_Live from the Moses Scout Reservation, let the confusion begin because it's time for...
_ Shane: Hi, I'm Shane Calloway
Toro: And I'm Toro Watanabe, and this is ANIME DEATHMATCH!!! Tonight is our third pay-per-view, BOY SCOUTS ½!!!
Shane: <flipping through pages> I'm confused. Why are we doing a deathmatch, a Pay-Per-View no less, with fanfic characters? I mean... <holds up pages> this thing is, like, the ultimate gratuitous self-insertion fic!
Toro: Well, it seems that the creator of Boy Scouts ½, Matthew Atanain, financed the entire event in an effort to gain more publicity for his series.
Shane: My God, have we sold out that much?
Toro: SHANE NO BAKA!!! <hits Shane with mallet> We have not sold out! It's just that Anime Deathmatch is expensive to produce, what with all of the arena destruction and lawsuits from the families of deceased audience members.
Shane: That explains why we've had more commercials, lately, too.
Toro: Speaking of witch:
*commercial sign*
Plagiarism sucks, and payback's a bitch, so make sure you go out and purchase the all new direct to video sequel to one of anime's most beloved classic series.
Toro: And I'm Toro Watanabe, and this is ANIME DEATHMATCH!!! Tonight is our third pay-per-view, BOY SCOUTS ½!!!
Shane: <flipping through pages> I'm confused. Why are we doing a deathmatch, a Pay-Per-View no less, with fanfic characters? I mean... <holds up pages> this thing is, like, the ultimate gratuitous self-insertion fic!
Toro: Well, it seems that the creator of Boy Scouts ½, Matthew Atanain, financed the entire event in an effort to gain more publicity for his series.
Shane: My God, have we sold out that much?
Toro: SHANE NO BAKA!!! <hits Shane with mallet> We have not sold out! It's just that Anime Deathmatch is expensive to produce, what with all of the arena destruction and lawsuits from the families of deceased audience members.
Shane: That explains why we've had more commercials, lately, too.
Toro: Speaking of witch:
*commercial sign*
Plagiarism sucks, and payback's a bitch, so make sure you go out and purchase the all new direct to video sequel to one of anime's most beloved classic series.
Kimba the White Lion 2:
Kimba's Pride
Coming only to video in the Spring of 1999
Kimba's Pride
Coming only to video in the Spring of 1999
*commercial sign*
Toro: Well, we have four exciting matches lined up for you this evening.
Shane: But first...
Toro: Don't even...
Shane: THE RULES!!!
Toro: SHANE NO BAKA!!! <hits Shane with a large metal spatula. There is a loud, wet thud and Shane goes down. The crowd cheers. Toro notices a red smear on the spatula, and a pool of blood forming around Shane's head on the floor.>
Shane: <barely conscious> Ouch...
Toro: Oh, no! Our budget's already in the toilet, or we wouldn't even be doing this sell-out pay-per-view! We can't afford another new co-host.
Voice: Never fear...
Toro: That voice...
Toro: Well, we have four exciting matches lined up for you this evening.
Shane: But first...
Toro: Don't even...
Shane: THE RULES!!!
Toro: SHANE NO BAKA!!! <hits Shane with a large metal spatula. There is a loud, wet thud and Shane goes down. The crowd cheers. Toro notices a red smear on the spatula, and a pool of blood forming around Shane's head on the floor.>
Shane: <barely conscious> Ouch...
Toro: Oh, no! Our budget's already in the toilet, or we wouldn't even be doing this sell-out pay-per-view! We can't afford another new co-host.
Voice: Never fear...
Toro: That voice...
_Voice: Washu-chan is here!
<A smile painfully forms on Shane's face>
Toro: Washu-chan?
Washu-chan: Just leave this to the Number 1 genius scientist in the Universe!
Toro: What are you doing here?
Washu-chan: I thought I could use Shane for some medical experiments. I suppose I'll patch up his head, too. I could have him back in... maybe a week. <drags Shane away>
Shane: <almost incoherently> Magic... fingers...
Toro: Well, great. Now I'm without a co-host. What will I do?
