III: There and Back Again
and Again and Again and…
by Martha Wadley
©2014 by Martha Wadley and Matthew Atanian
Boy Scouts ½ created by Matthew Atanian
To Conquer the World created by Martha Wadley, from an idea by Matthew Atanian
by Martha Wadley
©2014 by Martha Wadley and Matthew Atanian
Boy Scouts ½ created by Matthew Atanian
To Conquer the World created by Martha Wadley, from an idea by Matthew Atanian
You can’t change history.
You can, however, change perspective. Humans rewrite history all the time.
You can, however, change perspective. Humans rewrite history all the time.
Wind swirled around ‘Roddenberry’s Glimpse’, buffeting the ship with shuddering blows that threatened to send it off course. Rocky 6 held the controls steady until the grey concrete walls of the super secret military bunker Area 51 faded away into a night view of the meadow near Martha’s Cabin. He heard the double click of relays as the dimensional device disengaged and he carefully lowered the ship onto the grass.
Behind Rocky 6, Lester flicked his tail in the mild appreciation that non-pilots regarded harrowing trips in which they were ignorant of the dangers that had been so narrowly escaped, and scampered back to the ship’s hold where the extraction team of a hundred or so squirrels waited to unload the remains of the ship’s former pilot and crew.
Rocky 6 sat back in the pilot’s chair and pushed his aviator goggles back up on top of his pilot’s cap, then straightened his scarf over his bowtie. The extraction team didn’t need him to help haul four tubes of preservative from the cargo hold out to the shoebox plot. He was a pilot, not a grave digger.
The idea of sudden death by impact, explosion, fall, crash landing, shrapnel, being burned alive, etc. didn’t bother him much. Those were just part of the risks that came with the adrenaline rush of strapping one’s self onto a container of engine fuel and trying to take it into the air.
But being cut up, sewn back together, and stuffed into a pickle jar? That… That made his fur crawl.
It was too much like drowning.
No, he’d sit right here until the others got the dead crew unloaded, thank you.
He’d pay his respects, later. After they were lovingly shrouded in tissue, laid in their own shoeboxes (size 8 ½), and properly buried. They’d probably be Payless shoeboxes, or Court Classic. Rocky 6 knew Martha had kept a Sketchers box for Lester. He didn’t like to think about it, but had always secretly pictured himself being laid to rest in an Aerosole box.
Tom deserved something better than a Payless…
A patter of paws on the bridge deck broke through the maudlin mood. Rocky 6 hoped it wasn’t Lester, come to tell him to help.
You’re still here, Stewart greeted behind him. Good.
Did you need something? Rocky 6 glanced back at the group’s technology expert and was nearly blinded by Stewart’s Hawaiian shirt. Stewart was wearing the orange one with the palm trees and warm sand today.
Stewart nodded, gleefully sniffing the dimensional device. Yeah, yeah, I wanted to get a look at this baby before Saki took it apart.
Rocky 6 waved a paw toward the unit. Techs were only interested in one thing – electronic equipment. Rocky 6 leaned back in his chair again and stared out the windshield at the night-shrouded meadow. The view from the pilot’s seat was a couple feet from the ground and he could almost pretend the ship was skimming over a sea of trees on autopilot in the dark.
Flash light beams at the base of the trees along the edge of the meadow ruined the effect.
Martha stood talking with two other humans, who wore suits. Back when Rocky 6 had been a wee squirrel, only dreaming of gliding among the clouds, he had heard about suits and what they meant in terms of human covering because of the human lack of fur. Suits always meant trouble, particularly if they were worn into the woods.
Stewart, Rocky 6 said softly.
Eh? Stewart murmured, head deep inside the dimensional device.
Stewart, get out here! Rocky 6 demanded.
What? Stewart barked, clonking his head against the box’s frame as he crawled from the space.
Rocky 6 pointed.
Suits, Stewart whispered.
To their horror, one of the suits snatched up Lester and held him high. They could see it was definitely Lester from the maroon vest the squirrel wore.
Think he’s alright? Stewart asked.
She’s not exactly cuddling him, Rocky 6 replied.
The suit pulled a human gun and pointed it at Lester. To a squirrel, it looked like the equivalent of a cannon.
