Toro Watanabe made his weekly drive past the non-descript empty lot that once played such a big part of his life. He didn’t know why he did this. It wasn’t even on his way home from work manning the security desk overnight at the Phipps Conservatory. Yet once a week, almost as if on autopilot, he found his car coming this way and it inevitably slowed to crawl as he made his pass by this lot… the lot that had once held a state of the art stadium full of big fights, big crowds… and for Toro, big dreams…
And then, one day… No, Toro couldn’t think on it. The memories were too painful, even after thirteen years.
Thirteen years… He felt the years weighing heavily on him. His hair had grayed somewhat, and he had some wrinkles around his eyes… but it was more than that. He could feel the years in his soul.
He sighed. His car accelerated, and he forced himself to take his gaze from the lot so that he could concentrate on the road. He really needed a pick me up. He wasn’t hungry, but he stopped anyway at an Eat’n Park, just to buy a cookie. He hoped that would put a smile on his face.
It didn’t.
If only the dream hadn’t ended. If only he hadn't...
No, it was all the damn fault of that stupid fan fiction.
Toro smiled ruefully. At least he had the satisfaction of knowing that stupid fan fic was long gone. After being sporadically updated for years, it finally seemed to have petered off. And then one day, maybe a bit over a year ago, he noticed that the website that hosted it had vanished! Ha, he knew if he made enough complaints to Tripod, maybe something would happen… He had thought it would raise his spirits.
It had only left him feeling more hollow.
Toto pulled his car into his driveway, got out of his car, and made his way into his darkened, empty house. It was really too big for one person, but even though staying there reminded him too much of Kimiko, he couldn’t bear to sell it. Living with her memory was less painful then the fear of forgetting her. He heard she’d remarried, he hoped she was happy.
He walked through his house without need for light. His coat dropped to the floor with a thud as he made his way to the kitchen. He stumbled slightly on an empty cereal box on the floor… he’d forgotten that he missed the trash can earlier. He’d pick it up later. As for now, he was thirsty from that cookie. At least, that was what he told himself as he opened the fridge – blinding himself momentarily with the bright light – and grabbed a beer.
Man, he needed a shower. Later. He should try to get to sleep before the sun came up.
He made his way now to his bedroom. There was a light emanating from within. Crap, had he left his laptop on again? Well, he supposed he could quickly check his e-mail before bed.
Spam… spam… spam… Just stupid things from anonymous senders saying, “Click here for some stupid thing you don’t need! If you’re lucky, I won’t be an annoying virus!”
What was this one? The subject read, “Watanabe… It’s back.” Probably just more spam. Still, for some reason, he couldn’t help but click on it.
There was one sentence within. It was a link. “You really don’t want to click me,” it said.
Toro glanced at the sender. “…the Hell?” There was no sending address listed.
He hovered his pointer over the link, and some alt text appeared. “http://bs1-2.weebly.com/” An ominous feeling overcame him as he clicked on the link.
An all too familiar, and hated, memory from his past came swiftly into his present.
It was back.
All of it. All of it was here. Hell, even new stuff. Even new stuff by Jason! How could he, after he had forsaken them?
How could it be back?
How could it be back?!
Toro tilted back his head and bellowed into the heavens, “Damn you, Boy Scouts ½!”
And then, one day… No, Toro couldn’t think on it. The memories were too painful, even after thirteen years.
Thirteen years… He felt the years weighing heavily on him. His hair had grayed somewhat, and he had some wrinkles around his eyes… but it was more than that. He could feel the years in his soul.
He sighed. His car accelerated, and he forced himself to take his gaze from the lot so that he could concentrate on the road. He really needed a pick me up. He wasn’t hungry, but he stopped anyway at an Eat’n Park, just to buy a cookie. He hoped that would put a smile on his face.
It didn’t.
If only the dream hadn’t ended. If only he hadn't...
No, it was all the damn fault of that stupid fan fiction.
Toro smiled ruefully. At least he had the satisfaction of knowing that stupid fan fic was long gone. After being sporadically updated for years, it finally seemed to have petered off. And then one day, maybe a bit over a year ago, he noticed that the website that hosted it had vanished! Ha, he knew if he made enough complaints to Tripod, maybe something would happen… He had thought it would raise his spirits.
It had only left him feeling more hollow.
Toto pulled his car into his driveway, got out of his car, and made his way into his darkened, empty house. It was really too big for one person, but even though staying there reminded him too much of Kimiko, he couldn’t bear to sell it. Living with her memory was less painful then the fear of forgetting her. He heard she’d remarried, he hoped she was happy.
He walked through his house without need for light. His coat dropped to the floor with a thud as he made his way to the kitchen. He stumbled slightly on an empty cereal box on the floor… he’d forgotten that he missed the trash can earlier. He’d pick it up later. As for now, he was thirsty from that cookie. At least, that was what he told himself as he opened the fridge – blinding himself momentarily with the bright light – and grabbed a beer.
Man, he needed a shower. Later. He should try to get to sleep before the sun came up.
He made his way now to his bedroom. There was a light emanating from within. Crap, had he left his laptop on again? Well, he supposed he could quickly check his e-mail before bed.
Spam… spam… spam… Just stupid things from anonymous senders saying, “Click here for some stupid thing you don’t need! If you’re lucky, I won’t be an annoying virus!”
What was this one? The subject read, “Watanabe… It’s back.” Probably just more spam. Still, for some reason, he couldn’t help but click on it.
There was one sentence within. It was a link. “You really don’t want to click me,” it said.
Toro glanced at the sender. “…the Hell?” There was no sending address listed.
He hovered his pointer over the link, and some alt text appeared. “http://bs1-2.weebly.com/” An ominous feeling overcame him as he clicked on the link.
An all too familiar, and hated, memory from his past came swiftly into his present.
It was back.
All of it. All of it was here. Hell, even new stuff. Even new stuff by Jason! How could he, after he had forsaken them?
How could it be back?
How could it be back?!
Toro tilted back his head and bellowed into the heavens, “Damn you, Boy Scouts ½!”
*Static................*
*Resume Transmission!*
Broadcasting around the globe, to several parallel dimensions, the leader in Anime-related Brutality Sports Entertainment...
*Resume Transmission!*
Broadcasting around the globe, to several parallel dimensions, the leader in Anime-related Brutality Sports Entertainment...
+Pyrotechnics explode and the camera pans across the stadium as thousands of fans jump to their feet. Cheers of, “We missed you!” and, “Long live ADM!” reverberated throughout the stadium. Cut to the announcers’ booth, where Guy and Toro were seated.+
Guy: Hi there fight otaku! I’m Guy Makihashi!
+Toro looked around, confused. He couldn’t be here… And Guy… he didn’t look a day older then that day thirteen years ago when… When… when what? Thirteen years? What was he talking about? He just saw Guy yesterday. Anyway, where was he? Ah, yes…+
Toro: And I’m Toro Watanabe, and welcome to another action packed episode of the overpowered, overblown, but never over hyped ANIME DEATHMATCH!!!
Guy: That’s right, Toro! And are we in for something special tonight! Another Boy Scouts ½ event!
Toro: Didn’t we…
+Toro scratched his head… Something seemed off, in the corner of his memory… He dismissed it.+
Toro: Didn’t we just do one of these?
Guy: I know, it seems like just yesterday, doesn’t it? What can I say, the kids love it! And we’re in for a special match tonight! Anachronistic Action! It’s just a jump to the left, and a step to the right, as characters from Boy Scouts ½ go through a time warp to fight against characters who don’t exist yet in their timeframe! It’s 1998 vs. the mid 2010’s tonight, right here, on Anime Deathmatch!
Toro: We’ve got some exciting matches lined up for you tonight.
Guy: First up, and I have a funny feeling I know how this one will go, is Derek Provost vs. Yuuki Rito!
Toro: Then it is a battle of the brains… to the death! Kenny vs. Princess Bubblegum!
Guy: Finally, the Jusenkyo Scouts return again (in some cases thanks once more to our patented Res‑You‑Reck® Technology) to face off against a very melancholy foe as we bring you a special Patrol vs. Brigade five on five match!
Toro: But first, a quick word from our sponsor!
+Comercial Sign+
+Toro looked around, confused. He couldn’t be here… And Guy… he didn’t look a day older then that day thirteen years ago when… When… when what? Thirteen years? What was he talking about? He just saw Guy yesterday. Anyway, where was he? Ah, yes…+
Toro: And I’m Toro Watanabe, and welcome to another action packed episode of the overpowered, overblown, but never over hyped ANIME DEATHMATCH!!!
Guy: That’s right, Toro! And are we in for something special tonight! Another Boy Scouts ½ event!
Toro: Didn’t we…
+Toro scratched his head… Something seemed off, in the corner of his memory… He dismissed it.+
Toro: Didn’t we just do one of these?
Guy: I know, it seems like just yesterday, doesn’t it? What can I say, the kids love it! And we’re in for a special match tonight! Anachronistic Action! It’s just a jump to the left, and a step to the right, as characters from Boy Scouts ½ go through a time warp to fight against characters who don’t exist yet in their timeframe! It’s 1998 vs. the mid 2010’s tonight, right here, on Anime Deathmatch!
Toro: We’ve got some exciting matches lined up for you tonight.
Guy: First up, and I have a funny feeling I know how this one will go, is Derek Provost vs. Yuuki Rito!
Toro: Then it is a battle of the brains… to the death! Kenny vs. Princess Bubblegum!
Guy: Finally, the Jusenkyo Scouts return again (in some cases thanks once more to our patented Res‑You‑Reck® Technology) to face off against a very melancholy foe as we bring you a special Patrol vs. Brigade five on five match!
Toro: But first, a quick word from our sponsor!
+Comercial Sign+
Transformers Toy Reviews written by
Boy Scouts ½ Creator Matthew Atanian!
Boy Scouts ½ Creator Matthew Atanian!
(Part of a complete breakfast!)
+Comercial Sign+
Guy: We’re back, folks! We’re almost ready to get the first match underway! Before we do that, however, we’ve got some exclusive interviews with our combatants recorded earlier by our very own John “Fanboy” Hoelscher!
+Cut to Backstage Footage. John Hoelscher, dressed as Madarame Harunobu, is sitting across from Yuuki Rito. Rito is naked.+
John: So, Rito, how do you feel about this match?
Rito: How did I get here? I was looking for Lala, I tripped, and I grabbed…
+Rito looks at his hand, and sees he is holding a bracelet-like device.+
Rito: Pyon-Pyon Warp-Kun…
+John hands Rito some boxing shorts, which he hastily pulls on.+
John: So, are you ready for this match to the death against Derek Provost, one of ADM’s most stubbornly persistent (although not perhaps most successful) competitors?
Rito: Where am I? What is this… Hold on, did you say to the death!?
+Now cut to John sitting with Derek Provost, his head looking surprisingly intact given the outcome of his last match.+
John: Okay, Derek. You have a long history with Anime Deathmatch. That’s probably why, even though you haven’t yet made any appearances in Boy Scouts ½ in Japan, you’re being allowed to compete this evening. In the very first BS½ ADM, you helped out as an announcer during the final match.
Derek: Ah, yes, I remember. That was fun.
John: And then in the next two BS½ ADMs, you competed and failed to win either time. First, you actually conceded a match, with the Hentai Belt on the line, against Tenchi Masaki.
