part 8:
Fast Times at Furinkan High
(or, "America, F*** Yeah!")
by Jason Bertovich
with a few bits, things, and general fiddling
around with by Matthew Atanian
©2015 by Matthew Atanian and Jason Bertovich
Boy Scouts ½ Created by Matthew Atanian
Fast Times at Furinkan High
(or, "America, F*** Yeah!")
by Jason Bertovich
with a few bits, things, and general fiddling
around with by Matthew Atanian
©2015 by Matthew Atanian and Jason Bertovich
Boy Scouts ½ Created by Matthew Atanian
Kirstin straightened out the wrinkles in her cerulean skirt and smiled as she looked herself over in the second-hand full-length mirror the sisters had set in the corner of their room. She did a quick spin, admiring the lines of the light blue jumper and its complimentary white blouse as they moved with her. She smiled again and nodded in satisfaction. It wasn’t a sailor fuku, but this was a nice uniform. It was simple and almost plain in its style. After all the craziness that was her life the last several weeks, it was good to have at least one thing that was simple and plain.
She sat down at the small table and joined her sisters for morning tea. Nicole was wearing an identical uniform. After Nicole’s drastic hairstyle makeover during the summer, Kirstin had to admit it was nice to once again share something identical with her twin. Sarah was wearing a pleasant, if conservative blouse and jacket along with a full length, royal blue skirt.
“So, do the uniforms fit okay?” Sarah asked as she picked up her cup for another sip between bites from her rice bowl. The Porters decided to try and adapt as quickly as possible to their host country, which included things like adjusting their breakfast customs. “If they’re too tight or loose, we can either talk to the school about fixing them or see if we can find a tailor to make adjustments.”
Nicole sipped from her miso bowl and shrugged. “Yeah, I guess so. They’re not exactly what I would call ‘fashion forward’, but they could’ve been worse. They fit fine, so at least the school seems to have its act together on things like getting the measurements we gave them right.”
Kirstin smiled slightly. “I think they’re nice. The color is very pretty.”
Nicole shrugged again. “Not complaining, just saying that they’re a touch what we would call ‘old-fashioned’ back home. Not exactly cutting-edge fashion.”
“Well, you’re here to learn, not become fashion models,” Sarah said with a good-natured tone of reprimand.
Nicole grinned. “Maybe I’m here to do both,” she stated matter-of-factly.
“Oh? I’d thought you’d be more interested in strategizing international sales figures than walking up and down a catwalk,” Sarah said with mild surprise.
Nicole held her figure up and smiled. “Hey, when you got the total package like me, you work every avenue. Maybe I’ll run the boardrooms by day, then strut fashion runways by night, and If I get bored, maybe I’ll just have to become a pop idol sensation on the weekends.”
“Maybe we should get through one day of Japanese high school before we set the world ablaze,” Kirstin calmly stated as she set her empty tea cup down.
“Oh, I’m in no rush. I know it will be at least a week, maybe even two, before I am an international sensation taking the business and entertainment worlds by storm,” Nicole said with an amused chuckle, which cause all three Porters to laugh.
“Are you ready for your second day of school?” Sarah asked, her tone more matronly.
“Yeah, I think so. “Honestly, today is really like the first day. Yesterday we mostly took a tour of the school and filled out a ton a paperwork. We didn’t even get to meet many of our classmates until the later part of the day. Today should be our first real normal day of school. We’ll get to have homeroom with our classmates and hopefully, things will start to feel normal,” Nicole answered.
“Well, remember that announcement that the principal made yesterday. We’re supposed to have some sort of special obstacle course today. Everyone we talked to yesterday seemed really nervous about that. Remember how everyone we met was sure to tell us that they didn’t blame us. They were very polite and all, but that was odd,” Kirstin interjected politely.
“Obstacle course? That seems a bit odd,” Sarah remarked between dumbfounded blinks.
“I’m sure it’s nothing. Probably some sort of school spirit team building rigmarole. How bad can it possibly be?” Nicole dismissed with a roll of her eyes and a wave of her hand.
“I guess so,” Kirstin agreed unconvincingly. One lesson she had taken to heart after the last year of her life was to never, EVER, ask the dreaded question, Well, how bad can it possibly be?
Sarah checked the watch she wore on the underside of her left wrist. “I better get going if I’m going to catch the train,” she said as she sat up from the table. “Have a good day, girls. Make sure not to be late, okay?” Sarah then kissed the tops of both her sisters’ heads while they finished their breakfast before heading for the door.
“No problem on our end, as long as the boys don’t hold us up,” Nicole stated with mild annoyance. “I swear Bill preens himself more than Neko-chan these days.”
Sarah nodded in understanding, even though she really didn’t. She didn’t want to be late. She gave a final smile to her sisters and was gone.
Nicole turned to Kirstin. “I mean, really. What is with him since the summer? Like that outfit he was wearing yesterday? Is he some sort of fashion designer’s mad experiment?”
“Maybe he’s just trying to give you some competition on the runway?” Kirstin joked. She too had wondered about Bill’s rather eclectic tastes in clothing since reuniting with the boys in Japan, but she assumed he was just going through some bizarre phase.
Nicole laughed. “Oh, he can only wish.”
Kirstin giggled in agreement. “In any case, it shouldn’t be a problem now that the boys have their uniforms, right?”
“That’s probably the best thing about them,” Nicole said before finishing her breakfast.
"These uniforms are the worst!" Hughes grumbled as he looked at himself in one of the many full-length mirrors that he had set up in his and Gelinas' room at Maison Ikkoku. He looked himself up and down again for the twenty-seventh time and his frown deepened.
What he saw staring back at him from the mirror was a frowning young man wearing a plain white polo-style shirt and a pair of ordinary black slacks.
There was a knock at their door and Gelinas walked over to answer it. He opened it to find Aaron and Mike waiting. They, like Hughes and Gelinas, were also wearing the same non-descript shirt and slacks combo. "Morning, gentlemen," Mike greeted as he walked into the room past Gelinas.
"This cannot and will not stand!" Hughes declared as he continued to glare at his reflection in the mirror.
"What cannot and will not?" Aaron asked and he followed Mike into the room.
"Ignore him," Gelinas stated flatly. "He's been going on like that since we got home yesterday and found our uniforms waiting for us in our rooms."
"The uniforms? What's wrong with 'em?" Aaron asked, looking down at himself with confusion.
"Just look at these things! It's a crime against fashion, I tell you!" Hughes proclaimed.
Mike looked at the Aaron and Gelinas, then to Hughes. "Okay, they're not exactly going to light up the fashion runways of New York, Paris, and Milan, but I don't exactly see what's so awful about them," he said with a shrug.
"If I'm forced to wear this getup, I'll look like everyone else!" Hughes explained, exasperated.
"Well, the term 'uniform' would imply some sort of, y'know, uniformity," Mile commented.
Hughes frowned at Mike and returned his attention to the mirror. "Maybe if I widen the collar, flare out the pant legs, add a fuscia scarf..."
"NO!" the other three shouted.
"Oh come on! How else am I supposed to stand out with this drab ensemble?" Hughes whined.
"We're not here to stand out! We're supposed to be hiding from a bunch of people who want to KILL us, in case you've forgotten!" Mike scolded.
"Speaking of which, that's why we stopped by before we met up with the twins and headed off to school. There's some stuff we need to discuss before we attend that meeting with Líng Rén after school that Matt told us about."
"Oh? Like what?" Gelinas asked.
"Well, it would behoove us to remember that as her great grandmother will most likely be attending this meeting, none of us should know Perfume, and thus when she is introduced to us, we should act as if we're meeting her for the first time," Aaron explained.
“Which makes me feel the need point out something myself,” Gelinas interjected.
Hughes rolled his eyes between glares at his reflection. “Of course it does.”
“Seriously, does no one else find it curious that Líng Rén scheduled this meeting at the same place which resides the one person whom if she discovers Matt’s alter ego, and by extension, our curse forms, would most likely kill us for dishonoring, accidental as it may have been, her great granddaughter? Seems like pretty strange logic for someone who proclaims to be trying to protect us, despite moving us CLOSER to our supposed assassins, hmmmm? Does no else have any apprehensions about this whole venture, and I’m not just talking about today’s meeting, but this whole endeavor that is our stay in Japan?” Gelinas stated with an annoyed tone, stopping to give his three friends a meaningful glare.
The other three looked at each other nervously, even Hughes managed to look away from the mirror for a moment to consider Gelinas’ salient points.
“Shut,” Aaron began.
“Up,” Mike continued.
“Bill,” Hughes finished.
Gelinas threw his hands up in surrender, shook his head is disbelief, and walked toward the exit. “Okay, fine. Don’t let the one sane man left in this motley crew stand in the way of this quirky adventure and its mad hijinks. I’ll see you downstairs.” Bill’s sarcasm hung heavily in the air after he left. The other three again looked at each other.
Mike broke the silence, concern etched on his face. “I’m worried about Billy.”
“We should probably do something ,” Aaron commented.
Hughes had returned his attention to his reflection. “We could duct tape his mouth,” he remarked as he tied a chartreuse ascot around his neck.
Mike frowned and walked over to Hughes and yanked the garish accessory off Hughes’ neck. “No. Just… No.”
Hughes hissed dramatically at his friend. Hughes then noticed something on Mike’s head and he grinned broadly. Mike jerked back in surprised shock when Hughes lunged at him, only to realize too late that his friend had ripped his beloved his red cap from his scalp.
“Give it back, Hick boy!” Mike commanded.
Hughes was now standing next to the partially opened door, Mike’s red cap clenched in his hand. His grin broadened. “A uniform, would indicate some sort of, y’know, uniformity. Can’t have this little item making us stand out.” He teased as he bolted from the room.
Mike seethed. “He’s dead,” he declared to Aaron and then bolted from the room to give chase.
Aaron was left alone in the Bill’s room. He sadly shook his head. Forget Gelinas, HE was the last remaining sane one in this collection of misfits. Well, maybe him and Kirstin. Oh, and Nicole and probably Sarah, too. Probably.
The thought of Kirstin made him grin like a love sick puppy. Aaron left the room to head toward the front entrance to meet his… friends.
Sarah arrived at Maison Ikkoku's front door and discovered Matthew Atanian there in the middle of slipping on his black sneakers. He looked up as he heard her approaching. "Hello," he said, a slight nervousness in his voice.
"Oh, hello," she replied in a tone that caught her by surprise when she realized it was a civil one.
This caught Matt by surprise, too. After all, Sarah had been acting most annoyed whenever he saw her over the last few days, ever since his "good Samaritan" from Akihabara had come up in dinner conversation. Matt had been a bit torn over if he should talk to her about it, or just let the matter drop and hope it went away on its own. And strangely, with the latter option seeming to be occurring, he suddenly felt a need to address the former one.
"Sarah?"
She paused from pulling on one of her own shoes to look at him. "What?" she inquired.
Matt swallowed. "Um... About the other day, when I went to Akihabara?"
Sarah blinked, unsure what feeling was gradually building inside herself as this conversation continued. She made no further comment beyond the blink, however, instead simply waiting for Matt to continue his statement.
"The girl who the others saw helping me?" Matt offered. Silence remained his only reply, so he cautiously continued forward upon this potentially hazardous path. "She was just a random helpful stranger I met, who did some translating for me in return for lunch. That was all."
The silence from Sarah continued for a moment and Matt's heart sank. Should he have left well enough alone, after all? Then Sarah looked back down towards her feet, finished slipping on her shoes, and said, "Oh, that? I'd forgotten about that. Why should that be a big deal?"
She continued looking down at her shoes, because she didn't trust herself quite yet to look Matt in the eye. Because, for reasons she either couldn't understand or didn't wish to admit, Matt's words brought a feeling of relief to her. She bloody well had not forgotten about the incident in question, and she hadn't known what bothered her more: having seen Matt with another woman, or that seeing Matt with another woman had bothered her!
What the hell was wrong with her?
But somehow, Matt's words now had comforted her.
She did her best to compose her face into a neutral expression, then finally looked up to meet Matt's eyes once more.
"Right," he said to her, a smile cautiously coming to his face, "no big deal."
"Besides," she replied brightly, "you said it yourself. It isn't like you're ever going to see her again, right?"
Matt's expression froze. The smile stayed on his lips, but drained from his eyes faster than Kenny's Klondike Derby sled. "Right," he said, his tone slightly off. "Said it myself."
Fortunately for Matt, Sarah didn't seem to notice this as she had glanced down at her digital watch. "Better get to the train station!" she said.
"Yeah, me to," Matt replied.
"Good," Sarah then announced. "I'll walk with you."
"What?" Matt almost yelped. He continued with, "You... you will?"
"Well, why not?" Sarah asked. "We're both headed in that direction, so we may as well keep each other company for the walk." She opened the door and walked most of the way through it, holding the door open behind herself. "Well? Coming?"
Matt smiled and nodded. "Right behind you!"
Class 3-C's home room was like any other classroom at Furinkan High School. It had rows of desks lined up in front of large teacher's desk and long green chalkboard. Nicole and Kirstin had found their assigned desks, which were in different rows but right across from each other so the two sisters could remain together.
Around the room, several other students stood or sat and idly chatted while they waited for the school day to begin. There was a nervous energy in the room as Nicole picked up more than a few nervous whispers about what exactly the principal was up to this time.
Nicole sat on her desk and leaned back on her hands, while Kirstin sat at her desk with her hands neatly folded on the top. Every few minutes another student would politely introduce themselves to the twins and the twins in return would politely thank them and state how they hoped they would have a good semester together.
Suddenly, the classroom door slid open dramatically. At first Kirstin thought that the teacher had arrived. She quickly realized that this was erroneous thinking, when entered a teenaged boy wearing a Kendogi, the traditional kendo uniform consisting of a uwagi kimono-like top and Hakama pants. In each of his hands he held a fully bloomed and expertly cut red rose.
“I see that the rumors are not false. Indeed we have been graced by a beautiful set of Gemini goddesses who hail from the land of liberty!” the boy proclaimed.
“Gemini goddesses?” Nicole asked Kirstin with a confused look.
The boy walked toward the girls. “Allow me to welcome you both to our humble yet prestigious institution. I am Kuno Tatewaki, age seventeen, president of the Furinkan High School Kendo Club, the one known as the Blue Thunder of Furinkan, and the scourge of those who would use dark magicks to seduce the innocent!”
“Really now? You don’t say,” Nicole commented flatly, sizing the boy up with her gaze.
The boy then presented each girl with one of the roses. Kirstin accepted it nervously, though politely. Nicole continued to give the boy a scrutinizing gaze. He looked at Nicole and confidently proclaimed, “A token of my affections for such a pair of Gemini goddesses.”
“Oh my,” Kirstin said quietly in surprise.
Nicole looked down at the rose in her hands, then back at the smug boy in front of her. “Yeah, hate to disappoint you, Greased Lightning…”
“Blue Thunder,” Kuno corrected.
“Whatever. Doesn’t matter. You’re barking up the wrong pair of trees there, Fido. She’s taken and, to be frank, your brand of macho bravado just doesn’t do it for me. She then placed the rose in the boy’s hair and lightly smacked him on the cheek. “So, buh-bye.”
“I do not understand…” the boy stammered, confused.
“Hey, hey, don’t take it so hard, big guy. It’s just not meant to be. It’s not me, it’s you. I already have a vain creature that thinks very highly of itself in my life and he’s much cuter than you, so if you don’t mind, would you politely vacate my personal space?” Nicole said, her playful tone doing very little to hide her annoyance.
The boy’s expression grew angry. For a moment, Kirstin feared that Nicole might have pushed him too far. “Curses! He’s bewitched you too! This will not stand!!!” He shouted. He marched to the classroom door, opened it angrily, turned back to the twins with a look that was a mix of determination and sadness. “Fear not, my Gemini goddesses! I will free you from the same dark magicks that scoundrel has used to ensnare you as he has ensnared all the fairest maidens of this school. He will pay!” He then left, the door sliding closed as dramatically as it had opened.
“What, in the bluest of blue hells was all that about?” Nicole asked aloud, hoping someone might clue her in to the insanity she just witnessed.
“Taken?” Kirstin asked Nicole with a pointed look.
Before Nicole could debate once again her sister’s relationship with one Aaron Abdowmassy, another girl walked up to them. Her hair was dark brown, almost chestnut, and it was straight with short bangs and was cut just short of her chin, much how Nicole had worn hers before she cut it last Spring. “I see you met Kuno.”
“What’s his deal?” Nicole asked pointing her thumb toward the now closed door.
“Don’t take anything he said or did personally. You just had the misfortune to be the newest shiny object to attract his attention. Give it a few days, and you'll barely notice him. He’s harmless,” the girl answered bluntly. Then after a short pause, added, “Well, mostly harmless.”
“He does seem to be full of, um, confidence,” Kirstin commented, staring at the rose she had received.
“He’s an idiot,” Nicole said dismissively.
“Hey, don’t be so quick to write him off,” the girl stated. “He’s got his good points, too.”
“Oh really, and those are?” Nicole asked unbelievingly.
The girl grinned. Nicole recognized that grin. She had spent years perfecting it in the mirror. “Well, mainly that he’s very rich and very easy to manipulate.”
Nicole matched the girl’s grin with her own. “Oh, now that does sound interesting,” Nicole said as she put her arm around the girl’s shoulders, and started walking her off to a another corner of the room. “Would you happen to know exactly how rich and how easy to manipulate?”
The girl’s grin grew wider as they walked off. “I think we’re going to get along just fine.”
Kirstin watched as her sister and the new girl walked away toward a different part of the room. Suddenly alone, she returned her gaze back to the gifted rose. Taken? she asked herself.
The boys found themselves sitting in a small square of four seats near the window side of classroom 2-F. Hughes turned to those windows and sighed. During the summer, he had taken to the habit of napping on windowsills in his cat form, happily absorbing that most wonderful sunlight that windowsills seemed to attract. Being back in school meant no more naps. Hughes sighed again.
Gelinas turned his seat around to chat with Mike, who was sitting behind him. Aaron, who was sitting across the aisle from Mike, had moved his chair to join them. Hughes continued to stare out the window.
As the three talked amongst themselves about their afternoon plans, the pair of boys who they met yesterday walked into the classroom and made their way over to them.
“Good morning!” Daisuke greeted.
“Hello,” Mike replied.
“I see you found your homeroom just fine,” Hiroshi commented.
“Yeah. I was wondering where you guys were when we got here,” Gelinas said with a nod.
“Oh, we are in a different classroom. As we said yesterday, we were mainly asked to help you get settled in because of our English proficiency,” Hiroshi answered.
“Yeah, once you guys get more comfortable with everything, you probably won’t see much of us,” Daisuke added.
“Nor will the audience,” Hiroshi added.
“Wait, what?” Gelinas asked, his interest suddenly perked by this bizarre comment.
“Anyway, we wanted to meet with you guys during homeroom to tell you guys where you’ll need to head for the assembly being held this morning,” Hiroshi explained, ignoring Gelinas’ question.
“Yeah, we were wondering about that ourselves,” Mike chimed, “What exactly will this whole obstacle course thing involve? To be frank, that fact that you guys are even holding an obstacle course is pretty weird.”
