie doll rejects?”
“Well, I can tell you this, Matty-chan,” Nicole said, “my Barbie’s never looked like extras in and a bad 80’s movie... even though, technically, it was the 80’s...”
Sarah chuckled. “No, Nicole, your Barbie’s didn’t look that bad... No, they ended up at the bottom of the toy box, naked, decapitated and missing their legs.”
Nicole smiled evilly. “Ah yes, now I remember. I had quite a torso heap down there.”
Kirsten smiled wistfully. “Remember how we used to play dress-up with Obaachan? Sarah would dress up in mom’s old clothes, Nicole would wear daddy’s clothes, and I’d wear Obaachan’s old kimonos.”
The Porter sisters paused and shared a moment. Matty felt a little left out. Having been born a male, she had never really known how much fun it could be to play dress up like one of the girls. Of course there was that one time....
“You know,” Matty said. “I never played dress-up as a... a little girl. In fact, I didn’t until a few years ago...”
“You never played dress-up before?” Nicole asked, mentally filing that tidbit away.
“Well, not really... But, a few years ago, I was visiting a friend of mine on her birthday while her husband was at work. We were sitting around, bored, until somehow, and I don’t remember who’s idea it was, somehow we got the idea into our heads to make each other up. So, she used her considerable make-up skills on me, and I used my less-then-considerable lack of skills to... well... she ended up looking like a twisted cross between a whore and a circus clown, I fear.”
Matty reflected that this story was probably was funnier when she told it as a guy, and Kirstin certainly seemed to be enjoying the story. Nicole and Sarah seemed to be enjoying it as well despite their handicap, so she continued. “And somehow, we then decided to try on some of her dresses. So there we were, sitting on her couch, each wearing one of her dresses.” She paused briefly before delivering the first half of the punch line. “And then her husband came home.”
Sarah frowned out of reflex.
Kirsten was suppressing a giggle. “What happened when he came home?”
Matty smiled. “Well, he took one look at the two of us, and next thing you know he went and tried one on, too!”
Kirsten and Nicole burst out laughing and even Sarah chuckled.
Then a strange thing happened. As one, the three sisters slowed their laughing and turned to look at Matty. Matty’s mental penguins sent up a warning flare.
Sarah looked at her with an amused smile.
Kirsten made a thoughtful expression.
Nicole grinned broadly.
If Matty had been an anime character, she would have had a large sweat drop appear near her head.
“Umm... help?” she meekly called out to the Universe in general.
The Porters pounced.
“Why did I let you talk me into this?!” Matty wailed.
“Talking had nothing to do with it,” Nicole said, loading film into her camera. “Now stop blushing, I want to be able to tell the difference between your face and your hair.”
Without quite knowing how it happened, Matty found herself wearing one of Sarah’s few dresses. It was a pale yellow sundress with halter-style straps, and a hemline that ended just above her knees. Although Matty was slightly more top-heavy than Sarah, the dress wasn’t too un-modest and actually looked quite flattering.
Wow, Kirsten thought. Matt looks really pretty in that. She realized what thought had just gone through her head, and she vigorously shook it in an effort to clear the thought from it.
“You look really pretty in that color, Matty,” Sarah commented.
Matty tried hard not to blush.
“Oh, thanks, sis”, Nicole chided. “Now she’s as red as ever. I don’t think I’ll ever get this shot to turn out.”
Thank God for small favors, Matty thought.
“Hang on, I’ve got an idea”. Sarah dashed into her room and emerged a few moments later holding a matching straw hat.
The penguins smacked the inside of Matty’s head, shouting “BAKA!”
Matty reluctantly posed for the pictures, after making Nicole swear on her mother’s name that the photos wouldn’t be used for blackmail. At least the hat brim hid her face...
“Tilt you head up a little bit more, Matty.” Nicole instructed. “You’ve got a mark of something on your chin, hon.”
Matty wiped her chin with the back of her hand.
“No, it’s still there. Is that a scar or something?”
“Hmm? Oh, yeah. I suppose it is.”
Kirsten blinked and looked closer at the inch-long scar that ran just under the left side of Matty’s chin.
“How’d you get that, Matty?” She asked.
“Knife fight when I was five,” Matty casually (and unconvincingly) lied. “Now, can we get on with this?”
Pictures were taken, pajamas were donned, movies were viewed, and good times were had by all. Time passed, as it has a tendency to do unless one is travelling at the speed of light, and soon it was the wee hours of the morning, or very late at night, depending on your point of view. They were in the middle of watching Chasing Amy, or rather, the movie was serving as background noise while they dozed, when Sarah remembered something she had asked Matty earlier in the week.
“Hey, Matty,” she began.
“Yes,” came the somewhat sleepy reply.
“You promised you were going to answer my question.”
Oh, bother, crossed Matty’s mind in a much more frantic manor then those words would usually seem to indicate.
“Why did Taylor think you were gay?”
Nicole and Kirsten, who until that moment had been dozing on the floor, jerked up.
Matty likes girls? Nicole thought. Interesting.... Must file that away....
Oh, my... Kirsten thought. I hope Sarah doesn’t suddenly become homophobic....
Matty cleared her throat. Inside her head, the penguins were strangely quiet.
“Well.... He saw me kissing another girl. But,” she hurriedly added, “it was like what you did, I kissed the girl to get him to leave me alone. Sadly, I think it’s backfired as he now thinks it’s his job to ‘set me straight’, so to speak.” She breathed a sigh of relief. That was easier than I thought.
Sarah seemed to think about this. Then she looked right into Matty’s eyes.
“Are you gay?”
“Does it really matter, Sarah?” Kirsten asked.
“Yeah, sis. I thought you’d evolved beyond homophobia.” Nicole smiled at Matty. “Don’t worry, Matty. Even if you are gay, Kirsten and I don’t care. I think as long as you’re not physically male, there’s a good chance that Sarah won’t totally despise you either.”
Sarah ignored her younger sibling. She adopted her patented ‘No more games’ voice. “Answer me, Matty. Are you attracted to guys or girls?”
Matty swallowed with a dry throat. She’d been dreading this. The penguins formed a living battering ram and charged into the speech center of her brain.
“I-I like girls...”
Sarah blinked.
Matty blushed and nibbled her nails.
Nicole leaned forward, interested in this turn of events.
Kirsten waited for the other shoe to drop.
Sarah closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
“Matty... What, exactly are your feelings towards me?”
Matty blanched. Her stomach was churning with nervousness.
“Well... I do love you, Sarah. At first, I had a bit of a crush on you, but as we’ve become better friends and I’ve gotten to know you ... now it’s more of a “really close friends” kind of love.” Another little white lie to add to my list, Matty thought.
Sarah seemed unreadable.
“I love you too, Matty, but only as a friend. Can you respect that and understand that I can never love you ‘like that’?”
“Of course. I’d kind of figured that out a while ago. Um.... Are you ok with everything?”
Sarah nodded. “As much as I can be. I have nothing against alternative relationships, I just don’t care to be in them myself.”
Matty nodded in understanding. Then she tentatively spoke.
“So... are we still friends?”
This time, Sarah smiled and gave Matty’s shoulder a squeeze.
“Of course. You’re my best friend, Matty, nothing can change that.”
Matty breathed a sigh of relief and smiled back. So did Kirsten. Nicole grinned.
So, Matty,” she asked.” What’s it like to sleep with a girl?”
Sarah and Kirsten looked at Nicole in horror.
“NICOLE!!” they both gaped.
