Outlast (out-last’) Verb – to survive, outlive, last longer than. 21 souls. Isolated from civilization. Isolated from the ones they love. Well…most of them. Er…well…maybe the majority of them at least. A MINORITY of them, definitely! Definitely some of them are isolated from the ones they love. Where was I? Oh yeah, these souls, stranded in the middle of nowhere, with only their wits and a ton of camping gear to keep them alive.
Two souls left. No way of knowing what will happen next. No way of knowing where the next challenge lies. And NO…WAY…OUT…
…except through the path of utter and total humiliation…
…or the path of ultimate victory…
The people – Boy Scouts ½ Cast members from all parts of the Boy Scouts ½ Universe!
The desolate prison they must live on – Moses Scout Reservation!
The Goal - SURVIVAL!
Two souls left. No way of knowing what will happen next. No way of knowing where the next challenge lies. And NO…WAY…OUT…
…except through the path of utter and total humiliation…
…or the path of ultimate victory…
The people – Boy Scouts ½ Cast members from all parts of the Boy Scouts ½ Universe!
The desolate prison they must live on – Moses Scout Reservation!
The Goal - SURVIVAL!
Produced by Jason “BoneparteOzaki” Bertovich
with Matthew Atanian
Episode 21
“Who wants to Deal with the Smarter than a Fifth Grader American Hunger Games Battle Royale Survivor?”
with Matthew Atanian
Episode 21
“Who wants to Deal with the Smarter than a Fifth Grader American Hunger Games Battle Royale Survivor?”
Day 147...
*We open this
episode with the show’s official title graphic which then fades to a television
studio where two silhouetted figures sit at a large desk. The house lights come
up to show two semi-familiar personalities.
Both look like the former hosts of a certain fight-related program.*
Guy Makihashi: Hi there, reality television fans, I’m Guy Makihashi
Toto Watanabe: And I’m Toro Watanabe and welcome to another installment of The Boy Scouts ½ Universe’s Outlast-the-Other-Guys-Challenge!
Guy: And what a special episode it is, folks!
Toro: That’s right, Guy. After twenty-one weeks, we officially crown our winner in this, our season finale.
Guy: But before we check in on our final two contestants and find our who was the best of the best, I feel compelled to reflect that so much has happened, so much drama and excitement, that it hardly seems like it would all have fit in these twenty-one weeks. I almost feel like this much adventure would need a whopping thirteen years! And it is such an honor to me that they have called Toro and I in to commentate on this season finale. Before we get to tonight's action, we’d like to take some time to look back on this inaugural season and highlight some of those special moments that will no doubt live on in our memories for years to come.
*Both turn to the large screen mounted behind them.*
Toro: Now, I think the show started off quickly with both a downhill snow race down the sheer ice covered slopes of Tower Mountain, followed by a tense trivia round in episode one.
*Monitor shows Jason holding Kiwi-Mocha Totem and Matt holding ECWCWWF Extreme Thunderous Attitude II totem.*
Guy: But most people tend to agree that this show really didn’t find its groove until episode two, when Chairman Kaga was replaced by a stern looking Japanese man name Kitano and his cadre of military forces who then proceeded to take over the entire production. He then informed the contestants that the physical and intellectual challenges would be suspended and the teams disbanded in favor of an anything goes battle royale to the death! And he informed them that the entire reservation had been cordoned off making escape impossible and that caches of weaponry had been scattered throughout the camp.
Toro: Our contestants got to see just how serious the new emcee was when Justy Young was summarily executed for showing defiance at these new rules, much to the horror but also to the satisfaction of the rest of the contestants.
*Screen shows Justy marching up to the new Emcee only to be greeted with a throwing dagger between the eyes.*
Guy: Yes, our Emcee, Mr. Kitano, is up for a Primetime Emmy for that very moment.
Toro: With their number now down to twenty, Mr Kitano informed the contestants that if at least one contestant wasn’t killed a week, they would authorize the deployment of specially trained mercenaries who would then seek out and kill the first contestant they came upon in order to cull their numbers.
Guy: A stern, but fair motivational tactic.
Toro: and thus with these gruesome and terrible rules laid down, did our contestants disperse, knowing that they had one hope for their own continued survival – Kill or Be Killed!
Guy: Y’know, that premise kinda rings a bell. Where have we heard that concept before?