“Shut up, Squid,” Hughes commented with a grin, which made Gelinas throw him a sour look.
“Well, here’s what will happen,” Daisuke began. “After they take roll and complete homeroom, the entire student body will head down to the assembly hall. There, Principal Kuno will introduce you and the two girls who came wit you to everyone. Everyone will clap politely and that would seem to be that.”
“But…?” Mike prodded, expecting another shoe to be dropped.
“Wow, you guys are fast studies,” Hiroshi commented with a grin.
“Well, when you guys said that no one blamed us, I kinda had the feeling this assembly was not a good thing,” Mike answered.
Daisuke nodded sagely. “Well, yes. It probably won’t be. Most likely, after everyone is done politely clapping and it seems that we can all go about the normal business of education, the Principal will reveal some horribly convoluted scheme, usually involving some sort of bizarre changes in the school rules and regulations. These rule changes will be nonsensical and arbitrary and will most likely be designed to make the student body utterly miserable. Wacky hijinks will then most likely ensue.”
“Um… wow. That’s some very specific exposition about this situation. Does this happen a lot?” Aaron asked.
“Once or twice,” Hiroshi said blankly.
Daisuke smiled. “As I said, we don’t blame any of you. The Principal’s just been looking for an excuse to initiate another one of his idiotic schemes. If you guys hadn’t started taking classes here, he’d probably still would've found an excuse to do it. Probably blame it on…”
“Well, he’s off on another training trip with his dad,” Hiroshi interrupted.
Daisuke nodded. “Yeah, yeah, I know. The happy couple are both gone. Her sister told me that they were off on their ‘honeymoon.’”
“Oh, we’re going to have to give him a good ribbing for that one!” Hiroshi said with a laugh.
Suddenly, Hiroshi and Daisuke broke away from their laughter and realized that the others were staring at them with confused expressions. Hiroshi coughed in embarrassment. “Sorry. Just sharing a joke about a friend of ours that the Principal as a particular grudge against. He’d probably be really great to have around today. “
“But he’s on his honeymoon?” Mike asked, confused.
Hiroshi and Daisuke both smiled and laughed again. “No, not really. But.. Well, when you get a chance to meet them, you’ll understand. Anyway, they’re not around, so it looks like we’re on our own.”
“Lucky us,” Gelinas mumbled.
The classroom door slid open and a middle-aged man with a receding hairline and thick glasses walked in carrying a few bundles of papers and notebooks under his arm. Everyone in the room quietly made their way to their desks. Hiroshi and Daisuke nodded politely to the class representative and indicated that they would stand out of the way in the back of the room.
The class representative stood up. “Please stand,” she stated. Everyone sitting at their desks did so. “Bow.” Again everyone gave a quick bow toward the teacher. The boys quickly did as well, when they saw everyone else do it. “Please sit,” the representative requested to which everyone complied.
“Good morning, everyone. And welcome again to our special guests who will be sharing our classroom this semester. As much as I would like to get you young men engaged in our class as quickly as possible, that will most likely have to wait until tomorrow. For now, I will be taking roll call, and then the young men at the back of the class will escort you to the assembly to meet with the principal. Now, let’s see… Ab-dow-mass-sigh Ay-Rone?”
Aaron sighed, raised his hand, and proceeded to correct the pronunciation of his name for the eighty-seven billionth time in his life.
The boys and the twins stood just off stage in the Furinkan assembly hall. They could see the entire student body, lined up in rows by grade and class standing there, waiting for this big introduction by the mysterious principal and probably more information about this ‘special obstacle course.’
After several minutes of waiting the hall’s lights dimmed and a bright spotlight appeared on the center of the stage. Suddenly, there was an explosion of pyrotechnics and a plume of red, white, and blue smoke appeared on stage. John Philip Sousa’s Stars and Stripes Forever blared from the overhead PA. A moment later, someone leapt through the smoke much to the non-surprise of the silent audience.
He was a tall man with skin that looked tanned to the point of being leather. He was wearing a red, white, and blue Hawaiian shirt with a complimentary red, white, and blue lei around his neck. Above the impossibly white smile on his face were a pair of star-shaped sunglasses and the whole ensemble was topped with a red, white, and blue top hat.
The music died down and the smoke began to clear. The man took a bow to silence. Clearly, if this display was meant to impress the student body, it had failed. The boys, for their part, blinked in stunned silence at the whole thing.
The man pulled out a microphone. “ALOHA, BRUDDAHS AND SISTAHS! The Big Kahuna be welcomin’ you all to this very special assembly!” There was a smattering of unenthusiastic applause, mostly from the teaching staff.
“Not easily impressed, are they?” Mike commented.
“Well, the Principal seems to be going for a low key approach with this assembly,” Daisuke remarked.
“This is low key?” Gelinas asked, disbelieving.
The principal didn’t appear to be deterred by the lack of response. His smile grew larger and more garish. “It be a great honor to be introducin’ some bruddahs and sistahs from my second home of America! They will be learnin’ with you all this next term so let’s be givin’ them a big Waikiki Welcome!”
Aaron turned to their guides with a confused look. “He’s from America?”
Hiroshi shook his head. “No. He just spent some time in Hawaii and became obsessed with it.”
“He’s about as American as you guys are Japanese,” Daisuke commented as he started leading them onto the stage.
As the boys and twins walked on the stage, there were applause, polite and much more genuine than the few the Principal received.
“First, joinin’ senior class 3-C will be the twin sistahs, Porter Kirstin and Porter Nicole,” the principal stated proudly. Nicole took a confident step forward and gave short bow to the students and then turned to the principal and gave another. Kirstin follow suit, though her motions were much more nervous. Both sisters took a step back and returned to the others.
“And in Junior class, 2-F there will be four new students. They are Abdowmassey Aaron, Gelinas Bill, Hughes Bill, and Quadrozzi Mick!”
The boys each winced in pain as the principal managed to mispronounce every single one of their names.
“It’s a soft G, dammit,” Gelinas grumbled.
“How do you manage to mess up ‘Hughes?’” Hughes whispered incredulously.
“Hey, as least he got your first names right. ‘Mick?’ ‘MICK?!’” Mike hissed.
“Welcome to my world, guys. Now let’s stop being rude and get this over with,” Aaron ordered under his breath. The boys proceeded to each step forward, and followed Nicole’s example by bowing to the other students and then to the Principal. After they finished, they stepped back and rejoined the others.
“Now, Bruddahs and Sistahs, the Big Kahuna is expectin’ you to be makin’ our new friends feel welcome and a part of our community!”
The student body politely clapped. The Principal walked over and gave each of them a firm handshake, then returned to his original spot on the stage.
“Hey, that wasn’t so bad. I don’t see what everyone was going on about,” Mike commented while the principal waited for the applause to die down.
“He seems a little eccentric, but I don’t understand why everyone was so worried,” Kirstin added.
“Wait for it,” Daisuke muttered.
The applause eventual quieted and the principal smiled. “Now, speakin' of feelin’ welcome. I’m sure a lot of Japanese school customs be seemin’ mighty strange to you. Teachers be leavin’ and you be stayin’ in the classrooms, cleanin’ the classrooms, the uniforms…”
“Here it comes,” Daisuke commented to himself.
The principal continued, “and that got me to thinkin’. Maybe it be time for a change! These uniforms be mighty stale and maybe it’s time to be makin' a change that be more modern, more stylish, more AMERICAN! And so, with that, it be time for some new uniform rules!”
“And there it is,” Daisuke said with a depressed sigh.
“Hey now, maybe we should hear him out,” Hughes remarked. Excited by the prospect of not wearing the uniform he loathed since yesterday. Aaron, Mike, and Gelinas all glared at Hughes.
“Presentin’… our NEW UNIFORMS!” Principal Kuno shouted. A moment later, two large banners unfurled from the ceiling on each side of the stage. One depicted the supposed new girls’ uniform and the other, the boys’. There was a collective gasp of abject horror from everyone, American and Japanese alike.
The boys’ uniform was atrociously tacky. It consisted of red and white striped pants, a red shirt with a blue vest that had white stars embroidered all over it, complimented with a white bow tie.
The girls’ uniform was no better. It consisted of a white blouse, a red sweater vest, and a blue ‘poodle skirt’ though instead of a dog, the embroidered patch was that of a large bald eagle.
“And of course, new uniforms be needin’ new hair rules as well!” the principal announced.
Two more banners unfurled. Next to the other banners on each side of the stage. The one next to the boys’ uniforms showed a boy with a comically large Elvis-like pompadour. On the girls’ side, the drawing depicted a girl wearing a hair-style that was a cross between Donna Lewis and Peggy Bundy – a bouffant.
“Boys be getting’ the cool American pompadour and girls be getting’ the ladylike bouffants!” Kuno announced happily.
“Oh, not only no, but hell no!” Mike grumbled.
Kirstin hugged her uniform close to herself. “Those things… those things are awful.”
"I dunno," Hughes pondered, "I think I could make it work."
The glare he received from all of the others -- Kirstin included! -- silenced any further ponderings Hughes may have had to offer on the subject.
Meanwhile, there was a large swell of grumbling discontent amongst the audience. More than a few students started cracking their knuckles while glaring at the principal. A few other students also glared at the boys and the twins. Perhaps Hiroshi and Daisuke had been optimistic in their assertions that no one would hold them responsible for the principal’s insanity.
The principal, as if sensing this, held out his arms and motioned for everyone to quiet down. “Now, now, Bruddahs and sistahs. The Big Kahuna be sensin’ that you not be thrilled to be dressing like a real American.”
“That’s dressing like an American? That outfit looks like a something a 1980’s pro-wrestler would reject as too over the top,” Aaron sniped.
Principal Kuno ignored him. “Well, the Big Kahuna be way ahead of you there! See, you not be needin’ to dress like an real American if you be actin’ like a real American! And if there’s one thing Americans be lovin’ it be competition!
“So, the Big Kahuna be buildin’ a special obstacle course for all the Bruddahs and Sistahs! Somewhere, there be a special card. The class that be findin’ that card has proved they be American enough to not be needin’ the new uniforms.
“To be findin’ that card, all the Bruddahs and Sistahs will be needin’ to take a trip to America! Little America!” Principal Kuno announced. He then pulled on a large rope that was dangling near him. Suddenly, hundreds of rolled up papers dropped from the ceiling onto the students. There was another blast of red, white, and blue smoke, which the Principal managed to vanish into.
The boys and the twins managed to snatch a few of the rolled up papers before they all tumbled to the floor from the stage. The huge double doors at the back of the assembly hall opened and students began to file out, most grumbling about the principal’s announcement, some muttering in confusion about Kuno’s contest, and a couple not so quietly blaming the “stupid gaijin” who ruined everything. When Nicole caught a few of those remarks, it was hard to not see the anger in her eyes.
“Okay, first off. How the hell is that man allowed near children? Second, what the hell did he mean that we need to go to America?” Mike asked in confused anger.
Daisuke shrugged sadly. “In terms of the first question, I wish I knew. As for the second one, I get the feeling that when we leave the assembly hall we’re going to find out.”
As the boys and the twins exited the hall and walked onto the campus, they did in fact, get their answer and were greeted with quite a sight. Throughout the campus there were familiar if not exaggerated visions from home. Large scale models of famous landmarks were everywhere. The Empire State Building with a mechanical gorilla angrily waving its arms in a menacing fashion was one such sight and there were many others - The Hollywood sign, the Golden Gate Bridge, Sears Tower, and the Washington Monument. All of them a not-quite-exact replica of the real ones back in their home country, usually with some twisted caricature element added to make them seem ridiculous.
“What. The. Hell,” was all Nicole could muster between dumbfounded blinks.
Near the assembly hall, there was an obvious entrance that appeared to have been constructed to funnel people into area where all the fake monuments appeared to be. It almost looked like the entrance to an amusement park. The sign above the gates was lit up with hundreds of lights and it said KUNO’S LITTLE AMERICA.
Aaron, Mike, and Hughes all looked at Gelinas expectantly as he stared at what lay in front of him. Realizing that the others were staring at him, he tersely shouted, “What?!”
“Aren’t you going to point out how insane this is?” Aaron asked.
“And how did we manage to miss all this when we walked to the Assembly Hall just 20 minutes ago?” Mike added.
“And how something this elaborate and detailed would’ve required months of planning and therefor the Principal must’ve been plotting this months?” Hughes demanded.
Gelinas’ eye twitched a little. “Sorry, I’m too overwhelmed by the sheer preposterousness of the situation to even dissect how preposterous it really is.”
“What the hell is all this?” Aaron said, trying to make sense of the madness that was before them.
“It appears to be ‘Little America,’” Nicole said. The others turned to her and saw that she had unrolled one of the papers that had fallen from the ceiling of the assembly hall. “It looks like an American-themed amusement park. It’s broken up into sections, each with its own regional theme. There’s ‘Little California’, ‘Little New York’, ‘Little Texas”, and a bunch of others.”
Aaron unrolled his own paper and realized that it was a map of what Nicole had just described.
“So, somewhere in there, there’s a ‘Get Out of Stupid Uniforms Free’ card, huh?” Mike remarked looking at the map over Aaron’s shoulder.
“Well guys, it’s been fun. We hate to leave you with all this going on, but as you heard the man, only one class is going to get out of the rules, and as we are in different classes, we have to look out for our best interests. Goodbye!” Daisuke said with a tip of own rolled up map as he and Hiroshi started running toward the entrance of ‘Little America.’
“Gee, thanks a lot,” Hughes groused at the departing guides.
“Um, guys. I think they bring up a really important point,” Kirstin politely interjected.
“Hmmm?” Aaron asked as he looked up from the map.
“You guys are in a different class from Nicole and I. That means that only us girls or you boys can logically win, if any of us win at all,” Kirstin said with a worried tone.
“Damn! That bastard. It’s a divide and conquer tactic. He’s not just happy with turning the entire school against us but he’s trying to split us up,” Mike groused with grudging respect.
Aaron shook his head. “Look, we’re not going to start turning on each other,” he said as he gave Kirstin a reassuring smile. “When we find the damned ticket, we’ll figure out what to do then. Until then, we’re all one team, okay?”
“Go Team America.” Hughes chimed in unenthusiastically.
Nicole continued to stare at her map. As her eyes scanned over every part of it, gears began to turn. Her eyes zeroed on one particular section of the map, then it darted to another, then they darted back and forth between those two points until her eyes lit up in inspiration and she grinned.
“I got a plan,” Nicole announced calmly as he started folding up her map.
“Nicole?” Kirstin asked, surprised.
“Oh?” Hughes asked, curious. “What kind of plan?”
“A plan that involves overturning these stupid new rules and getting everyone back on our side,” she stated confidently.
“That’s great! What do we do?” Kirstin asked.
Nicole shook her head. “We don’t do anything. I gotta work alone. No offense, but it’s best if I do this myself.”
“Well, what are we supposed to do then?” Gelinas asked.
“Well, if in the unlikely situation that I should fail, it would be in our best interest to still locate the ticket Kuno talked about,” Nicole explained.
“Sister, we should stick together. We’re better as a team.”
Nicole smiled and shook her head sadly. “Sorry, sis, but it would take too long to teach you guys what I would need you to learn to help me. I’m going to have to do this on my own.”
“Isn’t there anything we can do to help you?” Kirstin asked.
Nicole’s eyes darted down to her feet for a moment. “Well...” she said hesitantly, “There is one thing you guys could do to help me.”
“What is it?” Mike asked nervously, unsure he was going to like the request.
“Well, It would really help me out if you guys… Well, I kinda need all the money you have on you,” Nicole stated matter-of-factly.
“Seriously?” Mike asked flatly.
“But we're supposed to be meeting Matt at a restaurant after school,” Aaron objected. “What, are we all just supposed to order glasses of water?”
Kirstin looked at the skeptical boys and then back to Nicole. “Sister, do you really think you can get everyone out of these foolish rules?”
Nicole confidently looked her sister in the eyes. Kirstin studied her sister for another moment and then nodded in understanding. Kirstin then reached into her jumper pocket, pulled out her small fabric wallet, pulled out several Yen notes, and handed them to Nicole. She then looked to the boys. “Guys, please.”
Aaron still felt reluctant, but couldn't say no to Kirstin. He pulled out his own wallet and handed his money to Nicole. Mike, Hughes, and Gelinas all sighed, nodded, and did likewise until Nicole had a small stack of Yen notes in her hand. She smiled as she folded the stack into a manageable wad of bills.
Nicole then nodded and proceeded to walk away from them and toward the entrance for ‘Little America.’ “Thanks guys! I won’t let you down!” She then vanished inside.
Aaron turned to the others. “Well, I guess that’s that, then. Like Nicole said, if she doesn’t succeed in, well, whatever she’s planning to do, we still might need that ticket. We need to get in there and find it.”
Mike nodded. “I suggest splitting up into two teams. We can each cover half the course and double our odds of finding the voucher.”
“Good idea. Me, Kirstin, and Gelinas will cover the western half of the course. You and Hughes will cover the eastern half.”
Mike nodded. “Sounds like a plan. It’ll give me a chance to pry out of Hick Boy where the hell he hid my hat this morning.”
“I’ll never tell!” Hughes commented, grabbing a spare map from Gelinas. “And are you ever going to stop calling me that?”
“Not as long as my hat is missing,” Mike replied.
“Let’s all stay focused on the task at hand. We'll meet here at lunchtime, okay?” Aaron asked. The other boys and Kirstin all nodded and agreement. They then split into two parties and proceeded to make their own way into ‘Little America.”
Little New York, 9:46 AM…
Hughes and Mike darted down the alleyway between a pair of brownstone buildings that would not seem out of place in Brooklyn, but felt very strange to see in Tokyo. Mike turned to Hughes. “How many you reckon?”
Chasing them was a mob of some forty plus young men in various brightly colored T-shirts and greased pompadours. Well, ‘chased’ might not be the right word. The men in question were pursuing them, but considering that they did so while constantly snapping their fingers and performing complex choreography, it was more accurate to say that they were dancing after them .
Hughes dared to glance behind him to see.
Snap, step, snap, step, snap, snap, step…
“Too many,” Hughes said between pants.
Mike glared at him. “You had to go an open your mouth!”
Snap, step, snap, step…
“Hey! I had a 50/50 chance of being right!”
“You should’ve kept your mouth shut! If a street gang asks you what side you support, the last thing you do is GUESS!” Mike shouted.
Snap, step, pivot, snap, pivot, snap, step, snap, step…
“Well, I stick by my choice. Sharks is a way cooler name than Jets anyway,” Hughes said defiantly.
Snap, pivot, jump, kick, snap, step, pivot, kick…
“Why did I agree to team up with you? I bet the others aren’t running for their lives right now.”
Snap, kick, pivot, kick, snap, snap, pivot, step, kick, pivot, snap, jump, kick, pivot, snap, snap, snap…
Little Hollywood, 9:47 AM…
Aaron took the turn so sharply that the golf cart he was driving almost rolled over. It managed to correct itself after a moment of dangerous wobbling. Aaron turned to Gelinas who was sitting in the back seat. “Is it still behind us!?”