Nicole looked at them innocently. “What?! It’s a legitimate question! Are lesbian relationships as fraught with tension and disaster as straight ones?”
Matty felt a bit uncomfortable, but decided that if soul bearing was the norm at girl’s sleepovers, she’d best get over it.
“Well, I’ve never actually been with a girl...” She shrugged. “Just because I like women doesn’t mean that I have much luck with them. Even the best of relationships, what few there have been, always seemed to fizzle after three months.”
The Porters all looked at Matty with sympathy.
“Oh, don’t make a deal out of it,” Matty insisted. “I’m used to it.”
“Well,” Nicole said, “Maybe you could get Matt Atanian to set you up with the many women who don’t want to go out with him!”
Matty frowned.
“Nicole!” Kirstin exclaimed.
Nicole demurred. “Sorry,” she said, “I didn’t mean to sound like a heartless bitch.”
“Language, Nicole”, Sarah said.
“Sorry, sis. But you’ve got to admit, if the way you treat him is any indication, that Matt probably doesn’t have much luck with the ladies.”
Matty sighed heavily.
Sarah grunted noncommittally.
“Sorry, Sarah,” Nicole mumbled. “I didn’t mean to bring him up.”
Kirsten seemed to think for a moment.
“Come to think of it, Sarah, did you ever thank Matt?”
Sarah’s eyes flared.
“Why in the world would I thank that pervert?! For ogling me at every available opportunity?”
“Well,” Kirsten said. “I know that if someone saved my life, I’d thank them. I mean, it’s the very least one could do.”
“Saved her life?” Matty asked.
Simultaneously, Sarah said, “Saved my life?” She then went on to ask, “What are you talking about?”
“Oh, you know, when we were being held captive by the Canadians?”
“Ah,” Sarah said, her voice flat. “That.”
“She does have a point, Sarah,” Nicole added. “No offense, but maybe you should swallow your pride long enough to thank him.”
Sarah was near fuming.
“Sarah, Matt isn’t a pervert,” Kirsten said, coming to his defense. “Despite what you think, he’s actually a decent human being who, in spite of being male, has realized that women are in the ones who are in charge. He’s never been anything less than courteous to me and Nicole, and he also thinks quite highly of you. Now, answer me truthfully; has Matt ever once made any sort of rude comment, gesture, or shown any honest to goodness signs of being a pervert?”
Sarah’s mouth hung open, the combination of unbridled rage, shock, and a little bit of guilt, inhibiting her ability to speak. Kirsten picked up her sleeping bag and headed off to her room.
“Sis, I’m not asking you to go out with him. All I’m asking is that you at least thank the person who saved your life. Now, if you’ll all excuse me, I’m going to get some sleep so I won’t be snoring while making breakfast.”
Matty blinked.
Nicole smiled. “I always knew that girl had backbone in there somewhere.”
There followed an awkward transitional period, during which both Nicole and Sarah decided to take a tip from their sister and go to sleep. They bade Matty goodnight and went off to their respective rooms.
Matty was left alone on the ancient couch.
Emphasis on ancient.
She tried for a very long time to get comfortable.
Emphasis on tried.
After about an hour of tossing, turning, pillow fluffing, cushion pounding, sleeping bag scrunching, and general uncomfortable-ness, she decided that she had indeed found the world’s most uncomfortable couch. Hell, she’d had an easier time camping one time when she had to sleep in a tent pitched over protruding roots and large rocks!
Just as she was about to give up and resign herself to a sleepless night, she shifted her position once more and promptly fell to the floor with a crash. “Ouch,” she quietly said. She got back up and sat upon the couch.
A moment later she heard a door open. She turned and saw Sarah, who must have heard the crash, poke her head out of her bedroom door.
“Matty,” Sarah whispered. “Can’t you sleep?”
Matty shook her head.
“I should have warned you about our couch. It’s older than I am and is fine for sitting, but it’s nearly impossible to sleep on. Why don’t you sleep with me?”
Matty’s head exploded.
Well, ok, it didn’t really explode, but that was the mental image she experienced. Her mouth would have dropped down to the basement if the penguins hadn’t quickly regained control and wired it shut.
Sarah held the door open as Matty glided in, lost in a mental fog. She had only seen Sarah’s room from the outside once, so she was understandably nervous to not only be in her room, but about to sleep with Sarah, in her bed.
“You got enough blankets?”
“Mmm hmm...”
“’Night, Matty.”
“’Night, Sarah.”
It’s a good thing I ‘m a woman right now, Matty thought as she drifted off to sleep.
It was dark, and Matty couldn’t see. Although it was too dark to see her surroundings Matty was sure that they were unfamiliar. There was something quite uneasy about wherever this place was.
She felt cold. It took her a moment to realize she was naked. She would have been embarrassed, being nude in an unfamiliar place, except the sense of dread and strong sensation of impending doom were more then ample to dispel any modesty.
She became aware that she was standing with her arms raised above her head. She would have liked to have lowered her arms, but that seemed to be rather difficult to accomplish with the manacles binding her wrists together, attached above her head to the cold metal bar she could feel running down the length of her back. Her ankles were also manacled and held in place.
Behind her, a door opened and closed. It let in a bit of light, and for an instant she could make out the cold grey walls and a spartan, empty desk sitting a few meters in front of her.
Some dim lights came on in the room. Well, normally Matty would consider them dim, but so used to the dark was she that she could not help but squint. She heard some footsteps slowly coming towards her from behind. Then, a moment after the footsteps ceased, she heard a voice.
There was something familiar about it. Dark, yet elegant, it spoke with a British accent. It was damn familiar to her, but she couldn’t quite place it. This is what it said:
“Pathetic. That’s what you are. Quite pathetic.”
The speaker walked forward and Matty got her first look at him. She didn’t quite know what to make of him.
He was slightly above average height. He was bald; his skin was grey and slightly clammy. His neck was quite wide and corded. He had a spoon-shaped recess on his forehead. He had a beak, his arms were flippers, and his feet were flat and wide. And he was wearing a Cardassian military uniform.
He was a cross between a Cardassian and a penguin.
Matty did not know if she should laugh or scream. She opted to do neither.
The man walked to the desk, looked at a file, and then casually returned his attention to Matty.
He walked forward, stopping directly between Matty and the desk. He looked at Matty for a moment, his expression unreadable. He pulled out a small remote control device, and with it he activated a bank of four spotlights on the wall behind the desk. They were in a horizontal row, two of them on either side of the man’s head, all of them shining directly into Matty’s face.
“How many lights are there?” the man asked.
“W-what?” Matty asked, confused.
The man’s voice was calm. “How many lights are there?” he repeated.
“There are... there are four lights.”
“There are five,” the man corrected. He casually depressed a switch on the remote he was holding, and a jolt of electricity ran through the metal bar against Matty’s back. She could feel it in her spine, and in her wrists and ankles. The electricity shot through her. She yelped.
“Look at you,” he said. “Pathetic. You let her continue to think you are a woman. You accept an invitation into her bed. Do you think she would feel safe sharing her bed with you if she knew who you really were? How many lights are there?”
“Four...” Matty whimpered.
“There are five lights,” the man said. The electricity came again. It seemed to last longer this time.
“She trusts you. You lie to her. You deceive her. You are unworthy of her.” The man turned, walked to his desk, and picked up from behind it a kettle of water. Steam rose from the kettle as he carried it over to Matty. “How would she feel if she knew that she was sharing her bed with this?” He thrust the kettle towards Matty, letting loose its contents of scalding hot water. Matt clenched his teeth as the pain seared into him.