Mike: I'll be happy to fill in!
Toro: Mike Quadrozzi? But you're a character from Boy Scouts ½! Aren't you in the last match?
Mike: Well, I can help 'till then.
Toro: Oh, all right.
Mike: Okay! <switches to a voice that is a cross between Alex Trebec and John Cleese> And now, the rules!
Rules:
1.The match is not over until one competitor is dead.
2.Outside interference is not only allowed, but encouraged.
3.Foreign objects may include:
a.Cutlery
b.Blunt objects
c.Household appliances
d.Body parts
e.Audience members
f.Road signs
g.Cars(both foreign and domestic)
h.Artillery
i.Mechas
j.Mystic Powers
k.Explosives
l.Plants
m.Animals
n.Ancient Demon Gods
o.Haiku
p.Horrible Dubbing
q.Pokemon
r.Flukemen
s. Black Oil
t. Morley Cigarettes
u. Agent Spender
4.Foreign objects may not include:
a.Ring Announcers
b.Agent Scully (but you can throw her at me!)
Toro: What the hell was that?
Mike: Well, I like the X-Files. What can I say?
Toro: Whatever... Now, for our first match. Let's go over the stats:
<A smile painfully forms on Shane's face>
Toro: Washu-chan?
Washu-chan: Just leave this to the Number 1 genius scientist in the Universe!
Toro: What are you doing here?
Washu-chan: I thought I could use Shane for some medical experiments. I suppose I'll patch up his head, too. I could have him back in... maybe a week. <drags Shane away>
Shane: <almost incoherently> Magic... fingers...
Toro: Well, great. Now I'm without a co-host. What will I do?
Mike: I'll be happy to fill in!
Toro: Mike Quadrozzi? But you're a character from Boy Scouts ½! Aren't you in the last match?
Mike: Well, I can help 'till then.
Toro: Oh, all right.
Mike: Okay! <switches to a voice that is a cross between Alex Trebec and John Cleese> And now, the rules!
Rules:
1.The match is not over until one competitor is dead.
2.Outside interference is not only allowed, but encouraged.
3.Foreign objects may include:
a.Cutlery
b.Blunt objects
c.Household appliances
d.Body parts
e.Audience members
f.Road signs
g.Cars(both foreign and domestic)
h.Artillery
i.Mechas
j.Mystic Powers
k.Explosives
l.Plants
m.Animals
n.Ancient Demon Gods
o.Haiku
p.Horrible Dubbing
q.Pokemon
r.Flukemen
s. Black Oil
t. Morley Cigarettes
u. Agent Spender
4.Foreign objects may not include:
a.Ring Announcers
b.Agent Scully (but you can throw her at me!)
Toro: What the hell was that?
Mike: Well, I like the X-Files. What can I say?
Toro: Whatever... Now, for our first match. Let's go over the stats:
_Name: Dan Wellington
Occupation: Student, Summer Camp Staff
Likes: Fire, Fire, oh, and Fire
Dislikes: Fire safety rules
Occupation: Student, Summer Camp Staff
Likes: Fire, Fire, oh, and Fire
Dislikes: Fire safety rules
_Name: Shayla-Shayla
Occupation: Muldoon Priestess
Likes: Fire, Fights, oh, and Makoto Mizuhara
Dislikes: Any kind of safety
Mike: Well, I think we're in for quite a match, with the Pioneer Valley Council's most infamous pyromaniac going up against Roshtaria's most famous fire priestess!
Toro: Okay, let's hand things over to Vince McAffee
Vince: Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Children of all ages, this is ANIME DEATHMATCH! <cheers> Coming into the amphitheater from the patch of trees on the left, from Troop 815, wearing the green Boy Scout Uniform, Dan Wellington! <cheers from other scouts in the audience>
Dan: <Waves> Hi.
Vince: And coming from the patch of trees on the right, from Mt. Muldoon, wearing the tight red mini-skirted ensemble, Shayla-Shayla! <cheers>
Shayla: Let's get this over with! I left Makoto alone with Nanami, and I have to get back before it's too late!