Gelinas turned his body around to look behind them. Chasing the cart was a large Tyrannosaurus Rex. Well, half of one, at least. The top half was a life-like model of the long extinct dinosaur. The bottom half was a set obviously animatronic legs. Animatronic legs that was bringing said robot-dinosaur dangerously close to their escape vehicle. Gelinas gulped and turned back to Aaron in the driver’s seat. “Faster! Must go faster! Must Go Faster! MUST GO FASTER!!”
“I’m going as fast as this thing can muster!” Aaron shouted back. Kirstin looked behind her and gasped at the sheer size of the robotic monstrosity that was pursuing them.
“I’m going to die at the hands of a Spielberg movie that I didn’t even think was that great!” Gelinas bemoaned.
Aaron was about to protest Gelinas's taste in movies, but quickly considered that this may not be the time or place.
Suddenly the dinosaur’s simulated roars were cut off with a sickening metallic crunch sound. Gelinas turned around to see what it was.
“What was that?!” Aaron asked swerving the golf cart around two workers conveniently carrying a large pane of glass across the road.
“Well, the good news is that we won’t be killed by Steven Spielberg,” Gelinas shouted back.
“That’s great!” Kirstin said as she gripped the dash to keep from being thrown from the vehicle.
“The bad news is that we’re going to be killed by George Lucas!” Gelinas shouted.
Aaron and Kirstin both looked behind them and saw that the dinosaur was no longer chasing them. It had been crushed by the giant boulder currently rolling right behind them.
Kirstin considered pointing out that technically, this was also a film directed by Setphen Spielberg, but also quickly considered that this may not be the time or place.
“Must go faster!” Aaron shouted, pushing the pedal even harder to the floor.
“Must go faster!” Kirstin chorused, her knuckles white from gripping the dash.
“Must go faster!” Gelinas agreed.
Lunch Time…
The Boys and Kirstin met near the entrance of ‘Little America.’ They walked toward the lunch room together to refuel before renewing their search for Kuno’s golden ticket.
“I want to meet with the management of this establishment and file a complaint!” Hughes grumbled as they walked.
Mike ignored him. “You guys have any luck in finding Kuno’s ticket?”
Aaron shook his head. “It was work enough just staying alive. That place is a deathtrap disguised as a cultural mockery. Did you guys see ‘Little Texas?!’ Everyone was wearing ten gallon hats and carrying guns larger than my arm!”
“Hey, at least you guys weren’t almost run over by a swarm of octogenarians on scooters in ‘Little Florida.’ That Kuno guy is messed up in the head,” Mike countered.
“I just hope Nicole is okay in there. At least we’re watching out for each other. She’s in that horrible place alone,” Kirstin said worriedly.
Hughes placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “I’m sure Nicole is fine. Knowing her resourcefulness, she’ll probably have everyone there working for before the day is over.”
Kirstin smiled weakly and nodded in appreciation.
They reached the cafeteria and waited in line. They couldn’t help but notice that some of the students looked a little worse for wear and more than a couple were giving them very unhappy looks. Mike could only hope that Nicole could pull off getting them back in everyone’s good graces. Otherwise this was going to a very long semester.
They got to the head of the line and were immediately each handed a large tray, overflowing with food.
“What’s this?” Gelinas asked, looking down at the edible mountain.
The bored lunchroom worker shrugged. “Special ‘authentic American lunches’ provided by the principal. Bacon double cheeseburgers, fried chicken, chili-cheese fries, corn dogs, and a 3 liter bottle of Coca Cola to drink.”
“That sounds about as healthy as a heart attack,” Hughes remarked as he took his tray.
Kirstin eyed her own try and then looked back at the lunchroom worker with hopeful optimism. “I don’t supposed I could get a salad, could I?”
“Next!” the lunchroom worker barked and the boys and Kirstin found themselves shuffled down the line.
“It’s insidious. Positively diabolical,” Aaron commented as they carried their food outside to eat.
“What is?” Mike asked.
“The Principal’s scheme. I bet he figures that if his ‘Little America’ doesn’t kill us, then lunch will probably will.”
Little Hawaii, 12:37 PM…
Kirstin sometimes found herself from time to time reflecting on her life and the choices she had made to bring her to where she was at a particular moment. Where she was at this particular moment was bound and gagged and being held aloft by several angry men in grass skirts near the crater of a volcano. She felt beads of sweat form on her brow, partly from the heat of the bubbling lava inside the crater, but mostly from stress of the very dire situation she found herself in.
The largest man in a grass skirt looked at Kirstin. “You have angered the volcano god! He demands a virgin sacrifice!”
“Mrrffn maffrice?!” Kirstin shouted, her words muffled by the gag in her mouth. We’re these guys serious?! Was part of Hawaii was this supposed to be based on?! And where on Earth were Aaron and Gelinas?
They had been separated soon after they entered ‘Little Hawaii’ when Kirstin was snatched by the several tanned and muscular men who were now planning on sacrificing her because… well, she couldn’t actually fathom why they were planning to do that.
“Let her go!”
It was Aaron who had shouted! Kirstin looked to where his voice had come from. “Mmmffron?”
“The volcano god must be appeased!” the leader declared as he crossed his muscular arms.
“Seriously, what the hell part of Hawaii did the Principal visit to think this was even remotely something that happens in America?” Gelinas asked incredulously.
Aaron couldn't help but think that for once, Gelinas had a point. But for now, he ignored it and just gave the leader a steely gaze. “I’m warning you. Defy me and I will curse you! I am a powerful witch doctor and I turn those who defy me into sniveling dogs. Watch!”
“Aaron, what the hell are you talking…?” was all Gelinas managed to say before Aaron dumped the remaining contents of his cold bottle of coke on him and he shrunk down to his animal form.
The leader shirked back in horror at witnessing this, as did his men. Kirstin felt herself hit the ground as the men holding her dropped her and ran off screaming in the direction opposite of where Aaron was.
Kirstin opened her eyes and saw that Aaron was standing over her. He smiled. “Sorry for keeping you waiting.
“Mmffank Ffooo” she said through the gag as he proceeded to untie her arms and legs.
Gelinas barked urgently. Aaron looked over to the small black dog and smiled sheepishly. “Sorry about that, Billy. I didn’t have a lot of time to think of a better plan. I promise we’ll find you some hot water as soon as we can.”
Gelinas whined and continued to bark incessantly.
Aaron and Kirstin looked at him, confused. They then looked back to where Gelinas was staring as he barked. A dark shadow fell over all three them as a fifty-foot tidal wave bore down on them.
“Oh…”
“Mmmffffit,” Kirstin finished.
Little Chicago, 1:12 PM…
Hughes and Mike, crouched down to the ground as another round of machine gun fire rang out. They ducked between crates in what they thought was an abandoned warehouse inside ‘Little Chicago.’ It was only when a large conglomeration of men in fedoras and pinstripe suits brandishing tommy guns arrived, were they informed that the warehouse was very much not abandoned.
When the men demanded to know who they were, their answer was interrupted by the arrival of a large contingent of Irish-sounding police officers who demanded that everyone surrender.
Things went downhill from there.
“Give yerselves up! We've got you surrounded!” an Irish-sounding voice called out followed by a few gun shots.
“Nyah! You’ll nevah take us alive, coppah, see?” another stereotype shouted back, which was followed by a few rapid bursts of machine gun fire.
“I’m really, really beginning to hate this school!” Mike shouted over the gunfire to Hughes.
“Hey, you’re the one who wanted to check this place out. I was happy to just get a slice of deep dish pizza, but nooooooooooo, you said that this looked like a good place to hide that stupid ticket!” Hughes shouted back over the sound. He then sniffed the air. “Hey, I know that smell!”
“What smell?” Mike asked, trying to stay low.
Hughes sniffed the air and started crawling off. Mike followed him. They came upon a set of crates that were full of bullet holes and were now leaking fluid. An orangish fluid.
Hughes sniffed the fluid, stuck his finger into the stream, and then sampled it. He spit. “500 proof OJ?”
“How’s that supposed to help us?! You getting drunk is the last thing we need. We need to get out of here and… and…” Mike then looked at the streams of fluid spritzing onto the floor. He then grinned. “Hughes! Bless your beautiful nose, you lush!”
Hughes groaned. “Don't call me that! After what happened before, I am off this stuff!”
Mike looked at Hughes with a smile. “Well, good! Because I can think of better uses for this liquid than simply sitting in your gut!”
Hughes stared at Mike for a moment and blinked. Then his eyes lit up in understanding.
A few minutes later, the shootout between the gangsters and the cops continued unabated, none of its participants had noticed when a squirrel and a small cat, both dripping sticky orange liquid and dragging small bundles of clothing, slinked out of the warehouse.
Little.... ???, 2:27 PM...
Kirstin sat up with a start, awakened by the sound of a dog's bark. She blinked a few times and brushed a damp lock of auburn hair from out of her eyes.
“Mmmmfffwo?” she asked. She then realized that she was still wearing the gag. Aaron hadn't had a chance to remove it before the tidal wave crashed down. Her hands were free now, though, so she yanked it down from her mouth. “Hello?”
There was a guttural whine. A moment later, a small black dog ran to her, in his mouth he was dragging a white polo shirt and a pair of black pants.
“Billy?” Kirstin asked.
The dog dropped the clothes and barked while nodding.
“Are you okay?” Kirstin asked.
Billy barked again and nodded.
“Where's Aaron?”
A moment later there was a quack and a large white duck came flapping down from the sky and landed in front of her. The duck waddled up to her and quacked again.
“Thank goodness you guys are okay. I was worried that something happened to you when that tidal wave came and... oh! Aaron, did you lose your clothes when the water hit you?”
Aaron shook his head and pointed to just behind where Kirstin was still sitting on the ground. Behind her was a neat pile of clothing. Kirstin then realized that if she was still laying down, the pile would be exactly where her head would've been.
“Oh,” Kirstin said with a slight blush. “Thank you.”
The duck scratched the back of his head with his wing and blushed, which was quite a feet for an aquatic waterfowl. The dog rolled his eyes.
Kirstin stood up and picked up Aaron's and Gelinas' clothes. She proceeded to drape them neatly over her arm. She then looked around and realized that they were no longer in Little Hawaii. The palm trees and tropical plants had been replaced with corn stalks, barns, and silos. There were also garish, brightly colored houses, hideously tacky fountains, and technicolor lampposts and street signs.
“Where... are we?” Kirstin asked aloud.
Aaron could only shrug his wings. Gelinas barked. Kirstin then realized that she had been lying down in the middle of a narrow road. A narrow brick road. A narrow brick road that had been painted yellow.
She blinked a few times. “I don't think we're in Little Kansas anymore, Billy.”
3:00 PM....
The sound of the famed Westminster chimes echoed across the campus of Furinkan High School. Everyone simultaneously looked to the large clock at the front and center of the main school building with a look of both horror and resignation.
3:00 PM. Time was up.
Aaron, Kirstin, and Gelinas found Hughes and Mike waiting for them at the prearranged meeting place at the front of the school. Mike and Hughes both had clothes were disheveled and a strangely disgusting citrus smell about them that neither of them were prepared to discuss.
Mike looked over Aaron, Kirstin, and Gelinas. Their clothes appeared to had have been drenched and had only started to dry out in the late summer air. He arched an eyebrow. “What happened to you guys?”
"I don't want to talk about it."
Everyone then nodded in an unspoken agreement that what had happened in Little America should probably stay in Little America.
“Did anyone find the voucher?” Aaron asked with a combination of desperation and dread.
Mike shrugged half-heartedly. “Doubt it. If someone had, this whole circus would’ve ended already.
“Ugh! Those fabric atrocities make these dull things look like the height of taste,” Hughes bemoaned with a slight slur, his opinion apparently having changed since this morning. Maybe he was finally coming to his senses from whatever had overcome him in the summer? He was looking down at his dirty, rumpled, and soon to be replaced uniform with an expression of sadness.
“ALOHA, BRUDDAHS AND SISTAHS!” came a voice from up above them. Everyone looked upward and saw what was a most interesting sight. Floating some 40 feet above the student body in a pineapple-shaped hot air balloon was their bizarre Principal. He had changed into a more standard Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses and appeared to be addressing the entire student body through a battery-powered bullhorn from the safety of his one-man balloon basket.
The Principal had a garish smile etched on his comically tanned face. He continued, “Did all you Bruddahs and Sistahs enjoy your visit to Little America?”
“NO!” the entire student body shouted back. Several students were sporting bumps ,bruises, and rumpled uniforms. More than a few were wrapped in bandages.
The exaggerate smile fell from the Principal’s face. “Bruddahs and Sistahs, you’re bumming’ the Big Kahuna out.” A moment later the smile returned with a vengeance. “It be lookin’ like no one be findin’ my special rules voucher, so it be lookin’ like the new rules be goin’ in effect tomorrow. The Big Kahuna did a good job hidin’ it!” Principal Kuno then reached into his tacky floral print Hawaiian shirt and pulled out a large white card with the words GET OUT OF RULES FREE on it.
“What a sec…” Mike grumbled.
“He had it on himself the WHOLE time?!” Aaron shouted, furious.
“Cheating bastard!” Hughes swore under his breath.
“That figures,” Gelinas said with a defeated sigh.
“He cheated? Well, that’s… I mean, he… But… That… That…” Kirstin said quietly, barely audible over the collected grumbles and moans from the rest of the students. A moment later she took a deep breath and shouted “THAT JERK!” louder than anyone ever thought she was physically capable.
The boys all turned toward Kirstin in stunned silence. Her face was beet red, but she took a deep breath and a moment later she was once again the picture of serene calmness. “Oh my. That was rather rude of me, wasn’t it?”
Hughes smiled and put his arm around Kirstin, which made Aaron frown. “It’s okay. You just said what we were all thinking.”
“Can he do that? Cheating shouldn’t be allowed right?” Mike asked.
“Well, he never actually said that the voucher couldn’t be on his person. I’m pretty sure he’s counting on a technicality to save him from a lynch mob when he lands,” Gelinas remarked.
Principal Kuno gave a hearty laugh. “Now, if all you Bruddahs and Sistahs could line up, We can be getting’ you your new threads and we’ll be trimmin' those do’s. For the Bruddahs and Sistahs whose do isn’t long enough to be rockin’ the pompadour or the bouffant, we be havin’ wigs for you to wear until your locks be long enough!”
Broken and defeated, the other students started marching slowly toward the main school building to meet their tacky red, white, and blue fates.
“Excuse me! Can I have your attention please!” a familiar voice sounded out.
The boys, Kirstin, and the rest of the students all turned to where the voice came from – the front gate. Standing on a hastily constructed platform was Nicole. She was still wearing her blue Furinkan jumper, but she also wore a Hachimaki headband with the characters of the yen and the dollar signs on either side of the red rising sun of Japan. In her left hand was a bullhorn of her own and, in her right, she proudly brandished a large flagpole that was topped with a brass bald eagle spreading its wings and with the ol’ stars and stripes itself attached, fluttering in the conveniently sudden breeze.
Kirstin looked on with a combination of both shock and admiration. It took a few moments for her to realize that there was someone at the foot of the makeshift stage holding a large electric fan, which is was generating the breeze for her flag to flutter dramatically. Kirstin always admired her twin’s ability to make an entrance and own a situation, but this was taking it to a whole new level.
Nicole smiled. A stern looking Japanese woman with horn-rimmed glasses and in a very expensive looking suit jacket and matching skirt joined Nicole on the small platform. The new woman put a bullhorn of her own to her mouth and, a moment later, she started speaking in Japanese.
“My apologies for needing a translator, but as my Japanese still has some rough spots, I’d prefer that this announcement not be muddled by any errors on my part,” Nicole stated confidently. The other woman followed this with more Japanese.
Nicole smiled at the woman and then turned her gaze toward the still hovering Principal in his balloon. “Principal Kuno, I believe that you are being premature in telling the students to start making preparations for a change in the dress code.”
Principal Kuno looked at Nicole as if she were speaking Martian instead of English. “Me be thinkin’ that the sistah be mighty confused. No one be findin’ the special voucher, everyone be getting’ on wit the new rules!”
Nicole smiled. It was a smile that would make sharks flee in terror. “But honored Principal, I thought that the whole point of this exercise was to experience the joys of being an American. To embrace the American way of life and to appreciate our culture, was it not?”
“I don’t be understandin’ what the sistah be getting’ at,” Kuno responded back.
The more sweetly Nicole smiled, the more frightening it felt. This was the smile of a predator who was about to take down a formidable prey completely unawares. “Well, as a American, I felt it was my inherent duty to find an American solution to the very the devious puzzle that you laid before us. For if there’s one thing Americans are known for it’s never giving up in the face of defeat. Just because we didn’t find the voucher, that doesn’t mean we lost. We just needed to find another solution. A uniquely American solution.”
“What’s she talking about?” Aaron asked Kirstin.
Kirstin shushed him, her eyes focused on her sister in pure admiration. “Go Nicole!” She said quietly to herself with absolute pride in her family.
“Will the sistah kindly be getting’ to her point? The Big Kahuna has haircuts he be needin’ to give,” Principal Kuno asked brusquely, the fear in his voice evident as he appeared to be unnerved by this bold girl.
“My apologies, honored Principal. We can forgo further pleasantries and get to matter at hand.” She then nodded to the other woman. The other woman set down her bullhorn, pulled out a small radio from her jacket and started barking commands into it.
A moment later there was a light buzzing in the air. The buzzing grew louder and louder until it became less of a buzz and more of a rapid thump. Whatever it was, it was getting closer. The boys, Kirstin, and the rest of the students looked about to find the source. It took a few moments for Hughes to realize that there was music mixed in with the thumping. Wagner’s Ride of the Valkyres if he remembered correctly.
Suddenly from over the skyline made by the school building, three large military helicopters appeared, German opera blaring from speakers mounted on their undercarriage. All three took hovering positions over the Principal’s balloon and a moment later, rope ladders descended and men is very expensive business suits and holding briefcases climbed down to meet the Principal in his floating sanctuary.
“What be all this, then?” Principal Kuno asked in confused fear.
Nicole’s smile vanished. “I don’t like stereotypes and I DON’T like bullies. This entire farce of an exercise was both. You tried to make us feel separated from the other students because we’re Americans, and worst still, you tried to use us as an excuse to bully everyone else.
“My sister and I came here to learn about Japan and understand the home of our grandmother. But you never considered that we wanted to learn more about you and in turn about ourselves. All you saw were six round-eyed America gaijin novelties to play with!
“You know what? Fine! If we’re nothing more than ‘The Americans’ to you, then I’m just going to have to do the most American thing I could think of: I GOT SOME LAWYERS!”
The men on the rope ladders swung precariously over the campus as they started handing large bundles of documents to the stunned Principal.
“Fujisawa-san is handing you a lawsuit for damages from the Katsunori Uniform company. It seems that changing the dress code so suddenly required you to go to another uniform manufacturer, which was a breach of your current contract with them. I don’t suspect that will go well.
“Shibata-san is handing you a personal negligence lawsuit for that unhealthy mess you served us under the guise of ‘Lunch.’ Who knows what long-term health effects we’ll all suffer from all that salt, oil, and fat? Someone charged with the care and protection of your community’s youth should know better.