“A man, not a woman. Not her dear friend Matty, who she trusts as much as she trusts anyone. Just a dirty, filthy man. A man she hates. How would she feel if she knew this was who she shared her bed with? Hurt? Betrayed? How many lights are there?”
The pain from the burning hot water made it difficult, but somehow Matt managed to say, “THERE... ARE... FOUR... LIGHTS!”
The man sighed. The electricity came again. It was worse this time, the water being an excellent conductor. Matt thought he heard someone screaming. Poor devil, he thought. He must be in agony, going on like that. It took Matt a minute to realize it was him.
Matty’s eyelids shot open. Her heart was pounding in her chest and it took her a minute to recognize her surroundings as Sarah’s bedroom. She could vaguely see a digital clock across the room from where she lay. She squinted to try and focus on the numbers, a difficult task without her glasses.
It was early. Still much too early to get up. The sun wouldn’t be quite up yet.
As Matty’s heart rate began to return to some semblance of normalcy, she became aware of something warm against her back... Something warm, and quite comfortable. It took her a moment to realize what it was, and when she did her heart rate shot back up again.
Sarah was snuggled up against her back, and she had an arm draped over Matty’s side.
Matty froze. She was terrified, overjoyed, excited and umm... yeah... all at once.
Oh, please don’t wake up and think the wrong thing, oh please, oh please oh--
Sarah shifted and mumbled in her sleep, cuddling closer to Matty’s back.
Oh, shit....
“Mmmmm...” Sarah mumbled. “...Bear...” She hugged Matty again.
‘Bear?’ Matty thought. ‘Bear?’ She thinks I’m her teddy bear...Thank you, God!
Matty drifted off into a light sleep, content with the knowledge that she wouldn’t be killed before she awoke.
Kirsten emerged from her room and was the first to notice that Matty was not on the couch. A fleeting thought crossed her mind and then she quickly dismissed it. As quietly as she could, she set about making French toast for breakfast.
Nicole was the next to emerge from slumber, looking a little worse for wear. Kirsten looked at her twin in a puzzled manner.
“Rough night?” She asked.
Nicole growled under her breath. “...Too damn much cheese...”
Kirsten handed Nicole an apple. Nicole noticed a lack of occupancy on the couch and cocked an eye towards her older sister’s room. Kirsten shrugged and went back to beating the eggs. The gears in Nicole’s head began turning.
Kirsten had just turned on the stove and was waiting for the griddle to heat when she remembered what day it was. She turned to ask Nicole to get the paper, but witnessed her sister dashing into the bathroom instead. The half eaten apple rolled along the floor and stopped at her feet. Kirsten sighed and went to pick up the paper herself.
She opened the door and looked down to see a small, muddy, shivering figure on their doorstep. He was curled into the foetal position, holding a battered-looking teddy bear in his arms. It took Kirsten a moment to recognize who it was, and when she did, she was shocked.
“PROCTOR!?”
“Proctor!!!!”
With almost inhuman speed, Proctor appeared at his side.
“Yes, my Captain?”
Justy pointed at the offending vegetation upon his plate with his baton. Proctor glanced nervously at the small green veggies.
“What,” Justy asked, “are these?!”
Miniature trees of vitamins lay steaming on Mrs. Yung’s good china.
“It’s broccoli, Captain.”
“Aren’t you going to eat these vegetables like you’re supposed to?” Justy’s voice was surprisingly calm, only a twinge of the madness behind it coming through.
Proctor stood at attention, trembling with inner conflict. Under normal circumstances, he would have devoured the disgusting broccoli for his captain without a second thought. But he’d made a promise and no matter how much he hated to disobey his captain, there were some people he just couldn’t go against.
Justy’s patience ran out, although it was surprising it had lasted this long. He swung the baton and thwacked Proctor over the head. Proctor broke down and groveled at Justy’s feet.
“I’m sorry, my Captain!!!! I was making your dinner and your mother mentioned that she was worried that you were looking a bit peeked and made me make the foul vegetables you see before you. She had me promise that you would eat every bite! I can’t go against a mother! I’m sorry sir, but I can’t! Please forgive me!!!!!”
The door to the Yung’s house opened to the rainy spring evening. A moment later, Proctor sailed out through the archway, courtesy of Justy’s foot. He landed on the front lawn, somersaulted a few feet and came to a dazed rest in the grass. His teddy bear, Simon, flew out the door and bounced off his head. Justy stuck his head out and gave Proctor a hateful glare.
“PEON!!” He screamed and slammed the door.
Proctor sat, hardly believing his ears. Had his captain just called him the p-word? The word Justy called everyone else but him?
Proctor held his teddy bear and stood up. As he walked away, he was thankful for the rain that hid the tears on his face.
Holyoke Mall. A wonder of modern commerce. Or, at least, the greatest wonder of it to grace Western Massachusetts. There are better malls, to be sure, but you’d be hard pressed to find one within easy driving distance of Springfield.
And so it is here that we find Sarah Porter, in the company of one Matty Hayes, in the middle of one of their frequent outings.
“You do shop for the strangest things,” Sarah said as they left Best Buy. “I mean, video games, movie soundtracks, or tapes with those Japanese Cartoons.”
“Anime,” Matty reflexively corrected.
“Whatever,” Sarah said. “Let’s go to Filene’s. They have a good sale going on.”
“Um... okay,” Matty said, hesitantly.
Sarah took Matty by the arm. “Let’s go, then!”
They continued to talk as they made their way towards the department store. “You know, Matty, I’ve got this weekend off from work, and both the girls are going to be home, too. It’s been a while since we’ve all had a chance to spend some time together.”
“That should be nice,” Matty responded. “I know how much the mean to you.”
Sarah paused. “Well... it would mean a lot to me if you could be there to.”
Matty blinked.
“You busy this weekend?” Sarah asked.
“I’d hate to intrude...”
“Nonsense!” Sarah insisted. “Matty, you’re practically family to me as it is. You’re the only friend I’ve got, you know.”
“Well, you could make more friends easily enough,” Matty said.
“I don’t have the time.”
“What about Matt?” Matty asked.
Sarah gave her the look. The, “Can we please not bring him up?” look.
Matty frowned. “All men are not assholes, you know.”
“I’ve never seen you out with any guys,” Sarah pointed out.
“We’re not talking about me!” Matty said. “Look, Sarah, just because you got burned by this Rodney guy doesn’t mean that...”
Sarah stopped dead. Matty almost bumped into her.
“Oh my God,” Sarah muttered.
“What is it?” Matty asked.
“Speak of the devil, or at least a close equivalent!” Sarah pointed.
Matty’s gaze followed Sarah’s finger. Her eyes rested upon a tall, lanky boy in rumpled dark clothing, wearing a greasy looking leather coat, with his left hand covered by a black leather glove.
Matty’s brain froze for an instant, and then felt like it was going to crack.
“Oh my God,” Matty muttered.
“It’s Rodney’s little brother,” Sarah said with contempt.
“Kuntz,” Matty said with the same contempt.
Matty and Sarah looked at one another. “You know him?” they both asked.
They both nodded. By then it was too late. He was upon them.
“Hey, Sarah, you’re looking as sexy as ever,” Taylor Kuntz said in an offhanded manner. He then turned to Matty, obviously the main reason he had approached the pair. “My red haired goddess! I have come to rescue you!”
“I don’t need rescuing, thank you very much,” Matty said venomously.