Stewart squeaked, Not good! Not good!
Rocky 6 grabbed Stewart’s Hawaiian shirt and snapped him out of his panic. Stewart, did you unplug anything in the dimensional device?
Stewart nodded rapidly. Lots.
Rocky 6 nearly growled with frustration, Well, plug them back in! I’m going to try something.
Rocky 6 let Stewart go, flicking the engines back on. Stewart jumped back into the box and began making agitated noises.
Ready? Rocky 6 called as the engines finished warming up and began making the smooth purr of a well-timed motor.
Yes! Wait, here’s another…got it. Ready! Stewart yelled, crawling out of the device’s box again. What are you going to…?
Rocky 6 hit the device’s activator button. A wind that was half real and half time stream blew out from the ship in a shock wave of force, knocking the grass flat in all directions, and scattering a dust cloud that enveloped the suit holding Lester.
Rocky 6 shut down the dimensional device and the wind died. More switches were flicked off and the engines quieted down.
Where did we go? Stewart asked.
We didn’t go anywhere, Rocky 6 pointed out the windshield. We’re still in the meadow.
The meadow…that was now bathed in bright sunlight streaming in through the windshield instead of the dim beams of flashlights. The leaves on the trees were no longer October’s reds and yellows. Now they glowed the deep green of summer.
But…Stewart said, whiskers twitching as he stared at the face of the device’s box. He hadn’t noticed the changes in the world outside. Look, he said, the dials have moved.
Ah, Stewart? Rocky 6 tugged Stewart’s sleeve and pointed out the window.
AAAAAAA! Stewart jumped back, looking wildly around the meadow.
Don’t panic! Rocky climbed out of the pilot’s chair and made his stub of a tail curve in a relaxed flop to one side, projecting calm. We’re still okay.
But it’s different out there! Stewart replied, not paying attention to Rocky 6’s attempts at composure. What if it’s the 1950’s? What if we’re caught and dissected and…and…
Breathe, Rocky 6 commanded.
Stewart gulped, but took several slow breaths and regained a bit of balance. But…!
Did the dials move a lot? Rocky 6 interrupted.
Stewart blinked, then focused on the face of the box. No…just a little.
Then we can’t be too far off, Rocky 6 assured him. We’ll just go out, scout around and see if we can find out when we are, then come back here and jump back. Easy.
Easy for you to say. Stewart twitched his tail angrily. I’m a computer specialist, not a dare-devil!
So you stay here, and I’ll go look around, Rocky 6 replied. He was not at all happy with the idea of leaving the safety of the ship, but they’d never get home unless they found out whether they’d gone backward or forward in time.
Are you kidding? I’ve seen Saki’s Scooby-Doo reruns, Stewart bristled. We don’t split up!
So you’re coming with me then? Rocky 6 narrowed his eyes. As ship’s crew it’s our duty to bring the ship home and we can’t do that unless we know where we are.
Stewart’s tail bristled slightly. What are you? Captain?
Rocky 6 snorted, Pilot. An infinitely superior position. You’ll be our communications officer.
Stewart twitched his tail in irritation. What if I don’t want to?
Rocky 6 narrowed his eyes. I’m still going out.
Stewart glared back and crossed his arms, human-style. Fine.
Pilot to communications officer, Rocky 6 called over the mini hand radio as he exited the ship and locked it. How’s everything on your end?
The walkie-talkie would have fit in a human hand and was the smallest commercially available model. Nearly as tall as Rocky 6, he wouldn’t be climbing trees with it. He’d hung it from a strap slung bandolier-style over one shoulder, but the antenna kept tangling with his scarf. He wondered why Saki could build a time machine that actually worked, but couldn’t bother with squirrel-sized two-way radios.
Just fine, Stewart called over from about a foot away. The palm trees and little patches of beach on his orange shirt were anything but camouflage among the trees and brush here.
Use the radio! Rocky 6 scolded. You’re the communications officer!
I need both paws for this! Stewart held up the long range wireless tazer they’d found in the ship’s stores. Considering the unit had been experimental when it had been built and then had sat in mothballs since 1952, Stewart and Rocky 6 weren’t certain it would actually work, but it made Stewart feel better to have it along.