“And of course, Takahata-san is handing you the preliminary paperwork for the soon to be very large class-action lawsuit for the pain and suffering you have inflicted upon the student body with this sideshow of yours. My assistant, Kurosawa-san, will be collecting depositions from any student who wishes to participate as a plaintiff.”
While Nicole was speaking, the woman who had been standing next to her had set up a small table and there was already a long line of students lined up to join the suit.
“Wow!” Aaron said in amazement.
“Way to go, sister!” Kirstin quietly cheered.
“Stick it to the man!” Hughes added not so quietly.
The terrifying smile returned to Nicole’s face. “Of course, I’m not unreasonable. I’m sure we can find a way to settle this like rational adults without getting the very confusing and complicated Japanese legal system involved, right?”
Principal Kuno stood inside his balloon’s basket, both arms clutching bundles of paper, his basket literally overflowing with reams of paperwork. Random sheets blowing in the wind and fluttering to the ground below. He looked at the three very stern looking men on their rope ladders and then down to Nicole and the long line of students . “After much considerin’, there will be no changin’ the rules this semester. The old uniforms will stay.”
The student body erupted in cheers.
It was about twenty minutes before the commotion died down. The boys and Kirstin took advantage of it to retrieve their school bags from their lockers before trying to meet up with Nicole who had been swarmed by grateful students after the Principal conceded defeat. Eventually, most of the other students wandered off to do club activities or simply headed home. Now that the crowd had thinned out, Kirstin and the boys were able to walk toward the front gate.
They found Nicole sitting on the edge of her small stage platform, her bag sitting next to her on the stage and her legs dangling as she chatted with the stern-looking woman who had been translating her speech for everyone. The woman had taken off her glasses and her expression was much more friendly.
“Nicole!” Kirstin shouted with a happy wave.
Nicole smiled. “Hey guys, how’s it going?”
“That was awesome,” Mike complimented.
“Astounding,” Aaron added.
“Fantastic,” Hughes chimed in.
“Some might even call it highly unlikely,” Gelinas muttered.
“Bill, shush,” Kirstin chided politely, which drew a smile from everyone else.
Gelinas shook his head fervently. “But… But… HOW?!”
Nicole grinned devilishly. “Oh, that’s easy. I simply turned our enemy’s weapon against him. It’s wasn’t hard, really.”
“I think you’re understating things, sister,” Kirstin prodded, knowing her sister very much wanted to bask in her triumph.
Nicole smiled and shrugged. “Okay, let’s say that I’ve had some very interesting conversations today and one of them contained some very useful information on the Principal and his immediate family.”
“Such as?” Aaron asked.
“Well, aside from being very wealthy, it appears that most members of the Kuno clan appear to have some form of megalomania that, if properly guided, can be used to manipulate them for any number of useful ends,” Nicole answered.
“I’m starting to get very nervous about the direction this conversation is taking,” Mike commented.
“Nicole,” Kirstin interjected, “Perhaps you could focus more on how you managed to put all this together.”
“Ah. Well, after our ‘honored principal’ revealed his little stereotype fun park here, I decided that I was not about to let myself be another rat running around his maze.” Nicole realized that everyone was suddenly giving her a flat pointed look. “Oh. Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”
“No offense taken,” Gelinas muttered.
“Anyway, it was looking like he was stacking the deck against us. But he hadn’t taken into account that I had the most powerful weapon at my disposal: Knowledge. As I said, I had learned a lot about our principal and his little display during the assembly only confirmed some of my assumptions concerning the gaps in my knowledge.
“So, when I took a look over the maps of his ‘Little America’ that they gave us after the assembly, something very interesting caught my eye.”
“What was it?” Kirstin asked.
Nicole took out the map and pointed to a few things on it as she spoke. “Look here. Little Vegas. And look at this street running through Little New York. Little Wall Street. Now knowing what I did about the Principal, I had to ask myself if he was the kind of man so invested in his little display that he would actually incorporate things like gambling and stock trading into his ‘authentic recreation.’ My gut told me that yes, he was probably just that crazy. It was his own undoing, really. Maybe in the hands of someone else, those things might not have posed much of a threat to him, but he didn’t know he was playing against Nicole Porter.”
Mike snapped his fingers. “The money you borrowed!”
Nicole pointed at Mike. “Bingo! I was able to use that as seed money to play the tables at the very tacky casino nestled inside Little Vegas. When you work with numbers like me, counting cards at black jack is pretty simple. “
“I'll be sure not to repeat that to Sarah, dear sister,” Kirstin said with a genuine smile.
Nicole grinned. “By the time lunch rolled around, I was ready to initiate phase two and I moved on to Little Wall Street. While the other students were busy trying to fight off the mechanical Bear and Bull robots he’d set up to deter people from searching for the ticket, I was actually using their computers to trade stocks on the Nikkei Exchange. Game, set, match. American Girl.”
“Wait, wait, wait. Something still doesn’t add up,” Gelinas complained.
“Oh? You think?” Nicole asked coyly while the others simply glared at him.
Gelinas ignored the looks the others were giving him and pressed on. “Okay, I concede that you acquired the funds brilliantly, BUT even if you had acquired the money needed, there’s just no way you could have managed to not only hire multiple lawyers but also to have multiple lawsuits ready to threaten the principal with in only a few hours. Even OUR legal system can’t pull that off!”
Nicole held her hands up in surrender. “Okay, you caught me. I didn’t quite have the time to do everything I had hoped to do, which is why I had to go with plan B.”
“Plan B?” Mike asked with an arched eyebrow.
The woman in the business suit politely waved. Nicole smiled and gestured at her. “Guys, meet Ai Kurosawa, president of Kurosawa Stunt Productions.”
“A stunt team?” Hughes asked.
Ai nodded politely. “We do stunt work for some the major Tokyo studios, but we also do our own productions as well. Sentai stage shows and the like. When Nicole contacted us and told us what she wanted to put together and when she needed it, I had to say that the challenge of putting it together on such short notice was quite appealing. Her willingness to pay triple our cost was even more appealing.”
“Well, it was worth every yen, Ai. My compliments to you and your entire team,” Nicole said.
Gelinas frowned slightly. “So, the lawyers on the helicopters were really just stunt men?”
Nicole rolled her eyes. “Well, yeah. You didn’t think real lawyers would hang on rope ladders to deliver subpoenas, did you? Japan might be a little crazy, but not that crazy.”
“But what about all the legal documents you bombarded with principal with?” Aaron asked.
Nicole pointed to the ground at a few of the scattered pieces of paper that had fluttered to the ground and had been trampled on. The boys each picked one up and started reading.
“Wait a second… this is just a recipe for layer cake,” Mike exclaimed.
“Mine is a partial script to an episode of Homeboys from Outer Space,” Aaron noted.
“I have the Emancipation Proclamation in pig Latin,” Hughes added.
Gelinas looked up from his copy of the lyrics to the Kenny Loggins classic Highway to the Danger Zone. “But what if he had actually read any of this? He would’ve known you were bluffing.”
Nicole shrugged. “It was a calculated risk, I admit. I figured the odds were in my favor. Usually the easiest way to get someone to not read something is to say it’s a legal document. As for it all being a bluff?" Nicole smirked. "Guilty as charged.
“Men like Kuno respect big displays of bravado. Simply having a lawyer serve him papers wouldn’t have done anything to deter him from doing something else to make everyone miserable later. If, however, I publicly put him on the spot with a big showy display and force him back down, he’ll be much more wary of trying anything like that again. Thanks to Ai and her team. I was able to do just that.“
“It was our pleasure. I look forward to working with you again in the future,” Ai said politely. She then bowed politely to Nicole and the others before departing.
Nicole slipped off the stage to the ground and bowed herself. “You can count on it. Thank you, very much.”
After Ai walked away, the group stood in silence for a moment. The silence was broken by Bill Gelinas. "Hold on a second, if you had all that planned out, then everything we just went through, that was for nothing?"
Nicole put a reassuring hand on Gelinas's shoulder. "No, of course not. You all had a vital role to play," she assured him.
Gelinas just looked at her with the most sceptical of looks.
"After all," Nicole continued, "I needed you all out here getting in crazy trouble to entertain the principal and distract him so he wouldn't notice what I was up to!"
Gelinas could only reply to that with a resigned groan.
Nicole snapped her fingers. “Oh yeah, I almost forgot! I have something for you guys. She then reached into her school bag and carefully pulled out a small bunch of small folded papers. She then unfolded them and after looking them over, handed one to each of the boys and Kirstin.
Hughes looked at the paper he received and realized it was a check. “A check?”
“It’s the money I borrowed this morning, PLUS 100% interest as a thank you for trusting in Nicole Porter Enterprises!" she answered brightly. "And," she added in a more warm tone, "in me.”
“Sister, you didn’t need to do that. You should keep the extra for all the work you did,” Kirstin said. The other boys nodded in agreement.
Nicole’s devilish grin returned. “Oh, don’t worry about me. I made plenty more.” She then picked up her bag and smiled much more genuinely. “Ready to head home?
“Hey, Nicole! Wait up!” a voice called out. Everyone looked toward it. It was a girl that the boys were not familiar with. Kirstin recognized her as the girl that Nicole had gone off to talk to during homeroom, but she had not gotten the girl's name. She had two other girls walking with her.
After they joined the others at the gate, the unidentified girl walked up to Nicole. “That was a mighty clever bit of scheming you pulled off today. You’ve impressed me, and as everyone will tell you, I’m not that easily impressed.”
“Thanks,” Nicole said.
“Some friends of mine are going out to celebrate with some karaoke after school. Would you like to join us?” the girl asked.
Nicole looked at her sister and friends and then back to the girl. “Can my friends and sister come too?”
The girl smiled. “Sure, if they don’t mind me picking your brain all afternoon.”
Nicole looked back to the others again. “What do you say, guys?”
The boys looked at each other, then back at Nicole. “Um, sorry. We've already got plans,” Aaron answered.
“Oh yeah, you said earlier you were meeting up with Matt at a restaurant.” Nicole shrugged, and said, “Pity, though. Skipping out on Karaoke with me and some cute local girls. Maybe next time, boys?” Suppressing a giggle, she then turned to Kirstin. “Sis?”
Kirstin looked at Aaron and narrowed her eyes slightly. She then turned back to her sister. “Actually, I’m going to head back to Maison Ikkoku. This day has been more tiring than I expected. You should go though. No need to turn down your new friend on my account.”
Nicole eyed her sister with concern, but then shrugged again. “If you’re okay with it. Let Sarah know that I’ll be out, okay?”
Kirstin nodded. “I will. Just, don’t stay out too late, okay? Have fun, sister.”
Nicole nodded and turned to the girl. “Let’s go.”
With that, Nicole and the other three girls walked through the gate and off the campus. The boys watched her walk away for a few moments before turning back to Kirstin.
“Um… will you be okay heading back to the boarding house on your own? We're already a little late for meeting up with Matt,” Aaron stammered apologetically. The others picked up their bags and started walking away.
“Wait!” Kirstin called after the others, who stopped in their tracks. She then crossed her arms in a very no-nonsense manner and looked at Aaron. “Does this have anything to do with what you boys are really doing in Japan?”
Aaron's jaw dropped a bit, which was all the answer Kirstin needed.
“I thought so,” Kirstin said. “It seemed a little strange to me that you four were all accepted to this exchange program. I mean no offense, but it did have a rather stringent set of qualifications.”
“No offense taken,” Hughes replied.
“And Matthew being given a teaching position at another school,” Kirstin continued. “I don't mean this as a slight to his intelligence either, but he is hardly an accredited teacher.”
Aaron, Mike, and Hughes nodded.
“Why is it,” Gelinas asked, “she can say this kind of stuff, and you're all fine with it? But the moment I do, all I ever hear is, 'Shut up, Bill'?”
“Shut up, Bill,” one of the other boys replied.
“So the only logical explanation I could come up with is that you're caught up in some improbable misadventure once again, possibly the biggest one yet,” Kirstin concluded. “Well, come on. You're all late to meet Matthew. You can fill me in on the details on the way.”
She sat down at the small table and joined her sisters for morning tea. Nicole was wearing an identical uniform. After Nicole’s drastic hairstyle makeover during the summer, Kirstin had to admit it was nice to once again share something identical with her twin. Sarah was wearing a pleasant, if conservative blouse and jacket along with a full length, royal blue skirt.
“So, do the uniforms fit okay?” Sarah asked as she picked up her cup for another sip between bites from her rice bowl. The Porters decided to try and adapt as quickly as possible to their host country, which included things like adjusting their breakfast customs. “If they’re too tight or loose, we can either talk to the school about fixing them or see if we can find a tailor to make adjustments.”
Nicole sipped from her miso bowl and shrugged. “Yeah, I guess so. They’re not exactly what I would call ‘fashion forward’, but they could’ve been worse. They fit fine, so at least the school seems to have its act together on things like getting the measurements we gave them right.”
Kirstin smiled slightly. “I think they’re nice. The color is very pretty.”
Nicole shrugged again. “Not complaining, just saying that they’re a touch what we would call ‘old-fashioned’ back home. Not exactly cutting-edge fashion.”
“Well, you’re here to learn, not become fashion models,” Sarah said with a good-natured tone of reprimand.
Nicole grinned. “Maybe I’m here to do both,” she stated matter-of-factly.
“Oh? I’d thought you’d be more interested in strategizing international sales figures than walking up and down a catwalk,” Sarah said with mild surprise.
Nicole held her figure up and smiled. “Hey, when you got the total package like me, you work every avenue. Maybe I’ll run the boardrooms by day, then strut fashion runways by night, and If I get bored, maybe I’ll just have to become a pop idol sensation on the weekends.”
“Maybe we should get through one day of Japanese high school before we set the world ablaze,” Kirstin calmly stated as she set her empty tea cup down.
“Oh, I’m in no rush. I know it will be at least a week, maybe even two, before I am an international sensation taking the business and entertainment worlds by storm,” Nicole said with an amused chuckle, which cause all three Porters to laugh.
“Are you ready for your second day of school?” Sarah asked, her tone more matronly.
“Yeah, I think so. “Honestly, today is really like the first day. Yesterday we mostly took a tour of the school and filled out a ton a paperwork. We didn’t even get to meet many of our classmates until the later part of the day. Today should be our first real normal day of school. We’ll get to have homeroom with our classmates and hopefully, things will start to feel normal,” Nicole answered.
“Well, remember that announcement that the principal made yesterday. We’re supposed to have some sort of special obstacle course today. Everyone we talked to yesterday seemed really nervous about that. Remember how everyone we met was sure to tell us that they didn’t blame us. They were very polite and all, but that was odd,” Kirstin interjected politely.
“Obstacle course? That seems a bit odd,” Sarah remarked between dumbfounded blinks.
“I’m sure it’s nothing. Probably some sort of school spirit team building rigmarole. How bad can it possibly be?” Nicole dismissed with a roll of her eyes and a wave of her hand.
“I guess so,” Kirstin agreed unconvincingly. One lesson she had taken to heart after the last year of her life was to never, EVER, ask the dreaded question, Well, how bad can it possibly be?
Sarah checked the watch she wore on the underside of her left wrist. “I better get going if I’m going to catch the train,” she said as she sat up from the table. “Have a good day, girls. Make sure not to be late, okay?” Sarah then kissed the tops of both her sisters’ heads while they finished their breakfast before heading for the door.
“No problem on our end, as long as the boys don’t hold us up,” Nicole stated with mild annoyance. “I swear Bill preens himself more than Neko-chan these days.”
Sarah nodded in understanding, even though she really didn’t. She didn’t want to be late. She gave a final smile to her sisters and was gone.
Nicole turned to Kirstin. “I mean, really. What is with him since the summer? Like that outfit he was wearing yesterday? Is he some sort of fashion designer’s mad experiment?”
“Maybe he’s just trying to give you some competition on the runway?” Kirstin joked. She too had wondered about Bill’s rather eclectic tastes in clothing since reuniting with the boys in Japan, but she assumed he was just going through some bizarre phase.
Nicole laughed. “Oh, he can only wish.”
Kirstin giggled in agreement. “In any case, it shouldn’t be a problem now that the boys have their uniforms, right?”
“That’s probably the best thing about them,” Nicole said before finishing her breakfast.
"These uniforms are the worst!" Hughes grumbled as he looked at himself in one of the many full-length mirrors that he had set up in his and Gelinas' room at Maison Ikkoku. He looked himself up and down again for the twenty-seventh time and his frown deepened.
What he saw staring back at him from the mirror was a frowning young man wearing a plain white polo-style shirt and a pair of ordinary black slacks.
There was a knock at their door and Gelinas walked over to answer it. He opened it to find Aaron and Mike waiting. They, like Hughes and Gelinas, were also wearing the same non-descript shirt and slacks combo. "Morning, gentlemen," Mike greeted as he walked into the room past Gelinas.
"This cannot and will not stand!" Hughes declared as he continued to glare at his reflection in the mirror.
"What cannot and will not?" Aaron asked and he followed Mike into the room.
"Ignore him," Gelinas stated flatly. "He's been going on like that since we got home yesterday and found our uniforms waiting for us in our rooms."
"The uniforms? What's wrong with 'em?" Aaron asked, looking down at himself with confusion.
"Just look at these things! It's a crime against fashion, I tell you!" Hughes proclaimed.
Mike looked at the Aaron and Gelinas, then to Hughes. "Okay, they're not exactly going to light up the fashion runways of New York, Paris, and Milan, but I don't exactly see what's so awful about them," he said with a shrug.
"If I'm forced to wear this getup, I'll look like everyone else!" Hughes explained, exasperated.
"Well, the term 'uniform' would imply some sort of, y'know, uniformity," Mile commented.
Hughes frowned at Mike and returned his attention to the mirror. "Maybe if I widen the collar, flare out the pant legs, add a fuscia scarf..."
"NO!" the other three shouted.
"Oh come on! How else am I supposed to stand out with this drab ensemble?" Hughes whined.
"We're not here to stand out! We're supposed to be hiding from a bunch of people who want to KILL us, in case you've forgotten!" Mike scolded.
"Speaking of which, that's why we stopped by before we met up with the twins and headed off to school. There's some stuff we need to discuss before we attend that meeting with Líng Rén after school that Matt told us about."
"Oh? Like what?" Gelinas asked.
"Well, it would behoove us to remember that as her great grandmother will most likely be attending this meeting, none of us should know Perfume, and thus when she is introduced to us, we should act as if we're meeting her for the first time," Aaron explained.
“Which makes me feel the need point out something myself,” Gelinas interjected.
Hughes rolled his eyes between glares at his reflection. “Of course it does.”
“Seriously, does no one else find it curious that Líng Rén scheduled this meeting at the same place which resides the one person whom if she discovers Matt’s alter ego, and by extension, our curse forms, would most likely kill us for dishonoring, accidental as it may have been, her great granddaughter? Seems like pretty strange logic for someone who proclaims to be trying to protect us, despite moving us CLOSER to our supposed assassins, hmmmm? Does no else have any apprehensions about this whole venture, and I’m not just talking about today’s meeting, but this whole endeavor that is our stay in Japan?” Gelinas stated with an annoyed tone, stopping to give his three friends a meaningful glare.