Toro: <whispers> I don't think It's Nanami she has to worry about. I think Ifurita...
Shalya: <Shouting> What're you talking about over there?
Toro: Um, nothing!
Occupation: Muldoon Priestess
Likes: Fire, Fights, oh, and Makoto Mizuhara
Dislikes: Any kind of safety
Mike: Well, I think we're in for quite a match, with the Pioneer Valley Council's most infamous pyromaniac going up against Roshtaria's most famous fire priestess!
Toro: Okay, let's hand things over to Vince McAffee
Vince: Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Children of all ages, this is ANIME DEATHMATCH! <cheers> Coming into the amphitheater from the patch of trees on the left, from Troop 815, wearing the green Boy Scout Uniform, Dan Wellington! <cheers from other scouts in the audience>
Dan: <Waves> Hi.
Vince: And coming from the patch of trees on the right, from Mt. Muldoon, wearing the tight red mini-skirted ensemble, Shayla-Shayla! <cheers>
Shayla: Let's get this over with! I left Makoto alone with Nanami, and I have to get back before it's too late!
Toro: <whispers> I don't think It's Nanami she has to worry about. I think Ifurita...
Shalya: <Shouting> What're you talking about over there?
Toro: Um, nothing!
_
Dan Wellington vs. Shayla Shayla
All's Fire in Love and War
All's Fire in Love and War
_
Mike: And there's the
bell!
Toro: And Shayla starts with her characteristic blue and red swirly lines!
Mike: Very technical description there... Oh! And Dan pulls out a lighter!
Toro: A lighter? Against mystical elemental powers?
Mike: You don't know Dan!
Shayla: Take this!
Toro: And Shayla fires a blast at Dan! Oh my God! Dan's entire left arm is on fire! The crowd is going wild!
Dan: That's nothing! I can do the same thing.
Mike: And Dan is... Dan is lighting his own right arm on fire? Why? For God's sake, WHY?
Toro: And the crowd is ecstatic!
Mike: But Dan's still up! His arms are both firey pieces of charred flesh and bone, but he seems like he's unhurt!
Toro: The man's not human!
Mike: Oh, and Dan is throwing himself at Shayla! Now she's catching on fire! The crowd is going wild!
Dan: Yes!
Mike: Dan seems to be enjoying himself.
Toro: And Shayla isn't moving. How is this possible? Is Dan human?
Mike: That's a good question.
Toro: Well, it seems that the first match has gone to Dan.
Mike: Shows that even a fire priestess can't stand up to a Boy Scout pyromaniac.
Toro: As the cleaning crew clears away the charred remains, we'll go over the vital stats for the next match:
Toro: And Shayla starts with her characteristic blue and red swirly lines!
Mike: Very technical description there... Oh! And Dan pulls out a lighter!
Toro: A lighter? Against mystical elemental powers?
Mike: You don't know Dan!
Shayla: Take this!
Toro: And Shayla fires a blast at Dan! Oh my God! Dan's entire left arm is on fire! The crowd is going wild!
Dan: That's nothing! I can do the same thing.
Mike: And Dan is... Dan is lighting his own right arm on fire? Why? For God's sake, WHY?
Toro: And the crowd is ecstatic!
Mike: But Dan's still up! His arms are both firey pieces of charred flesh and bone, but he seems like he's unhurt!
Toro: The man's not human!
Mike: Oh, and Dan is throwing himself at Shayla! Now she's catching on fire! The crowd is going wild!
Dan: Yes!
Mike: Dan seems to be enjoying himself.
Toro: And Shayla isn't moving. How is this possible? Is Dan human?
Mike: That's a good question.
Toro: Well, it seems that the first match has gone to Dan.
Mike: Shows that even a fire priestess can't stand up to a Boy Scout pyromaniac.
Toro: As the cleaning crew clears away the charred remains, we'll go over the vital stats for the next match:
_
Name: Taylor Kuntz
I.Q.: 12
Likes: Red haired woman who he won't realize is really a man
Dislikes: Man whom he doesn't realize is above-mentioned red haired woman, squirrels
Mike: That bastard!