Derek: *drooling* I would hardly call that match a loss from my perspective, John.
John: That’s as may be, but as far as the official ADM statistics go, it certainly was. But after that, you had a head-splattering defeat when you fought against…
Derek: *shuddering* Please, John, don’t name it… Even the name of that thing… I still have nightmares…
John: Okay, okay… But… well… How do you account for your… well… still existing cranium?
+Derek smiles, and holds up a tub of superglue. John facepalms.+
John: Okay, I give up. But that aside, what brings you back? With your record, do you honestly expect things will turn out different tonight?
Derek: I have hopes, John. I have hopes. I asked them to set me up against someone who could lead me to the most luscious harem in modern day anime, and they promised me they would. So I’m really looking forward to this match! It is my number one goal to strike whoever my opponent is down, and take his harem for myself!
+Derek begins drooling more, the drool pooling at his feet. A light cackling begins to pepper itself throughout his speech.+
Derek: Oh yes, I shall make them mine! Every last one of them, with their silky smooth bodies! Mine to touch, to hold, to have my way with! Ha ha! I will touch them and kiss them and lick them and then I SHALL FU…
+Derek’s last word was cut off… as is his head. It falls to the ground and lands with a sick thud in the puddle of drool he had made. John is startled, and finds his eyes following the blade still positioned at the stump of Derek’s neck… Following the blade as it extended behind Derek, and the texture of it seemed to change from that of metal to hair, the color change from silver to yellow… and all of this flowed back towards the head of a young looking woman standing at the far side of the locker room. She is a petite woman, almost childlike in appearance, with dark red eyes and long blond hair – the hair that had somehow morphed into the blade that had decapitated Derek. She is dressed in a somewhat gothic, all black dress. When she speaks, there was a cold venom to her voice.+
Mysterious Young Woman: I don’t like ecchi.
+The screen suddenly cuts to static, and a moment later cuts back to the announcers’ booth. Guy and Toro both look startled for a moment, not having expected to be back on camera just yet, but compose themselves quickly.+
Toro: Well… looks like we might have to call the first match on account of a technicality. Sorry folks, but it is hard to have a match when one of the competitors dies before it even begins!
+The crowd goes mad with boos and hisses.+
Guy: Calm down, calm down folks! We’re hopefully in for something exciting next! To combatants who will fight to the death, using the powers of their brains! Hey, Toro, do you know what time it is?
Toro: It’s Annihilation Time!
Guy: That’s right, Toro! To avoid any further mishaps, we won’t be having any more interviews tonight… so instead, let us get straight onto the stats!
Name: Kenneth E. “Kenny” Pendrell
Bio: Young super genius of mysterious origin
Interesting Fact: As a lark, he discovered one weekend how to definitively prove the non-existence of things.
Name: Princess Bonnibel Bubblegum
Bio: Ruler of the Candy Kingdom
Interesting Fact: Yeah, her show’s not anime… But it’s popular, so shut up!
+Vince McAffe’s voice comes over the PA system, filling the stadium.+
Vince: Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages… THIS. IS. ANIMEEEEEEE DEATHMAAAATCH!!!!!!!!!
+The crowd metaphorically explodes in delight.+
Vince: Now entering the ring, in the striped corner, originally from who knows where, currently residing in the strange land of Springfield, Massachusetts… Kenneth Pendrelllllllll!!
+Kenny’s small frame enters the ring, and he sheepishly waves to the audience.+
Vince: And, in the plaid corner, hailing from the post-apocalyptic Land of Ooo, ruler of the Candy Kingdom and ready to bring us a royal pain, Priiiiiiiincess Bubbleguuuuuuuuum!!!!!!
+Bubblegum strolls gracefully into the ring and waves majestically to everyone. Mills Lane approaches the two in the center of the ring. Curiously, there are two lab tables in the ring, one on either side, filled with various beakers and test tubes and other sciency things.+
Mills: All right, you two. This is a battle of science… to the death! We’re going to have a good, clean fight, here! Now here are the rules! You shake hands, the bell rings, and then you each have at most two minutes at your lab table. When at two minutes the bell rings again, your tables will explode, killing you instantly! So if you’re still at them, you lose! You can leave your table at any time before that, and you can use anything you can make at your table against your opponent. Okay? Now, let’s get it on!
+The bell rings, and both Kenny and Bubblegum move to their tables.+
Toro: Both combatants are surveying their tables to see what materials they have available.
Guy: And now they’re both hard at work assembling their projects!
Bubblegum: This is it. That kid isn’t going to beat me! For science!
Kenny: There isn’t much to work with here… That sulfuric acid is promising, but it wouldn’t be much of a project if I just attacked with one of the base
ingredients…
Bubblegum: Heeheeheee! A bit more kitten eye…
Kenny: Eurika! Ordinary table salt, just what I needed!
Bubblegum: Alright. Let me just add three more drops of explosive diarrhea...
Kenny: Now to collect the gas in an aqueous solution… Have to be careful not to dilute things too much, I need this to be potent…
Guy: The clock is ticking… Both combatants are moving at an amazing speed. But they need to be away from their tables before two minutes are up, or it is instant death! Can they do it?
Toro: We’ll find out soon… just ten seconds to go!
Kenny and Bubblegum: Finished!
+The bell rings again, just as both dive away from their tables which promptly explode behind them. Kenny is holding a beaker full of liquid. Bubblegum is holding a small bag of candies.+
Bubblegum: *speaking sweetly* Oh, Kenny… Want to try one of my special candies?
Kenny: I suspect those would cause worse than a cavity. Do you really think me foolish enough to eat one willingly?
Bubblegum: Tee hee… You’re right, that was silly!
+Bubblegum pulls from behind her back a fierce looking gun of some sort, into which she pours her candy concoction. When she speaks again, her voice is somewhat harsher.+
Bubblegum: So I’ll just have to shoot them down your throat! Auf wiedersehen, Kenny!
Toro: Bubblegum is now firing her gun madly, laughing gleefully as her candy bullets fly towards Kenny! As they hit the floor or the wall, the bullets burst into a mad, sizzling, green flame! You folks at home don’t know what you’re missing here, tonight! This is amazing!
Guy: Kenny deftly dodges to the left, then the right, moving forward as he goes!
Toro: And Kenny makes his move! He splashes Bubblegum with whatever was in that beaker he was carrying! He’s gotten her good, it is all over her! Something is happening…
Bubblegum: Ya butt! You’ve ruined my dress!
+A clump of pink goo, rapidly dissolving, falls from Bubblegum’s head to land at her feet.+
Bubblegum: And… my hair? What the nuts?
+One of her arms now drops off, also dissolving.+
Bubblegum: *shreaking* What did you do?
Kenny: Well, for a complex organic polymer such as yourself, there really was only one obvious solution. Some sort of solvent that would break you
down.
+Kenny holds up the now empty beaker. Bubblegum by this point has dissolved to half her size, with no sign of stopping.+
Kenny: Hydrochloric acid, as concentrated as I could make it, seems to have done the trick quite nicely.
Bubblegum: *in a voice that is almost just a gurgling sound* This… is… dirt… balls…
+Bubblegum finishes dissolving, leaving only a puddle of pinkish, steaming goo in the center of the ring.+
Voice: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Toro: What is this? Someone is flying into the ring! It looks like… A teenage girl?
Guy: She's a bit monochromatic for my tastes, she could do with a bit more color. I dig the bite mark on her neck, though. I always did like a girl with a bit of kink to her.
Toro: Guy… Shut up. Just… Shut up.
+The girl lands before the puddle and kneels. She tries to pick some up in her hands, but it just pours through her fingers. Residual acid in the puddle seems to smoke up a bit when she touches it, but otherwise does not affect her.+
Girl: Bonnibel?
+She begins crying.+
Girl: You can’t be gone… I… I lo…
+She looks up at Kenny. She is no longer crying. In fact, she looks rather frightening. Kenny, scared, takes a single step back.+
Girl: You. You did this. I’ll see that you pay. I’ll see that you suffer every hell that the Nightosphere has to offer… You will rue the day that you crossed me!
+The girl turns into a giant, fierce monster who lunges after Kenny. He bolts out of the ring, and she gives chase.+
Toro: Well, not quiet sure what just happened there, but even if he may not have much longer to live himself I am sure that Kenny is pleased to be declared the winner of this match!
Guy: And also, thousands of shippers are pleased to know they were right! Even if they do have to find out posthumously.
Toro: What are you talking about, Guy?
Guy: Nothing, nothing. But if you really want to know, that’s what Deviant Art is for.
Toro: You know I wouldn’t be caught dead on that website.
Guy: Your loss. Shall we move onto this evening’s final match?
Names: Yadda, yadda… Boy Scouts…
Bios: Yawn, they’ve been here before…
Interesting Fact: Let’s get on with it, shall we?
Names: Kyon, Itsuki, Mikuru, Nagato, and Haurhi
Bios: An absolutely normal girl, who is not at all all powerful, and her perfectly normal friends
Interesting Fact: Look, it is important Haruhi believe that bio, okay? So don’t you tell her different!
Vince: Now entering the ring, in the infradead corner, Back again to face the pain once more… The Juuuusenkyoooooo Scouts!!!!
+Matt, Aaron, Gelinas, Hughes, and Mike all cautiously enter the ring.+
Gelinas: Why are we back here again?
Matt: *shudders* Shut up, Bill… I’m trying not to think about it…
Aaron: This would probably be better if we’d come back after getting the training Líng Rén promised.
Mike: Try not to worry about that. Let’s just get this finished, and get back to Japan.
Hughes: At least I got a chance to show the world my new sense of style!
Vince: And in the ultraviolent corner, coming all the way from North High, the one… the only… SOS BRIGAAAAAAAADE!!
+A confident Haruhi strides into the ring, followed by an impeccable Itsuki, a despondent Kyon, a passionless Nagato, and finally a nervously fidgeting Mikuru. Kyon was especially annoyed by the writing style of Anime Deathmatch, which made it practically impossible to confuse the reader on the matter of whether he was just narrating, or actually speaking.+
Haruhi: Don’t sweat the small details, okay?
+They are all in their North High uniforms, except for Mikuru who is clad in a maid’s outfit.+
Mikuru: Um… what… what is this place? What are we doing here?
Mills: All right, this is a five on five event! At the sound of the bell, you’re to pair off and fight! You can only help other members of your team once your own initial opponent is defeated. Let’s get it on!
+Toro has a strange feeling of déjà vu. The bell rings.+
Guy: And the pairs are forming fairly quickly down there. Itsuki seems to have engaged Bill Gelinas in a discussion about the nature of reality. We’ll see how that turns out.
Toro: Mike seems to be tussling with Nagato… Nagato is just standing there taking it! She’s not moving one bit, except for her mouth which is going a mile a minute! But whatever she is saying must be very quiet, as we can’t pick up any sound… Oh, and Mike is down! I’m not sure what happened, it almost looked like he dissolved into a stream of data!
Guy: Aaron and Kyon seem to be… shrugging at each other and walking away? They’re departing the ring! One fifth of each team has just forfeited? We’ll have to check the rules later to see what that means… Oh, and Gelinas’s head has just exploded!
Toro: Hughes is facing off against Mikuru… His flashy, neon pink outfit seems to be distracting her…
Mikuru: Mi… Mi… Mikuru Beeeeeam!