The other three looked at each other nervously, even Hughes managed to look away from the mirror for a moment to consider Gelinas’ salient points.
“Shut,” Aaron began.
“Up,” Mike continued.
“Bill,” Hughes finished.
Gelinas threw his hands up in surrender, shook his head is disbelief, and walked toward the exit. “Okay, fine. Don’t let the one sane man left in this motley crew stand in the way of this quirky adventure and its mad hijinks. I’ll see you downstairs.” Bill’s sarcasm hung heavily in the air after he left. The other three again looked at each other.
Mike broke the silence, concern etched on his face. “I’m worried about Billy.”
“We should probably do something ,” Aaron commented.
Hughes had returned his attention to his reflection. “We could duct tape his mouth,” he remarked as he tied a chartreuse ascot around his neck.
Mike frowned and walked over to Hughes and yanked the garish accessory off Hughes’ neck. “No. Just… No.”
Hughes hissed dramatically at his friend. Hughes then noticed something on Mike’s head and he grinned broadly. Mike jerked back in surprised shock when Hughes lunged at him, only to realize too late that his friend had ripped his beloved his red cap from his scalp.
“Give it back, Hick boy!” Mike commanded.
Hughes was now standing next to the partially opened door, Mike’s red cap clenched in his hand. His grin broadened. “A uniform, would indicate some sort of, y’know, uniformity. Can’t have this little item making us stand out.” He teased as he bolted from the room.
Mike seethed. “He’s dead,” he declared to Aaron and then bolted from the room to give chase.
Aaron was left alone in the Bill’s room. He sadly shook his head. Forget Gelinas, HE was the last remaining sane one in this collection of misfits. Well, maybe him and Kirstin. Oh, and Nicole and probably Sarah, too. Probably.
The thought of Kirstin made him grin like a love sick puppy. Aaron left the room to head toward the front entrance to meet his… friends.
Sarah arrived at Maison Ikkoku's front door and discovered Matthew Atanian there in the middle of slipping on his black sneakers. He looked up as he heard her approaching. "Hello," he said, a slight nervousness in his voice.
"Oh, hello," she replied in a tone that caught her by surprise when she realized it was a civil one.
This caught Matt by surprise, too. After all, Sarah had been acting most annoyed whenever he saw her over the last few days, ever since his "good Samaritan" from Akihabara had come up in dinner conversation. Matt had been a bit torn over if he should talk to her about it, or just let the matter drop and hope it went away on its own. And strangely, with the latter option seeming to be occurring, he suddenly felt a need to address the former one.
"Sarah?"
She paused from pulling on one of her own shoes to look at him. "What?" she inquired.
Matt swallowed. "Um... About the other day, when I went to Akihabara?"
Sarah blinked, unsure what feeling was gradually building inside herself as this conversation continued. She made no further comment beyond the blink, however, instead simply waiting for Matt to continue his statement.
"The girl who the others saw helping me?" Matt offered. Silence remained his only reply, so he cautiously continued forward upon this potentially hazardous path. "She was just a random helpful stranger I met, who did some translating for me in return for lunch. That was all."
The silence from Sarah continued for a moment and Matt's heart sank. Should he have left well enough alone, after all? Then Sarah looked back down towards her feet, finished slipping on her shoes, and said, "Oh, that? I'd forgotten about that. Why should that be a big deal?"
She continued looking down at her shoes, because she didn't trust herself quite yet to look Matt in the eye. Because, for reasons she either couldn't understand or didn't wish to admit, Matt's words brought a feeling of relief to her. She bloody well had not forgotten about the incident in question, and she hadn't known what bothered her more: having seen Matt with another woman, or that seeing Matt with another woman had bothered her!
What the hell was wrong with her?
But somehow, Matt's words now had comforted her.
She did her best to compose her face into a neutral expression, then finally looked up to meet Matt's eyes once more.
"Right," he said to her, a smile cautiously coming to his face, "no big deal."
"Besides," she replied brightly, "you said it yourself. It isn't like you're ever going to see her again, right?"
Matt's expression froze. The smile stayed on his lips, but drained from his eyes faster than Kenny's Klondike Derby sled. "Right," he said, his tone slightly off. "Said it myself."
Fortunately for Matt, Sarah didn't seem to notice this as she had glanced down at her digital watch. "Better get to the train station!" she said.
"Yeah, me to," Matt replied.
"Good," Sarah then announced. "I'll walk with you."
"What?" Matt almost yelped. He continued with, "You... you will?"
"Well, why not?" Sarah asked. "We're both headed in that direction, so we may as well keep each other company for the walk." She opened the door and walked most of the way through it, holding the door open behind herself. "Well? Coming?"
Matt smiled and nodded. "Right behind you!"
Class 3-C's home room was like any other classroom at Furinkan High School. It had rows of desks lined up in front of large teacher's desk and long green chalkboard. Nicole and Kirstin had found their assigned desks, which were in different rows but right across from each other so the two sisters could remain together.
Around the room, several other students stood or sat and idly chatted while they waited for the school day to begin. There was a nervous energy in the room as Nicole picked up more than a few nervous whispers about what exactly the principal was up to this time.
Nicole sat on her desk and leaned back on her hands, while Kirstin sat at her desk with her hands neatly folded on the top. Every few minutes another student would politely introduce themselves to the twins and the twins in return would politely thank them and state how they hoped they would have a good semester together.
Suddenly, the classroom door slid open dramatically. At first Kirstin thought that the teacher had arrived. She quickly realized that this was erroneous thinking, when entered a teenaged boy wearing a Kendogi, the traditional kendo uniform consisting of a uwagi kimono-like top and Hakama pants. In each of his hands he held a fully bloomed and expertly cut red rose.
“I see that the rumors are not false. Indeed we have been graced by a beautiful set of Gemini goddesses who hail from the land of liberty!” the boy proclaimed.
“Gemini goddesses?” Nicole asked Kirstin with a confused look.
The boy walked toward the girls. “Allow me to welcome you both to our humble yet prestigious institution. I am Kuno Tatewaki, age seventeen, president of the Furinkan High School Kendo Club, the one known as the Blue Thunder of Furinkan, and the scourge of those who would use dark magicks to seduce the innocent!”
“Really now? You don’t say,” Nicole commented flatly, sizing the boy up with her gaze.
The boy then presented each girl with one of the roses. Kirstin accepted it nervously, though politely. Nicole continued to give the boy a scrutinizing gaze. He looked at Nicole and confidently proclaimed, “A token of my affections for such a pair of Gemini goddesses.”
“Oh my,” Kirstin said quietly in surprise.
Nicole looked down at the rose in her hands, then back at the smug boy in front of her. “Yeah, hate to disappoint you, Greased Lightning…”
“Blue Thunder,” Kuno corrected.
“Whatever. Doesn’t matter. You’re barking up the wrong pair of trees there, Fido. She’s taken and, to be frank, your brand of macho bravado just doesn’t do it for me. She then placed the rose in the boy’s hair and lightly smacked him on the cheek. “So, buh-bye.”
“I do not understand…” the boy stammered, confused.
“Hey, hey, don’t take it so hard, big guy. It’s just not meant to be. It’s not me, it’s you. I already have a vain creature that thinks very highly of itself in my life and he’s much cuter than you, so if you don’t mind, would you politely vacate my personal space?” Nicole said, her playful tone doing very little to hide her annoyance.
The boy’s expression grew angry. For a moment, Kirstin feared that Nicole might have pushed him too far. “Curses! He’s bewitched you too! This will not stand!!!” He shouted. He marched to the classroom door, opened it angrily, turned back to the twins with a look that was a mix of determination and sadness. “Fear not, my Gemini goddesses! I will free you from the same dark magicks that scoundrel has used to ensnare you as he has ensnared all the fairest maidens of this school. He will pay!” He then left, the door sliding closed as dramatically as it had opened.
“What, in the bluest of blue hells was all that about?” Nicole asked aloud, hoping someone might clue her in to the insanity she just witnessed.
“Taken?” Kirstin asked Nicole with a pointed look.
Before Nicole could debate once again her sister’s relationship with one Aaron Abdowmassy, another girl walked up to them. Her hair was dark brown, almost chestnut, and it was straight with short bangs and was cut just short of her chin, much how Nicole had worn hers before she cut it last Spring. “I see you met Kuno.”
“What’s his deal?” Nicole asked pointing her thumb toward the now closed door.
“Don’t take anything he said or did personally. You just had the misfortune to be the newest shiny object to attract his attention. Give it a few days, and you'll barely notice him. He’s harmless,” the girl answered bluntly. Then after a short pause, added, “Well, mostly harmless.”
“He does seem to be full of, um, confidence,” Kirstin commented, staring at the rose she had received.
“He’s an idiot,” Nicole said dismissively.
“Hey, don’t be so quick to write him off,” the girl stated. “He’s got his good points, too.”
“Oh really, and those are?” Nicole asked unbelievingly.
The girl grinned. Nicole recognized that grin. She had spent years perfecting it in the mirror. “Well, mainly that he’s very rich and very easy to manipulate.”
Nicole matched the girl’s grin with her own. “Oh, now that does sound interesting,” Nicole said as she put her arm around the girl’s shoulders, and started walking her off to a another corner of the room. “Would you happen to know exactly how rich and how easy to manipulate?”
The girl’s grin grew wider as they walked off. “I think we’re going to get along just fine.”
Kirstin watched as her sister and the new girl walked away toward a different part of the room. Suddenly alone, she returned her gaze back to the gifted rose. Taken? she asked herself.
The boys found themselves sitting in a small square of four seats near the window side of classroom 2-F. Hughes turned to those windows and sighed. During the summer, he had taken to the habit of napping on windowsills in his cat form, happily absorbing that most wonderful sunlight that windowsills seemed to attract. Being back in school meant no more naps. Hughes sighed again.
Gelinas turned his seat around to chat with Mike, who was sitting behind him. Aaron, who was sitting across the aisle from Mike, had moved his chair to join them. Hughes continued to stare out the window.
As the three talked amongst themselves about their afternoon plans, the pair of boys who they met yesterday walked into the classroom and made their way over to them.
“Good morning!” Daisuke greeted.
“Hello,” Mike replied.
“I see you found your homeroom just fine,” Hiroshi commented.
“Yeah. I was wondering where you guys were when we got here,” Gelinas said with a nod.
“Oh, we are in a different classroom. As we said yesterday, we were mainly asked to help you get settled in because of our English proficiency,” Hiroshi answered.
“Yeah, once you guys get more comfortable with everything, you probably won’t see much of us,” Daisuke added.
“Nor will the audience,” Hiroshi added.
“Wait, what?” Gelinas asked, his interest suddenly perked by this bizarre comment.
“Anyway, we wanted to meet with you guys during homeroom to tell you guys where you’ll need to head for the assembly being held this morning,” Hiroshi explained, ignoring Gelinas’ question.
“Yeah, we were wondering about that ourselves,” Mike chimed, “What exactly will this whole obstacle course thing involve? To be frank, that fact that you guys are even holding an obstacle course is pretty weird.”
“Shut up, Squid,” Hughes commented with a grin, which made Gelinas throw him a sour look.
“Well, here’s what will happen,” Daisuke began. “After they take roll and complete homeroom, the entire student body will head down to the assembly hall. There, Principal Kuno will introduce you and the two girls who came wit you to everyone. Everyone will clap politely and that would seem to be that.”
“But…?” Mike prodded, expecting another shoe to be dropped.
“Wow, you guys are fast studies,” Hiroshi commented with a grin.
“Well, when you guys said that no one blamed us, I kinda had the feeling this assembly was not a good thing,” Mike answered.
Daisuke nodded sagely. “Well, yes. It probably won’t be. Most likely, after everyone is done politely clapping and it seems that we can all go about the normal business of education, the Principal will reveal some horribly convoluted scheme, usually involving some sort of bizarre changes in the school rules and regulations. These rule changes will be nonsensical and arbitrary and will most likely be designed to make the student body utterly miserable. Wacky hijinks will then most likely ensue.”
“Um… wow. That’s some very specific exposition about this situation. Does this happen a lot?” Aaron asked.
“Once or twice,” Hiroshi said blankly.
Daisuke smiled. “As I said, we don’t blame any of you. The Principal’s just been looking for an excuse to initiate another one of his idiotic schemes. If you guys hadn’t started taking classes here, he’d probably still would've found an excuse to do it. Probably blame it on…”
“Well, he’s off on another training trip with his dad,” Hiroshi interrupted.
Daisuke nodded. “Yeah, yeah, I know. The happy couple are both gone. Her sister told me that they were off on their ‘honeymoon.’”
“Oh, we’re going to have to give him a good ribbing for that one!” Hiroshi said with a laugh.
Suddenly, Hiroshi and Daisuke broke away from their laughter and realized that the others were staring at them with confused expressions. Hiroshi coughed in embarrassment. “Sorry. Just sharing a joke about a friend of ours that the Principal as a particular grudge against. He’d probably be really great to have around today. “
“But he’s on his honeymoon?” Mike asked, confused.
Hiroshi and Daisuke both smiled and laughed again. “No, not really. But.. Well, when you get a chance to meet them, you’ll understand. Anyway, they’re not around, so it looks like we’re on our own.”
“Lucky us,” Gelinas mumbled.
The classroom door slid open and a middle-aged man with a receding hairline and thick glasses walked in carrying a few bundles of papers and notebooks under his arm. Everyone in the room quietly made their way to their desks. Hiroshi and Daisuke nodded politely to the class representative and indicated that they would stand out of the way in the back of the room.
The class representative stood up. “Please stand,” she stated. Everyone sitting at their desks did so. “Bow.” Again everyone gave a quick bow toward the teacher. The boys quickly did as well, when they saw everyone else do it. “Please sit,” the representative requested to which everyone complied.
“Good morning, everyone. And welcome again to our special guests who will be sharing our classroom this semester. As much as I would like to get you young men engaged in our class as quickly as possible, that will most likely have to wait until tomorrow. For now, I will be taking roll call, and then the young men at the back of the class will escort you to the assembly to meet with the principal. Now, let’s see… Ab-dow-mass-sigh Ay-Rone?”
Aaron sighed, raised his hand, and proceeded to correct the pronunciation of his name for the eighty-seven billionth time in his life.
The boys and the twins stood just off stage in the Furinkan assembly hall. They could see the entire student body, lined up in rows by grade and class standing there, waiting for this big introduction by the mysterious principal and probably more information about this ‘special obstacle course.’
After several minutes of waiting the hall’s lights dimmed and a bright spotlight appeared on the center of the stage. Suddenly, there was an explosion of pyrotechnics and a plume of red, white, and blue smoke appeared on stage. John Philip Sousa’s Stars and Stripes Forever blared from the overhead PA. A moment later, someone leapt through the smoke much to the non-surprise of the silent audience.
He was a tall man with skin that looked tanned to the point of being leather. He was wearing a red, white, and blue Hawaiian shirt with a complimentary red, white, and blue lei around his neck. Above the impossibly white smile on his face were a pair of star-shaped sunglasses and the whole ensemble was topped with a red, white, and blue top hat.
The music died down and the smoke began to clear. The man took a bow to silence. Clearly, if this display was meant to impress the student body, it had failed. The boys, for their part, blinked in stunned silence at the whole thing.
The man pulled out a microphone. “ALOHA, BRUDDAHS AND SISTAHS! The Big Kahuna be welcomin’ you all to this very special assembly!” There was a smattering of unenthusiastic applause, mostly from the teaching staff.
“Not easily impressed, are they?” Mike commented.
“Well, the Principal seems to be going for a low key approach with this assembly,” Daisuke remarked.
“This is low key?” Gelinas asked, disbelieving.
The principal didn’t appear to be deterred by the lack of response. His smile grew larger and more garish. “It be a great honor to be introducin’ some bruddahs and sistahs from my second home of America! They will be learnin’ with you all this next term so let’s be givin’ them a big Waikiki Welcome!”
Aaron turned to their guides with a confused look. “He’s from America?”
Hiroshi shook his head. “No. He just spent some time in Hawaii and became obsessed with it.”
“He’s about as American as you guys are Japanese,” Daisuke commented as he started leading them onto the stage.
As the boys and twins walked on the stage, there were applause, polite and much more genuine than the few the Principal received.
“First, joinin’ senior class 3-C will be the twin sistahs, Porter Kirstin and Porter Nicole,” the principal stated proudly. Nicole took a confident step forward and gave short bow to the students and then turned to the principal and gave another. Kirstin follow suit, though her motions were much more nervous. Both sisters took a step back and returned to the others.
“And in Junior class, 2-F there will be four new students. They are Abdowmassey Aaron, Gelinas Bill, Hughes Bill, and Quadrozzi Mick!”
The boys each winced in pain as the principal managed to mispronounce every single one of their names.
“It’s a soft G, dammit,” Gelinas grumbled.
“How do you manage to mess up ‘Hughes?’” Hughes whispered incredulously.
“Hey, as least he got your first names right. ‘Mick?’ ‘MICK?!’” Mike hissed.
“Welcome to my world, guys. Now let’s stop being rude and get this over with,” Aaron ordered under his breath. The boys proceeded to each step forward, and followed Nicole’s example by bowing to the other students and then to the Principal. After they finished, they stepped back and rejoined the others.
“Now, Bruddahs and Sistahs, the Big Kahuna is expectin’ you to be makin’ our new friends feel welcome and a part of our community!”
The student body politely clapped. The Principal walked over and gave each of them a firm handshake, then returned to his original spot on the stage.
“Hey, that wasn’t so bad. I don’t see what everyone was going on about,” Mike commented while the principal waited for the applause to die down.
“He seems a little eccentric, but I don’t understand why everyone was so worried,” Kirstin added.
“Wait for it,” Daisuke muttered.
The applause eventual quieted and the principal smiled. “Now, speakin' of feelin’ welcome. I’m sure a lot of Japanese school customs be seemin’ mighty strange to you. Teachers be leavin’ and you be stayin’ in the classrooms, cleanin’ the classrooms, the uniforms…”
“Here it comes,” Daisuke commented to himself.
The principal continued, “and that got me to thinkin’. Maybe it be time for a change! These uniforms be mighty stale and maybe it’s time to be makin' a change that be more modern, more stylish, more AMERICAN! And so, with that, it be time for some new uniform rules!”
“And there it is,” Daisuke said with a depressed sigh.
“Hey now, maybe we should hear him out,” Hughes remarked. Excited by the prospect of not wearing the uniform he loathed since yesterday. Aaron, Mike, and Gelinas all glared at Hughes.
“Presentin’… our NEW UNIFORMS!” Principal Kuno shouted. A moment later, two large banners unfurled from the ceiling on each side of the stage. One depicted the supposed new girls’ uniform and the other, the boys’. There was a collective gasp of abject horror from everyone, American and Japanese alike.
The boys’ uniform was atrociously tacky. It consisted of red and white striped pants, a red shirt with a blue vest that had white stars embroidered all over it, complimented with a white bow tie.