I.Q.: 12
Likes: Red haired woman who he won't realize is really a man
Dislikes: Man whom he doesn't realize is above-mentioned red haired woman, squirrels
Mike: That bastard!
_Name: Tatawaki Kuno
I.Q. 13
Likes: Red haired woman who he won't realize is really a man
Dislikes: Man whom he doesn't realize is above-mentioned red haired woman
Toro: Is it my imagination, or is there something similar about these two?
Mike: It's not your imagination.
Toro: Why did they agree to fight?
Mike: One of them overheard the other talking about his "red haired goddess," wouldn't realize that he was talking about a different red haired goddess, and challenged the other to a fight.
Toro: Hold on, wasn't Kuno killed in the last pay-per-view?
Mike: That Washu-chan is amazing, isn't she?
I.Q. 13
Likes: Red haired woman who he won't realize is really a man
Dislikes: Man whom he doesn't realize is above-mentioned red haired woman
Toro: Is it my imagination, or is there something similar about these two?
Mike: It's not your imagination.
Toro: Why did they agree to fight?
Mike: One of them overheard the other talking about his "red haired goddess," wouldn't realize that he was talking about a different red haired goddess, and challenged the other to a fight.
Toro: Hold on, wasn't Kuno killed in the last pay-per-view?
Mike: That Washu-chan is amazing, isn't she?
_Taylor Kuntz Vs. Tatawaki Kuno
The Battle of the Brainless
The Battle of the Brainless
_
Vince: Ladies and
Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, this is tonight's second match! <cheers> Coming out
of the patch of trees on the right, wearing the crumpled uniform and the black
leather glove, from Troop 86, Taylor Kuntz! And from the patch of trees on the
left, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, Tatawaki Kuno!
Kuno: You dare covet my red haired beauty? Say your prayers, for I shall smight thee!
Kuntz: Your red haired beauty? Listen, you looser, she's my red haired goddess! I'll kick yer ass!
Toro: I think we're in for an interesting match here, folks.
Mike: I don't think so, Toro.
Toro: Why not?
Mike: You're forgetting that while he can't beat Ranma or any of the other Ranma characters, Kuno is still a martial artist, while Kuntz... well...
Toro: Hmm... Good point. Hold on, we're getting some action here... Kuntz is charging at Kuno with what appears to be a rusty pocketknife!
Mike: <shudders> Rusty pocketknife... GO KUNO! KICK HIS ASS!
Toro: You know, the announcers are supposed to be impartial.
Mike: Let's see you be impartial when one of the competitors once tried to disembowel you!
Toro: Point.
Mike: Oh! And Kuno just sliced Kuntz in half with his bokken! YES!!!
Toro: Oh, the humanity! The crowd is going wild!!!
Mike: Well, shall we see the stats for the third round?
Kuno: You dare covet my red haired beauty? Say your prayers, for I shall smight thee!
Kuntz: Your red haired beauty? Listen, you looser, she's my red haired goddess! I'll kick yer ass!
Toro: I think we're in for an interesting match here, folks.
Mike: I don't think so, Toro.
Toro: Why not?
Mike: You're forgetting that while he can't beat Ranma or any of the other Ranma characters, Kuno is still a martial artist, while Kuntz... well...
Toro: Hmm... Good point. Hold on, we're getting some action here... Kuntz is charging at Kuno with what appears to be a rusty pocketknife!
Mike: <shudders> Rusty pocketknife... GO KUNO! KICK HIS ASS!
Toro: You know, the announcers are supposed to be impartial.
Mike: Let's see you be impartial when one of the competitors once tried to disembowel you!
Toro: Point.
Mike: Oh! And Kuno just sliced Kuntz in half with his bokken! YES!!!
Toro: Oh, the humanity! The crowd is going wild!!!
Mike: Well, shall we see the stats for the third round?