Hughes: Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Guy: That had to hurt! She shot some sort of beam out of her eye, which sliced his right arm completely off! (And did major structural damage to the arena…) But I can’t believe this! He’s picked up his own limb and he is…
Toro: My god, he’s beating her to death with it!
Guy: That’s the kind of thing you only get on Anime Deathmatch, folks!
Haruhi: Mikuru-chan!
Toro: Now, if you remember the rules, Haruhi can’t move to help Mikuru until first defeating her own opponent… And thus far Matthew has been pretty good at dodging her. But here Haruhi goes, running straight at him!
Guy: Amazing! She’s somehow launched herself in the air to take a flying leap at Matthew, and has kicked him in the head with both feet! The force of the impact has sent him flying into the air like a projectile… My god, he’s coming right at us! Run, Toro!
+Toro freezes in panic as the unconscious, possibly dead mass that is Matthew Atanian thunders towards the announcers’ booth… straight at him. Toro screams as the bell rings.+
Guy: And the pairs are forming fairly quickly down there. Itsuki seems to have engaged Bill Gelinas in a discussion about the nature of reality. We’ll see how that turns out.
Toro: Mike seems to be struggling with Nagato… Nagato is just standing there taking it! She’s not moving one bit, except for her mouth which is going a mile a minute! But whatever she is saying must be very quiet, as we can’t pick up any sound… Oh, and Mike is down! I’m not sure what happened, it almost looked like he dissolved into a stream of data!
Guy: Aaron and Kyon seem to be… shrugging at each other and walking away? They’re departing the ring! One fifth of each team has just forfeited? We’ll have to check with the rules later to see what that means… Oh, and Gelinas’s head has just exploded!
Toro: Hughes is facing off against Mikuru… His flashy, neon green outfit seems to be distracting her…
Mikuru: Mi… Mi… Mikuru Beeeeeam!
Hughes: Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Guy: That had to hurt! She shot some sort of beam out of her eye, which sliced his right arm completely off! (And did major structural damage to the arena…) But I can’t believe this! He’s picked up his own limb and he is…
Toro: My god, he’s beating her to death with it!
Guy: That’s the kind of carnage you only get on Anime Deathmatch, folks!
Haruhi: Mikuru-chan!
Toro: Guy… I can’t help but think… Has this all happened before?
Guy: So you finally noticed it then, Toro?
Toro: Noticed what?
Guy: Keeping Boy Scouts ½ characters together with modern day properties for too long has created a time loop. It started at the beginning of this match, and now we’ve been going round and round, repeating the same five and a half minute interval… over and over… Each time it resets, leaving those within it unable to even remember the trap they are in.
Toro: Why do you remember, Guy?
Guy: Plot, Toro. Plot.
Toro: How many times has this happened? Five? Ten?
Guy: 47,814 times.
+Toro balks at that number. 47,814? His brain has trouble comprehending it. Five and a half minutes… 47,814 times… Six months!? He turns to Guy, seeking to confirm the number, but sees that Guy is occupied with running from the announcers’ booth. Toro turns back to the ring just in time to see the unconscious, possibly dead mass that is Matthew Atanian flying towards the announcers’ booth… straight at him. Toro screams as the bell rings.+
Guy: And the pairs are forming fairly quickly down there. Itsuki seems to have engaged Aaron Abdowmassy in a discussion about the nature of reality. We’ll see how that turns out.
Toro: Mike seems to be struggling with Nagato… Nagato is just standing there taking it! She’s not moving one bit, except for her mouth which is going a mile a minute! But whatever she is saying must be very quiet, as we can’t pick up any sound… Oh, and Mike is down! I’m not sure what happened, it almost looked like he dissipated into a stream of data!
Guy: Gelinas and Kyon seem to be… shrugging at each other and walking away? They’re departing the ring! One fifth of each team has just forfeited? We’ll have to check out the rules later to see what that means… Oh, and Aaron’s head has just exploded!
Toro: Hughes is facing off against Mikuru… His flashy, neon vilot outfit seems to be distracting her…
Mikuru: Mi… Mi… Mikuru Beeeeeam!
Hughes: Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Guy: That had to hurt! She shot some sort of beam out of her eye, which sliced his right leg completely off! (And did major structural damage to the arena…) But I can’t believe this! He’s picked up his own limb, is hopping towards her, and now he is…
Toro: My god, he’s beating her to death with it!
Guy: That’s the kind of carnage you only get on Anime Deathmatch, folks!
Haruhi: Mikuru-chan!
Toro: Guy… I can’t help but think… Has this all happened before?
Guy: So you finally noticed it then, Toro?
Toro: Noticed what?
Guy: Keeping Boy Scouts ½ characters together with modern day properties for too long has created a time loop. It started at the beginning of this match, and now we’ve been going round and round, repeating the same five and a half minute interval… over and over… Each time it resets, leaving those within it unable to even remember the trap they are in.
Toro: Why do you remember, Guy?
Guy: Plot, Toro. Plot.
Toro: How many times has this happened? Five? Ten?
Guy: 95,627 times.
+Toro balks at that number. 95,627? His brain has trouble comprehending it. Five and a half minutes… 95,627 times… A year!? He turns to Guy, seeking to confirm the number, but sees that Guy is occupied with running from the announcers’ booth. Toro turns back to the ring just in time to see the unconscious, possibly dead mass that is Matthew Atanian flying towards the announcers’ booth… straight at him. Toro screams as the bell rings.+
Guy: And the pairs are starting to form fairly quickly down there. Itsuki seems to have engaged Bill Gelinas in a conversation about the nature of reality. We’ll see how that turns out.
Toro: Mike seems to be struggling with Nagato… Nagato is just standing there taking it! She’s not moving one bit, except for her mouth which is going a mile a minute! But whatever she is saying must be very quiet, as we can’t pick up any sound… Oh, and Mike is down! I’m not sure what happened, but somehow the floor beneath Mike disappeared, and a bottomless pit has sucked him in! He’s as good as dead.
Guy: Kyon and Aaron seem to be… shrugging at each other and wandering away? They’re departing from the ring! One member of each team has just forfeited? We’ll have to check with the rules later to see what that means… Oh, and Gelinas’s head has just exploded!
Toro: Hughes is facing off against Mikuru… His flashy, neon blue outfit seems to be distracting her…
Mikuru: Mi… Mi… Mikuru Beeeeeam!
Hughes: Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Guy: That had to hurt! She shot some sort of beam out of her eye, which sliced his left arm completely off! (And did some not insignificant structural damage to the arena…) But I can’t believe this! He’s picked up his severed limb and he is…
Toro: My god, he’s beating her to death with it!
Guy: That’s the kind of bloody display you only get on Anime Deathmatch, people!
Haruhi: Mikuru-chan!
Toro: Guy… I can’t help but think… Has this all happened before?
Guy: So you finally noticed it then, Toro?
Toro: Noticed what?
Guy: Keeping the characters of Boy Scouts ½ together with modern day properties for too long has created a time loop. It started at the beginning of this match, and now we’ve been going round and round, repeating the same five and a half minute interval… over and over… Each time it resets, leaving those within it unable to even remember the trap they are in.
Toro: Why do you remember, Guy?
Guy: Plot, Toro. Plot.
Toro: How many times has this happened? Five? Ten?
Guy: 239,067 times.
+Toro balks at that number. 239,067? His brain has trouble comprehending it. Five and a half minutes… 239,067 times… Two and a half years!? He turns to Guy, seeking to confirm the number, but sees that Guy is occupied with running from the announcers’ booth. Toro turns back to the ring just in time to see the unconscious, possibly dead mass that is Matthew Atanian flying towards the announcers’ booth… straight at him. Toro screams as the bell rings.+
Guy: And the pairs are forming fairly quickly down there. Itsuki seems to have squared off against Bill Gelinas in a discussion about the nature of reality. We’ll see how that pans out.
Toro: Mike, meanwhile, is facing Nagato… And Nagato is just standing there taking it! She’s not moving one bit, except for her mouth which is going a million miles an hour! Whatever she is saying must be very soft, as we can’t pick up any sound… Oh, and Mike is down! I’m not sure what happened, it almost looked like he dissolved into a bunch of data!
Guy: Aaron and Kyon seem to be… shrugging at each other and walking away? In a most apathetic display, they’re departing the ring! One fifth of each team has just forfeited? We’ll have to check with the rules later to see what that means… Oh, and Gelinas’s head has just went kersplewie!
Toro: Hughes is facing off against Mikuru… His flashy, neon green yellow seems to be distracting her…
Mikuru: Mi… Mi… Mikuru Beeeeeam!
Hughes: Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Guy: That had to hurt! She shot some sort of beam out of her eye, which sliced his right arm completely off! (And did major structural damage to the arena…) But I can’t believe this! He’s picked up his own limb and he is…
Toro: My god, he’s clubbing her to death with it!
Guy: You saw it right here on Anime Deathmatch, folks! The only place you can get that kind of carnage!
Haruhi: Mikuru-chan!
Toro: Guy… I can’t help but think… Has this all happened before?
Guy: So you finally noticed it then, Toro?
Toro: Noticed what?
Guy: Keeping Boy Scouts ½ characters together with modern day properties for too long has created a time loop. It started at the beginning of this match, and now we’ve been going round and round, repeating the same five and a half minute interval… over and over… Each time it resets, leaving those within it unable to even remember the trap they are in.
Toro: Why do you remember, Guy?
Guy: Plot, Toro. Plot.
Toro: How many times has this happened? Five? Ten?
Guy: 478,135 times.
+Toro balks at that number. 478,135? His brain has trouble comprehending it. Five and a half minutes… 478,135 times… Five years!? He turns to Guy, seeking to confirm the number, but sees that Guy is occupied with running from the announcers’ booth. Toro turns back to the ring just in time to see the unconscious, possibly dead mass that is Matthew Atanian flying towards the announcers’ booth… straight at him. Toro screams as the bell rings.+
Toro: And the pairs are forming fairly quickly down there. Itsuki seems to have begun a discourse with Bill Gelinas on the nature of reality. We’ll see how that turns out.
Guy: Mike seems to be struggling with Nagato… Nagato is just standing there taking it! She’s not moving one inch, except for her mouth which is going a mile a minute! But whatever she is saying must be very quiet, as we can’t pick up any sound… Oh, and Mike is down! I’m not sure what happened, it almost looked like he dissolved into a stream of data!
Toro: Aaron and Kyon seem to be… shrugging at each other and walking away? They’re leaving the ring! One fifth of each team has just forfeited? We’ll have to check the rules later to see what that means… Oh, and Gelinas’s head has just exploded!
Guy: Hughes is facing off against Mikuru… His flashy, neon orange outfit seems to be distracting her…
Mikuru: Mi… Mi… Mikuru Beeeeeam!
Hughes: Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Toro: That had to hurt! She shot some sort of beam out from one of her eyes, which sliced his right arm completely off! (And did major structural damage to the arena…) But I can’t believe this! He’s picked up his own limb and he is… My god, he’s beating her to death with it!
Guy: That’s the kind of carnage you only get on Anime Deathmatch, folks!
Haruhi: Mikuru-chan!
Toro: Guy… I can’t help but think… Has this all happened before?
Guy: So you finally noticed it then, Toro?
Toro: Noticed what?