“But you have a sickness that clouds your heart!” Kuntz insisted.
“A sickness?” Matty did not know what Kuntz was talking about. Then she thought back to the Spring Camporee, and how she had gotten rid of Kuntz then. “Look, you runt, it is not a sickness, it is an alternative lifestyle!”
“You are just confused, my darling goddess! You need the touch of a real man to set your heart on the proper course!”
“Oh? Well, then, why don’t you go find me a real man then? In the mean time, piss off!” Matty exclaimed.
“I can do no such thing!” Kuntz insisted. “I am on a mission from God to be your one true love!”
Kuntz started to reach for Matty. Matty shot Sarah a look which clearly said, “Help me!” And then Sarah did the absolute last thing Matty ever expected she’d do.
Sarah grabbed Matty and kissed her.
This had rather the same effect on Kuntz that it had had the last time, in that he froze, looked really shocked, and ran off weeping.
Sarah released Matty, who was rather shocked and (to be honest) was also rather enjoying herself.
“Well, that should kill two birds with one kiss,” Sarah said. Matty noticed that Sarah was almost fuming. “Maybe word of this will get back to Rodney, and he’ll stop calling me!”
Matty blinked, trying to clear her head. She sunk onto a nearby bench. “Um... calling... right.” She wished all of the penguins would leave her alone.
Sarah blinked, too. “So how do you know that jerk?” she asked.
Matty sighed. “From Boy Scouts,” she said, her voice almost dreamy in tone.
“Small world, isn’t it?” Sarah asked. She blinked. “Isn’t it?” She blinked again. “Matty?” she said, a little more forcefully.
Matty snapped out of it. “Huh? Oh yes, small world.”
Sarah arched an eyebrow and looked at Matty suspiciously. Come to think of it, she couldn’t remember Matty ever mentioning any old boyfriends... “Why did Taylor think you were gay?” Sarah asked.
“Well...” Matty swallowed hard. She was afraid of this. “I’ll... I’ll tell you later...”
Sarah eyed Matty for a moment. “Promise?”
Matty held up her hand and made the Scout Sign. “Scout’s honor. And you know I can’t break a promise like that.”
Sarah seemed to accept that and changed the subject. “Well, are you coming? I said I want to check out that sale at Filene’s.”
Matty bolted up, relieved to have put off (hopefully indefinitely) a rather touchy conversation. “Of course, I’m coming!”
“And are you on for this weekend?”
“You bet!”
Mike was just explaining to Justy why no one from the Garden Snake Patrol would volunteer to prepare meals for him for the next month when Matt arrived at the meeting and took a seat at the table the Garden Snakes occupied.
“What’s up?” Matt asked as Justy stormed off in search of victims from one of the other patrols.
“Oh, Justy’s just up to his usual idiocy,” Mike said. “How about with you?”
Matt opened his mouth to answer. Aaron put up a hand to silence him. “Let me guess, planning another get together with Sarah?”
Matt nodded. “How’d you know?” he asked.
“Because,” Aaron told him, “you look so damn pleased with yourself.”
Kenny looked up from his book, interest in the conversation obvious on his young face. “WHAT!?” Becker randomly shouted. Shmuler wasn’t paying attention, as he was busy trying to guess (in a rather loud voice) the number of molecules in Leonard Nemoy’s butt.
“As Matt or Matty?” Mike asked.
Matt opened his mouth to answer. Hughes put up a hand to silence him. “Let me guess, Matty?”
Matt nodded. “How’d you know?” he asked.
“Because,” Hughes told him, “you don’t have the balls to ask her out as Matt.”
Matt frowned.
“Half the time, that could be taken literally,” Bill Gelinas thought it’d be fun to add.
“Shut up, Bill,” Matt muttered.
“Why you no tell her you and Matty is same person?” Perry asked. “Is not honorable.”
Matt shrugged. “Well, you know, sometimes you let a little...”
“Or big,” Hughes offered.
“Or big, thank you, white lie slip out towards the start of a relationship... and then as time passes, as much as you might want to clear the air, it becomes harder and harder to say, ‘Oh, by the by, guess what?’” Matt turned to Hughes. “Oh, and you’re one to talk, ‘Neko-chan.’”
Hughes blinked at Matt with his best, “What did I do?” look.
Hughes was saved as Swett walked over, followed by Kirstin Porter. He waved nonchalantly as he took a seat. Kirstin, pausing to glance warmly at Aaron, stood beside Matt and asked if she could sit down.
Matt nodded and she took a seat. “What can I do for you?” he asked her.
“Well,” she said, “I know you have a, um, rather refined pallet,” she ventured.
“You mean, I’m the pickiest damn eater on the face of the planet?” Matt asked her.
She nodded, relieved that the ice had been broken, and continued. “Well, I was wondering what I should cook this weekend.”
“Actually, I was hoping I could cook dinner, as sort of a thank you to all of you for the hospitality.”
“If you’d like,” Kirstin said. “That would be nice.”
Meanwhile, the entire Garden Snake Patrol (with the exception of Becker, who was watching them but couldn’t hear a word and Shmuler, who was still loudly making his calculations) was eavesdropping intently on the conversation.
“Any side dishes you want, though, feel free to contribute,” Matt said.
Kirstin nodded and smiled. “Of course, to properly plan side dishes, one must know the main course.”
“Well,” replied Matt, “I thought I might prepare for you my mother’s lasagna recipe. Hope you like a lot of cheese.”
“Sounds splendid,” Kirstin said. “Now, any particular snacks you might like? Or perhaps beverages?”
“I can bring some beverages, and as for snacks, I don’t want to impose too much.”
“No imposition at all. I insist.”
“Well, maybe things like pretzels, Smartfood, or Doritos. I like the regular ol’ fashioned Nacho Cheese ones.”
Kirstin smiled. “Nicole’s partial to Cool Ranch, but I can splurge a bit. Now, how about breakfast?”
At the mention of this bit of information, the listening members of the patrol all exchanged glances with one another. Swett mouthed the word, “Breakfast?”
“Oh, please, I don’t want to...”
“It really is no trouble. I insist.”
“I love French Toast. I even have a supply of real maple syrup I can bring, if you wish.”
“Oh, that would be lovely!”
Matt and Kirstin talked for a small while longer, and then Kirstin got up and left.
Matt turned to the others. He noticed they were all staring at him.
“What in the hell was that about?” Swett asked.
“Oh dear,” Matt said. He turned to Kenny.
Kenny pulled out a pair of sunglasses, said, “Sure thing, Mr. Atanian,” got up, and asked Swett to follow him. The others all looked away from where Kenny had lead Swett just as a bright blue flash went off. They all looked back to see Kenny take off the sunglasses, and Swett stagger away looking somewhat disoriented. Kenny made his way back to the table and sat down once more.
“Will he be okay?” Aaron asked, watching Swett.
Kenny slipped a metal cylinder roughly the size of a large cigar back into his pocket. “I think so, I have most of the kinks in the design all worked out.”
“Now, where were we?” Gelinas asked.
“I know,” Mike said. He turned to Matt. “What in the hell was that about?” he asked.
“Well, I’m not so much going out with Sarah, as much as I am... well...”
“Holy shit,” Hughes said. “I remember Nicole saying something a few days ago about a slumber party.”
The patrol (those, at least, who had been paying attention) turned to Matt. “Slumber Party?” they asked in unison.
Matt laughed nervously.
Saturday had arrived quickly... and then time ground to a screeching halt. Matt woke up early. Too early. And he couldn’t get back to sleep.