Since Stewart had their only weapon, he took point as they headed for the Cabin. The first thing Rocky 6 noticed was that some of the trees were missing, specifically the smaller ones. The next thing was that the path to the meadow was completely hidden by grass and old fallen leaves. It was gloomy under the shadow of the trees, as it usually was around Martha’s cabin, but it felt darker than normal despite the cheery sunshine that filtered through the leafy canopy overhead.
Do you hear that? Stewart whispered.
Rocky 6 listened for a moment, but heard nothing. What?
Rustling in the trees above us, Stewart replied. We’re being followed.
That made the fur along Rocky 6’s spine stand up straight. The other squirrels wouldn’t hide in the shadows. Come to think of it, they should have been met and greeted long before now. Where was everyone?
What I wouldn’t give for an unnamed security officer with us right now, Stewart muttered. He pressed forward.
They reached the spot where the Cabin should have been but all Rocky 6 could see in the spot was dry earth, scattered leaves, and a spot of deer plop that was a couple days old. The scene wasn’t all that disturbing since Lester could be having one of his ‘paranoid days’ and have set the holo-cloak to ‘invisible’ again. Stewart had always claimed he could see the edges of the façade, but Rocky 6 had always needed to carefully walk toward the edge of where the building should be, paws outstretched, or risk bruising his nose.
Go knock on the door, Rocky 6 told Stewart. Maybe they’ll be friendly.
What don’t you go? Stewart’s tail hung low to the ground, keeping a low profile.
Rocky 6 shrugged. You’re the communications officer.
Stewart flicked his tail at Rocky 6, but hopped toward where the door should be. He reached out a paw to knock, and missed.
Rocky 6 hid amusement at Stewart’s failure.
Stewart reached out again and began feeling blindly. He’d progressed into the space about five squirrel lengths (nose to tail tip) when he turned back to Rocky 6, eyes wide. It’s not here! The Cabin’s not here!
Rocky 6 had already gathered that Stewart was absolutely correct.
Something rustled in the tree on the far side of where the cabin should have been.
Rocky 6 froze. He and Stewart were several squirrel-lengths from any tree. They’d probably make it to one, but then again, whatever was following them was already in the trees.
The leaves rustled again…
Stewart fired a warning shot.
At least, that would have been the official write-up. Rocky 6 was pretty sure Stewart was aiming for whatever it was up in the tree. Leaves exploded in shreds with a flash of light and the scent of ozone as something small fell from a branch and landed in a pile of old leaves at the base of the trunk.
Well, at least we know the wireless tazer works, Rocky 6 commented as the two of them stared at the pile of leaves, waiting for whatever it was to recover and jump out at them.
Yeah, the batteries held up pretty well in storage, Stewart nodded, keeping the barrel of the tazer pointed at the pile of leaves. His ears twitched every now and then in nervous agitation.
Rocky 6 noticed Stewart was much calmer with something to do and made a mental note to keep Stewart as busy as possible from now on.
The wind blew overhead, flipping the leaves in the almost-sound of ocean waves or crowds of humans talking. A bird chirped back in the meadow. Rocky 6 felt an itch developing on the bottom of his hind foot that was going to need attention soon.
Not a sound had come from the pile of leaves, so Rocky 6 made a command decision and took a step toward the pile.
What are you doing? Stewart hissed.
Rocky 6 sent him a follow-me signal and advanced on the pile of leaves. Nothing jumped out at them as they drew closer, which could mean the thing in the pile was hurt, or maybe that it was biding its time and waiting for them to come in range. Finally, Rocky 6 stood at the edge of the pile. Nothing but leaves was visible. He swallowed and began brushing aside the top leaves. About half way into the pile, he found the body.
A small squirrel lay buried in the leaves, probably a pre-adolescent, judging from the size and softness of the fur.
Did you kill him? Rocky 6 asked as Stewart waded into the pile for a look.
How should I know? Stewart replied. I’m a communications officer, not a veterinarian!
Rocky 6 bent down and put an ear to the little squirrel’s chest. I hear a heartbeat and he’s still breathing.
That’s good, right? Stewart asked.
I don’t know, Rocky 6 admitted. I’m not usually awake when Martha’s taken care of me after a crash.