Guy: Keeping Boy Scouts ½ characters together with modern day properties for too long has created a time loop. It started at the beginning of this match, and now we’ve been going round and round, repeating the same five and a half minute interval… over and over… Each time it resets, leaving those within it unable to even remember the trap they are in.
Toro: Why do you remember, Guy?
Guy: Plot, Toro. Plot.
Toro: How many times has this happened? Five? Ten?
Guy: 669,389 times.
+Toro balks at that number. 669,389? His brain has trouble comprehending it. Five and a half minutes… 669,389 times… Seven years!? He turns to Guy, seeking to confirm the number, but sees that Guy is occupied with running from the announcers’ booth. Toro turns back to the ring just in time to see the unconscious, possibly dead mass that is Matthew Atanian flying towards the announcers’ booth… straight at him. Toro screams as the bell rings.+
Guy: And the opponents are pairing off fairly quickly down there. Itsuki seems to have engaged Gelinas in a debate about the nature of reality. It’ll be
interesting to see how that resolves itself.
Toro: Mike seems to be scuffling with Nagato… Nagato is just standing there taking it! She’s not moving at all, except… wait, no, her mouth which is going a mile a minute! But whatever she is saying must be very quiet, as we can’t pick up any sound… Oh, and something is happening… Mike is… dissolving? It almost looks like he is dissipating into a stream of data! I’m not sure what happened, but Mike is down!
Guy: Kyon and Aaron seem to be… shrugging at each other and wandering out of the ring? One fifth of each team has just forfeited! I’m not sure what this means. I suppose later we’ll have to check with the rules. Oh, and Gelinas’s head has just detonated!
Toro: Hughes is facing off against Mikuru… His flashy, leopard print outfit seems to be distracting her…
Mikuru: Mi… Mi… Mikuru Beeeeeam!
Hughes: Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Guy: That had to hurt! She shot some sort of beam out of her eye, which sliced his head completely off! (And did major structural damage to the arena…) But I can’t believe this! She’s now slipped in the blood and is in danger of falling on a large, sharp fragment of Gelinas’s skull that is imbedded in the ring in front of her!
Toro: My god, she’ll impale herself on it!
Guy: That’s the kind of carnage you only get on Anime Deathmatch, folks!
Haruhi: Mikuru-chan!
Toro: Guy… I can’t help but think… Has this all happened before?
Guy: So you finally noticed it then, Toro?
Toro: Noticed what?
Guy: Keeping Boy Scouts ½ characters together with modern day properties for too long has created a time loop. It started at the beginning of this match, and now we’ve been going round and round, repeating the same five and a half minute interval… over and over… Each time it resets, leaving those within it unable to even remember the trap they are in.
Toro: Why do you remember, Guy?
Guy: Plot, Toro. Plot.
Toro: How many times has this happened? Five? Ten?
Guy: 956,271 times.
+Toro balks at that number. 956,271? His brain has trouble comprehending it. Five and a half minutes… 956,271 times… Ten years!? He turns to Guy, seeking to confirm the number, but sees that Guy is occupied with running from the announcers’ booth. Toro turns back to the ring just in time to see the unconscious, possibly dead mass that is Matthew Atanian flying towards the announcers’ booth… straight at him. Toro screams as the bell rings.+
Guy: And the pairs are forming fairly quickly down there. Itsuki seems to have engaged Aaron Abdowmassy in a discussion about the futility of existence. We’ll see how that turns out.
Toro: Mike looks to be skirmishing with Nagato… but she’s just standing there taking it! She’s not moving one bit, except for her mouth which is going at light speed! If she is saying anything, however, it must be very quietly as we can’t hear it from here… And Mike is down! I’m not sure what happened, it almost looked like he scattered into a stream of data!
Guy: Bill Gelinas and Kyon seem to be… shrugging at each other and walking away? They’re leaving the ring! That means that one fifth of each team has just forfeited!
Toro: What does that even mean?
Guy: Who knows? We’ll have to check with the rules later to see … Oh, and Aaron’s head has just exploded!
Toro: Hughes is facing off against Mikuru… His flashy, gold lamé outfit seems to be distracting her…
Mikuru: Mi… Mi… Mikuru Beeeeeam!
Hughes: Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Guy: That had to smart! She shot some kind of beam from her eye, which carved his left arm completely off! (And caused significant structural problems for the arena…) But I can’t believe this! He’s taken his severed limb and he is…
Toro: My god, he’s clubbing her to death with it!
Guy: That’s the kind of slaughter you only get on Anime Deathmatch, folks!
Haruhi: Mikuru-chan!
Toro: Now, if you remember the rules, Haruhi can’t move to help Mikuru until first defeating her own opponent… And thus far Perfume has been pretty good at dodging her. But here Haruhi goes, running straight at her!
Guy: Amazing!
Toro: Guy… I can’t help but think… Has this all happened before?
Guy: So you finally noticed it then, Toro?
Toro: Noticed what?
Guy: Keeping Boy Scouts ½ characters together with modern day properties for too long has created a time loop. It started at the beginning of this match, and now we’ve been going round and round, repeating the same five and a half minute interval… over and over… Each time it resets, leaving those within it unable to even remember the trap they are in.
Toro: Why do you remember, Guy?
Guy: Plot, Toro. Plot.
Toro: How many times has this happened? Five? Ten?
Guy: 1,243,152 times.
+Toro balks at that number. 1,243,152? His brain has trouble comprehending it. Five and a half minutes… 1,243,152 times… Thirteen years!? The déjà vu was almost overpowering, although he couldn’t help but feel something didn’t fit… Wait, Haruhi was fighting Perfume…?+
Toro: Where’s Matthew?
Matthew: Right behind you…
Guy: We’re back, folks! We’re almost ready to get the first match underway! Before we do that, however, we’ve got some exclusive interviews with our combatants recorded earlier by our very own John “Fanboy” Hoelscher!
+Cut to Backstage Footage. John Hoelscher, dressed as Madarame Harunobu, is sitting across from Yuuki Rito. Rito is naked.+
John: So, Rito, how do you feel about this match?
Rito: How did I get here? I was looking for Lala, I tripped, and I grabbed…
+Rito looks at his hand, and sees he is holding a bracelet-like device.+
Rito: Pyon-Pyon Warp-Kun…
+John hands Rito some boxing shorts, which he hastily pulls on.+
John: So, are you ready for this match to the death against Derek Provost, one of ADM’s most stubbornly persistent (although not perhaps most successful) competitors?
Rito: Where am I? What is this… Hold on, did you say to the death!?
+Now cut to John sitting with Derek Provost, his head looking surprisingly intact given the outcome of his last match.+
John: Okay, Derek. You have a long history with Anime Deathmatch. That’s probably why, even though you haven’t yet made any appearances in Boy Scouts ½ in Japan, you’re being allowed to compete this evening. In the very first BS½ ADM, you helped out as an announcer during the final match.
Derek: Ah, yes, I remember. That was fun.
John: And then in the next two BS½ ADMs, you competed and failed to win either time. First, you actually conceded a match, with the Hentai Belt on the line, against Tenchi Masaki.
Derek: *drooling* I would hardly call that match a loss from my perspective, John.
John: That’s as may be, but as far as the official ADM statistics go, it certainly was. But after that, you had a head-splattering defeat when you fought against…
Derek: *shuddering* Please, John, don’t name it… Even the name of that thing… I still have nightmares…
John: Okay, okay… But… well… How do you account for your… well… still existing cranium?
+Derek smiles, and holds up a tub of superglue. John facepalms.+
John: Okay, I give up. But that aside, what brings you back? With your record, do you honestly expect things will turn out different tonight?
Derek: I have hopes, John. I have hopes. I asked them to set me up against someone who could lead me to the most luscious harem in modern day anime, and they promised me they would. So I’m really looking forward to this match! It is my number one goal to strike whoever my opponent is down, and take his harem for myself!
+Derek begins drooling more, the drool pooling at his feet. A light cackling begins to pepper itself throughout his speech.+
Derek: Oh yes, I shall make them mine! Every last one of them, with their silky smooth bodies! Mine to touch, to hold, to have my way with! Ha ha! I will touch them and kiss them and lick them and then I SHALL FU…
+Derek’s last word was cut off… as is his head. It falls to the ground and lands with a sick thud in the puddle of drool he had made. John is startled, and finds his eyes following the blade still positioned at the stump of Derek’s neck… Following the blade as it extended behind Derek, and the texture of it seemed to change from that of metal to hair, the color change from silver to yellow… and all of this flowed back towards the head of a young looking woman standing at the far side of the locker room. She is a petite woman, almost childlike in appearance, with dark red eyes and long blond hair – the hair that had somehow morphed into the blade that had decapitated Derek. She is dressed in a somewhat gothic, all black dress. When she speaks, there was a cold venom to her voice.+
Mysterious Young Woman: I don’t like ecchi.
+The screen suddenly cuts to static, and a moment later cuts back to the announcers’ booth. Guy and Toro both look startled for a moment, not having expected to be back on camera just yet, but compose themselves quickly.+
Toro: Well… looks like we might have to call the first match on account of a technicality. Sorry folks, but it is hard to have a match when one of the competitors dies before it even begins!
+The crowd goes mad with boos and hisses.+
Guy: Calm down, calm down folks! We’re hopefully in for something exciting next! To combatants who will fight to the death, using the powers of their brains! Hey, Toro, do you know what time it is?
Toro: It’s Annihilation Time!
Guy: That’s right, Toro! To avoid any further mishaps, we won’t be having any more interviews tonight… so instead, let us get straight onto the stats!
Name: Kenneth E. “Kenny” Pendrell
Bio: Young super genius of mysterious origin
Interesting Fact: As a lark, he discovered one weekend how to definitively prove the non-existence of things.
Name: Princess Bonnibel Bubblegum
Bio: Ruler of the Candy Kingdom
Interesting Fact: Yeah, her show’s not anime… But it’s popular, so shut up!
+Vince McAffe’s voice comes over the PA system, filling the stadium.+
Vince: Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages… THIS. IS. ANIMEEEEEEE DEATHMAAAATCH!!!!!!!!!
+The crowd metaphorically explodes in delight.+
Vince: Now entering the ring, in the striped corner, originally from who knows where, currently residing in the strange land of Springfield, Massachusetts… Kenneth Pendrelllllllll!!
+Kenny’s small frame enters the ring, and he sheepishly waves to the audience.+
Vince: And, in the plaid corner, hailing from the post-apocalyptic Land of Ooo, ruler of the Candy Kingdom and ready to bring us a royal pain, Priiiiiiiincess Bubbleguuuuuuuuum!!!!!!
+Bubblegum strolls gracefully into the ring and waves majestically to everyone. Mills Lane approaches the two in the center of the ring. Curiously, there are two lab tables in the ring, one on either side, filled with various beakers and test tubes and other sciency things.+
Mills: All right, you two. This is a battle of science… to the death! We’re going to have a good, clean fight, here! Now here are the rules! You shake hands, the bell rings, and then you each have at most two minutes at your lab table. When at two minutes the bell rings again, your tables will explode, killing you instantly! So if you’re still at them, you lose! You can leave your table at any time before that, and you can use anything you can make at your table against your opponent. Okay? Now, let’s get it on!
+The bell rings, and both Kenny and Bubblegum move to their tables.+
Toro: Both combatants are surveying their tables to see what materials they have available.
Guy: And now they’re both hard at work assembling their projects!