A few hours later, he rolled out of bed, grabbed a duffel bag, and threw a change of clothes into it. Then he realized the t-shirt he had packed was one Sarah had seen him in. He pulled it back out and spent a while looking for another clean shirt. He found a nice one and packed it.
Then he realized he had packed men’s underwear, and switched them for a nice pair of panties.
Now... what else should one bring to a girls’ sleepover?
Bra! He hastily threw one in.
Now... how to kill eight or nine hours?
Ah, yes, Matt thought. I was trying to find a vaccine for Sherry. Matt turned on his PlayStation and grabbed the controller.
After a while, Matt started to have the feeling that he was forgetting something.
He shrugged, and kept playing.
An hour later he bolted to his feet, pulling the controller from its socket as he did so. He ran out of his room, grabbed his coat, and bolted out of the door.
Meanwhile, Kirsten had also awoken early. She did some cleaning around the house and then started to think about provisions. She assembled her own meager funds, along with a donation from Nicole, and the extensive grocery list and went to raid the local Big-Y.
“Let’s see,” she mumbled to herself. “Salsa, check. Doritos, Cool Ranch and Nacho, check. Salad greens and dressings, check. I still need to get Italian Bread.”
As she headed for the bakery, she noticed a familiar fedora and trench coat clad man standing at the deli counter.
“Hello, Matt,” she said. “I didn’t expect to see you until later.”
“Oh, Hello, Kirsten. Just picking up stuff for the lasagna.”
Kirsten took a peek into his basket.
“Um, Matt, just how much cheese is going into dinner tonight?”
Matt looked at the two half-pound packages of deli cheese, the container of Parmesan, and the large package of mozzarella.
“Oh, not much more than this.” He took the package the woman behind the counter offered to him.
Kirsten’s eyes grew a size. “There’s more?”
Matt blinked. “Something wrong?”
“No, nothing. Uhm... I think I should go get some more greens. I’ll see you tonight.”
Matt covered the lasagna dish with some aluminum foil, went into the bathroom, stripped down, and doused himself. Then she went into her room and got dressed for the party. She considered her little black dress, and then thought that might be a bit too formal... just slightly... for a sleepover. So she grabbed a Moses t-shirt and a pair of pants.
She got dressed, grabbed her coat, grabbed her bags, and started for the door, glad that her parents had gone out for the evening.
At his house, Bill Gelinas looked up from whatever he was doing. He blinked for a moment, and then for no reason he could fathom he felt compelled to say, “So they’re not home to see their ‘son’ going out. Isn’t that a little bit convenient?”
“Shut up, Bill!” Matty shouted. Then she got confused. Why had she just shouted that? Ah, well... She was in a rather lightheaded state of mind. After all, she was about to go where no man had gone before.
“Wish me luck,” she said to the penguins. And then she was on her way.
“They’re here, sis.” Nicole called from the kitchen.
“Hello, Matty,” Kirsten said. “Let me take your bag.”
“Oh, um, thank you, Kirsten.” Matty balanced her lasagna in one hand as Kirsten took her backpack. “Um, where can I put this?” She asked, indicating the large lasagna dish.
Sarah pointed to the small kitchenette across the room where Nicole was piling salsa and sour cream onto her Doritos.
“You can put that in the fridge until the oven preheats.”
Matty made her way through the small, yet crowded, living room, stepping over sleeping bags and dodging TV trays loaded with bowls of chips and popcorn. She managed to find a space for the lasagna in the fridge, and was about to close the door when Nicole turned around and crashed into her. Nicole’s plate of Cool Ranch Doritos, chipotle salsa and sour cream spilled all over Matty’s shirt.
“Oh, jeeze! Matty, I’m sorry! I didn’t see you!” Nicole grabbed a length of paper towels and started wiping up the red and white mess.
Kirsten and Sarah trotted over to assist. Matty blushed and tried to clean the spill off her shirt.
“Oh, Matty, let me take care of that,” Kirsten said. “If you don’t rinse that out, the stain will set and ruin it.”
“Please,” Matty began. “I don’t want to be a both— “
“Nonsense,” she stated. “I can get any stain out of clothes. Just give me your shirt and I’ll go bring it to the laundry room downstairs. It’ll be ready by morning.”
Matty blushed again.
“I appreciate that, Kirsten, but... I only have my shirt for tomorrow to wear...”
Sarah raised an eyebrow. “Then what were you going to sleep in?”
Matty shrugged. “In my clothes. I usually do that when I stay over someplace.”
“No jammies?” Nicole asked.
“Umm... not really... Normally, I sleep in a T-shirt or something...” Matty began to wonder if she would ever stop blushing.
Sarah snapped her fingers. “I know. Matty, you go into the bathroom and get out of that shirt. I’ll go get you one of my old night shirts for you.”
Matty’s heart leapt into her throat and took up residence. “No, really, Sarah, you don’t—“
However, it was too late, Sarah was already halfway down the hallway. Kirsten put her hand on Matty’s shoulder and led her toward the bathroom.
Kirsten opened the door and told Matty to hand her the stained shirt. Matty waited in the bathroom for Sarah to bring her a replacement. She noticed the three, well-worn towels hanging on the wall. One pink, one pastel green, and one white. Matching face cloths lay beside the sink, and three toothbrushes sat in a holder like bristly flowers in a vase. Matty caught her reflection in the slightly cracked mirror and wondered if anyone else had seen how her throat pounded with her pulse.
A knock on the door.
The penguins went crazy.
“Matty, you decent?”
Sarah’s voice.
“Y-yes, it’s alright.”
Matty hoped her voice didn’t sound as strange as it did in her head.
The door opened a crack and Sarah held out an over-sized blue T-shirt. “Here you go, Matty.”
Matty took the shirt and put it on. It went nearly down to her knees, and had a black kitten in a basket printed on the front. She smiled and realized that the shirt smelled like Sarah.
“Thank you, Sarah,” Matty said.
The evening progressed rather uneventfully. Matty’s lasagna was well received, although Kirsten took only a small piece and doubled up on her salad portion. Upon questioning Matty about why she didn’t take any salad and then learning of her abhorrence of all things vegetative, Nicole delighted in teasing Matty with a piece of lettuce on the end of her fork until Sarah put an end to the debacle.
The four females had just finished their second movie (Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion) when the subject of fashion and its effect on women came up in conversation.
“Why on earth did you two get that movie”, Sarah asked her sisters. “Mira Sorvino and Lisa Kudrow almost ruined their careers with that materialistic, anti-feminist crap.”
“Lighten up, sis”, Nicole countered from her seated position on the floor. “At least there was Janeane Garofalo to add a touch of cynicism to an otherwise Valley-Girl chick-flick.”
“Is it just me,” Matty said, “Or did those two look like Barbie doll rejects?”
“Well, I can tell you this, Matty-chan,” Nicole said, “my Barbie’s never looked like extras in and a bad 80’s movie... even though, technically, it was the 80’s...”
Sarah chuckled. “No, Nicole, your Barbie’s didn’t look that bad... No, they ended up at the bottom of the toy box, naked, decapitated and missing their legs.”
Nicole smiled evilly. “Ah yes, now I remember. I had quite a torso heap down there.”
Kirsten smiled wistfully. “Remember how we used to play dress-up with Obaachan? Sarah would dress up in mom’s old clothes, Nicole would wear daddy’s clothes, and I’d wear Obaachan’s old kimonos.”