Stewart sighed and glanced around at the trees. I guess we’d better bring him back to the ship with us. The Cabin’s not here and maybe he can tell us when we are.
Stewart had the tazer, so Rocky 6 hauled the little squirrel back to the ship. (How could something so small be so heavy??) Once back inside, they laid him on the floor in the storage hold. As soon as they let go of him, the little squirrel opened his eyes and sat up so fast Stewart jumped away, startled, training the tazer on him.
Who are you? the little squirrel asked, completely without fear.
Oh great, Rocky 6 thought, one of the suicidal-confident age.
I saw you, the little squirrel accused. The big rock appeared and then you came out of the rock and I followed you. You don’t belong here.
You got that right, Stewart muttered.
Who are you? the little squirrel demanded.
Rocky 6 and Stewart glanced at each other.
Rocky 6 coughed. You can call me, 'Sulu.'
I’m Uhura, Stewart said.
Rocky 6 gave him a side-long look.
Stewart shrugged. Communications Officer.
The little squirrel was staring at them, taking in every word.
We’re looking for Martha, Rocky 6 asked him. Does she live near here?
Martha who? Why are you acting like humans? Why do you have human names?
No Martha, no Cabin. Rocky 6 glanced at Stewart and shook his head. We’re somewhere in the past.
The little squirrel looked from Stewart to Rocky 6. You even talk like humans! Can I have a human name too? The little squirrel had brought its paws up under its chin and looked up at them, begging.
I hate it when they try to be cute, Stewart growled to Rocky 6 under his breath.
You wanted a redshirt, Rocky 6 pointed out.
A nameless one, Stewart grumbled.
Please, please, can I have a human name? The little squirrel jumped up and down.
Fine, you can have a human name, Rocky 6 said, before Stewart could snap something rude. He thought quickly for a reasonable name for the adolescent, then had to give up and said, You’ll be Bill.
Stewart blinked.
Bill? The adolescent squirrel curled his tail in a question mark.
Bill? Stewart echoed, then one side of his mouth curled up, showing teeth. We’ll call you ‘Shatner’ for short.
Rocky gave Stewart a long suffering look.
The adolescent’s tail curl tightened in confusion. But, I’m already short.
Stewart was not going to budge on his private joke.
It’s a nickname, Rocky 6 explained, carefully. Humans use them. Nick-names are shortened versions and in this case ‘Shatner’ is a shortened version of ‘Bill’.
Oh! Shatner’s tail uncurled and even puffed a little with pride.
Stewart looked like he wanted to laugh evilly, but managed to stay silent.
I’m hungry, Shatner stated, expectantly.
How old is he? Rocky 6 wondered.
The humans cleaned the ship out pretty thoroughly, Stewart pointed out.
Rocky 6 made a shooing motion with a paw. Go see what happened with the dimensional device, ‘Uhura’. Shatner and I will go check the storage tubs, just in case. Unless you’d like to go with him…
Stewart glanced at Shatner, then scurried off toward the bridge.
A quick round of the hold’s few remaining Rubbermaid storage tubs revealed that they were indeed, empty. Same for the galley, the cabins, the HVAC control center, the main cargo hold, the waste recycling plant, and the hydroponics center. Even the hidden smuggling compartments were empty.
Rocky 6 couldn’t imagine why they’d need smuggling compartments.
Beside him, Shatner whined, I’m hungry.
Let’s go see if Uhura’s found anything, Rocky 6 suggested.
Compared to the rest of the ship, the cockpit had a warm and homey feel to Rocky 6. He was happy to be back in familiar surroundings.
There’s a couple of pretzels under the captain’s chair, Stewart told them. But they’ve been there since 1952, so they’re pretty stale.
I don’t think it matters, Rocky 6 told Stewart as Shatner ran over to the chair indicated and happily began noshing. The pretzel pieces were no longer crunchy.
To distract himself from the thought of soggy, fifty year old pretzels, Rocky 6 pointed to the dimensional device. How’s it coming?
I think I’ve got it, Stewart reached for the start button.
Wait! Rocky 6 shouted as the engines roared to life and began to howl. Rocky 6 lunged for the off-button, falling short.