Bubblegum: This is it. That kid isn’t going to beat me! For science!
Kenny: There isn’t much to work with here… That sulfuric acid is promising, but it wouldn’t be much of a project if I just attacked with one of the base
ingredients…
Bubblegum: Heeheeheee! A bit more kitten eye…
Kenny: Eurika! Ordinary table salt, just what I needed!
Bubblegum: Alright. Let me just add three more drops of explosive diarrhea...
Kenny: Now to collect the gas in an aqueous solution… Have to be careful not to dilute things too much, I need this to be potent…
Guy: The clock is ticking… Both combatants are moving at an amazing speed. But they need to be away from their tables before two minutes are up, or it is instant death! Can they do it?
Toro: We’ll find out soon… just ten seconds to go!
Kenny and Bubblegum: Finished!
+The bell rings again, just as both dive away from their tables which promptly explode behind them. Kenny is holding a beaker full of liquid. Bubblegum is holding a small bag of candies.+
Bubblegum: *speaking sweetly* Oh, Kenny… Want to try one of my special candies?
Kenny: I suspect those would cause worse than a cavity. Do you really think me foolish enough to eat one willingly?
Bubblegum: Tee hee… You’re right, that was silly!
+Bubblegum pulls from behind her back a fierce looking gun of some sort, into which she pours her candy concoction. When she speaks again, her voice is somewhat harsher.+
Bubblegum: So I’ll just have to shoot them down your throat! Auf wiedersehen, Kenny!
Toro: Bubblegum is now firing her gun madly, laughing gleefully as her candy bullets fly towards Kenny! As they hit the floor or the wall, the bullets burst into a mad, sizzling, green flame! You folks at home don’t know what you’re missing here, tonight! This is amazing!
Guy: Kenny deftly dodges to the left, then the right, moving forward as he goes!
Toro: And Kenny makes his move! He splashes Bubblegum with whatever was in that beaker he was carrying! He’s gotten her good, it is all over her! Something is happening…
Bubblegum: Ya butt! You’ve ruined my dress!
+A clump of pink goo, rapidly dissolving, falls from Bubblegum’s head to land at her feet.+
Bubblegum: And… my hair? What the nuts?
+One of her arms now drops off, also dissolving.+
Bubblegum: *shreaking* What did you do?
Kenny: Well, for a complex organic polymer such as yourself, there really was only one obvious solution. Some sort of solvent that would break you
down.
+Kenny holds up the now empty beaker. Bubblegum by this point has dissolved to half her size, with no sign of stopping.+
Kenny: Hydrochloric acid, as concentrated as I could make it, seems to have done the trick quite nicely.
Bubblegum: *in a voice that is almost just a gurgling sound* This… is… dirt… balls…
+Bubblegum finishes dissolving, leaving only a puddle of pinkish, steaming goo in the center of the ring.+
Voice: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Toro: What is this? Someone is flying into the ring! It looks like… A teenage girl?
Guy: She's a bit monochromatic for my tastes, she could do with a bit more color. I dig the bite mark on her neck, though. I always did like a girl with a bit of kink to her.
Toro: Guy… Shut up. Just… Shut up.
+The girl lands before the puddle and kneels. She tries to pick some up in her hands, but it just pours through her fingers. Residual acid in the puddle seems to smoke up a bit when she touches it, but otherwise does not affect her.+
Girl: Bonnibel?
+She begins crying.+
Girl: You can’t be gone… I… I lo…
+She looks up at Kenny. She is no longer crying. In fact, she looks rather frightening. Kenny, scared, takes a single step back.+
Girl: You. You did this. I’ll see that you pay. I’ll see that you suffer every hell that the Nightosphere has to offer… You will rue the day that you crossed me!
+The girl turns into a giant, fierce monster who lunges after Kenny. He bolts out of the ring, and she gives chase.+
Toro: Well, not quiet sure what just happened there, but even if he may not have much longer to live himself I am sure that Kenny is pleased to be declared the winner of this match!
Guy: And also, thousands of shippers are pleased to know they were right! Even if they do have to find out posthumously.
Toro: What are you talking about, Guy?
Guy: Nothing, nothing. But if you really want to know, that’s what Deviant Art is for.
Toro: You know I wouldn’t be caught dead on that website.
Guy: Your loss. Shall we move onto this evening’s final match?
Names: Yadda, yadda… Boy Scouts…
Bios: Yawn, they’ve been here before…
Interesting Fact: Let’s get on with it, shall we?
Names: Kyon, Itsuki, Mikuru, Nagato, and Haurhi
Bios: An absolutely normal girl, who is not at all all powerful, and her perfectly normal friends
Interesting Fact: Look, it is important Haruhi believe that bio, okay? So don’t you tell her different!
Vince: Now entering the ring, in the infradead corner, Back again to face the pain once more… The Juuuusenkyoooooo Scouts!!!!
+Matt, Aaron, Gelinas, Hughes, and Mike all cautiously enter the ring.+
Gelinas: Why are we back here again?
Matt: *shudders* Shut up, Bill… I’m trying not to think about it…
Aaron: This would probably be better if we’d come back after getting the training Líng Rén promised.
Mike: Try not to worry about that. Let’s just get this finished, and get back to Japan.
Hughes: At least I got a chance to show the world my new sense of style!
Vince: And in the ultraviolent corner, coming all the way from North High, the one… the only… SOS BRIGAAAAAAAADE!!
+A confident Haruhi strides into the ring, followed by an impeccable Itsuki, a despondent Kyon, a passionless Nagato, and finally a nervously fidgeting Mikuru. Kyon was especially annoyed by the writing style of Anime Deathmatch, which made it practically impossible to confuse the reader on the matter of whether he was just narrating, or actually speaking.+
Haruhi: Don’t sweat the small details, okay?
+They are all in their North High uniforms, except for Mikuru who is clad in a maid’s outfit.+
Mikuru: Um… what… what is this place? What are we doing here?
Mills: All right, this is a five on five event! At the sound of the bell, you’re to pair off and fight! You can only help other members of your team once your own initial opponent is defeated. Let’s get it on!
+Toro has a strange feeling of déjà vu. The bell rings.+
Guy: And the pairs are forming fairly quickly down there. Itsuki seems to have engaged Bill Gelinas in a discussion about the nature of reality. We’ll see how that turns out.
Toro: Mike seems to be tussling with Nagato… Nagato is just standing there taking it! She’s not moving one bit, except for her mouth which is going a mile a minute! But whatever she is saying must be very quiet, as we can’t pick up any sound… Oh, and Mike is down! I’m not sure what happened, it almost looked like he dissolved into a stream of data!
Guy: Aaron and Kyon seem to be… shrugging at each other and walking away? They’re departing the ring! One fifth of each team has just forfeited? We’ll have to check the rules later to see what that means… Oh, and Gelinas’s head has just exploded!
Toro: Hughes is facing off against Mikuru… His flashy, neon pink outfit seems to be distracting her…
Mikuru: Mi… Mi… Mikuru Beeeeeam!
Hughes: Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Guy: That had to hurt! She shot some sort of beam out of her eye, which sliced his right arm completely off! (And did major structural damage to the arena…) But I can’t believe this! He’s picked up his own limb and he is…
Toro: My god, he’s beating her to death with it!
Guy: That’s the kind of thing you only get on Anime Deathmatch, folks!
Haruhi: Mikuru-chan!
Toro: Now, if you remember the rules, Haruhi can’t move to help Mikuru until first defeating her own opponent… And thus far Matthew has been pretty good at dodging her. But here Haruhi goes, running straight at him!
Guy: Amazing! She’s somehow launched herself in the air to take a flying leap at Matthew, and has kicked him in the head with both feet! The force of the impact has sent him flying into the air like a projectile… My god, he’s coming right at us! Run, Toro!
+Toro freezes in panic as the unconscious, possibly dead mass that is Matthew Atanian thunders towards the announcers’ booth… straight at him. Toro screams as the bell rings.+
Guy: And the pairs are forming fairly quickly down there. Itsuki seems to have engaged Bill Gelinas in a discussion about the nature of reality. We’ll see how that turns out.
Toro: Mike seems to be struggling with Nagato… Nagato is just standing there taking it! She’s not moving one bit, except for her mouth which is going a mile a minute! But whatever she is saying must be very quiet, as we can’t pick up any sound… Oh, and Mike is down! I’m not sure what happened, it almost looked like he dissolved into a stream of data!
Guy: Aaron and Kyon seem to be… shrugging at each other and walking away? They’re departing the ring! One fifth of each team has just forfeited? We’ll have to check with the rules later to see what that means… Oh, and Gelinas’s head has just exploded!
Toro: Hughes is facing off against Mikuru… His flashy, neon green outfit seems to be distracting her…
Mikuru: Mi… Mi… Mikuru Beeeeeam!
Hughes: Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Guy: That had to hurt! She shot some sort of beam out of her eye, which sliced his right arm completely off! (And did major structural damage to the arena…) But I can’t believe this! He’s picked up his own limb and he is…
Toro: My god, he’s beating her to death with it!
Guy: That’s the kind of carnage you only get on Anime Deathmatch, folks!
Haruhi: Mikuru-chan!
Toro: Guy… I can’t help but think… Has this all happened before?
Guy: So you finally noticed it then, Toro?
Toro: Noticed what?
Guy: Keeping Boy Scouts ½ characters together with modern day properties for too long has created a time loop. It started at the beginning of this match, and now we’ve been going round and round, repeating the same five and a half minute interval… over and over… Each time it resets, leaving those within it unable to even remember the trap they are in.
Toro: Why do you remember, Guy?
Guy: Plot, Toro. Plot.
Toro: How many times has this happened? Five? Ten?
Guy: 47,814 times.
+Toro balks at that number. 47,814? His brain has trouble comprehending it. Five and a half minutes… 47,814 times… Six months!? He turns to Guy, seeking to confirm the number, but sees that Guy is occupied with running from the announcers’ booth. Toro turns back to the ring just in time to see the unconscious, possibly dead mass that is Matthew Atanian flying towards the announcers’ booth… straight at him. Toro screams as the bell rings.+
Guy: And the pairs are forming fairly quickly down there. Itsuki seems to have engaged Aaron Abdowmassy in a discussion about the nature of reality. We’ll see how that turns out.
Toro: Mike seems to be struggling with Nagato… Nagato is just standing there taking it! She’s not moving one bit, except for her mouth which is going a mile a minute! But whatever she is saying must be very quiet, as we can’t pick up any sound… Oh, and Mike is down! I’m not sure what happened, it almost looked like he dissipated into a stream of data!
Guy: Gelinas and Kyon seem to be… shrugging at each other and walking away? They’re departing the ring! One fifth of each team has just forfeited? We’ll have to check out the rules later to see what that means… Oh, and Aaron’s head has just exploded!
Toro: Hughes is facing off against Mikuru… His flashy, neon vilot outfit seems to be distracting her…
Mikuru: Mi… Mi… Mikuru Beeeeeam!
Hughes: Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Guy: That had to hurt! She shot some sort of beam out of her eye, which sliced his right leg completely off! (And did major structural damage to the arena…) But I can’t believe this! He’s picked up his own limb, is hopping towards her, and now he is…
Toro: My god, he’s beating her to death with it!
Guy: That’s the kind of carnage you only get on Anime Deathmatch, folks!