Toro: *Ignoring Guy* What would follow was nineteen weeks of epic bloodshed and heartbreak, of momentary triumph and permanent loss, of hunters and the hunted.
Guy: Some early highlights included an epic light saber duel between Kenny and Professor Snarfinkle on the sheer cliffs overlooking the now shark infested waters of Russell Pond in episode Five.
*Video shows Kenny deftly slicing three limbs from Snarfinkle’s body. Kenny turns to walk away, leaving his severely crippled foe laying on the blood soaked ground, futilely crawling after him crying his name in both anger and pain. A moment later, Kenny looks down as sees a red beam of energy sticking through his chest. He then collapses.*
Toro: While Kenny would claim victory over one Snarfinkle, his victory was short-lived when he was struck down by the surprisingly vicious Mrs. Snarfinkle, who both avenged her son and finished him off in a moment of opportunistic mercy.
Guy: While Kenny was an early casualty, he certainly lasted longer than his lab partner, Jon Becker who walked into a poorly covered tiger pit whilst wearing his non-functional headphones in episode Four.
*Video shows Becker walking along with his eyes closed in presumably happily imagined aural bliss, who then vanishes when the ground under him collapses.*
Toro: I believe that moment will appear in our special “Bloodshed and Bloopers Highlights Compilation” which will be available soon.
Guy: Thanks for the obvious and gratuitous merchandising plug. What formats will that be available in?
Toro: *Eyes shift uneasily* Whichever ones that are perfectly acceptable for the time period which we may be currently existing.
Guy: But folks, while we’ve witnessed some epic struggles for survival as well as some moments of brutal levity, we’d be remiss if we didn’t take a moment to talk about all the moments of romance and subsequent heartbreak.
Toro: Yes, Who could forget episode eight when John Hoelscher and Lina Wells nobly leapt off a cliff together rather than be forced to fight each other?
Guy: The tissue companies were the big winners that evening, Toro.
Toro: On the other hand, we had Fenny Lin and Ty who decided to partner up like a modern day Bonnie and Clyde and took out three members of the Garden Snake Patrol before they were finally taken out by Mike Quadrozzi and a horde of squirrels in episode ten.
*Video show a single hand holding a scythe sinking in a sea of red and grey fur.*
Guys: There were acts of nobility such as when, in episode eleven, Matt Atanian bravely stood before Sarah Porter and allowed her to run him through with a trident in the futile hope that she may survive.
Toro: As opposed to the paranoia and mistrust that grew between Jason Bertovich and Nicole Porter which came to a climax in episode eighteen when both turned on each other and ended up taking each other out.
*Video shows a still of Jason firing a shotgun at Nicole’s midsection while Nicole fires an Uzi 9mm at Jason’s chest.*
Guy: Yes, so many beautiful relationships ended so brutally.
Toro: Guy, we mustn't forgot to mention Aaron Abdowmassy and Kirstin Porter. Remember episode fourteen when Aaron bravely held off the mercenary Stalker Buzzsaw, sacrificing himself at the cost of a painful gory end involving two chainsaws whilst Kirstin escaped.
Guy: Well, I don’t know how tragic that really was. They were, after all, just friends.
Toro: Oh yeah. Also, Aaron’s sacrifice was kinda pointless considering that Kirstin was electrocuted by the Stalker Dynamo fifteen minutes later.
Guy: But y’know, Toro, not every week was about the contestants brutally murdering each other. After all, sometimes the Stalkers got involved because the contestants were decidedly not killing each other. And while these weapon-themed steroid freaks were more than capable killers, they were often on the wrong side of the predator/prey relationship when it came to our Outlasters.
Toro: Tell me about it. I’ll never forget when the Bills partnered up to take out famed Stalker Sub-Zero on the frozen Russell Pond during our Christmas special. Gelinas acting as bait and allowing Sub-Zero to try and skate him down, only to surprise him when Hughes leapt out with Dan Wellington’s hidden flamethrower, melting the ice and sending that fat bastard into the frigid water and near starved sharks.
Guy: After that, he was just plain Zero.
Toro: But perhaps the most shocking moment of the entire season was when former Ten-Time Champion Stalker Captain Freedom himself found himself biting off more than he could chew in the form of waitress/nurse Angela Manors in a episode considered so graphic, we’re still not allowed to replay it!