The Porter sisters paused and shared a moment. Matty felt a little left out. Having been born a male, she had never really known how much fun it could be to play dress up like one of the girls. Of course there was that one time....
“You know,” Matty said. “I never played dress-up as a... a little girl. In fact, I didn’t until a few years ago...”
“You never played dress-up before?” Nicole asked, mentally filing that tidbit away.
“Well, not really... But, a few years ago, I was visiting a friend of mine on her birthday while her husband was at work. We were sitting around, bored, until somehow, and I don’t remember who’s idea it was, somehow we got the idea into our heads to make each other up. So, she used her considerable make-up skills on me, and I used my less-then-considerable lack of skills to... well... she ended up looking like a twisted cross between a whore and a circus clown, I fear.”
Matty reflected that this story was probably was funnier when she told it as a guy, and Kirstin certainly seemed to be enjoying the story. Nicole and Sarah seemed to be enjoying it as well despite their handicap, so she continued. “And somehow, we then decided to try on some of her dresses. So there we were, sitting on her couch, each wearing one of her dresses.” She paused briefly before delivering the first half of the punch line. “And then her husband came home.”
Sarah frowned out of reflex.
Kirsten was suppressing a giggle. “What happened when he came home?”
Matty smiled. “Well, he took one look at the two of us, and next thing you know he went and tried one on, too!”
Kirsten and Nicole burst out laughing and even Sarah chuckled.
Then a strange thing happened. As one, the three sisters slowed their laughing and turned to look at Matty. Matty’s mental penguins sent up a warning flare.
Sarah looked at her with an amused smile.
Kirsten made a thoughtful expression.
Nicole grinned broadly.
If Matty had been an anime character, she would have had a large sweat drop appear near her head.
“Umm... help?” she meekly called out to the Universe in general.
The Porters pounced.
“Why did I let you talk me into this?!” Matty wailed.
“Talking had nothing to do with it,” Nicole said, loading film into her camera. “Now stop blushing, I want to be able to tell the difference between your face and your hair.”
Without quite knowing how it happened, Matty found herself wearing one of Sarah’s few dresses. It was a pale yellow sundress with halter-style straps, and a hemline that ended just above her knees. Although Matty was slightly more top-heavy than Sarah, the dress wasn’t too un-modest and actually looked quite flattering.
Wow, Kirsten thought. Matt looks really pretty in that. She realized what thought had just gone through her head, and she vigorously shook it in an effort to clear the thought from it.
“You look really pretty in that color, Matty,” Sarah commented.
Matty tried hard not to blush.
“Oh, thanks, sis”, Nicole chided. “Now she’s as red as ever. I don’t think I’ll ever get this shot to turn out.”
Thank God for small favors, Matty thought.
“Hang on, I’ve got an idea”. Sarah dashed into her room and emerged a few moments later holding a matching straw hat.
The penguins smacked the inside of Matty’s head, shouting “BAKA!”
Matty reluctantly posed for the pictures, after making Nicole swear on her mother’s name that the photos wouldn’t be used for blackmail. At least the hat brim hid her face...
“Tilt you head up a little bit more, Matty.” Nicole instructed. “You’ve got a mark of something on your chin, hon.”
Matty wiped her chin with the back of her hand.
“No, it’s still there. Is that a scar or something?”
“Hmm? Oh, yeah. I suppose it is.”
Kirsten blinked and looked closer at the inch-long scar that ran just under the left side of Matty’s chin.
“How’d you get that, Matty?” She asked.
“Knife fight when I was five,” Matty casually (and unconvincingly) lied. “Now, can we get on with this?”
Pictures were taken, pajamas were donned, movies were viewed, and good times were had by all. Time passed, as it has a tendency to do unless one is travelling at the speed of light, and soon it was the wee hours of the morning, or very late at night, depending on your point of view. They were in the middle of watching Chasing Amy, or rather, the movie was serving as background noise while they dozed, when Sarah remembered something she had asked Matty earlier in the week.
“Hey, Matty,” she began.
“Yes,” came the somewhat sleepy reply.
“You promised you were going to answer my question.”
Oh, bother, crossed Matty’s mind in a much more frantic manor then those words would usually seem to indicate.
“Why did Taylor think you were gay?”
Nicole and Kirsten, who until that moment had been dozing on the floor, jerked up.
Matty likes girls? Nicole thought. Interesting.... Must file that away....
Oh, my... Kirsten thought. I hope Sarah doesn’t suddenly become homophobic....
Matty cleared her throat. Inside her head, the penguins were strangely quiet.
“Well.... He saw me kissing another girl. But,” she hurriedly added, “it was like what you did, I kissed the girl to get him to leave me alone. Sadly, I think it’s backfired as he now thinks it’s his job to ‘set me straight’, so to speak.” She breathed a sigh of relief. That was easier than I thought.
Sarah seemed to think about this. Then she looked right into Matty’s eyes.
“Are you gay?”
“Does it really matter, Sarah?” Kirsten asked.
“Yeah, sis. I thought you’d evolved beyond homophobia.” Nicole smiled at Matty. “Don’t worry, Matty. Even if you are gay, Kirsten and I don’t care. I think as long as you’re not physically male, there’s a good chance that Sarah won’t totally despise you either.”
Sarah ignored her younger sibling. She adopted her patented ‘No more games’ voice. “Answer me, Matty. Are you attracted to guys or girls?”
Matty swallowed with a dry throat. She’d been dreading this. The penguins formed a living battering ram and charged into the speech center of her brain.
“I-I like girls...”
Sarah blinked.
Matty blushed and nibbled her nails.
Nicole leaned forward, interested in this turn of events.
Kirsten waited for the other shoe to drop.
Sarah closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
“Matty... What, exactly are your feelings towards me?”
Matty blanched. Her stomach was churning with nervousness.
“Well... I do love you, Sarah. At first, I had a bit of a crush on you, but as we’ve become better friends and I’ve gotten to know you ... now it’s more of a “really close friends” kind of love.” Another little white lie to add to my list, Matty thought.
Sarah seemed unreadable.
“I love you too, Matty, but only as a friend. Can you respect that and understand that I can never love you ‘like that’?”
“Of course. I’d kind of figured that out a while ago. Um.... Are you ok with everything?”
Sarah nodded. “As much as I can be. I have nothing against alternative relationships, I just don’t care to be in them myself.”
Matty nodded in understanding. Then she tentatively spoke.
“So... are we still friends?”
This time, Sarah smiled and gave Matty’s shoulder a squeeze.
“Of course. You’re my best friend, Matty, nothing can change that.”
Matty breathed a sigh of relief and smiled back. So did Kirsten. Nicole grinned.
So, Matty,” she asked.” What’s it like to sleep with a girl?”
Sarah and Kirsten looked at Nicole in horror.
“NICOLE!!” they both gaped.
Nicole looked at them innocently. “What?! It’s a legitimate question! Are lesbian relationships as fraught with tension and disaster as straight ones?”
Matty felt a bit uncomfortable, but decided that if soul bearing was the norm at girl’s sleepovers, she’d best get over it.
“Well, I’ve never actually been with a girl...” She shrugged. “Just because I like women doesn’t mean that I have much luck with them. Even the best of relationships, what few there have been, always seemed to fizzle after three months.”
The Porters all looked at Matty with sympathy.
“Oh, don’t make a deal out of it,” Matty insisted. “I’m used to it.”
“Well,” Nicole said, “Maybe you could get Matt Atanian to set you up with the many women who don’t want to go out with him!”