_Name: Justy Yung
Likes: Power, stepping on anyone lower then him, kissing up to anyone higher then him
Dislikes: Anyone lower then him
Secret Shame: Once electrocuted himself on a wall socket while licking the walls clean in the Chief Scout Executive's office
Likes: Power, stepping on anyone lower then him, kissing up to anyone higher then him
Dislikes: Anyone lower then him
Secret Shame: Once electrocuted himself on a wall socket while licking the walls clean in the Chief Scout Executive's office
_
Name: Katsuhiko Jinnai
Likes: Power, Conquest
Dislikes: Makoto Mizuhara
Secret Shame: Once electrocuted himself while trying to wind Ifurita up with something other then her key
Toro: I was getting worried, the stats had been pretty normal so far... but that is disgusting!!!
Mike: If you'll excuse me, I think I'll be sick.
Likes: Power, Conquest
Dislikes: Makoto Mizuhara
Secret Shame: Once electrocuted himself while trying to wind Ifurita up with something other then her key
Toro: I was getting worried, the stats had been pretty normal so far... but that is disgusting!!!
Mike: If you'll excuse me, I think I'll be sick.
_Justy Yung vs. Katsuhiko Jinnai
Antagonist Clash!
Antagonist Clash!
_
Vince: Coming from the
patch of trees on the left, wearing a kakkhi Boy Scout uniform, from Troop 192,
Justy Yung! And from the patch of trees on the left, wearing a Shinonome High
School uniform, from the Bugrom Empire, Katsuhiko Jinnai! <the crowd is silent,
cheering neither competitor.>
Toro: This is a tough match. It's clear the crowd is hoping for neither side to win.
Mike: Personally, I wouldn't mind if Jinnai won.
Toro: What happened to impartiality?
Mike: You don't know Justy, do you?
Jinnai: I am the ruler of Shinonome High School.
Justy: I am the ruler of Boy Scout Troop 192.
Jinnai: I am the ruler of the Bugrom army!
Justy: An army?
Jinnai: Beat that, if you can. Ha ha hahaha HA HA HAHAHahahahAHAHA!!!!!
Justy: You need a second in command? That must be tough work. Can I get you some coffee?
Jinnai: What? Coffee?
Toro: What the hell just happened?
Mike: You're forgetting. Justy will squash those under him, but those above him he'll kiss up to like there's no tomorrow.
<crowd boos... shouts of "We want blood! Where's the fighting!? Come on!!!>
Toro: I'm having bad flashbacks to the Extreme Science match from our last pay-per-view...
Jinnai: Well, actually, I prefer tea...
Justy: Coming right up! This way, please... <They walk out the amphitheater together...>
Mike: I think, unfortunately, Justy won.
Toro: What do you mean?
Mike: Justy will wait until the time is right and take over from Jinnai. I feel bad for all of El-Hazard... but, hey! At least he'll be out of our hair now! All right!
Toro: Well, I think it's time for the final match... The main event...
Mike: <loses the Trebek/Cleese voice>Oh, I've got to get going!
Toro: What am I going to do for a co-host?
Mike: <shouting to someone in the audience> Provost! Come'ere! <audience member comes down>
Derek: Hi!
Mike: Take over for me, okay.
Derek: Sure, will do. <Mike Dissappears into the trees>
Toro: Who are you?
Derek: Derek Provost. Troop 180. Nice to meet you.
Toro: <mumbling to himself> It's okay... just one more match to go, and it'll be all over... just remember, we need the money...
Derek: What?
Toro: Nothing... Here's the vital stats:
Toro: This is a tough match. It's clear the crowd is hoping for neither side to win.
Mike: Personally, I wouldn't mind if Jinnai won.
Toro: What happened to impartiality?
Mike: You don't know Justy, do you?
Jinnai: I am the ruler of Shinonome High School.
Justy: I am the ruler of Boy Scout Troop 192.
Jinnai: I am the ruler of the Bugrom army!
Justy: An army?
Jinnai: Beat that, if you can. Ha ha hahaha HA HA HAHAHahahahAHAHA!!!!!
Justy: You need a second in command? That must be tough work. Can I get you some coffee?
Jinnai: What? Coffee?
Toro: What the hell just happened?
Mike: You're forgetting. Justy will squash those under him, but those above him he'll kiss up to like there's no tomorrow.