*Video monitor just shows a black screen with the world “CENSORED” on it.*
Guy: I’ll never look at grenades and ferrets the same way again.
Toro: *puts hand to ear * Guy, I think we may have cut our trip down memory lane short. I’m getting word that our final two contestants are entering the end game stage. We’re going to go to them now, live!
Guy: Oh man, I didn’t even get to talk about the too-hot-for-TV Perfume nunchuck shower fight with Sarah Porter in episode thirteen.
Toro: We’ll just have to wait until they release the unrated “Outlast Girls Gone Feral Highlight Collection.”
Guy: I’ve already got four copies pre-ordered!
Toro: Of course you do. *Shakes head*
*Video feed cuts to the main parade field where we see the final two contestants. Emerging from one side of the forest, clutching a ratty teddy bear, is a disheveled and frantic Hecubus Proctor. Entering from the other side is a matronly housewife, Mrs. Snarfinkle, her apron covered in splattered blood, around her neck a gruesome necklace made of various human trophies – ears, fingers, noses. She has a belt of .50 mm caliber rounds wrapped around her, which is fed into her mini-gun.*
Proctor: *Nervously quaking * Oh, hello ma’am. It’s a pleasure to see you again.
Mrs. Snarfinkle: Oh, you’re that nice Proctor boy. You were always so nice to my poor Englebert. I should really do something extra nice for you, like make you a nice batch of sugar cookies or brownies.
Proctor: That would be delightful, Ma’am.
Mrs. Snarfinkle: Unfortunately, I’m supposed to brutally murder you. You understand, don’t you, dear?
Proctor: Oh yes, it can’t be helped. No fault of your own.
Mrs. Snarfinkle: That’s very grown up of you, you nice young man. Is there anything I could do for you before we take up this nasty business?
Proctor: *Looking down at his shoes and then giving her big sad eyes* Well, if it’s not too much trouble, ma’am. Would you take Simon here? I’d hate for him to get all bloody and shot up. Maybe you place him on the Captain’s grave so that I can serve him in the next world.
Mrs. Snarfinkle: Of course, dear. I’ll even wash and mend him so he’s at his best for that nice Mr. Yung.
*Proctor hands the teddy bear over and then walks twenty paces away, faces her, stands up straight, and smartly salutes her before putting his hands behind his back, awaiting his execution. Mrs. Snarfinkle, still clutching Simon under her arm, raises the mini-gun. Suddenly, Simon’s eyes begin blinking with red lights and a small beeping is audible through the fur and fluff.*
Mrs. Snarfinkle: *looking down at Simon * Oh, what is this?
Proctor: *grinning a creepy, vapid grin* When you see the Captain, give him my apologies for making him wait, but an important matter has come up that I must see to before I can return to his service.
Mrs. Snarfinkle: *Realizing that the blinking lights are flashing faster* Oh, what would that be, dear?
Proctor: Avenging him, Ma’am. Nothing personal, ma’am, but you understand, don’t you.”
Mrs. Snarfinkle: *with resignation* Oh yes, dear. Can’t be helped.
*Simon explodes, sending pieces of Mrs. Snarfinkle in every direction. Proctor then walks over to the field of gore and debris. He carefully picks up Simon’s head, dusts it off gently, removes a 9mm handgun from a holster on Mrs. Snarfinkle’s disembodied leg, then calmly walks back into the forest.*
*Video cuts to black and we return to the studio where Guy and Toro looked stunned.*
Toro: And in what is probably the biggest shocker in reality television since the zombie outbreak on “Real World: Monroeville”, your Outlast-the-Other-Guys-Challenge Champion is Hecubus Proctor!
Guy: Amazing! No one saw that one coming! How unlikely was this result? At the very beginning Vegas was giving Inifinity-to-one odds that Proctor would win. That meant that if you bet a dollar twenty-one weeks ago, you would be winning infinite money right now. Even with that to entice gamblers, it was unlikely anyone took them up on that offer… *holds up crumpled ticket * Except me, bitches! Peace, I’m outta here!