Matty frowned.
“Nicole!” Kirstin exclaimed.
Nicole demurred. “Sorry,” she said, “I didn’t mean to sound like a heartless bitch.”
“Language, Nicole”, Sarah said.
“Sorry, sis. But you’ve got to admit, if the way you treat him is any indication, that Matt probably doesn’t have much luck with the ladies.”
Matty sighed heavily.
Sarah grunted noncommittally.
“Sorry, Sarah,” Nicole mumbled. “I didn’t mean to bring him up.”
Kirsten seemed to think for a moment.
“Come to think of it, Sarah, did you ever thank Matt?”
Sarah’s eyes flared.
“Why in the world would I thank that pervert?! For ogling me at every available opportunity?”
“Well,” Kirsten said. “I know that if someone saved my life, I’d thank them. I mean, it’s the very least one could do.”
“Saved her life?” Matty asked.
Simultaneously, Sarah said, “Saved my life?” She then went on to ask, “What are you talking about?”
“Oh, you know, when we were being held captive by the Canadians?”
“Ah,” Sarah said, her voice flat. “That.”
“She does have a point, Sarah,” Nicole added. “No offense, but maybe you should swallow your pride long enough to thank him.”
Sarah was near fuming.
“Sarah, Matt isn’t a pervert,” Kirsten said, coming to his defense. “Despite what you think, he’s actually a decent human being who, in spite of being male, has realized that women are in the ones who are in charge. He’s never been anything less than courteous to me and Nicole, and he also thinks quite highly of you. Now, answer me truthfully; has Matt ever once made any sort of rude comment, gesture, or shown any honest to goodness signs of being a pervert?”
Sarah’s mouth hung open, the combination of unbridled rage, shock, and a little bit of guilt, inhibiting her ability to speak. Kirsten picked up her sleeping bag and headed off to her room.
“Sis, I’m not asking you to go out with him. All I’m asking is that you at least thank the person who saved your life. Now, if you’ll all excuse me, I’m going to get some sleep so I won’t be snoring while making breakfast.”
Matty blinked.
Nicole smiled. “I always knew that girl had backbone in there somewhere.”
There followed an awkward transitional period, during which both Nicole and Sarah decided to take a tip from their sister and go to sleep. They bade Matty goodnight and went off to their respective rooms.
Matty was left alone on the ancient couch.
Emphasis on ancient.
She tried for a very long time to get comfortable.
Emphasis on tried.
After about an hour of tossing, turning, pillow fluffing, cushion pounding, sleeping bag scrunching, and general uncomfortable-ness, she decided that she had indeed found the world’s most uncomfortable couch. Hell, she’d had an easier time camping one time when she had to sleep in a tent pitched over protruding roots and large rocks!
Just as she was about to give up and resign herself to a sleepless night, she shifted her position once more and promptly fell to the floor with a crash. “Ouch,” she quietly said. She got back up and sat upon the couch.
A moment later she heard a door open. She turned and saw Sarah, who must have heard the crash, poke her head out of her bedroom door.
“Matty,” Sarah whispered. “Can’t you sleep?”
Matty shook her head.
“I should have warned you about our couch. It’s older than I am and is fine for sitting, but it’s nearly impossible to sleep on. Why don’t you sleep with me?”
Matty’s head exploded.
Well, ok, it didn’t really explode, but that was the mental image she experienced. Her mouth would have dropped down to the basement if the penguins hadn’t quickly regained control and wired it shut.
Sarah held the door open as Matty glided in, lost in a mental fog. She had only seen Sarah’s room from the outside once, so she was understandably nervous to not only be in her room, but about to sleep with Sarah, in her bed.
“You got enough blankets?”
“Mmm hmm...”
“’Night, Matty.”
“’Night, Sarah.”
It’s a good thing I ‘m a woman right now, Matty thought as she drifted off to sleep.
It was dark, and Matty couldn’t see. Although it was too dark to see her surroundings Matty was sure that they were unfamiliar. There was something quite uneasy about wherever this place was.
She felt cold. It took her a moment to realize she was naked. She would have been embarrassed, being nude in an unfamiliar place, except the sense of dread and strong sensation of impending doom were more then ample to dispel any modesty.
She became aware that she was standing with her arms raised above her head. She would have liked to have lowered her arms, but that seemed to be rather difficult to accomplish with the manacles binding her wrists together, attached above her head to the cold metal bar she could feel running down the length of her back. Her ankles were also manacled and held in place.
Behind her, a door opened and closed. It let in a bit of light, and for an instant she could make out the cold grey walls and a spartan, empty desk sitting a few meters in front of her.
Some dim lights came on in the room. Well, normally Matty would consider them dim, but so used to the dark was she that she could not help but squint. She heard some footsteps slowly coming towards her from behind. Then, a moment after the footsteps ceased, she heard a voice.
There was something familiar about it. Dark, yet elegant, it spoke with a British accent. It was damn familiar to her, but she couldn’t quite place it. This is what it said:
“Pathetic. That’s what you are. Quite pathetic.”
The speaker walked forward and Matty got her first look at him. She didn’t quite know what to make of him.
He was slightly above average height. He was bald; his skin was grey and slightly clammy. His neck was quite wide and corded. He had a spoon-shaped recess on his forehead. He had a beak, his arms were flippers, and his feet were flat and wide. And he was wearing a Cardassian military uniform.
He was a cross between a Cardassian and a penguin.
Matty did not know if she should laugh or scream. She opted to do neither.
The man walked to the desk, looked at a file, and then casually returned his attention to Matty.
He walked forward, stopping directly between Matty and the desk. He looked at Matty for a moment, his expression unreadable. He pulled out a small remote control device, and with it he activated a bank of four spotlights on the wall behind the desk. They were in a horizontal row, two of them on either side of the man’s head, all of them shining directly into Matty’s face.
“How many lights are there?” the man asked.
“W-what?” Matty asked, confused.
The man’s voice was calm. “How many lights are there?” he repeated.
“There are... there are four lights.”
“There are five,” the man corrected. He casually depressed a switch on the remote he was holding, and a jolt of electricity ran through the metal bar against Matty’s back. She could feel it in her spine, and in her wrists and ankles. The electricity shot through her. She yelped.
“Look at you,” he said. “Pathetic. You let her continue to think you are a woman. You accept an invitation into her bed. Do you think she would feel safe sharing her bed with you if she knew who you really were? How many lights are there?”
“Four...” Matty whimpered.
“There are five lights,” the man said. The electricity came again. It seemed to last longer this time.
“She trusts you. You lie to her. You deceive her. You are unworthy of her.” The man turned, walked to his desk, and picked up from behind it a kettle of water. Steam rose from the kettle as he carried it over to Matty. “How would she feel if she knew that she was sharing her bed with this?” He thrust the kettle towards Matty, letting loose its contents of scalding hot water. Matt clenched his teeth as the pain seared into him.
“A man, not a woman. Not her dear friend Matty, who she trusts as much as she trusts anyone. Just a dirty, filthy man. A man she hates. How would she feel if she knew this was who she shared her bed with? Hurt? Betrayed? How many lights are there?”
The pain from the burning hot water made it difficult, but somehow Matt managed to say, “THERE... ARE... FOUR... LIGHTS!”
The man sighed. The electricity came again. It was worse this time, the water being an excellent conductor. Matt thought he heard someone screaming. Poor devil, he thought. He must be in agony, going on like that. It took Matt a minute to realize it was him.