<crowd boos... shouts of "We want blood! Where's the fighting!? Come on!!!>
Toro: I'm having bad flashbacks to the Extreme Science match from our last pay-per-view...
Jinnai: Well, actually, I prefer tea...
Justy: Coming right up! This way, please... <They walk out the amphitheater together...>
Mike: I think, unfortunately, Justy won.
Toro: What do you mean?
Mike: Justy will wait until the time is right and take over from Jinnai. I feel bad for all of El-Hazard... but, hey! At least he'll be out of our hair now! All right!
Toro: Well, I think it's time for the final match... The main event...
Mike: <loses the Trebek/Cleese voice>Oh, I've got to get going!
Toro: What am I going to do for a co-host?
Mike: <shouting to someone in the audience> Provost! Come'ere! <audience member comes down>
Derek: Hi!
Mike: Take over for me, okay.
Derek: Sure, will do. <Mike Dissappears into the trees>
Toro: Who are you?
Derek: Derek Provost. Troop 180. Nice to meet you.
Toro: <mumbling to himself> It's okay... just one more match to go, and it'll be all over... just remember, we need the money...
Derek: What?
Toro: Nothing... Here's the vital stats:
_Names: Matt, Aaron, Mike, and a couple of Bills
A.K.A.: Matty Hayes, a duck, a squirrel, a cat, and a dog
Likes: Magic: The Gathering, Anime, British Comedy
Dislikes: Cold Water
A.K.A.: Matty Hayes, a duck, a squirrel, a cat, and a dog
Likes: Magic: The Gathering, Anime, British Comedy
Dislikes: Cold Water
_
Names: Serena, Amy,
Raye, Mina, and Lita
A.K.A.: Sailor Moon, Sailor Mercury, Sailor Mars, Sailor Venus, and Sailor Jupiter
Likes: Shopping, Food, Fighting Evil
Dislikes: Pretty Sammy
Toro: Didn't Sailor Moon get mortally wounded in the last Deathmatch?
Derek: It's amazing what...
Toro: Let me guess... Washu? <Derek nods> That Washu has odd taste in who she'll save... Kuno... Sailor Moon... Shane...
A.K.A.: Sailor Moon, Sailor Mercury, Sailor Mars, Sailor Venus, and Sailor Jupiter
Likes: Shopping, Food, Fighting Evil
Dislikes: Pretty Sammy
Toro: Didn't Sailor Moon get mortally wounded in the last Deathmatch?
Derek: It's amazing what...
Toro: Let me guess... Washu? <Derek nods> That Washu has odd taste in who she'll save... Kuno... Sailor Moon... Shane...
_ The Sailor Scouts vs. The Jusenkyo Scouts!
The Main Event!
The Main Event!
_
Toro: I thought they
were Sailor Senshi?
Derek: They had to go with the dub terminology to get the whole "Scout" angle in there...
Toro: Ah...
Vince: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the event you've all been waiting for! From the patch of trees on the left, wearing the Sailor Fuku with the really short skirts, the Sailor Scouts!
Derek: <drools>
Vince: ...And from the patch of trees on the right, wearing the Boy Scout Uniforms, from Troop 192, the Jusenkyo Scouts!
Toro: Seems a clear-cut match. Five super-powered girls against five ordinary guys.
Derek: <looks at Sailor Scouts, drools> Let's get the match started! I wanna see some jiggle!
Toro: I miss Shane...well not really...but...
Sailor Moon: <poses as she speaks> All right, you Nega-creeps! Get ready! In the name of the moon, I will punish you!
Matt: Um, we're not from the Negaverse.
Sailor Moon: Oh, sure. Like evil people just go around saying, "Oh, look at me, I'm evil!"
Derek: The Sailor Scouts do know why they're here, right?
Toro: It was Shane who set up this match. I think I'll have to talk to him when he gets back...
Derek: It looks like Mike and Bill Hughes are pulling out bows and arrows.
Toro: And the other Bill is pulling out a rifle.
Derek: Well, he does have every shooting sports merit badge known to man...