*Guy spins around his seat, leaps up, and walks off set.*
Toro: Oh... um… well. It appears that my broadcast partner has become inhumanly wealthy and has decided to forgo professionalism in favor of what will surely be a drunken orgy involving high priced call girls and White Hut cheeseburgers. Well… yeah. So, there you have it folks. Hecubus Proctor outlasted everyone else and has apparently returned to the woods, presumably to wage guerrilla-style warfare against Emcee Kitano’s military and mercenary forces in hope for gaining revenge for the death of his former superior. I’m sure, we’ll be hearing more about that in the weeks to come, but now is the time to congratulate our winner and of course our other finalist. I’m sure that both… *Holds hand up to ear* I’m sorry, ladies and gentlemen, but the I have the producer in my ear telling me that we’ve already been cancelled and that we’re being ordered to vacate the premises in the next five minutes before the network calls the police. I see…
*Toro looks around as several production team members run back and forth carrying whatever expensive equipment they can as they abandon the set.*
Toro: *shrugs* Well… eff this, I guess. ‘Night folks. I’m Toro Watanabe, and I just don’t give a damn. *to offstage* Hey Guy, wait up!
*Camera lolls slightly to the left as the cameraman abandons his posts. Eventually the signal cuts to static and then a test pattern.*
Guy Makihashi: Hi there, reality television fans, I’m Guy Makihashi
Toto Watanabe: And I’m Toro Watanabe and welcome to another installment of The Boy Scouts ½ Universe’s Outlast-the-Other-Guys-Challenge!
Guy: And what a special episode it is, folks!
Toro: That’s right, Guy. After twenty-one weeks, we officially crown our winner in this, our season finale.
Guy: But before we check in on our final two contestants and find our who was the best of the best, I feel compelled to reflect that so much has happened, so much drama and excitement, that it hardly seems like it would all have fit in these twenty-one weeks. I almost feel like this much adventure would need a whopping thirteen years! And it is such an honor to me that they have called Toro and I in to commentate on this season finale. Before we get to tonight's action, we’d like to take some time to look back on this inaugural season and highlight some of those special moments that will no doubt live on in our memories for years to come.
*Both turn to the large screen mounted behind them.*
Toro: Now, I think the show started off quickly with both a downhill snow race down the sheer ice covered slopes of Tower Mountain, followed by a tense trivia round in episode one.
*Monitor shows Jason holding Kiwi-Mocha Totem and Matt holding ECWCWWF Extreme Thunderous Attitude II totem.*
Guy: But most people tend to agree that this show really didn’t find its groove until episode two, when Chairman Kaga was replaced by a stern looking Japanese man name Kitano and his cadre of military forces who then proceeded to take over the entire production. He then informed the contestants that the physical and intellectual challenges would be suspended and the teams disbanded in favor of an anything goes battle royale to the death! And he informed them that the entire reservation had been cordoned off making escape impossible and that caches of weaponry had been scattered throughout the camp.
Toro: Our contestants got to see just how serious the new emcee was when Justy Young was summarily executed for showing defiance at these new rules, much to the horror but also to the satisfaction of the rest of the contestants.
*Screen shows Justy marching up to the new Emcee only to be greeted with a throwing dagger between the eyes.*
Guy: Yes, our Emcee, Mr. Kitano, is up for a Primetime Emmy for that very moment.
Toro: With their number now down to twenty, Mr Kitano informed the contestants that if at least one contestant wasn’t killed a week, they would authorize the deployment of specially trained mercenaries who would then seek out and kill the first contestant they came upon in order to cull their numbers.
Guy: A stern, but fair motivational tactic.
Toro: and thus with these gruesome and terrible rules laid down, did our contestants disperse, knowing that they had one hope for their own continued survival – Kill or Be Killed!
Guy: Y’know, that premise kinda rings a bell. Where have we heard that concept before?
Toro: *Ignoring Guy* What would follow was nineteen weeks of epic bloodshed and heartbreak, of momentary triumph and permanent loss, of hunters and the hunted.
Guy: Some early highlights included an epic light saber duel between Kenny and Professor Snarfinkle on the sheer cliffs overlooking the now shark infested waters of Russell Pond in episode Five.
*Video shows Kenny deftly slicing three limbs from Snarfinkle’s body. Kenny turns to walk away, leaving his severely crippled foe laying on the blood soaked ground, futilely crawling after him crying his name in both anger and pain. A moment later, Kenny looks down as sees a red beam of energy sticking through his chest. He then collapses.*
Toro: While Kenny would claim victory over one Snarfinkle, his victory was short-lived when he was struck down by the surprisingly vicious Mrs. Snarfinkle, who both avenged her son and finished him off in a moment of opportunistic mercy.