The girls’ uniform was no better. It consisted of a white blouse, a red sweater vest, and a blue ‘poodle skirt’ though instead of a dog, the embroidered patch was that of a large bald eagle.
“And of course, new uniforms be needin’ new hair rules as well!” the principal announced.
Two more banners unfurled. Next to the other banners on each side of the stage. The one next to the boys’ uniforms showed a boy with a comically large Elvis-like pompadour. On the girls’ side, the drawing depicted a girl wearing a hair-style that was a cross between Donna Lewis and Peggy Bundy – a bouffant.
“Boys be getting’ the cool American pompadour and girls be getting’ the ladylike bouffants!” Kuno announced happily.
“Oh, not only no, but hell no!” Mike grumbled.
Kirstin hugged her uniform close to herself. “Those things… those things are awful.”
"I dunno," Hughes pondered, "I think I could make it work."
The glare he received from all of the others -- Kirstin included! -- silenced any further ponderings Hughes may have had to offer on the subject.
Meanwhile, there was a large swell of grumbling discontent amongst the audience. More than a few students started cracking their knuckles while glaring at the principal. A few other students also glared at the boys and the twins. Perhaps Hiroshi and Daisuke had been optimistic in their assertions that no one would hold them responsible for the principal’s insanity.
The principal, as if sensing this, held out his arms and motioned for everyone to quiet down. “Now, now, Bruddahs and sistahs. The Big Kahuna be sensin’ that you not be thrilled to be dressing like a real American.”
“That’s dressing like an American? That outfit looks like a something a 1980’s pro-wrestler would reject as too over the top,” Aaron sniped.
Principal Kuno ignored him. “Well, the Big Kahuna be way ahead of you there! See, you not be needin’ to dress like an real American if you be actin’ like a real American! And if there’s one thing Americans be lovin’ it be competition!
“So, the Big Kahuna be buildin’ a special obstacle course for all the Bruddahs and Sistahs! Somewhere, there be a special card. The class that be findin’ that card has proved they be American enough to not be needin’ the new uniforms.
“To be findin’ that card, all the Bruddahs and Sistahs will be needin’ to take a trip to America! Little America!” Principal Kuno announced. He then pulled on a large rope that was dangling near him. Suddenly, hundreds of rolled up papers dropped from the ceiling onto the students. There was another blast of red, white, and blue smoke, which the Principal managed to vanish into.
The boys and the twins managed to snatch a few of the rolled up papers before they all tumbled to the floor from the stage. The huge double doors at the back of the assembly hall opened and students began to file out, most grumbling about the principal’s announcement, some muttering in confusion about Kuno’s contest, and a couple not so quietly blaming the “stupid gaijin” who ruined everything. When Nicole caught a few of those remarks, it was hard to not see the anger in her eyes.
“Okay, first off. How the hell is that man allowed near children? Second, what the hell did he mean that we need to go to America?” Mike asked in confused anger.
Daisuke shrugged sadly. “In terms of the first question, I wish I knew. As for the second one, I get the feeling that when we leave the assembly hall we’re going to find out.”
As the boys and the twins exited the hall and walked onto the campus, they did in fact, get their answer and were greeted with quite a sight. Throughout the campus there were familiar if not exaggerated visions from home. Large scale models of famous landmarks were everywhere. The Empire State Building with a mechanical gorilla angrily waving its arms in a menacing fashion was one such sight and there were many others - The Hollywood sign, the Golden Gate Bridge, Sears Tower, and the Washington Monument. All of them a not-quite-exact replica of the real ones back in their home country, usually with some twisted caricature element added to make them seem ridiculous.
“What. The. Hell,” was all Nicole could muster between dumbfounded blinks.
Near the assembly hall, there was an obvious entrance that appeared to have been constructed to funnel people into area where all the fake monuments appeared to be. It almost looked like the entrance to an amusement park. The sign above the gates was lit up with hundreds of lights and it said KUNO’S LITTLE AMERICA.
Aaron, Mike, and Hughes all looked at Gelinas expectantly as he stared at what lay in front of him. Realizing that the others were staring at him, he tersely shouted, “What?!”
“Aren’t you going to point out how insane this is?” Aaron asked.
“And how did we manage to miss all this when we walked to the Assembly Hall just 20 minutes ago?” Mike added.
“And how something this elaborate and detailed would’ve required months of planning and therefor the Principal must’ve been plotting this months?” Hughes demanded.
Gelinas’ eye twitched a little. “Sorry, I’m too overwhelmed by the sheer preposterousness of the situation to even dissect how preposterous it really is.”
“What the hell is all this?” Aaron said, trying to make sense of the madness that was before them.
“It appears to be ‘Little America,’” Nicole said. The others turned to her and saw that she had unrolled one of the papers that had fallen from the ceiling of the assembly hall. “It looks like an American-themed amusement park. It’s broken up into sections, each with its own regional theme. There’s ‘Little California’, ‘Little New York’, ‘Little Texas”, and a bunch of others.”
Aaron unrolled his own paper and realized that it was a map of what Nicole had just described.
“So, somewhere in there, there’s a ‘Get Out of Stupid Uniforms Free’ card, huh?” Mike remarked looking at the map over Aaron’s shoulder.
“Well guys, it’s been fun. We hate to leave you with all this going on, but as you heard the man, only one class is going to get out of the rules, and as we are in different classes, we have to look out for our best interests. Goodbye!” Daisuke said with a tip of own rolled up map as he and Hiroshi started running toward the entrance of ‘Little America.’
“Gee, thanks a lot,” Hughes groused at the departing guides.
“Um, guys. I think they bring up a really important point,” Kirstin politely interjected.
“Hmmm?” Aaron asked as he looked up from the map.
“You guys are in a different class from Nicole and I. That means that only us girls or you boys can logically win, if any of us win at all,” Kirstin said with a worried tone.
“Damn! That bastard. It’s a divide and conquer tactic. He’s not just happy with turning the entire school against us but he’s trying to split us up,” Mike groused with grudging respect.
Aaron shook his head. “Look, we’re not going to start turning on each other,” he said as he gave Kirstin a reassuring smile. “When we find the damned ticket, we’ll figure out what to do then. Until then, we’re all one team, okay?”
“Go Team America.” Hughes chimed in unenthusiastically.
Nicole continued to stare at her map. As her eyes scanned over every part of it, gears began to turn. Her eyes zeroed on one particular section of the map, then it darted to another, then they darted back and forth between those two points until her eyes lit up in inspiration and she grinned.
“I got a plan,” Nicole announced calmly as he started folding up her map.
“Nicole?” Kirstin asked, surprised.
“Oh?” Hughes asked, curious. “What kind of plan?”
“A plan that involves overturning these stupid new rules and getting everyone back on our side,” she stated confidently.
“That’s great! What do we do?” Kirstin asked.
Nicole shook her head. “We don’t do anything. I gotta work alone. No offense, but it’s best if I do this myself.”
“Well, what are we supposed to do then?” Gelinas asked.
“Well, if in the unlikely situation that I should fail, it would be in our best interest to still locate the ticket Kuno talked about,” Nicole explained.
“Sister, we should stick together. We’re better as a team.”
Nicole smiled and shook her head sadly. “Sorry, sis, but it would take too long to teach you guys what I would need you to learn to help me. I’m going to have to do this on my own.”
“Isn’t there anything we can do to help you?” Kirstin asked.
Nicole’s eyes darted down to her feet for a moment. “Well...” she said hesitantly, “There is one thing you guys could do to help me.”
“What is it?” Mike asked nervously, unsure he was going to like the request.
“Well, It would really help me out if you guys… Well, I kinda need all the money you have on you,” Nicole stated matter-of-factly.
“Seriously?” Mike asked flatly.
“But we're supposed to be meeting Matt at a restaurant after school,” Aaron objected. “What, are we all just supposed to order glasses of water?”
Kirstin looked at the skeptical boys and then back to Nicole. “Sister, do you really think you can get everyone out of these foolish rules?”
Nicole confidently looked her sister in the eyes. Kirstin studied her sister for another moment and then nodded in understanding. Kirstin then reached into her jumper pocket, pulled out her small fabric wallet, pulled out several Yen notes, and handed them to Nicole. She then looked to the boys. “Guys, please.”
Aaron still felt reluctant, but couldn't say no to Kirstin. He pulled out his own wallet and handed his money to Nicole. Mike, Hughes, and Gelinas all sighed, nodded, and did likewise until Nicole had a small stack of Yen notes in her hand. She smiled as she folded the stack into a manageable wad of bills.
Nicole then nodded and proceeded to walk away from them and toward the entrance for ‘Little America.’ “Thanks guys! I won’t let you down!” She then vanished inside.
Aaron turned to the others. “Well, I guess that’s that, then. Like Nicole said, if she doesn’t succeed in, well, whatever she’s planning to do, we still might need that ticket. We need to get in there and find it.”
Mike nodded. “I suggest splitting up into two teams. We can each cover half the course and double our odds of finding the voucher.”
“Good idea. Me, Kirstin, and Gelinas will cover the western half of the course. You and Hughes will cover the eastern half.”
Mike nodded. “Sounds like a plan. It’ll give me a chance to pry out of Hick Boy where the hell he hid my hat this morning.”
“I’ll never tell!” Hughes commented, grabbing a spare map from Gelinas. “And are you ever going to stop calling me that?”
“Not as long as my hat is missing,” Mike replied.
“Let’s all stay focused on the task at hand. We'll meet here at lunchtime, okay?” Aaron asked. The other boys and Kirstin all nodded and agreement. They then split into two parties and proceeded to make their own way into ‘Little America.”
Little New York, 9:46 AM…
Hughes and Mike darted down the alleyway between a pair of brownstone buildings that would not seem out of place in Brooklyn, but felt very strange to see in Tokyo. Mike turned to Hughes. “How many you reckon?”
Chasing them was a mob of some forty plus young men in various brightly colored T-shirts and greased pompadours. Well, ‘chased’ might not be the right word. The men in question were pursuing them, but considering that they did so while constantly snapping their fingers and performing complex choreography, it was more accurate to say that they were dancing after them .
Hughes dared to glance behind him to see.
Snap, step, snap, step, snap, snap, step…
“Too many,” Hughes said between pants.
Mike glared at him. “You had to go an open your mouth!”
Snap, step, snap, step…
“Hey! I had a 50/50 chance of being right!”
“You should’ve kept your mouth shut! If a street gang asks you what side you support, the last thing you do is GUESS!” Mike shouted.
Snap, step, pivot, snap, pivot, snap, step, snap, step…
“Well, I stick by my choice. Sharks is a way cooler name than Jets anyway,” Hughes said defiantly.
Snap, pivot, jump, kick, snap, step, pivot, kick…
“Why did I agree to team up with you? I bet the others aren’t running for their lives right now.”
Snap, kick, pivot, kick, snap, snap, pivot, step, kick, pivot, snap, jump, kick, pivot, snap, snap, snap…
Little Hollywood, 9:47 AM…
Aaron took the turn so sharply that the golf cart he was driving almost rolled over. It managed to correct itself after a moment of dangerous wobbling. Aaron turned to Gelinas who was sitting in the back seat. “Is it still behind us!?”
Gelinas turned his body around to look behind them. Chasing the cart was a large Tyrannosaurus Rex. Well, half of one, at least. The top half was a life-like model of the long extinct dinosaur. The bottom half was a set obviously animatronic legs. Animatronic legs that was bringing said robot-dinosaur dangerously close to their escape vehicle. Gelinas gulped and turned back to Aaron in the driver’s seat. “Faster! Must go faster! Must Go Faster! MUST GO FASTER!!”
“I’m going as fast as this thing can muster!” Aaron shouted back. Kirstin looked behind her and gasped at the sheer size of the robotic monstrosity that was pursuing them.
“I’m going to die at the hands of a Spielberg movie that I didn’t even think was that great!” Gelinas bemoaned.
Aaron was about to protest Gelinas's taste in movies, but quickly considered that this may not be the time or place.
Suddenly the dinosaur’s simulated roars were cut off with a sickening metallic crunch sound. Gelinas turned around to see what it was.
“What was that?!” Aaron asked swerving the golf cart around two workers conveniently carrying a large pane of glass across the road.
“Well, the good news is that we won’t be killed by Steven Spielberg,” Gelinas shouted back.
“That’s great!” Kirstin said as she gripped the dash to keep from being thrown from the vehicle.
“The bad news is that we’re going to be killed by George Lucas!” Gelinas shouted.
Aaron and Kirstin both looked behind them and saw that the dinosaur was no longer chasing them. It had been crushed by the giant boulder currently rolling right behind them.
Kirstin considered pointing out that technically, this was also a film directed by Setphen Spielberg, but also quickly considered that this may not be the time or place.
“Must go faster!” Aaron shouted, pushing the pedal even harder to the floor.
“Must go faster!” Kirstin chorused, her knuckles white from gripping the dash.
“Must go faster!” Gelinas agreed.
Lunch Time…
The Boys and Kirstin met near the entrance of ‘Little America.’ They walked toward the lunch room together to refuel before renewing their search for Kuno’s golden ticket.
“I want to meet with the management of this establishment and file a complaint!” Hughes grumbled as they walked.
Mike ignored him. “You guys have any luck in finding Kuno’s ticket?”
Aaron shook his head. “It was work enough just staying alive. That place is a deathtrap disguised as a cultural mockery. Did you guys see ‘Little Texas?!’ Everyone was wearing ten gallon hats and carrying guns larger than my arm!”
“Hey, at least you guys weren’t almost run over by a swarm of octogenarians on scooters in ‘Little Florida.’ That Kuno guy is messed up in the head,” Mike countered.
“I just hope Nicole is okay in there. At least we’re watching out for each other. She’s in that horrible place alone,” Kirstin said worriedly.
Hughes placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “I’m sure Nicole is fine. Knowing her resourcefulness, she’ll probably have everyone there working for before the day is over.”
Kirstin smiled weakly and nodded in appreciation.
They reached the cafeteria and waited in line. They couldn’t help but notice that some of the students looked a little worse for wear and more than a couple were giving them very unhappy looks. Mike could only hope that Nicole could pull off getting them back in everyone’s good graces. Otherwise this was going to a very long semester.
They got to the head of the line and were immediately each handed a large tray, overflowing with food.
“What’s this?” Gelinas asked, looking down at the edible mountain.
The bored lunchroom worker shrugged. “Special ‘authentic American lunches’ provided by the principal. Bacon double cheeseburgers, fried chicken, chili-cheese fries, corn dogs, and a 3 liter bottle of Coca Cola to drink.”
“That sounds about as healthy as a heart attack,” Hughes remarked as he took his tray.
Kirstin eyed her own try and then looked back at the lunchroom worker with hopeful optimism. “I don’t supposed I could get a salad, could I?”
“Next!” the lunchroom worker barked and the boys and Kirstin found themselves shuffled down the line.
“It’s insidious. Positively diabolical,” Aaron commented as they carried their food outside to eat.
“What is?” Mike asked.
“The Principal’s scheme. I bet he figures that if his ‘Little America’ doesn’t kill us, then lunch will probably will.”
Little Hawaii, 12:37 PM…
Kirstin sometimes found herself from time to time reflecting on her life and the choices she had made to bring her to where she was at a particular moment. Where she was at this particular moment was bound and gagged and being held aloft by several angry men in grass skirts near the crater of a volcano. She felt beads of sweat form on her brow, partly from the heat of the bubbling lava inside the crater, but mostly from stress of the very dire situation she found herself in.
The largest man in a grass skirt looked at Kirstin. “You have angered the volcano god! He demands a virgin sacrifice!”
“Mrrffn maffrice?!” Kirstin shouted, her words muffled by the gag in her mouth. We’re these guys serious?! Was part of Hawaii was this supposed to be based on?! And where on Earth were Aaron and Gelinas?
They had been separated soon after they entered ‘Little Hawaii’ when Kirstin was snatched by the several tanned and muscular men who were now planning on sacrificing her because… well, she couldn’t actually fathom why they were planning to do that.
“Let her go!”
It was Aaron who had shouted! Kirstin looked to where his voice had come from. “Mmmffron?”
“The volcano god must be appeased!” the leader declared as he crossed his muscular arms.
“Seriously, what the hell part of Hawaii did the Principal visit to think this was even remotely something that happens in America?” Gelinas asked incredulously.
Aaron couldn't help but think that for once, Gelinas had a point. But for now, he ignored it and just gave the leader a steely gaze. “I’m warning you. Defy me and I will curse you! I am a powerful witch doctor and I turn those who defy me into sniveling dogs. Watch!”
“Aaron, what the hell are you talking…?” was all Gelinas managed to say before Aaron dumped the remaining contents of his cold bottle of coke on him and he shrunk down to his animal form.
The leader shirked back in horror at witnessing this, as did his men. Kirstin felt herself hit the ground as the men holding her dropped her and ran off screaming in the direction opposite of where Aaron was.
Kirstin opened her eyes and saw that Aaron was standing over her. He smiled. “Sorry for keeping you waiting.
“Mmffank Ffooo” she said through the gag as he proceeded to untie her arms and legs.
Gelinas barked urgently. Aaron looked over to the small black dog and smiled sheepishly. “Sorry about that, Billy. I didn’t have a lot of time to think of a better plan. I promise we’ll find you some hot water as soon as we can.”
Gelinas whined and continued to bark incessantly.
Aaron and Kirstin looked at him, confused. They then looked back to where Gelinas was staring as he barked. A dark shadow fell over all three them as a fifty-foot tidal wave bore down on them.
“Oh…”
“Mmmffffit,” Kirstin finished.
Little Chicago, 1:12 PM…
Hughes and Mike, crouched down to the ground as another round of machine gun fire rang out. They ducked between crates in what they thought was an abandoned warehouse inside ‘Little Chicago.’ It was only when a large conglomeration of men in fedoras and pinstripe suits brandishing tommy guns arrived, were they informed that the warehouse was very much not abandoned.
When the men demanded to know who they were, their answer was interrupted by the arrival of a large contingent of Irish-sounding police officers who demanded that everyone surrender.
Things went downhill from there.
“Give yerselves up! We've got you surrounded!” an Irish-sounding voice called out followed by a few gun shots.
“Nyah! You’ll nevah take us alive, coppah, see?” another stereotype shouted back, which was followed by a few rapid bursts of machine gun fire.
“I’m really, really beginning to hate this school!” Mike shouted over the gunfire to Hughes.
“Hey, you’re the one who wanted to check this place out. I was happy to just get a slice of deep dish pizza, but nooooooooooo, you said that this looked like a good place to hide that stupid ticket!” Hughes shouted back over the sound. He then sniffed the air. “Hey, I know that smell!”
“What smell?” Mike asked, trying to stay low.
Hughes sniffed the air and started crawling off. Mike followed him. They came upon a set of crates that were full of bullet holes and were now leaking fluid. An orangish fluid.
Hughes sniffed the fluid, stuck his finger into the stream, and then sampled it. He spit. “500 proof OJ?”
“How’s that supposed to help us?! You getting drunk is the last thing we need. We need to get out of here and… and…” Mike then looked at the streams of fluid spritzing onto the floor. He then grinned. “Hughes! Bless your beautiful nose, you lush!”