Toro: But what's this? Sailor Mercury is on the move!
Derek: <drools>
Sailor Mercury: Mercury Bubbles Blast!
Toro: Everything has been enveloped with a cold, wet mist. It's hard to see anything... It's clearing up... The Jusenkyo Scouts seem to have changed into their alternate forms!
Derek: Bill Hughes has caught Luna's eye and the two of them are going off into the trees. Artimis won't be happy.
Toro: That's sick...
Derek: You don't know Bill Hughes, do you...
Toro: I've been hearing that a lot, lately...
Sailor Moon: Excuse me, miss? Have you seen five evil Boy Scouts somewhere?
Matty: Um, no...
Sailor Moon: Where'd they go?
Toro: What's that in the audience? Some audience members have Dan Wellington!
Derek: He's still on fire, and seems to be enjoying it!
Toro: They're throwing him at Sailor Mars!
Sailor Mars: Mars Fire Ignite!
Toro: It's no good! Dan's enjoying it too much! And Sailor Mars is down!
Derek: Matt, er, Matty seems to have something behind his back!
Toro: It appears to be a can of... Kiwi/Mocha Fruit Juice?
Derek: Don't ask... Oh! And Matt hurls it at Sailor Venus! Blood spatters as it hits her head! She's down! Look at her jiggle as she falls!
Toro: You're sick... Oh! And the crowd is going wild!
Sailor Jupiter: Jupiter Thunder Strike!
Toro: Oh my GOD! Looks like roast duck for dinner tonight! Bill Gelenas goes to avenge Aaron as he jumps on Jupiter and tears at her throat. OH MY GOD! THERE'S BLOOD EVERYWHERE!!
Derek: Mike has been attacking Mercury! She's got scratch marks all over her! Oh, God, I envy Mike getting to touch her like that!
Toro: You're a sick man, Derek.
Derek: Yes, I am!
Toro: Well, the only Sailor Scout left standing is Sailor Moon, and it seems that Matty is ready to take her on!
Sailor Moon: Moon Tiara Magic!
Matty: Fedora Attack!
Toro: Isn't that fedora Matty just threw an ordinary, everyday hat?
Derek: I always thought so...
Toro: DEAR GOD! Sailor Moon's Tiara just went through Matty's hat like a hot knife through butter! Oh, and it just took off Matty's head! OH MY GOD!!!
Derek: Damn.
Voice: Hey, BITCH!!!
Derek: Who's that?
Toro: My God, it's Pretty Sammy!
Derek: <drools>
Sammy: I said we'd meet again! <Sailor Moon cowers> Take this!
Toro: Sammy has just brought her baton down on Sailor Moon's head!
Derek: Oh my God! You can see Sailor Moon's brain!
Toro: Small, isn't it? Well, I guess Sammy learned her lesson last time, and killed her right away, not giving the other Senshi, er, Scouts, time to
rescue her.
Derek: None of the other Sailor Scouts are standing, either, and out of the Boy Scouts, Mike and Bill Gelenas are still alive, and Bill Hughes is probably still alive... doing... <shudders>
Toro: Maybe you're not so sick, after all, Derek.
Derek: Thanks... I think...
Toro: Well, I'm Toro Watanabe.
Derek: And I'm Derek Provost, filling in for Mike Quadrozzi who was filling in for Shane Calloway.
Toro: Please join us next time for another Anime Deathmatch! Remember, we didn't invent violence, we just perfected it!
Derek: They had to go with the dub terminology to get the whole "Scout" angle in there...
Toro: Ah...
Vince: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the event you've all been waiting for! From the patch of trees on the left, wearing the Sailor Fuku with the really short skirts, the Sailor Scouts!
Derek: <drools>
Vince: ...And from the patch of trees on the right, wearing the Boy Scout Uniforms, from Troop 192, the Jusenkyo Scouts!
Toro: Seems a clear-cut match. Five super-powered girls against five ordinary guys.
Derek: <looks at Sailor Scouts, drools> Let's get the match started! I wanna see some jiggle!
Toro: I miss Shane...well not really...but...