Guy: While Kenny was an early casualty, he certainly lasted longer than his lab partner, Jon Becker who walked into a poorly covered tiger pit whilst wearing his non-functional headphones in episode Four.
*Video shows Becker walking along with his eyes closed in presumably happily imagined aural bliss, who then vanishes when the ground under him collapses.*
Toro: I believe that moment will appear in our special “Bloodshed and Bloopers Highlights Compilation” which will be available soon.
Guy: Thanks for the obvious and gratuitous merchandising plug. What formats will that be available in?
Toro: *Eyes shift uneasily* Whichever ones that are perfectly acceptable for the time period which we may be currently existing.
Guy: But folks, while we’ve witnessed some epic struggles for survival as well as some moments of brutal levity, we’d be remiss if we didn’t take a moment to talk about all the moments of romance and subsequent heartbreak.
Toro: Yes, Who could forget episode eight when John Hoelscher and Lina Wells nobly leapt off a cliff together rather than be forced to fight each other?
Guy: The tissue companies were the big winners that evening, Toro.
Toro: On the other hand, we had Fenny Lin and Ty who decided to partner up like a modern day Bonnie and Clyde and took out three members of the Garden Snake Patrol before they were finally taken out by Mike Quadrozzi and a horde of squirrels in episode ten.
*Video show a single hand holding a scythe sinking in a sea of red and grey fur.*
Guys: There were acts of nobility such as when, in episode eleven, Matt Atanian bravely stood before Sarah Porter and allowed her to run him through with a trident in the futile hope that she may survive.
Toro: As opposed to the paranoia and mistrust that grew between Jason Bertovich and Nicole Porter which came to a climax in episode eighteen when both turned on each other and ended up taking each other out.
*Video shows a still of Jason firing a shotgun at Nicole’s midsection while Nicole fires an Uzi 9mm at Jason’s chest.*
Guy: Yes, so many beautiful relationships ended so brutally.
Toro: Guy, we mustn't forgot to mention Aaron Abdowmassy and Kirstin Porter. Remember episode fourteen when Aaron bravely held off the mercenary Stalker Buzzsaw, sacrificing himself at the cost of a painful gory end involving two chainsaws whilst Kirstin escaped.
Guy: Well, I don’t know how tragic that really was. They were, after all, just friends.
Toro: Oh yeah. Also, Aaron’s sacrifice was kinda pointless considering that Kirstin was electrocuted by the Stalker Dynamo fifteen minutes later.
Guy: But y’know, Toro, not every week was about the contestants brutally murdering each other. After all, sometimes the Stalkers got involved because the contestants were decidedly not killing each other. And while these weapon-themed steroid freaks were more than capable killers, they were often on the wrong side of the predator/prey relationship when it came to our Outlasters.
Toro: Tell me about it. I’ll never forget when the Bills partnered up to take out famed Stalker Sub-Zero on the frozen Russell Pond during our Christmas special. Gelinas acting as bait and allowing Sub-Zero to try and skate him down, only to surprise him when Hughes leapt out with Dan Wellington’s hidden flamethrower, melting the ice and sending that fat bastard into the frigid water and near starved sharks.
Guy: After that, he was just plain Zero.
Toro: But perhaps the most shocking moment of the entire season was when former Ten-Time Champion Stalker Captain Freedom himself found himself biting off more than he could chew in the form of waitress/nurse Angela Manors in a episode considered so graphic, we’re still not allowed to replay it!
*Video monitor just shows a black screen with the world “CENSORED” on it.*
Guy: I’ll never look at grenades and ferrets the same way again.
Toro: *puts hand to ear * Guy, I think we may have cut our trip down memory lane short. I’m getting word that our final two contestants are entering the end game stage. We’re going to go to them now, live!
Guy: Oh man, I didn’t even get to talk about the too-hot-for-TV Perfume nunchuck shower fight with Sarah Porter in episode thirteen.
Toro: We’ll just have to wait until they release the unrated “Outlast Girls Gone Feral Highlight Collection.”
Guy: I’ve already got four copies pre-ordered!