Hughes groaned. “Don't call me that! After what happened before, I am off this stuff!”
Mike looked at Hughes with a smile. “Well, good! Because I can think of better uses for this liquid than simply sitting in your gut!”
Hughes stared at Mike for a moment and blinked. Then his eyes lit up in understanding.
A few minutes later, the shootout between the gangsters and the cops continued unabated, none of its participants had noticed when a squirrel and a small cat, both dripping sticky orange liquid and dragging small bundles of clothing, slinked out of the warehouse.
Little.... ???, 2:27 PM...
Kirstin sat up with a start, awakened by the sound of a dog's bark. She blinked a few times and brushed a damp lock of auburn hair from out of her eyes.
“Mmmmfffwo?” she asked. She then realized that she was still wearing the gag. Aaron hadn't had a chance to remove it before the tidal wave crashed down. Her hands were free now, though, so she yanked it down from her mouth. “Hello?”
There was a guttural whine. A moment later, a small black dog ran to her, in his mouth he was dragging a white polo shirt and a pair of black pants.
“Billy?” Kirstin asked.
The dog dropped the clothes and barked while nodding.
“Are you okay?” Kirstin asked.
Billy barked again and nodded.
“Where's Aaron?”
A moment later there was a quack and a large white duck came flapping down from the sky and landed in front of her. The duck waddled up to her and quacked again.
“Thank goodness you guys are okay. I was worried that something happened to you when that tidal wave came and... oh! Aaron, did you lose your clothes when the water hit you?”
Aaron shook his head and pointed to just behind where Kirstin was still sitting on the ground. Behind her was a neat pile of clothing. Kirstin then realized that if she was still laying down, the pile would be exactly where her head would've been.
“Oh,” Kirstin said with a slight blush. “Thank you.”
The duck scratched the back of his head with his wing and blushed, which was quite a feet for an aquatic waterfowl. The dog rolled his eyes.
Kirstin stood up and picked up Aaron's and Gelinas' clothes. She proceeded to drape them neatly over her arm. She then looked around and realized that they were no longer in Little Hawaii. The palm trees and tropical plants had been replaced with corn stalks, barns, and silos. There were also garish, brightly colored houses, hideously tacky fountains, and technicolor lampposts and street signs.
“Where... are we?” Kirstin asked aloud.
Aaron could only shrug his wings. Gelinas barked. Kirstin then realized that she had been lying down in the middle of a narrow road. A narrow brick road. A narrow brick road that had been painted yellow.
She blinked a few times. “I don't think we're in Little Kansas anymore, Billy.”
3:00 PM....
The sound of the famed Westminster chimes echoed across the campus of Furinkan High School. Everyone simultaneously looked to the large clock at the front and center of the main school building with a look of both horror and resignation.
3:00 PM. Time was up.
Aaron, Kirstin, and Gelinas found Hughes and Mike waiting for them at the prearranged meeting place at the front of the school. Mike and Hughes both had clothes were disheveled and a strangely disgusting citrus smell about them that neither of them were prepared to discuss.
Mike looked over Aaron, Kirstin, and Gelinas. Their clothes appeared to had have been drenched and had only started to dry out in the late summer air. He arched an eyebrow. “What happened to you guys?”
"I don't want to talk about it."
Everyone then nodded in an unspoken agreement that what had happened in Little America should probably stay in Little America.
“Did anyone find the voucher?” Aaron asked with a combination of desperation and dread.
Mike shrugged half-heartedly. “Doubt it. If someone had, this whole circus would’ve ended already.
“Ugh! Those fabric atrocities make these dull things look like the height of taste,” Hughes bemoaned with a slight slur, his opinion apparently having changed since this morning. Maybe he was finally coming to his senses from whatever had overcome him in the summer? He was looking down at his dirty, rumpled, and soon to be replaced uniform with an expression of sadness.
“ALOHA, BRUDDAHS AND SISTAHS!” came a voice from up above them. Everyone looked upward and saw what was a most interesting sight. Floating some 40 feet above the student body in a pineapple-shaped hot air balloon was their bizarre Principal. He had changed into a more standard Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses and appeared to be addressing the entire student body through a battery-powered bullhorn from the safety of his one-man balloon basket.
The Principal had a garish smile etched on his comically tanned face. He continued, “Did all you Bruddahs and Sistahs enjoy your visit to Little America?”
“NO!” the entire student body shouted back. Several students were sporting bumps ,bruises, and rumpled uniforms. More than a few were wrapped in bandages.
The exaggerate smile fell from the Principal’s face. “Bruddahs and Sistahs, you’re bumming’ the Big Kahuna out.” A moment later the smile returned with a vengeance. “It be lookin’ like no one be findin’ my special rules voucher, so it be lookin’ like the new rules be goin’ in effect tomorrow. The Big Kahuna did a good job hidin’ it!” Principal Kuno then reached into his tacky floral print Hawaiian shirt and pulled out a large white card with the words GET OUT OF RULES FREE on it.
“What a sec…” Mike grumbled.
“He had it on himself the WHOLE time?!” Aaron shouted, furious.
“Cheating bastard!” Hughes swore under his breath.
“That figures,” Gelinas said with a defeated sigh.
“He cheated? Well, that’s… I mean, he… But… That… That…” Kirstin said quietly, barely audible over the collected grumbles and moans from the rest of the students. A moment later she took a deep breath and shouted “THAT JERK!” louder than anyone ever thought she was physically capable.
The boys all turned toward Kirstin in stunned silence. Her face was beet red, but she took a deep breath and a moment later she was once again the picture of serene calmness. “Oh my. That was rather rude of me, wasn’t it?”
Hughes smiled and put his arm around Kirstin, which made Aaron frown. “It’s okay. You just said what we were all thinking.”
“Can he do that? Cheating shouldn’t be allowed right?” Mike asked.
“Well, he never actually said that the voucher couldn’t be on his person. I’m pretty sure he’s counting on a technicality to save him from a lynch mob when he lands,” Gelinas remarked.
Principal Kuno gave a hearty laugh. “Now, if all you Bruddahs and Sistahs could line up, We can be getting’ you your new threads and we’ll be trimmin' those do’s. For the Bruddahs and Sistahs whose do isn’t long enough to be rockin’ the pompadour or the bouffant, we be havin’ wigs for you to wear until your locks be long enough!”
Broken and defeated, the other students started marching slowly toward the main school building to meet their tacky red, white, and blue fates.
“Excuse me! Can I have your attention please!” a familiar voice sounded out.
The boys, Kirstin, and the rest of the students all turned to where the voice came from – the front gate. Standing on a hastily constructed platform was Nicole. She was still wearing her blue Furinkan jumper, but she also wore a Hachimaki headband with the characters of the yen and the dollar signs on either side of the red rising sun of Japan. In her left hand was a bullhorn of her own and, in her right, she proudly brandished a large flagpole that was topped with a brass bald eagle spreading its wings and with the ol’ stars and stripes itself attached, fluttering in the conveniently sudden breeze.
Kirstin looked on with a combination of both shock and admiration. It took a few moments for her to realize that there was someone at the foot of the makeshift stage holding a large electric fan, which is was generating the breeze for her flag to flutter dramatically. Kirstin always admired her twin’s ability to make an entrance and own a situation, but this was taking it to a whole new level.
Nicole smiled. A stern looking Japanese woman with horn-rimmed glasses and in a very expensive looking suit jacket and matching skirt joined Nicole on the small platform. The new woman put a bullhorn of her own to her mouth and, a moment later, she started speaking in Japanese.
“My apologies for needing a translator, but as my Japanese still has some rough spots, I’d prefer that this announcement not be muddled by any errors on my part,” Nicole stated confidently. The other woman followed this with more Japanese.
Nicole smiled at the woman and then turned her gaze toward the still hovering Principal in his balloon. “Principal Kuno, I believe that you are being premature in telling the students to start making preparations for a change in the dress code.”
Principal Kuno looked at Nicole as if she were speaking Martian instead of English. “Me be thinkin’ that the sistah be mighty confused. No one be findin’ the special voucher, everyone be getting’ on wit the new rules!”
Nicole smiled. It was a smile that would make sharks flee in terror. “But honored Principal, I thought that the whole point of this exercise was to experience the joys of being an American. To embrace the American way of life and to appreciate our culture, was it not?”
“I don’t be understandin’ what the sistah be getting’ at,” Kuno responded back.
The more sweetly Nicole smiled, the more frightening it felt. This was the smile of a predator who was about to take down a formidable prey completely unawares. “Well, as a American, I felt it was my inherent duty to find an American solution to the very the devious puzzle that you laid before us. For if there’s one thing Americans are known for it’s never giving up in the face of defeat. Just because we didn’t find the voucher, that doesn’t mean we lost. We just needed to find another solution. A uniquely American solution.”
“What’s she talking about?” Aaron asked Kirstin.
Kirstin shushed him, her eyes focused on her sister in pure admiration. “Go Nicole!” She said quietly to herself with absolute pride in her family.
“Will the sistah kindly be getting’ to her point? The Big Kahuna has haircuts he be needin’ to give,” Principal Kuno asked brusquely, the fear in his voice evident as he appeared to be unnerved by this bold girl.
“My apologies, honored Principal. We can forgo further pleasantries and get to matter at hand.” She then nodded to the other woman. The other woman set down her bullhorn, pulled out a small radio from her jacket and started barking commands into it.
A moment later there was a light buzzing in the air. The buzzing grew louder and louder until it became less of a buzz and more of a rapid thump. Whatever it was, it was getting closer. The boys, Kirstin, and the rest of the students looked about to find the source. It took a few moments for Hughes to realize that there was music mixed in with the thumping. Wagner’s Ride of the Valkyres if he remembered correctly.
Suddenly from over the skyline made by the school building, three large military helicopters appeared, German opera blaring from speakers mounted on their undercarriage. All three took hovering positions over the Principal’s balloon and a moment later, rope ladders descended and men is very expensive business suits and holding briefcases climbed down to meet the Principal in his floating sanctuary.
“What be all this, then?” Principal Kuno asked in confused fear.
Nicole’s smile vanished. “I don’t like stereotypes and I DON’T like bullies. This entire farce of an exercise was both. You tried to make us feel separated from the other students because we’re Americans, and worst still, you tried to use us as an excuse to bully everyone else.
“My sister and I came here to learn about Japan and understand the home of our grandmother. But you never considered that we wanted to learn more about you and in turn about ourselves. All you saw were six round-eyed America gaijin novelties to play with!
“You know what? Fine! If we’re nothing more than ‘The Americans’ to you, then I’m just going to have to do the most American thing I could think of: I GOT SOME LAWYERS!”
The men on the rope ladders swung precariously over the campus as they started handing large bundles of documents to the stunned Principal.
“Fujisawa-san is handing you a lawsuit for damages from the Katsunori Uniform company. It seems that changing the dress code so suddenly required you to go to another uniform manufacturer, which was a breach of your current contract with them. I don’t suspect that will go well.
“Shibata-san is handing you a personal negligence lawsuit for that unhealthy mess you served us under the guise of ‘Lunch.’ Who knows what long-term health effects we’ll all suffer from all that salt, oil, and fat? Someone charged with the care and protection of your community’s youth should know better.
“And of course, Takahata-san is handing you the preliminary paperwork for the soon to be very large class-action lawsuit for the pain and suffering you have inflicted upon the student body with this sideshow of yours. My assistant, Kurosawa-san, will be collecting depositions from any student who wishes to participate as a plaintiff.”
While Nicole was speaking, the woman who had been standing next to her had set up a small table and there was already a long line of students lined up to join the suit.
“Wow!” Aaron said in amazement.
“Way to go, sister!” Kirstin quietly cheered.
“Stick it to the man!” Hughes added not so quietly.
The terrifying smile returned to Nicole’s face. “Of course, I’m not unreasonable. I’m sure we can find a way to settle this like rational adults without getting the very confusing and complicated Japanese legal system involved, right?”
Principal Kuno stood inside his balloon’s basket, both arms clutching bundles of paper, his basket literally overflowing with reams of paperwork. Random sheets blowing in the wind and fluttering to the ground below. He looked at the three very stern looking men on their rope ladders and then down to Nicole and the long line of students . “After much considerin’, there will be no changin’ the rules this semester. The old uniforms will stay.”
The student body erupted in cheers.
It was about twenty minutes before the commotion died down. The boys and Kirstin took advantage of it to retrieve their school bags from their lockers before trying to meet up with Nicole who had been swarmed by grateful students after the Principal conceded defeat. Eventually, most of the other students wandered off to do club activities or simply headed home. Now that the crowd had thinned out, Kirstin and the boys were able to walk toward the front gate.
They found Nicole sitting on the edge of her small stage platform, her bag sitting next to her on the stage and her legs dangling as she chatted with the stern-looking woman who had been translating her speech for everyone. The woman had taken off her glasses and her expression was much more friendly.
“Nicole!” Kirstin shouted with a happy wave.
Nicole smiled. “Hey guys, how’s it going?”
“That was awesome,” Mike complimented.
“Astounding,” Aaron added.
“Fantastic,” Hughes chimed in.
“Some might even call it highly unlikely,” Gelinas muttered.
“Bill, shush,” Kirstin chided politely, which drew a smile from everyone else.
Gelinas shook his head fervently. “But… But… HOW?!”
Nicole grinned devilishly. “Oh, that’s easy. I simply turned our enemy’s weapon against him. It’s wasn’t hard, really.”
“I think you’re understating things, sister,” Kirstin prodded, knowing her sister very much wanted to bask in her triumph.
Nicole smiled and shrugged. “Okay, let’s say that I’ve had some very interesting conversations today and one of them contained some very useful information on the Principal and his immediate family.”
“Such as?” Aaron asked.
“Well, aside from being very wealthy, it appears that most members of the Kuno clan appear to have some form of megalomania that, if properly guided, can be used to manipulate them for any number of useful ends,” Nicole answered.
“I’m starting to get very nervous about the direction this conversation is taking,” Mike commented.
“Nicole,” Kirstin interjected, “Perhaps you could focus more on how you managed to put all this together.”
“Ah. Well, after our ‘honored principal’ revealed his little stereotype fun park here, I decided that I was not about to let myself be another rat running around his maze.” Nicole realized that everyone was suddenly giving her a flat pointed look. “Oh. Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”
“No offense taken,” Gelinas muttered.
“Anyway, it was looking like he was stacking the deck against us. But he hadn’t taken into account that I had the most powerful weapon at my disposal: Knowledge. As I said, I had learned a lot about our principal and his little display during the assembly only confirmed some of my assumptions concerning the gaps in my knowledge.
“So, when I took a look over the maps of his ‘Little America’ that they gave us after the assembly, something very interesting caught my eye.”
“What was it?” Kirstin asked.
Nicole took out the map and pointed to a few things on it as she spoke. “Look here. Little Vegas. And look at this street running through Little New York. Little Wall Street. Now knowing what I did about the Principal, I had to ask myself if he was the kind of man so invested in his little display that he would actually incorporate things like gambling and stock trading into his ‘authentic recreation.’ My gut told me that yes, he was probably just that crazy. It was his own undoing, really. Maybe in the hands of someone else, those things might not have posed much of a threat to him, but he didn’t know he was playing against Nicole Porter.”
Mike snapped his fingers. “The money you borrowed!”
Nicole pointed at Mike. “Bingo! I was able to use that as seed money to play the tables at the very tacky casino nestled inside Little Vegas. When you work with numbers like me, counting cards at black jack is pretty simple. “
“I'll be sure not to repeat that to Sarah, dear sister,” Kirstin said with a genuine smile.
Nicole grinned. “By the time lunch rolled around, I was ready to initiate phase two and I moved on to Little Wall Street. While the other students were busy trying to fight off the mechanical Bear and Bull robots he’d set up to deter people from searching for the ticket, I was actually using their computers to trade stocks on the Nikkei Exchange. Game, set, match. American Girl.”
“Wait, wait, wait. Something still doesn’t add up,” Gelinas complained.
“Oh? You think?” Nicole asked coyly while the others simply glared at him.
Gelinas ignored the looks the others were giving him and pressed on. “Okay, I concede that you acquired the funds brilliantly, BUT even if you had acquired the money needed, there’s just no way you could have managed to not only hire multiple lawyers but also to have multiple lawsuits ready to threaten the principal with in only a few hours. Even OUR legal system can’t pull that off!”
Nicole held her hands up in surrender. “Okay, you caught me. I didn’t quite have the time to do everything I had hoped to do, which is why I had to go with plan B.”
“Plan B?” Mike asked with an arched eyebrow.
The woman in the business suit politely waved. Nicole smiled and gestured at her. “Guys, meet Ai Kurosawa, president of Kurosawa Stunt Productions.”
“A stunt team?” Hughes asked.
Ai nodded politely. “We do stunt work for some the major Tokyo studios, but we also do our own productions as well. Sentai stage shows and the like. When Nicole contacted us and told us what she wanted to put together and when she needed it, I had to say that the challenge of putting it together on such short notice was quite appealing. Her willingness to pay triple our cost was even more appealing.”
“Well, it was worth every yen, Ai. My compliments to you and your entire team,” Nicole said.
Gelinas frowned slightly. “So, the lawyers on the helicopters were really just stunt men?”
Nicole rolled her eyes. “Well, yeah. You didn’t think real lawyers would hang on rope ladders to deliver subpoenas, did you? Japan might be a little crazy, but not that crazy.”
“But what about all the legal documents you bombarded with principal with?” Aaron asked.
Nicole pointed to the ground at a few of the scattered pieces of paper that had fluttered to the ground and had been trampled on. The boys each picked one up and started reading.
“Wait a second… this is just a recipe for layer cake,” Mike exclaimed.
“Mine is a partial script to an episode of Homeboys from Outer Space,” Aaron noted.
“I have the Emancipation Proclamation in pig Latin,” Hughes added.
Gelinas looked up from his copy of the lyrics to the Kenny Loggins classic Highway to the Danger Zone. “But what if he had actually read any of this? He would’ve known you were bluffing.”
Nicole shrugged. “It was a calculated risk, I admit. I figured the odds were in my favor. Usually the easiest way to get someone to not read something is to say it’s a legal document. As for it all being a bluff?" Nicole smirked. "Guilty as charged.
“Men like Kuno respect big displays of bravado. Simply having a lawyer serve him papers wouldn’t have done anything to deter him from doing something else to make everyone miserable later. If, however, I publicly put him on the spot with a big showy display and force him back down, he’ll be much more wary of trying anything like that again. Thanks to Ai and her team. I was able to do just that.“
“It was our pleasure. I look forward to working with you again in the future,” Ai said politely. She then bowed politely to Nicole and the others before departing.
Nicole slipped off the stage to the ground and bowed herself. “You can count on it. Thank you, very much.”
After Ai walked away, the group stood in silence for a moment. The silence was broken by Bill Gelinas. "Hold on a second, if you had all that planned out, then everything we just went through, that was for nothing?"
Nicole put a reassuring hand on Gelinas's shoulder. "No, of course not. You all had a vital role to play," she assured him.
Gelinas just looked at her with the most sceptical of looks.