Haruhi: Mikuru-chan!
Toro: Guy… I can’t help but think… Has this all happened before?
Guy: So you finally noticed it then, Toro?
Toro: Noticed what?
Guy: Keeping Boy Scouts ½ characters together with modern day properties for too long has created a time loop. It started at the beginning of this match, and now we’ve been going round and round, repeating the same five and a half minute interval… over and over… Each time it resets, leaving those within it unable to even remember the trap they are in.
Toro: Why do you remember, Guy?
Guy: Plot, Toro. Plot.
Toro: How many times has this happened? Five? Ten?
Guy: 95,627 times.
+Toro balks at that number. 95,627? His brain has trouble comprehending it. Five and a half minutes… 95,627 times… A year!? He turns to Guy, seeking to confirm the number, but sees that Guy is occupied with running from the announcers’ booth. Toro turns back to the ring just in time to see the unconscious, possibly dead mass that is Matthew Atanian flying towards the announcers’ booth… straight at him. Toro screams as the bell rings.+
Guy: And the pairs are starting to form fairly quickly down there. Itsuki seems to have engaged Bill Gelinas in a conversation about the nature of reality. We’ll see how that turns out.
Toro: Mike seems to be struggling with Nagato… Nagato is just standing there taking it! She’s not moving one bit, except for her mouth which is going a mile a minute! But whatever she is saying must be very quiet, as we can’t pick up any sound… Oh, and Mike is down! I’m not sure what happened, but somehow the floor beneath Mike disappeared, and a bottomless pit has sucked him in! He’s as good as dead.
Guy: Kyon and Aaron seem to be… shrugging at each other and wandering away? They’re departing from the ring! One member of each team has just forfeited? We’ll have to check with the rules later to see what that means… Oh, and Gelinas’s head has just exploded!
Toro: Hughes is facing off against Mikuru… His flashy, neon blue outfit seems to be distracting her…
Mikuru: Mi… Mi… Mikuru Beeeeeam!
Hughes: Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Guy: That had to hurt! She shot some sort of beam out of her eye, which sliced his left arm completely off! (And did some not insignificant structural damage to the arena…) But I can’t believe this! He’s picked up his severed limb and he is…
Toro: My god, he’s beating her to death with it!
Guy: That’s the kind of bloody display you only get on Anime Deathmatch, people!
Haruhi: Mikuru-chan!
Toro: Guy… I can’t help but think… Has this all happened before?
Guy: So you finally noticed it then, Toro?
Toro: Noticed what?
Guy: Keeping the characters of Boy Scouts ½ together with modern day properties for too long has created a time loop. It started at the beginning of this match, and now we’ve been going round and round, repeating the same five and a half minute interval… over and over… Each time it resets, leaving those within it unable to even remember the trap they are in.
Toro: Why do you remember, Guy?
Guy: Plot, Toro. Plot.
Toro: How many times has this happened? Five? Ten?
Guy: 239,067 times.
+Toro balks at that number. 239,067? His brain has trouble comprehending it. Five and a half minutes… 239,067 times… Two and a half years!? He turns to Guy, seeking to confirm the number, but sees that Guy is occupied with running from the announcers’ booth. Toro turns back to the ring just in time to see the unconscious, possibly dead mass that is Matthew Atanian flying towards the announcers’ booth… straight at him. Toro screams as the bell rings.+
Guy: And the pairs are forming fairly quickly down there. Itsuki seems to have squared off against Bill Gelinas in a discussion about the nature of reality. We’ll see how that pans out.
Toro: Mike, meanwhile, is facing Nagato… And Nagato is just standing there taking it! She’s not moving one bit, except for her mouth which is going a million miles an hour! Whatever she is saying must be very soft, as we can’t pick up any sound… Oh, and Mike is down! I’m not sure what happened, it almost looked like he dissolved into a bunch of data!
Guy: Aaron and Kyon seem to be… shrugging at each other and walking away? In a most apathetic display, they’re departing the ring! One fifth of each team has just forfeited? We’ll have to check with the rules later to see what that means… Oh, and Gelinas’s head has just went kersplewie!
Toro: Hughes is facing off against Mikuru… His flashy, neon green yellow seems to be distracting her…
Mikuru: Mi… Mi… Mikuru Beeeeeam!
Hughes: Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Guy: That had to hurt! She shot some sort of beam out of her eye, which sliced his right arm completely off! (And did major structural damage to the arena…) But I can’t believe this! He’s picked up his own limb and he is…
Toro: My god, he’s clubbing her to death with it!
Guy: You saw it right here on Anime Deathmatch, folks! The only place you can get that kind of carnage!
Haruhi: Mikuru-chan!
Toro: Guy… I can’t help but think… Has this all happened before?
Guy: So you finally noticed it then, Toro?
Toro: Noticed what?
Guy: Keeping Boy Scouts ½ characters together with modern day properties for too long has created a time loop. It started at the beginning of this match, and now we’ve been going round and round, repeating the same five and a half minute interval… over and over… Each time it resets, leaving those within it unable to even remember the trap they are in.
Toro: Why do you remember, Guy?
Guy: Plot, Toro. Plot.
Toro: How many times has this happened? Five? Ten?
Guy: 478,135 times.
+Toro balks at that number. 478,135? His brain has trouble comprehending it. Five and a half minutes… 478,135 times… Five years!? He turns to Guy, seeking to confirm the number, but sees that Guy is occupied with running from the announcers’ booth. Toro turns back to the ring just in time to see the unconscious, possibly dead mass that is Matthew Atanian flying towards the announcers’ booth… straight at him. Toro screams as the bell rings.+
Toro: And the pairs are forming fairly quickly down there. Itsuki seems to have begun a discourse with Bill Gelinas on the nature of reality. We’ll see how that turns out.
Guy: Mike seems to be struggling with Nagato… Nagato is just standing there taking it! She’s not moving one inch, except for her mouth which is going a mile a minute! But whatever she is saying must be very quiet, as we can’t pick up any sound… Oh, and Mike is down! I’m not sure what happened, it almost looked like he dissolved into a stream of data!
Toro: Aaron and Kyon seem to be… shrugging at each other and walking away? They’re leaving the ring! One fifth of each team has just forfeited? We’ll have to check the rules later to see what that means… Oh, and Gelinas’s head has just exploded!
Guy: Hughes is facing off against Mikuru… His flashy, neon orange outfit seems to be distracting her…
Mikuru: Mi… Mi… Mikuru Beeeeeam!
Hughes: Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Toro: That had to hurt! She shot some sort of beam out from one of her eyes, which sliced his right arm completely off! (And did major structural damage to the arena…) But I can’t believe this! He’s picked up his own limb and he is… My god, he’s beating her to death with it!
Guy: That’s the kind of carnage you only get on Anime Deathmatch, folks!
Haruhi: Mikuru-chan!
Toro: Guy… I can’t help but think… Has this all happened before?
Guy: So you finally noticed it then, Toro?
Toro: Noticed what?
Guy: Keeping Boy Scouts ½ characters together with modern day properties for too long has created a time loop. It started at the beginning of this match, and now we’ve been going round and round, repeating the same five and a half minute interval… over and over… Each time it resets, leaving those within it unable to even remember the trap they are in.
Toro: Why do you remember, Guy?
Guy: Plot, Toro. Plot.
Toro: How many times has this happened? Five? Ten?
Guy: 669,389 times.
+Toro balks at that number. 669,389? His brain has trouble comprehending it. Five and a half minutes… 669,389 times… Seven years!? He turns to Guy, seeking to confirm the number, but sees that Guy is occupied with running from the announcers’ booth. Toro turns back to the ring just in time to see the unconscious, possibly dead mass that is Matthew Atanian flying towards the announcers’ booth… straight at him. Toro screams as the bell rings.+
Guy: And the opponents are pairing off fairly quickly down there. Itsuki seems to have engaged Gelinas in a debate about the nature of reality. It’ll be
interesting to see how that resolves itself.
Toro: Mike seems to be scuffling with Nagato… Nagato is just standing there taking it! She’s not moving at all, except… wait, no, her mouth which is going a mile a minute! But whatever she is saying must be very quiet, as we can’t pick up any sound… Oh, and something is happening… Mike is… dissolving? It almost looks like he is dissipating into a stream of data! I’m not sure what happened, but Mike is down!
Guy: Kyon and Aaron seem to be… shrugging at each other and wandering out of the ring? One fifth of each team has just forfeited! I’m not sure what this means. I suppose later we’ll have to check with the rules. Oh, and Gelinas’s head has just detonated!
Toro: Hughes is facing off against Mikuru… His flashy, leopard print outfit seems to be distracting her…
Mikuru: Mi… Mi… Mikuru Beeeeeam!
Hughes: Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Guy: That had to hurt! She shot some sort of beam out of her eye, which sliced his head completely off! (And did major structural damage to the arena…) But I can’t believe this! She’s now slipped in the blood and is in danger of falling on a large, sharp fragment of Gelinas’s skull that is imbedded in the ring in front of her!
Toro: My god, she’ll impale herself on it!
Guy: That’s the kind of carnage you only get on Anime Deathmatch, folks!
Haruhi: Mikuru-chan!
Toro: Guy… I can’t help but think… Has this all happened before?
Guy: So you finally noticed it then, Toro?
Toro: Noticed what?
Guy: Keeping Boy Scouts ½ characters together with modern day properties for too long has created a time loop. It started at the beginning of this match, and now we’ve been going round and round, repeating the same five and a half minute interval… over and over… Each time it resets, leaving those within it unable to even remember the trap they are in.
Toro: Why do you remember, Guy?
Guy: Plot, Toro. Plot.
Toro: How many times has this happened? Five? Ten?
Guy: 956,271 times.
+Toro balks at that number. 956,271? His brain has trouble comprehending it. Five and a half minutes… 956,271 times… Ten years!? He turns to Guy, seeking to confirm the number, but sees that Guy is occupied with running from the announcers’ booth. Toro turns back to the ring just in time to see the unconscious, possibly dead mass that is Matthew Atanian flying towards the announcers’ booth… straight at him. Toro screams as the bell rings.+
Guy: And the pairs are forming fairly quickly down there. Itsuki seems to have engaged Aaron Abdowmassy in a discussion about the futility of existence. We’ll see how that turns out.
Toro: Mike looks to be skirmishing with Nagato… but she’s just standing there taking it! She’s not moving one bit, except for her mouth which is going at light speed! If she is saying anything, however, it must be very quietly as we can’t hear it from here… And Mike is down! I’m not sure what happened, it almost looked like he scattered into a stream of data!
Guy: Bill Gelinas and Kyon seem to be… shrugging at each other and walking away? They’re leaving the ring! That means that one fifth of each team has just forfeited!
Toro: What does that even mean?
Guy: Who knows? We’ll have to check with the rules later to see … Oh, and Aaron’s head has just exploded!
Toro: Hughes is facing off against Mikuru… His flashy, gold lamé outfit seems to be distracting her…
Mikuru: Mi… Mi… Mikuru Beeeeeam!
Hughes: Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Guy: That had to smart! She shot some kind of beam from her eye, which carved his left arm completely off! (And caused significant structural problems for the arena…) But I can’t believe this! He’s taken his severed limb and he is…
Toro: My god, he’s clubbing her to death with it!
Guy: That’s the kind of slaughter you only get on Anime Deathmatch, folks!