Matty’s eyelids shot open. Her heart was pounding in her chest and it took her a minute to recognize her surroundings as Sarah’s bedroom. She could vaguely see a digital clock across the room from where she lay. She squinted to try and focus on the numbers, a difficult task without her glasses.
It was early. Still much too early to get up. The sun wouldn’t be quite up yet.
As Matty’s heart rate began to return to some semblance of normalcy, she became aware of something warm against her back... Something warm, and quite comfortable. It took her a moment to realize what it was, and when she did her heart rate shot back up again.
Sarah was snuggled up against her back, and she had an arm draped over Matty’s side.
Matty froze. She was terrified, overjoyed, excited and umm... yeah... all at once.
Oh, please don’t wake up and think the wrong thing, oh please, oh please oh--
Sarah shifted and mumbled in her sleep, cuddling closer to Matty’s back.
Oh, shit....
“Mmmmm...” Sarah mumbled. “...Bear...” She hugged Matty again.
‘Bear?’ Matty thought. ‘Bear?’ She thinks I’m her teddy bear...Thank you, God!
Matty drifted off into a light sleep, content with the knowledge that she wouldn’t be killed before she awoke.
Kirsten emerged from her room and was the first to notice that Matty was not on the couch. A fleeting thought crossed her mind and then she quickly dismissed it. As quietly as she could, she set about making French toast for breakfast.
Nicole was the next to emerge from slumber, looking a little worse for wear. Kirsten looked at her twin in a puzzled manner.
“Rough night?” She asked.
Nicole growled under her breath. “...Too damn much cheese...”
Kirsten handed Nicole an apple. Nicole noticed a lack of occupancy on the couch and cocked an eye towards her older sister’s room. Kirsten shrugged and went back to beating the eggs. The gears in Nicole’s head began turning.
Kirsten had just turned on the stove and was waiting for the griddle to heat when she remembered what day it was. She turned to ask Nicole to get the paper, but witnessed her sister dashing into the bathroom instead. The half eaten apple rolled along the floor and stopped at her feet. Kirsten sighed and went to pick up the paper herself.
She opened the door and looked down to see a small, muddy, shivering figure on their doorstep. He was curled into the foetal position, holding a battered-looking teddy bear in his arms. It took Kirsten a moment to recognize who it was, and when she did, she was shocked.
“PROCTOR!?”
Jessi's Notes
Never again..... Never the smegging hell again!
I’ve apologized for my procrastination too many times on the long-lost BS ½ Message Board (Rest in Peace), and I’m sure no one wants to hear my reiterate. But I swear, I will never, ever, EVER volunteer to write another story.... I will help Matt-chan with a scene or two, I may even add a side story at some point, and of course, as soon as this bloody story gets online, I can play with my new Tablet. Matt actually had to resort to bribery to get me to finish damn thing. Matt-chan, I love you, I adore you, you are the most important thing in the world to me... but I never want to do this again.... |
Matt's Notes and Disclaimers
Well, here it is. Over two years in the making. Over a year and a half in Jessi’s making. And here it is.
Boy Scouts ½ is back on the air! (Or web, as the case may be.)
We’re baaaaaack!
First, the disclaimers. Boy Scouts ½ takes it’s inspiration from Takahashi Rumiko’s Ranma ½. Also, Matty’s dream sequence takes inspiration from Star Trek: The Next Generation’s Chain of Command, Part II. (Odd coincidence that that episode happened to be on earlier tonight, while I was over Jessi’s house and she was finishing the story up. Since I actually hadn’t seen it in years, and had been working from memory when I wrote the scene for this story, it was interesting to compare the two.)
And just to scare you all... the story Matty related about going over to a friend's house to keep her company on her birthday is true. Jessi has asked to never see the photos from that day. ^_^
Now... more rambling on my part.
Jessi indeed is the new record holder for most difficult person to collaborate with. Man oh man, I thought Mike was the world leader in procrastination. She makes Mike seem speedier then the bloody Road Runner!
And, of course, it was a lot easier pestering Mike back in the day. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t out to make Mike hate me or anything, but it a lot easier bugging the hell out of someone when you don’t have to worry about certain things. Little things like, “I love her, and only want her to be happy,” or, “If I piss her off, she won’t let me (CENSORED BY THE COMMITTEE FOR THE REMOVAL OF T.M.I.)”
So for months, I would pester Jessi, treading that fine line between trying to motivate her and not getting killed. Finely, I resorted to a rather hefty bribe. (Mind you, I was wanting to get her a tablet eventually anyway, but adding conditions to her getting it which included a little thing like, “Finish the story and you can have the tablet!” never hurt.)
And still, I had the tablet in my possession for at least a month before the story was finished!
Never again is right, my love! I want to get these stories rolling!
And on that note, it is worth mentioning that things are indeed rolling. Already bits of 23 are written, and I shall do my best to get 23 out to you as soon as possible. Hughes is already working on 24. And Jason is having thoughts about Perspectives XI running through his noggin.
We. Are. Back.
Thanks to all of you who had the Goddess like patience to sit it out these last few years waiting for a new story. I’m sure not all of you made it. Heck, maybe I’m only talking to myself, here! (I certainly hope not...) And to any new comers, welcome! Enjoy!
Well, ‘tis late, and I’m starting to ramble more then usual... So, until next story!
Boy Scouts ½ is back on the air! (Or web, as the case may be.)
We’re baaaaaack!
First, the disclaimers. Boy Scouts ½ takes it’s inspiration from Takahashi Rumiko’s Ranma ½. Also, Matty’s dream sequence takes inspiration from Star Trek: The Next Generation’s Chain of Command, Part II. (Odd coincidence that that episode happened to be on earlier tonight, while I was over Jessi’s house and she was finishing the story up. Since I actually hadn’t seen it in years, and had been working from memory when I wrote the scene for this story, it was interesting to compare the two.)
And just to scare you all... the story Matty related about going over to a friend's house to keep her company on her birthday is true. Jessi has asked to never see the photos from that day. ^_^
Now... more rambling on my part.
Jessi indeed is the new record holder for most difficult person to collaborate with. Man oh man, I thought Mike was the world leader in procrastination. She makes Mike seem speedier then the bloody Road Runner!
And, of course, it was a lot easier pestering Mike back in the day. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t out to make Mike hate me or anything, but it a lot easier bugging the hell out of someone when you don’t have to worry about certain things. Little things like, “I love her, and only want her to be happy,” or, “If I piss her off, she won’t let me (CENSORED BY THE COMMITTEE FOR THE REMOVAL OF T.M.I.)”
So for months, I would pester Jessi, treading that fine line between trying to motivate her and not getting killed. Finely, I resorted to a rather hefty bribe. (Mind you, I was wanting to get her a tablet eventually anyway, but adding conditions to her getting it which included a little thing like, “Finish the story and you can have the tablet!” never hurt.)
And still, I had the tablet in my possession for at least a month before the story was finished!
Never again is right, my love! I want to get these stories rolling!
And on that note, it is worth mentioning that things are indeed rolling. Already bits of 23 are written, and I shall do my best to get 23 out to you as soon as possible. Hughes is already working on 24. And Jason is having thoughts about Perspectives XI running through his noggin.
We. Are. Back.
Thanks to all of you who had the Goddess like patience to sit it out these last few years waiting for a new story. I’m sure not all of you made it. Heck, maybe I’m only talking to myself, here! (I certainly hope not...) And to any new comers, welcome! Enjoy!
Well, ‘tis late, and I’m starting to ramble more then usual... So, until next story!