"After all," Nicole continued, "I needed you all out here getting in crazy trouble to entertain the principal and distract him so he wouldn't notice what I was up to!"
Gelinas could only reply to that with a resigned groan.
Nicole snapped her fingers. “Oh yeah, I almost forgot! I have something for you guys. She then reached into her school bag and carefully pulled out a small bunch of small folded papers. She then unfolded them and after looking them over, handed one to each of the boys and Kirstin.
Hughes looked at the paper he received and realized it was a check. “A check?”
“It’s the money I borrowed this morning, PLUS 100% interest as a thank you for trusting in Nicole Porter Enterprises!" she answered brightly. "And," she added in a more warm tone, "in me.”
“Sister, you didn’t need to do that. You should keep the extra for all the work you did,” Kirstin said. The other boys nodded in agreement.
Nicole’s devilish grin returned. “Oh, don’t worry about me. I made plenty more.” She then picked up her bag and smiled much more genuinely. “Ready to head home?
“Hey, Nicole! Wait up!” a voice called out. Everyone looked toward it. It was a girl that the boys were not familiar with. Kirstin recognized her as the girl that Nicole had gone off to talk to during homeroom, but she had not gotten the girl's name. She had two other girls walking with her.
After they joined the others at the gate, the unidentified girl walked up to Nicole. “That was a mighty clever bit of scheming you pulled off today. You’ve impressed me, and as everyone will tell you, I’m not that easily impressed.”
“Thanks,” Nicole said.
“Some friends of mine are going out to celebrate with some karaoke after school. Would you like to join us?” the girl asked.
Nicole looked at her sister and friends and then back to the girl. “Can my friends and sister come too?”
The girl smiled. “Sure, if they don’t mind me picking your brain all afternoon.”
Nicole looked back to the others again. “What do you say, guys?”
The boys looked at each other, then back at Nicole. “Um, sorry. We've already got plans,” Aaron answered.
“Oh yeah, you said earlier you were meeting up with Matt at a restaurant.” Nicole shrugged, and said, “Pity, though. Skipping out on Karaoke with me and some cute local girls. Maybe next time, boys?” Suppressing a giggle, she then turned to Kirstin. “Sis?”
Kirstin looked at Aaron and narrowed her eyes slightly. She then turned back to her sister. “Actually, I’m going to head back to Maison Ikkoku. This day has been more tiring than I expected. You should go though. No need to turn down your new friend on my account.”
Nicole eyed her sister with concern, but then shrugged again. “If you’re okay with it. Let Sarah know that I’ll be out, okay?”
Kirstin nodded. “I will. Just, don’t stay out too late, okay? Have fun, sister.”
Nicole nodded and turned to the girl. “Let’s go.”
With that, Nicole and the other three girls walked through the gate and off the campus. The boys watched her walk away for a few moments before turning back to Kirstin.
“Um… will you be okay heading back to the boarding house on your own? We're already a little late for meeting up with Matt,” Aaron stammered apologetically. The others picked up their bags and started walking away.
“Wait!” Kirstin called after the others, who stopped in their tracks. She then crossed her arms in a very no-nonsense manner and looked at Aaron. “Does this have anything to do with what you boys are really doing in Japan?”
Aaron's jaw dropped a bit, which was all the answer Kirstin needed.
“I thought so,” Kirstin said. “It seemed a little strange to me that you four were all accepted to this exchange program. I mean no offense, but it did have a rather stringent set of qualifications.”
“No offense taken,” Hughes replied.
“And Matthew being given a teaching position at another school,” Kirstin continued. “I don't mean this as a slight to his intelligence either, but he is hardly an accredited teacher.”
Aaron, Mike, and Hughes nodded.
“Why is it,” Gelinas asked, “she can say this kind of stuff, and you're all fine with it? But the moment I do, all I ever hear is, 'Shut up, Bill'?”
“Shut up, Bill,” one of the other boys replied.
“So the only logical explanation I could come up with is that you're caught up in some improbable misadventure once again, possibly the biggest one yet,” Kirstin concluded. “Well, come on. You're all late to meet Matthew. You can fill me in on the details on the way.”
Matt's Notes and Disclaimers
Hello! Matt here! Once again, it has been far too long since I have had a new story to present to you, and once again, dear reader, the fault is entirely my own. For a while, I was trying to write this story myself. But I just had a horrid case of writers block concerning what to do with the concept of an at-school obstacle course set up by Principal Kuno! Finally, I gave up! Instead, I sent an e-mail to that trusty stalwart Jason Bertovich, saying, "Jason, could you pretty please write another story for me? Please?"
And being Jason, the wonderful person that he is, he proceeded to do so! And then I, like a jack-arse, just sat on it for a long while.
I really don't know what to say, other than that at this point it must be pretty obvious that my drive to work on Boy Scouts ½ seems to wax and wane. I say specifically my "drive to work" on it, not my "interest to work." Rest assured that my interest in this world I created never goes away, and eventually I will always return to it. As for the near future, I have more work from that powerhouse that is Jason, in the form of the third installment of the Perspectives reboot, that like the jack-arse I have previously stated myself to be, I have been sitting on for about as long as I have been sitting on this story! And as for the next installment of Boy Scouts ½ in Japan, well, all I can say is that I am about a page and a half into it, and for the moment at least, I feel the drive to continue! (Wish me luck!)
I did do some fiddling around with things here and there. There is one scene Jason asked me to provide, the scene with Matt and Sarah in the foyer of Maison Ikkoku. And, of course, I did the usual slight tweaking and adjusting and minor additions that I often do when prepping the story to go online. But, as the credit at the beginning of the story suggests, this tale is still mostly one of Jason's. So thank you, Jason, for once again writing a wonderful addition to Boy Scouts ½! He hasn't given me any Author's Notes yet, though... He first wanted to see what tweaks and additions I might in fact make, so that he could make his notes based on the final version of the story. I look forward to seeing what he has to say! I figured I'd write my notes first, though. I do know he likes to have the final word, ha ha.
A few more notes before I turn things over to him:
The girl who Nicole meets, and who provides information on the Kuno family. I had had a rather inflexible rule in my head going into Boy Scouts ½ in Japan that, while I would happily include any other characters from the original work, in order to maintain the feel of an "Elsewhere Fic," these stories would not be featuring any members of the families Saotome or Tendo. Yet, to any who know the original work, it is pretty obvious that this girl is Tendo Nabiki. Jason pleaded and begged me to let him use her, and said he would do it in a way that might not quite break my rule. And I see now that he basically followed the same train of thought as the producers of Star Trek: Enterprise. "Hey, it is established cannon that the Federation and Humanity do not encounter species such as the Ferengi and the Borg until the time of The Next Generation. But we really want to do episodes with them! As long as we never mention their names, we can still say, 'The Federation has no records of previous meetings,' and cannon is preserved! Right? Right?"
I was dubious... but, well, Jason's writing won me over, and I suppose as long as we don't use this mysterious unnamed character again, I shall let it slide rather than request any rewrites from Jason.
Does this mean, maybe, I should give Star Trek: Enterprise another chance? Heck, I hear it actually started to get good in season four, just before it got canceled!
Nah...
Poor Aaron getting his name mangled by the teacher. But at least it was not Mr. Garvey. "A. A. Ron. Where is A. A. Ron at? Anyone? Is there an A. A. Ron Abdowmassy in this class? Well, why didn't you answer me when I first called your name, A. A. Ron?"
Kirstin's last (muffled) word in the Little Hawaii scene. I am sure, that if we had heard her clearly, she would have said, "crap," right? After all, a lady of her refinement would never say a certain four letter word beginning with the letter S, and any semblance to that word that her muffled cry may have had was purely caused by the muffle. That's my story, at least, and I am sticking to it!
Anyway, some other disclaimers. Maison Ikkoku, Furinkan High School, Jusenkyo curses, members of the family Kuno, Hiroshi, Daisuke, and the mysterious unnamed girl *cough* Nabiki! *cough* are all elements from works by Takahashi Rumiko, namely Maison Ikkoku and Ranma ½. These elements are used without permission. Also, this story is not endorsed by or intended to reflect upon the Boy Scouts of America. Finally, although I shall leave it to Jason to definitively confirm or deny, no fermented orange juice was used in the conceptualization or the writing of this story.
On to Jason!
And being Jason, the wonderful person that he is, he proceeded to do so! And then I, like a jack-arse, just sat on it for a long while.
I really don't know what to say, other than that at this point it must be pretty obvious that my drive to work on Boy Scouts ½ seems to wax and wane. I say specifically my "drive to work" on it, not my "interest to work." Rest assured that my interest in this world I created never goes away, and eventually I will always return to it. As for the near future, I have more work from that powerhouse that is Jason, in the form of the third installment of the Perspectives reboot, that like the jack-arse I have previously stated myself to be, I have been sitting on for about as long as I have been sitting on this story! And as for the next installment of Boy Scouts ½ in Japan, well, all I can say is that I am about a page and a half into it, and for the moment at least, I feel the drive to continue! (Wish me luck!)
I did do some fiddling around with things here and there. There is one scene Jason asked me to provide, the scene with Matt and Sarah in the foyer of Maison Ikkoku. And, of course, I did the usual slight tweaking and adjusting and minor additions that I often do when prepping the story to go online. But, as the credit at the beginning of the story suggests, this tale is still mostly one of Jason's. So thank you, Jason, for once again writing a wonderful addition to Boy Scouts ½! He hasn't given me any Author's Notes yet, though... He first wanted to see what tweaks and additions I might in fact make, so that he could make his notes based on the final version of the story. I look forward to seeing what he has to say! I figured I'd write my notes first, though. I do know he likes to have the final word, ha ha.
A few more notes before I turn things over to him:
The girl who Nicole meets, and who provides information on the Kuno family. I had had a rather inflexible rule in my head going into Boy Scouts ½ in Japan that, while I would happily include any other characters from the original work, in order to maintain the feel of an "Elsewhere Fic," these stories would not be featuring any members of the families Saotome or Tendo. Yet, to any who know the original work, it is pretty obvious that this girl is Tendo Nabiki. Jason pleaded and begged me to let him use her, and said he would do it in a way that might not quite break my rule. And I see now that he basically followed the same train of thought as the producers of Star Trek: Enterprise. "Hey, it is established cannon that the Federation and Humanity do not encounter species such as the Ferengi and the Borg until the time of The Next Generation. But we really want to do episodes with them! As long as we never mention their names, we can still say, 'The Federation has no records of previous meetings,' and cannon is preserved! Right? Right?"
I was dubious... but, well, Jason's writing won me over, and I suppose as long as we don't use this mysterious unnamed character again, I shall let it slide rather than request any rewrites from Jason.
Does this mean, maybe, I should give Star Trek: Enterprise another chance? Heck, I hear it actually started to get good in season four, just before it got canceled!
Nah...
Poor Aaron getting his name mangled by the teacher. But at least it was not Mr. Garvey. "A. A. Ron. Where is A. A. Ron at? Anyone? Is there an A. A. Ron Abdowmassy in this class? Well, why didn't you answer me when I first called your name, A. A. Ron?"
Kirstin's last (muffled) word in the Little Hawaii scene. I am sure, that if we had heard her clearly, she would have said, "crap," right? After all, a lady of her refinement would never say a certain four letter word beginning with the letter S, and any semblance to that word that her muffled cry may have had was purely caused by the muffle. That's my story, at least, and I am sticking to it!
Anyway, some other disclaimers. Maison Ikkoku, Furinkan High School, Jusenkyo curses, members of the family Kuno, Hiroshi, Daisuke, and the mysterious unnamed girl *cough* Nabiki! *cough* are all elements from works by Takahashi Rumiko, namely Maison Ikkoku and Ranma ½. These elements are used without permission. Also, this story is not endorsed by or intended to reflect upon the Boy Scouts of America. Finally, although I shall leave it to Jason to definitively confirm or deny, no fermented orange juice was used in the conceptualization or the writing of this story.
On to Jason!
Jason's Notes
**blinks confusingly at being exposed to light**
Wuh…? Oh! Well, this is a surprise. You might not be aware of this, but when we’re not creating stories for the Boy Scouts ½ Universe, Matt keeps writers like Martha and I stored away in a closet until we’re needed. That sometimes means we don’t see light for months or years at a time, and unfortunately, the last time we were in there so long, that we were forced to… well, let’s just say there’s a reason why Mike’s no longer with us.
The previous paragraph is, of course, a lie. It was just my tongue-in-cheek super snarky poke at my friend to remind him not to let so much time pass between these tales. Of course, I can understand what Matt means about the difference between interest in working on a project and actual motivation to get it done. So, when Matt confided in me that he was having trouble with Part 8 and if I could help him, of course I said I would.
You see, even though I’ve been penning stories in this universe for a decade and a half now, I was a fan first before I was a collaborator. Even though I’m privy to all sorts of information about future stories and plots, that doesn’t change the fact that I want to see them written, so I can read and enjoy them. There’s a big difference between knowing what’s going to happen and actually seeing it happen. If helping Matt with Part 8 meant that he’d be able to get started on Part 9, 10, 11 and so on, then it was in my own selfish self-interest to help him. So, despite the amount of time this story sat in limbo, I’m still glad to have wrote it and I hope it gives Matt that much needed kick in the behind to, as they would often say in Monty Python, “GET ON WIT’ IT!”
The story itself is a homage to the original work’s (i.e. Ranma ½'s) tendency to do “bizarre race/contest of the week” stories (like “The Anything Goes Martial Arts Take out Delivery Race” or “The Anything Goes Martial Arts Hot Springs Race”.) Oftentimes, those stories would break down into a series of short vignettes and montages, which I tried to capture here with our lads’ (and lasses’) misadventures in Kuno’s Little America. If anyone takes away anything at all from this story, I hope I at least captured the spirit of the original.
Speaking of our (un)lovable principal, his speaking style is based on the way his dialogue was written in the Viz translation of the manga. I never saw much of the anime beyond season 1, so all my Ranma ½ knowledge is based on the manga, which I did read the entire way through. So, if he speaks differently that the anime version (which I have no clue if he does or doesn’t), that would be the reason why.
As for the other Original Work appearance, I will neither confirm nor deny the identity of Nicole’s new friend. However, Mr. Atanian, I would dispute one detail here. The rather “inflexible”(and remember Matt, I know future story plans) rule I was given was that I couldn’t use MAIN characters from the original work. I, and many other fans of the original series, would argue that Nabiki isn’t a main character but rather a supporting character. I mean, after the first few arcs of the manga where they establish the Tendo’s and Saotome’s, she probably only really appears significantly in 1/3 of the total stories. Honestly, I’m probably more guilty of breaking the rule with Shampoo and Mousse’s appearance in part 4, than Nabi… er… the unnamed girl’s appearance here.
Okay, I think that’s it for me for this tale. I guess you’ll hear from me again when Perspectives III (ver 2.0) is ready to see the light of the world. So, until then…
Oh, wait! Yes, I did have one more thing. Seeing as I have thoroughly guilted Matthew about his much needing a kick in the behind, I hope he’s willing to indulge me by allowing me to plug something non-Boy Scouts ½ Universe-related:
My lovely and talented wife, Sarah, penned and published her first novel last year. It’s called “The Healers’ Road” and it is available digitally on Amazon Kindle and Kindle Lending Library and now available in a dead-tree version, as well. If you enjoy light fantasy and epic boy-girl “bromances” in the style of anime like “Mushishi” and “Spice and Wolf”, then I hope you will give it a chance. More details can be found here, and also at here.
Okay, plugging done. Until next time, it’s been a pleasure. Now back into the closet with me. Hey, Martha, move over…
Wuh…? Oh! Well, this is a surprise. You might not be aware of this, but when we’re not creating stories for the Boy Scouts ½ Universe, Matt keeps writers like Martha and I stored away in a closet until we’re needed. That sometimes means we don’t see light for months or years at a time, and unfortunately, the last time we were in there so long, that we were forced to… well, let’s just say there’s a reason why Mike’s no longer with us.
The previous paragraph is, of course, a lie. It was just my tongue-in-cheek super snarky poke at my friend to remind him not to let so much time pass between these tales. Of course, I can understand what Matt means about the difference between interest in working on a project and actual motivation to get it done. So, when Matt confided in me that he was having trouble with Part 8 and if I could help him, of course I said I would.
You see, even though I’ve been penning stories in this universe for a decade and a half now, I was a fan first before I was a collaborator. Even though I’m privy to all sorts of information about future stories and plots, that doesn’t change the fact that I want to see them written, so I can read and enjoy them. There’s a big difference between knowing what’s going to happen and actually seeing it happen. If helping Matt with Part 8 meant that he’d be able to get started on Part 9, 10, 11 and so on, then it was in my own selfish self-interest to help him. So, despite the amount of time this story sat in limbo, I’m still glad to have wrote it and I hope it gives Matt that much needed kick in the behind to, as they would often say in Monty Python, “GET ON WIT’ IT!”
The story itself is a homage to the original work’s (i.e. Ranma ½'s) tendency to do “bizarre race/contest of the week” stories (like “The Anything Goes Martial Arts Take out Delivery Race” or “The Anything Goes Martial Arts Hot Springs Race”.) Oftentimes, those stories would break down into a series of short vignettes and montages, which I tried to capture here with our lads’ (and lasses’) misadventures in Kuno’s Little America. If anyone takes away anything at all from this story, I hope I at least captured the spirit of the original.
Speaking of our (un)lovable principal, his speaking style is based on the way his dialogue was written in the Viz translation of the manga. I never saw much of the anime beyond season 1, so all my Ranma ½ knowledge is based on the manga, which I did read the entire way through. So, if he speaks differently that the anime version (which I have no clue if he does or doesn’t), that would be the reason why.
As for the other Original Work appearance, I will neither confirm nor deny the identity of Nicole’s new friend. However, Mr. Atanian, I would dispute one detail here. The rather “inflexible”(and remember Matt, I know future story plans) rule I was given was that I couldn’t use MAIN characters from the original work. I, and many other fans of the original series, would argue that Nabiki isn’t a main character but rather a supporting character. I mean, after the first few arcs of the manga where they establish the Tendo’s and Saotome’s, she probably only really appears significantly in 1/3 of the total stories. Honestly, I’m probably more guilty of breaking the rule with Shampoo and Mousse’s appearance in part 4, than Nabi… er… the unnamed girl’s appearance here.
Okay, I think that’s it for me for this tale. I guess you’ll hear from me again when Perspectives III (ver 2.0) is ready to see the light of the world. So, until then…
Oh, wait! Yes, I did have one more thing. Seeing as I have thoroughly guilted Matthew about his much needing a kick in the behind, I hope he’s willing to indulge me by allowing me to plug something non-Boy Scouts ½ Universe-related:
My lovely and talented wife, Sarah, penned and published her first novel last year. It’s called “The Healers’ Road” and it is available digitally on Amazon Kindle and Kindle Lending Library and now available in a dead-tree version, as well. If you enjoy light fantasy and epic boy-girl “bromances” in the style of anime like “Mushishi” and “Spice and Wolf”, then I hope you will give it a chance. More details can be found here, and also at here.
Okay, plugging done. Until next time, it’s been a pleasure. Now back into the closet with me. Hey, Martha, move over…