Sailor Moon: <poses as she speaks> All right, you Nega-creeps! Get ready! In the name of the moon, I will punish you!
Matt: Um, we're not from the Negaverse.
Sailor Moon: Oh, sure. Like evil people just go around saying, "Oh, look at me, I'm evil!"
Derek: The Sailor Scouts do know why they're here, right?
Toro: It was Shane who set up this match. I think I'll have to talk to him when he gets back...
Derek: It looks like Mike and Bill Hughes are pulling out bows and arrows.
Toro: And the other Bill is pulling out a rifle.
Derek: Well, he does have every shooting sports merit badge known to man...
Toro: But what's this? Sailor Mercury is on the move!
Derek: <drools>
Sailor Mercury: Mercury Bubbles Blast!
Toro: Everything has been enveloped with a cold, wet mist. It's hard to see anything... It's clearing up... The Jusenkyo Scouts seem to have changed into their alternate forms!
Derek: Bill Hughes has caught Luna's eye and the two of them are going off into the trees. Artimis won't be happy.
Toro: That's sick...
Derek: You don't know Bill Hughes, do you...
Toro: I've been hearing that a lot, lately...
Sailor Moon: Excuse me, miss? Have you seen five evil Boy Scouts somewhere?
Matty: Um, no...
Sailor Moon: Where'd they go?
Toro: What's that in the audience? Some audience members have Dan Wellington!
Derek: He's still on fire, and seems to be enjoying it!
Toro: They're throwing him at Sailor Mars!
Sailor Mars: Mars Fire Ignite!
Toro: It's no good! Dan's enjoying it too much! And Sailor Mars is down!
Derek: Matt, er, Matty seems to have something behind his back!
Toro: It appears to be a can of... Kiwi/Mocha Fruit Juice?
Derek: Don't ask... Oh! And Matt hurls it at Sailor Venus! Blood spatters as it hits her head! She's down! Look at her jiggle as she falls!
Toro: You're sick... Oh! And the crowd is going wild!
Sailor Jupiter: Jupiter Thunder Strike!
Toro: Oh my GOD! Looks like roast duck for dinner tonight! Bill Gelenas goes to avenge Aaron as he jumps on Jupiter and tears at her throat. OH MY GOD! THERE'S BLOOD EVERYWHERE!!
Derek: Mike has been attacking Mercury! She's got scratch marks all over her! Oh, God, I envy Mike getting to touch her like that!
Toro: You're a sick man, Derek.
Derek: Yes, I am!
Toro: Well, the only Sailor Scout left standing is Sailor Moon, and it seems that Matty is ready to take her on!
Sailor Moon: Moon Tiara Magic!
Matty: Fedora Attack!
Toro: Isn't that fedora Matty just threw an ordinary, everyday hat?
Derek: I always thought so...
Toro: DEAR GOD! Sailor Moon's Tiara just went through Matty's hat like a hot knife through butter! Oh, and it just took off Matty's head! OH MY GOD!!!
Derek: Damn.
Voice: Hey, BITCH!!!
Derek: Who's that?
Toro: My God, it's Pretty Sammy!
Derek: <drools>
Sammy: I said we'd meet again! <Sailor Moon cowers> Take this!
Toro: Sammy has just brought her baton down on Sailor Moon's head!
Derek: Oh my God! You can see Sailor Moon's brain!
Toro: Small, isn't it? Well, I guess Sammy learned her lesson last time, and killed her right away, not giving the other Senshi, er, Scouts, time to
rescue her.
Derek: None of the other Sailor Scouts are standing, either, and out of the Boy Scouts, Mike and Bill Gelenas are still alive, and Bill Hughes is probably still alive... doing... <shudders>
Toro: Maybe you're not so sick, after all, Derek.
Derek: Thanks... I think...
Toro: Well, I'm Toro Watanabe.
Derek: And I'm Derek Provost, filling in for Mike Quadrozzi who was filling in for Shane Calloway.
Toro: Please join us next time for another Anime Deathmatch! Remember, we didn't invent violence, we just perfected it!