Toro: Of course you do. *Shakes head*
*Video feed cuts to the main parade field where we see the final two contestants. Emerging from one side of the forest, clutching a ratty teddy bear, is a disheveled and frantic Hecubus Proctor. Entering from the other side is a matronly housewife, Mrs. Snarfinkle, her apron covered in splattered blood, around her neck a gruesome necklace made of various human trophies – ears, fingers, noses. She has a belt of .50 mm caliber rounds wrapped around her, which is fed into her mini-gun.*
Proctor: *Nervously quaking * Oh, hello ma’am. It’s a pleasure to see you again.
Mrs. Snarfinkle: Oh, you’re that nice Proctor boy. You were always so nice to my poor Englebert. I should really do something extra nice for you, like make you a nice batch of sugar cookies or brownies.
Proctor: That would be delightful, Ma’am.
Mrs. Snarfinkle: Unfortunately, I’m supposed to brutally murder you. You understand, don’t you, dear?
Proctor: Oh yes, it can’t be helped. No fault of your own.
Mrs. Snarfinkle: That’s very grown up of you, you nice young man. Is there anything I could do for you before we take up this nasty business?
Proctor: *Looking down at his shoes and then giving her big sad eyes* Well, if it’s not too much trouble, ma’am. Would you take Simon here? I’d hate for him to get all bloody and shot up. Maybe you place him on the Captain’s grave so that I can serve him in the next world.
Mrs. Snarfinkle: Of course, dear. I’ll even wash and mend him so he’s at his best for that nice Mr. Yung.
*Proctor hands the teddy bear over and then walks twenty paces away, faces her, stands up straight, and smartly salutes her before putting his hands behind his back, awaiting his execution. Mrs. Snarfinkle, still clutching Simon under her arm, raises the mini-gun. Suddenly, Simon’s eyes begin blinking with red lights and a small beeping is audible through the fur and fluff.*
Mrs. Snarfinkle: *looking down at Simon * Oh, what is this?
Proctor: *grinning a creepy, vapid grin* When you see the Captain, give him my apologies for making him wait, but an important matter has come up that I must see to before I can return to his service.
Mrs. Snarfinkle: *Realizing that the blinking lights are flashing faster* Oh, what would that be, dear?
Proctor: Avenging him, Ma’am. Nothing personal, ma’am, but you understand, don’t you.”
Mrs. Snarfinkle: *with resignation* Oh yes, dear. Can’t be helped.
*Simon explodes, sending pieces of Mrs. Snarfinkle in every direction. Proctor then walks over to the field of gore and debris. He carefully picks up Simon’s head, dusts it off gently, removes a 9mm handgun from a holster on Mrs. Snarfinkle’s disembodied leg, then calmly walks back into the forest.*
*Video cuts to black and we return to the studio where Guy and Toro looked stunned.*
Toro: And in what is probably the biggest shocker in reality television since the zombie outbreak on “Real World: Monroeville”, your Outlast-the-Other-Guys-Challenge Champion is Hecubus Proctor!
Guy: Amazing! No one saw that one coming! How unlikely was this result? At the very beginning Vegas was giving Inifinity-to-one odds that Proctor would win. That meant that if you bet a dollar twenty-one weeks ago, you would be winning infinite money right now. Even with that to entice gamblers, it was unlikely anyone took them up on that offer… *holds up crumpled ticket * Except me, bitches! Peace, I’m outta here!
*Guy spins around his seat, leaps up, and walks off set.*
Toro: Oh... um… well. It appears that my broadcast partner has become inhumanly wealthy and has decided to forgo professionalism in favor of what will surely be a drunken orgy involving high priced call girls and White Hut cheeseburgers. Well… yeah. So, there you have it folks. Hecubus Proctor outlasted everyone else and has apparently returned to the woods, presumably to wage guerrilla-style warfare against Emcee Kitano’s military and mercenary forces in hope for gaining revenge for the death of his former superior. I’m sure, we’ll be hearing more about that in the weeks to come, but now is the time to congratulate our winner and of course our other finalist. I’m sure that both… *Holds hand up to ear* I’m sorry, ladies and gentlemen, but the I have the producer in my ear telling me that we’ve already been cancelled and that we’re being ordered to vacate the premises in the next five minutes before the network calls the police. I see…
*Toro looks around as several production team members run back and forth carrying whatever expensive equipment they can as they abandon the set.*
Toro: *shrugs* Well… eff this, I guess. ‘Night folks. I’m Toro Watanabe, and I just don’t give a damn. *to offstage* Hey Guy, wait up!