Haruhi: Mikuru-chan!
Toro: Now, if you remember the rules, Haruhi can’t move to help Mikuru until first defeating her own opponent… And thus far Perfume has been pretty good at dodging her. But here Haruhi goes, running straight at her!
Guy: Amazing!
Toro: Guy… I can’t help but think… Has this all happened before?
Guy: So you finally noticed it then, Toro?
Toro: Noticed what?
Guy: Keeping Boy Scouts ½ characters together with modern day properties for too long has created a time loop. It started at the beginning of this match, and now we’ve been going round and round, repeating the same five and a half minute interval… over and over… Each time it resets, leaving those within it unable to even remember the trap they are in.
Toro: Why do you remember, Guy?
Guy: Plot, Toro. Plot.
Toro: How many times has this happened? Five? Ten?
Guy: 1,243,152 times.
+Toro balks at that number. 1,243,152? His brain has trouble comprehending it. Five and a half minutes… 1,243,152 times… Thirteen years!? The déjà vu was almost overpowering, although he couldn’t help but feel something didn’t fit… Wait, Haruhi was fighting Perfume…?+
Toro: Where’s Matthew?
Matthew: Right behind you…
Toro screamed as he woke up, still seated in his chair. He slammed shut the lid on his laptop, leaving the only light in the room being the dim sunlight fighting its way through his window shade. He picked up the beer can sitting on the table in front of him. There was still a tiny bit of weight to it, so he tossed back his head and emptied it down his throat.
Ugh, it was warm.
Oh god… It had been him, hadn’t it? Back then, it had been him… He had blamed that fan fic… He had blamed Guy, but it had always been him. He had been so upset with Guy that he had unintentionally torn everything down around himself, and taken everyone else down with him. All these years, he had just been in denial, foisting the blame on anyone but himself. And what had it cost him? His dignity. His career. His best friend. Kumiko.
He wandered to the kitchen on a quest for a fresh beer. There were only a few left in the fridge, he noted as he cracked one open. He’d have swing by the store later. He might be getting something a bit stronger then beer.
A bell rang. He was startled, and dropped his beer. “Shit.” He picked up the can, drank what was left in it, and grabbed a towel to swab up the mess.
The doorbell rang again. “All right, all right!” he said, his voice raspy with fatigue. “I’m coming. Keep your panties on.”
He made his way to the door and opened it. “Well, I’ll be damned,” he smirked. “Never thought I’d see your face, again.” He started to close the door.
The person on the other side blocked the door with his foot. “Not so fast, Toro.”
Toro stepped back and slumped down. The door, no longer restrained, swung open.
Guy Makihashi stood there, dressed in a smart suit. He looked older then he did thirteen years ago, but otherwise seemed slim and in shape. “You’re
looking good,” Toro told him.
“And you…” Guy paused, as if unsure what to say for a moment. “Well, you look like shit.”
Toro laughed. “I do, don’t I?” He looked at Guy. “What are you doing here, Guy? It’s been thirteen years, for Christ’s sake.”
“Well, I got the strangest damn e-mail last night,” Guy explained. “Said you needed help. And it had no sender.”
Toro blinked. “What makes you think,” he said with slow deliberation, “that I want your help?”
“I’m sure you don’t,” Guy said. “But damn it, Toro, you were once my friend… And even if you don’t want it, you might need it.”
“Go to hell, Guy,” Toro said.
Guy threw up his hands. “Okay, okay.” He turned and started to walk away. “Can’t say I didn’t try.”
Toro watched him for a moment. “Guy… wait.”
Guy stopped.
“How could I ever expect you to forgive me?” Toro asked.
Guy turned. “You’re right, Toro. Absolutely right. I can’t forgive you. Not until after you forgive yourself.”
Guy looked to Toro. Toro couldn’t meet Guy’s gaze, but he nodded ever so slightly. Guy stepped forward and took Toro into an embrace. After a moment, he felt Toro’s arms rise up and return the gesture, weakly at first but gradually gaining strength.
“Come on,” Guy said to Toro. “I’ll treat you to a coffee.”
Ugh, it was warm.
Oh god… It had been him, hadn’t it? Back then, it had been him… He had blamed that fan fic… He had blamed Guy, but it had always been him. He had been so upset with Guy that he had unintentionally torn everything down around himself, and taken everyone else down with him. All these years, he had just been in denial, foisting the blame on anyone but himself. And what had it cost him? His dignity. His career. His best friend. Kumiko.
He wandered to the kitchen on a quest for a fresh beer. There were only a few left in the fridge, he noted as he cracked one open. He’d have swing by the store later. He might be getting something a bit stronger then beer.
A bell rang. He was startled, and dropped his beer. “Shit.” He picked up the can, drank what was left in it, and grabbed a towel to swab up the mess.
The doorbell rang again. “All right, all right!” he said, his voice raspy with fatigue. “I’m coming. Keep your panties on.”
He made his way to the door and opened it. “Well, I’ll be damned,” he smirked. “Never thought I’d see your face, again.” He started to close the door.
The person on the other side blocked the door with his foot. “Not so fast, Toro.”
Toro stepped back and slumped down. The door, no longer restrained, swung open.
Guy Makihashi stood there, dressed in a smart suit. He looked older then he did thirteen years ago, but otherwise seemed slim and in shape. “You’re
looking good,” Toro told him.
“And you…” Guy paused, as if unsure what to say for a moment. “Well, you look like shit.”
Toro laughed. “I do, don’t I?” He looked at Guy. “What are you doing here, Guy? It’s been thirteen years, for Christ’s sake.”
“Well, I got the strangest damn e-mail last night,” Guy explained. “Said you needed help. And it had no sender.”
Toro blinked. “What makes you think,” he said with slow deliberation, “that I want your help?”
“I’m sure you don’t,” Guy said. “But damn it, Toro, you were once my friend… And even if you don’t want it, you might need it.”
“Go to hell, Guy,” Toro said.
Guy threw up his hands. “Okay, okay.” He turned and started to walk away. “Can’t say I didn’t try.”
Toro watched him for a moment. “Guy… wait.”
Guy stopped.
“How could I ever expect you to forgive me?” Toro asked.
Guy turned. “You’re right, Toro. Absolutely right. I can’t forgive you. Not until after you forgive yourself.”
Guy looked to Toro. Toro couldn’t meet Guy’s gaze, but he nodded ever so slightly. Guy stepped forward and took Toro into an embrace. After a moment, he felt Toro’s arms rise up and return the gesture, weakly at first but gradually gaining strength.
“Come on,” Guy said to Toro. “I’ll treat you to a coffee.”
Disclaimers & Author's Notes
First, getting the basics out of the way:
Madarame (who John was dressed as) is from Genshiken: The Society for the Study of Modern Visual Culture by Kio Shimoku. Yuuki Rito and Golden Darkness are from To Love-Ru by Saki Hasemi. Princess Bubblegum and Marceline are from Adventure Time, created by Pendleton Ward. The SOS Brigade (Haruhi, Kyon, Nagato, Mikuru, and Itsuki) are from the Haruhi Suzumiya series of light novels, written by Nagaru Tanigawa. All used without permission.
Boy Scouts ½ created by Matthew Atanian. Anime Deathmatch created by Jason Bertovich. The drawing of Guy and Toro featured appears to be by a chap named Nick Katzfey, and was swiped off of the archived version of the old ADM website.
Now usually that's the most you'd get for post-story notes on an Anime Deathmatch, but not this time. So onward!
In the introduction, I mentioned how Jason had said, in his announcement on the death of Anime Deathmatch, that no one was to ask to continue it... Well, that, plus the fact that in the framing device Toro is definitely not at a good point in his life, definitely had me worried what Jason's reaction might be when I sent him an e-mail with an attached file cryptically titled, "Surprise for Jason!" After all, Anime Deathmatch was his sandbox, and here I was trying to play in it again years after he had gotten out left specific instructions for it to be left alone.
I suppose I could have, I dunno... asked first... But it was one of those things... I just had to write it. Even if Jason didn't like it, even if he asked that I not use it (a request I would have most certainly honored) I just had to write it.
Of course, since you''ve obviously just read it, it seems a forgone conclusion at this point, dear reader, when I reveal that much to my relief, his reaction was a positive one.
Jason did have a few questions in his response to this story, however. And they are questions I could see other readers having, as well. So I shall repeat my answers here. (Perhaps even going into slightly more detail.)
Jason admitted that "some of (his) anime knowledge is lacking these days." and thus he didn't recognize Derek's competitor in the first match. I'll elaborate more on that in a moment. First, I'd have to admit myself to having a "lack of knowledge these days."
It actually took me quite a while to decide what matches I was going to set up, because I had a big problem: What series are big these days? I'm not sure... Maybe that Helatia thing I keep hearing about? (Apparently my girlfriend's sister gets rather annoyed by how many people use that show as an excuse to go around anime cons dressed as Nazis. Can't say I blame her. Even before I began sharing my life with someone from a Jewish family, I'd have found that sort of thing... at best, extremely tactless.) And even if I did know, do I know those shows well enough to write much about them?
Even with the big shows, from what tenuous link to fandom I still have I don't get an impression that there are any these days that have quite the almost universal penetration into fandom that shows such as Tenchi, Ranma, Sailor Moon, Eva, or Cowboy Beebop might have had in the day. Either there is no more such thing as a universally big show... or what qualifies as such today is not the sort of show an old fuddy duddy like me would have been a fan of, and thus I'm not aware of it!
So what would have the universal appeal to play well in a Deathmatch?
Anyway, back to Derek's match. Well, he obviously needed an opponent from a show that would play to his... tendencies. There is a series I am vaguely aware of called To Love-Ru. I don't blame Jason for his ignorance concerning it, as far as I am aware neither the original manga or the anime adaptation for it has had any official releases in the United States. I've read some of the manga online... I suppose the best way to describe it to someone who, like me, is more familiar with somewhat older works would be, "What if Urusei Yatsura was made today, with modern sensibilities?"
Space alien princess falls in love with earthling... Of course, for a modern audience, the earthling has to be a lovable accidental pervert, NOT a slightly loathsome and fully intentional pervert. And, of course, this means that unlike in Urusei Yatsura where Ataru wants to make a harem and every girl tries to avoid him, just like in most such anime today here the main character doesn't want a harem... but every girl in the series ends up wanting him! So yeah... basically take everything unique about Urusei Yatsura, strip it out, replace it with modern clichés, and (especially with the sequel series, To Love-Re Darkness) add in metric crap tons of gratuitous nudity, and you have To Love-Ru.
No major notes on the Kenny match, except that I do know that it seems might out of character for him to be in any sort of "death match" in the first place! Of course, the same would be said for myself, and that hasn't stopped "Matthew" from being in them before... or again, now. So I decided not to sweat the details...
The Haruhi match. Jason, I am guessing, has not seen the second season of the television series. He expressed, "The only real constructive criticism I could offer on that bout would maybe cut a couple of the loops down..."