*Camera lolls slightly to the left as the cameraman abandons his posts. Eventually the signal cuts to static and then a test pattern.*
Elsewhere, in another time, place, and dimension…
Kenny ejected the HMD from the lab’s main computer console and looked down as his well-worn notebook lying open on the console’s desk. He held his pen to his mouth and then after a few moments thought, resumed writing, the pen scratches echoing throughout the vast lab.
Kenny ejected the HMD from the lab’s main computer console and looked down as his well-worn notebook lying open on the console’s desk. He held his pen to his mouth and then after a few moments thought, resumed writing, the pen scratches echoing throughout the vast lab.
Universe 2014 Designation: ‘Reality Television World’
Potential for visitation: None. Potential for threat to prime universe: 100% Recommended course of action: Sever any and all quantum connections between this universe and rest of the multiverse. If 100% containment is not possible, then collapsing entire universe is recommended to prevent contamination to neighboring universes. |
Kenny looked over what he read and nodded to himself while wearing a grim expression. He then snapped the notebook close and went about the duty of saving the multiverse from the plague this sad, sad universe surely represented. While, he knew he was doing a good and just thing, sparing countless universes contamination from this unfortunate viral-like quantum phenomena, he couldn’t help but think of the others universes that had already been infected and now were probably already too far gone to be saved.
They too would have to be contained.
They too would have to be contained.
Series Cancelled
(Also, The End)
(Also, The End)
Producer's Notes
The preceding item you have just read is shyte. Let it be said, however, that when combined with Part 1, it is now COMPLETE SHYTE.
I have written many stories over the years and for many reasons. Sometimes, it was as a favor to someone. Sometimes it was to test out ideas to see how they looked on paper. Sometimes, its purely out of the sheer love of writing.
And then there’s this. This might be the first piece of fiction I wrote purely out of spite. There it sat for so many years, not only badly written but also incomplete. At least it had the decency to not be publicly available… until now, that is.
But you see, this skeleton in my closet had an ally. One Matthew K. Atanian. Imagine my horror when I awoke on a Sunday morning to find an old nemesis waiting for me at the Boy Scouts ½ Universe page.
No… it couldn’t be back? Could it? No, No, NO! Matt said the restoration was complete. Why?! Why would he dredge this back from the depths of Geocities hell?! Then as if to rub salt in a bloody laceration, he even had to point out its incomplete status and proclaim to the world that this festering blemish on my writing career would most certainly remain so…
I have written many stories over the years and for many reasons. Sometimes, it was as a favor to someone. Sometimes it was to test out ideas to see how they looked on paper. Sometimes, its purely out of the sheer love of writing.
And then there’s this. This might be the first piece of fiction I wrote purely out of spite. There it sat for so many years, not only badly written but also incomplete. At least it had the decency to not be publicly available… until now, that is.
But you see, this skeleton in my closet had an ally. One Matthew K. Atanian. Imagine my horror when I awoke on a Sunday morning to find an old nemesis waiting for me at the Boy Scouts ½ Universe page.
No… it couldn’t be back? Could it? No, No, NO! Matt said the restoration was complete. Why?! Why would he dredge this back from the depths of Geocities hell?! Then as if to rub salt in a bloody laceration, he even had to point out its incomplete status and proclaim to the world that this festering blemish on my writing career would most certainly remain so…
The above two stories have been reproduced as closely as possible to how they appeared on the older Boy Scouts ½ websites, with the only intentional changes being the inclusion of copyright information (missing from the original versions) and spelling errors present in the original presentations have been corrected when noticed.
Other than that, the now standard “Abdowmassification,” and minor differences in formatting due to how things are done on Weebly, this should be as faithful a recreation of the original Outlast presentation as possible. Well… aside from the obvious that you will be unable to vote in the polls at the end of Outlast 1… But no worries! This doesn’t matter, as the fact that Outlast 2 will forever be listed as “coming soon” above is also a faithful recreation of the original Outlast experience, thus making the polls irrelevant. Have a nice day.
Oh, Mr. Atanian - Challenge. F’n. Accepted.
So, there you are. This story, as a whole, is shyte but at least it’s not unfinished shyte. Now let us never speak of it again. Ever.
So, there you are. This story, as a whole, is shyte but at least it’s not unfinished shyte. Now let us never speak of it again. Ever.
Executive Producer's Notes
Hello, everybody! Matt here.
Well, you'd think by now I would be more careful then to even accidentally hint at throwing a challenge Jason's way. Next thing you know, I have an e-mail in my inbox. It is a reply to one I sent him, and the text of the message itself seemed perfectly innocent and innocuous...
Then I noticed it had an attachment. I don't recall seeing any mention of this in the body of the e-mail itself. Hmm... What could this be? "Horrible_terrible_surprise_for_Matt.doc." I clicked on it. I really should have known better.
I should have known better.
But alas, I clicked it. And now, at least, if nothing else one can say that this brings closure to a long forgotten chapter in the world of Boy Scouts ½. He even did something I would have never thought possible! With that little scene with Kenny at the end, which ties into Jason's epic Of Possible Alternatives, he somehow managed to make The Outlast-the-Other-Guys Challange into a canon story! And I suppose, with him including Toro and Guy in this, it also drags Anime Deathmatch into the Boy Scouts ½ canon.
My God, it is all canon now... Hell, somewhere in his stack of HMDs, I'm sure Kenny has one with a Universe in which there is a version of Mike Quadrozzi who knows of BS½ as a fiction, and who has been institutionalized...
It all fits... It's all canon... We all float down here!
My hat's off to you, sir. My hat's off to you.
So anyway, I took what he wrote, made a few additions and edits, and have now presented it to you, dear readers. You're welcome.
In a way, what happened here kind of reminds me of the anime series Kujibiki Unbalance. That series is a 26 episode series of which only three episodes, 1, 21 (a clip episode) and 25, were (intentionally) ever produced. We now have something similar here, with a first episode and a last episode that opens with a clip sequence.
Disclaimers:
I was amused to see the Stalkers. I had actually just watched The Running Man (with RiffTrax accompaniment) like a week ago, so it was somewhat fresh in my mind.
I did not know who Kitano was, but I had a suspicion. I may not have ever read or watched any adaptation of Battle Royale, but a quick Google search proved my hunch correct.
And I guess that brings this long forgotten chapter of Boy Scouts ½ to a close. Thanks for bearing with us, folks!
Well, you'd think by now I would be more careful then to even accidentally hint at throwing a challenge Jason's way. Next thing you know, I have an e-mail in my inbox. It is a reply to one I sent him, and the text of the message itself seemed perfectly innocent and innocuous...
Then I noticed it had an attachment. I don't recall seeing any mention of this in the body of the e-mail itself. Hmm... What could this be? "Horrible_terrible_surprise_for_Matt.doc." I clicked on it. I really should have known better.
I should have known better.
But alas, I clicked it. And now, at least, if nothing else one can say that this brings closure to a long forgotten chapter in the world of Boy Scouts ½. He even did something I would have never thought possible! With that little scene with Kenny at the end, which ties into Jason's epic Of Possible Alternatives, he somehow managed to make The Outlast-the-Other-Guys Challange into a canon story! And I suppose, with him including Toro and Guy in this, it also drags Anime Deathmatch into the Boy Scouts ½ canon.
My God, it is all canon now... Hell, somewhere in his stack of HMDs, I'm sure Kenny has one with a Universe in which there is a version of Mike Quadrozzi who knows of BS½ as a fiction, and who has been institutionalized...
It all fits... It's all canon... We all float down here!
My hat's off to you, sir. My hat's off to you.
So anyway, I took what he wrote, made a few additions and edits, and have now presented it to you, dear readers. You're welcome.
In a way, what happened here kind of reminds me of the anime series Kujibiki Unbalance. That series is a 26 episode series of which only three episodes, 1, 21 (a clip episode) and 25, were (intentionally) ever produced. We now have something similar here, with a first episode and a last episode that opens with a clip sequence.
Disclaimers:
I was amused to see the Stalkers. I had actually just watched The Running Man (with RiffTrax accompaniment) like a week ago, so it was somewhat fresh in my mind.
I did not know who Kitano was, but I had a suspicion. I may not have ever read or watched any adaptation of Battle Royale, but a quick Google search proved my hunch correct.
And I guess that brings this long forgotten chapter of Boy Scouts ½ to a close. Thanks for bearing with us, folks!
©2014 by Jason Bertovich and Matthew Atanian
Boy Scouts ½ created by Matthew Atanian Perspectives created by Jason Bertovich Kenny's Laboratory created by Matthew Atanian |