I couldn't do that, of course. I had to have eight loops. I had to share the pain, you see... The pain of everyone who watched the second season of the television series... Where they took what in the original light novels had been a short, approximately thirty page story titled Endless Eight, in which the world was caught in a time loop, and expand it a bit by taking the title a bit too literally... The pain where viewers were treated to eight episodes in a row called Endless Eight, which were all essentially the same episode! Now, I'm not saying that they just showed one episode eight times. Oh, no. That would have been too easy and almost laughable. No, they did brand new animation and voice work, each time with subtle variation, for each of the eight episodes! They could have done it in one episode. If they wanted to have their fun, they could have done it in three (one that played it straight, one where they realize the loop but are unable to resolve it, and finally the one where they escape). That would have still left five open episodes to adapt some other material from the novels! But no... They had to stretch it for an endless eight episodes...
(But I'm not bitter.)
Guess that's about all from me. Onto some notes from Jason!
Madarame (who John was dressed as) is from Genshiken: The Society for the Study of Modern Visual Culture by Kio Shimoku. Yuuki Rito and Golden Darkness are from To Love-Ru by Saki Hasemi. Princess Bubblegum and Marceline are from Adventure Time, created by Pendleton Ward. The SOS Brigade (Haruhi, Kyon, Nagato, Mikuru, and Itsuki) are from the Haruhi Suzumiya series of light novels, written by Nagaru Tanigawa. All used without permission.
Boy Scouts ½ created by Matthew Atanian. Anime Deathmatch created by Jason Bertovich. The drawing of Guy and Toro featured appears to be by a chap named Nick Katzfey, and was swiped off of the archived version of the old ADM website.
Now usually that's the most you'd get for post-story notes on an Anime Deathmatch, but not this time. So onward!
In the introduction, I mentioned how Jason had said, in his announcement on the death of Anime Deathmatch, that no one was to ask to continue it... Well, that, plus the fact that in the framing device Toro is definitely not at a good point in his life, definitely had me worried what Jason's reaction might be when I sent him an e-mail with an attached file cryptically titled, "Surprise for Jason!" After all, Anime Deathmatch was his sandbox, and here I was trying to play in it again years after he had gotten out left specific instructions for it to be left alone.
I suppose I could have, I dunno... asked first... But it was one of those things... I just had to write it. Even if Jason didn't like it, even if he asked that I not use it (a request I would have most certainly honored) I just had to write it.
Of course, since you''ve obviously just read it, it seems a forgone conclusion at this point, dear reader, when I reveal that much to my relief, his reaction was a positive one.
Jason did have a few questions in his response to this story, however. And they are questions I could see other readers having, as well. So I shall repeat my answers here. (Perhaps even going into slightly more detail.)
Jason admitted that "some of (his) anime knowledge is lacking these days." and thus he didn't recognize Derek's competitor in the first match. I'll elaborate more on that in a moment. First, I'd have to admit myself to having a "lack of knowledge these days."
It actually took me quite a while to decide what matches I was going to set up, because I had a big problem: What series are big these days? I'm not sure... Maybe that Helatia thing I keep hearing about? (Apparently my girlfriend's sister gets rather annoyed by how many people use that show as an excuse to go around anime cons dressed as Nazis. Can't say I blame her. Even before I began sharing my life with someone from a Jewish family, I'd have found that sort of thing... at best, extremely tactless.) And even if I did know, do I know those shows well enough to write much about them?
Even with the big shows, from what tenuous link to fandom I still have I don't get an impression that there are any these days that have quite the almost universal penetration into fandom that shows such as Tenchi, Ranma, Sailor Moon, Eva, or Cowboy Beebop might have had in the day. Either there is no more such thing as a universally big show... or what qualifies as such today is not the sort of show an old fuddy duddy like me would have been a fan of, and thus I'm not aware of it!
So what would have the universal appeal to play well in a Deathmatch?
Anyway, back to Derek's match. Well, he obviously needed an opponent from a show that would play to his... tendencies. There is a series I am vaguely aware of called To Love-Ru. I don't blame Jason for his ignorance concerning it, as far as I am aware neither the original manga or the anime adaptation for it has had any official releases in the United States. I've read some of the manga online... I suppose the best way to describe it to someone who, like me, is more familiar with somewhat older works would be, "What if Urusei Yatsura was made today, with modern sensibilities?"
Space alien princess falls in love with earthling... Of course, for a modern audience, the earthling has to be a lovable accidental pervert, NOT a slightly loathsome and fully intentional pervert. And, of course, this means that unlike in Urusei Yatsura where Ataru wants to make a harem and every girl tries to avoid him, just like in most such anime today here the main character doesn't want a harem... but every girl in the series ends up wanting him! So yeah... basically take everything unique about Urusei Yatsura, strip it out, replace it with modern clichés, and (especially with the sequel series, To Love-Re Darkness) add in metric crap tons of gratuitous nudity, and you have To Love-Ru.
No major notes on the Kenny match, except that I do know that it seems might out of character for him to be in any sort of "death match" in the first place! Of course, the same would be said for myself, and that hasn't stopped "Matthew" from being in them before... or again, now. So I decided not to sweat the details...
The Haruhi match. Jason, I am guessing, has not seen the second season of the television series. He expressed, "The only real constructive criticism I could offer on that bout would maybe cut a couple of the loops down..."
I couldn't do that, of course. I had to have eight loops. I had to share the pain, you see... The pain of everyone who watched the second season of the television series... Where they took what in the original light novels had been a short, approximately thirty page story titled Endless Eight, in which the world was caught in a time loop, and expand it a bit by taking the title a bit too literally... The pain where viewers were treated to eight episodes in a row called Endless Eight, which were all essentially the same episode! Now, I'm not saying that they just showed one episode eight times. Oh, no. That would have been too easy and almost laughable. No, they did brand new animation and voice work, each time with subtle variation, for each of the eight episodes! They could have done it in one episode. If they wanted to have their fun, they could have done it in three (one that played it straight, one where they realize the loop but are unable to resolve it, and finally the one where they escape). That would have still left five open episodes to adapt some other material from the novels! But no... They had to stretch it for an endless eight episodes...
(But I'm not bitter.)
Guess that's about all from me. Onto some notes from Jason!
Jason's Notes
It was both a delightful romp but also a semi-melancholy (pun not intended) trip for me. I was delighted to see Kenny get a match. As for the Snakes vs. Brigade, I quite enjoyed the twist. First time I read it, I thought I glitched the Matrix.
I have to admit, I did find myself a little sad or at least thoughtful at Toro's current state of being. Old, broken, abandoned by his friends, love, and his creator. Made me feel like a right bastard to think I might of done that to him. I think I might have to rectify that, even if I never formally write another official anime deathmatch episode. *gears turning* It's given me... *pause* an idea. Yes. Yes. *writes in pocket notebook used to remember ideas* Yes.
Thank you, my friend. Thirteen years later, I feel... I feel like you added a proper... Denouement? ...Coda? ...Epilogue, maybe? ...to ADM. I feel touched that you wanted to resurrect ADM and I can't think of a better place for that resurrection than the Boy Scouts ½ Universe. The old arena might have been torn down, but ADM will always have a home.
Thank you.
I have to admit, I did find myself a little sad or at least thoughtful at Toro's current state of being. Old, broken, abandoned by his friends, love, and his creator. Made me feel like a right bastard to think I might of done that to him. I think I might have to rectify that, even if I never formally write another official anime deathmatch episode. *gears turning* It's given me... *pause* an idea. Yes. Yes. *writes in pocket notebook used to remember ideas* Yes.
Thank you, my friend. Thirteen years later, I feel... I feel like you added a proper... Denouement? ...Coda? ...Epilogue, maybe? ...to ADM. I feel touched that you wanted to resurrect ADM and I can't think of a better place for that resurrection than the Boy Scouts ½ Universe. The old arena might have been torn down, but ADM will always have a home.
Thank you.
Later that morning, Toro returned home. He and Guy ended up getting a table at a nearby Eat'n Park where they had chatted for while over coffee and caught up. It was amazing how much things had changed for them in the last thirteen years, but how little had changed when it came to the pair of
friends. For Toro, talking with Guy was like slipping on a well worn and comfortable sweater.
Guy had returned Toro home and dropped him off in front of his house. They each agreed to not allow so much time to elapse between visits and heartily shook hands. Before entering his home, Toro took a look back to his friend, Guy. Guy smiled and then returned to his car.
Toro walked in and looked around his house. For some reason, it didn't feel as empty as it did earlier. It needed some tidying, for sure, but something felt different. Toro felt a smile creeping on his face again. An impulse came to him.
Upstairs, he opened a long untouched closet door. Toro turned on the small light inside the closet. A moment later, a shaft of light tinged with dust particles came to life. Toro looked inside and grinned. Sitting there, untouched for many years, was his other faithful companion. Toro took hold of the wooden mallet's handle and pulled it from the closet. Feeling the heft in his hands, and remembering the pain it used to dish out to his broadcast partner, he smiled warmly.
"Heh. Guy no baka," Toro whispered to himself.
"Excuse me?" A voice asked from behind.
Toro, startled, dropped the mallet and whipped his body around to face where the voice had come from. Standing in his upstairs hall stood a young man, maybe in his early twenties, with a mop of reddish brown hair. He wore blue jeans and tennis shoes, but also a dress shirt and a dark blue Calvin and Hobbes themed tie. In his left hand he held a battered single subject notebook.
"Who are you? What are you doing here? Nice tie," Toro asked and then commented.
The young man took these questions and comments in. He appeared unsure of what to say, but decided to hazard a reply anyway. "Thanks. I think..." he started, then looked at the notebook in his hand, "I think you're supposed to help me."
Toro blinked a few times. He took this statement in and then weighed it in his mind. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone with his right hand. He then grabbed the handle of mallet with his left and hefted it up to rest on his shoulder. "Mind if I make a call?"
friends. For Toro, talking with Guy was like slipping on a well worn and comfortable sweater.
Guy had returned Toro home and dropped him off in front of his house. They each agreed to not allow so much time to elapse between visits and heartily shook hands. Before entering his home, Toro took a look back to his friend, Guy. Guy smiled and then returned to his car.
Toro walked in and looked around his house. For some reason, it didn't feel as empty as it did earlier. It needed some tidying, for sure, but something felt different. Toro felt a smile creeping on his face again. An impulse came to him.
Upstairs, he opened a long untouched closet door. Toro turned on the small light inside the closet. A moment later, a shaft of light tinged with dust particles came to life. Toro looked inside and grinned. Sitting there, untouched for many years, was his other faithful companion. Toro took hold of the wooden mallet's handle and pulled it from the closet. Feeling the heft in his hands, and remembering the pain it used to dish out to his broadcast partner, he smiled warmly.
"Heh. Guy no baka," Toro whispered to himself.
"Excuse me?" A voice asked from behind.
Toro, startled, dropped the mallet and whipped his body around to face where the voice had come from. Standing in his upstairs hall stood a young man, maybe in his early twenties, with a mop of reddish brown hair. He wore blue jeans and tennis shoes, but also a dress shirt and a dark blue Calvin and Hobbes themed tie. In his left hand he held a battered single subject notebook.
"Who are you? What are you doing here? Nice tie," Toro asked and then commented.
The young man took these questions and comments in. He appeared unsure of what to say, but decided to hazard a reply anyway. "Thanks. I think..." he started, then looked at the notebook in his hand, "I think you're supposed to help me."
Toro blinked a few times. He took this statement in and then weighed it in his mind. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone with his right hand. He then grabbed the handle of mallet with his left and hefted it up to rest on his shoulder. "Mind if I make a call?"
("Post Credits" scene written by Jason Bertovich)