Then the howling died and the engines slowly wound down and stopped.
A bit more sensitive than I thought, Stewart muttered. His paw still pressed the off-button.
The dials had moved a lot, the other way.
Where are we now? Rocky 6 asked.
Or when, Stewart corrected.
Yes, yes. Or ‘when’, Rocky 6 agreed with irritation. But we’re not where we were.
When.
Fine! When.
We should probably go see, Stewart said, not moving.
Rocky 6 noticed Stewart was staring out the front windshield and turned to look. The fur on his tail puffed in shock.
There were no trees! The Glimpse was parked in the middle of an alley between a restaurant and a laundromat, next to a dumpster.
I thought you said we hadn’t moved, Rocky 6 muttered to Stewart.
We haven’t, Stewart nodded slowly. My tree…they cut down my tree…
The cabin’s gone, Rocky 6 moaned. Those maniacs! And…and what about the campground? Is that gone too?
We’re going to have to go out there and find out what the date is. Stewart folded his ears back. He obviously did not like the idea of going outside the ship.
Come on, Rocky 6 told him wryly, I’ve heard Suburbia’s a nice place to visit.
Yeah. Stewart pulled his tail close in disgust. But you wouldn’t want to live there.
Once again outside the Glimpse, Rocky 6 wished he too were back inside. Stewart had brought the tazer, which helped make Rocky 6 feel a little safer, but Suburbia had dogs and cats, hawks, and—worse—human children.
The feeling of pavement under his feet where once had been dry leaves, earth, and mushrooms, and the smell of burnt toast instead of moss and decaying leaf matter, made him uncomfortable.
You sure we have to have to do this? Stewart asked.
Rocky 6 turned his back on the disguised ship. Yes. We have to figure out exactly when we are or else, we’ll never get back where we belong.
Why does the rock look like a car now? Shatner asked, glancing at Rocky 6.
‘Rock’, Stewart sniffed in disgust. A Klingon Bird of Prey being mistaken for a ‘rock’…
It’s a Delorian, Rocky 6 replied loudly to cover Stewart’s grousing. We don’t want to humans to notice our ship, so it’s better to disguise it a something they’re used to seeing on a street.
What if they think a Delorian is unusual? Stewart hefted the wireless tazer over his shoulder.
The Delorian is a classic, Rocky 6 replied and headed for the main road.
Stewart and Shatner followed.
At the end of the alley, they stopped and stared at the traffic. Shiny round…things…zipped past them. Some were brightly colored, others were all chrome. All had windshields through which Rocky 6 could make out human shapes as they flashed by.
Rocky 6 realized his mouth was hanging open and shut it, swallowing hard. Okay…, he said, a Delorian is a definitely a classic now.
Then Rocky 6 saw the creepiest thing: A squirrel in a suit walking toward them in the middle of the sidewalk, as if it had every right to be there, just like a human. The squirrel was not carrying an attaché or wearing a fedora, which would have given it at least the look of a classic spy, like Secret Squirrel in the TV series Francis liked to watch, but no, it was simply wearing the suit, like some sort of fuzzy business man or government agent.
Rocky 6 had good reason to be suspicious of government agents at the moment.
I’m hungry, Shatner spoke up.
Stewart gave him an irritated glance as the squirrel in the suit hopped up to them.
Hullo! He waved his tail in greeting. You must be the time travelers who have come to visit! I am XZP70Q333. My superiors sent me to be your guide to our fair time period. Any questions?
Rocky 6 blinked.
Stewart folded his front legs, human style and glared at the newcomer. How do you know we’re the time travelers you’re looking for?
XZ rocked back on his haunches. Oh please. Do you honestly think our technology is so poor we cannot sense a disturbance in the timestream? Your stay has been deemed part of the natural flow, but it must be short, otherwise we’ll risk a major disruption. How can I facilitate your visit?
I’m Sulu, Rocky 6 introduced, and this is Uhura…
And I’m Shatner! Shatner shouted with glee.
XZ nodded, Your cover names reflect the great heroes of your time!
How do you know they’re not our real names? Stewart’s tail curled in suspicion.
Please, XZ laughed, you’re time travelers! Naturally, you would wish not to reveal your real names.
I’m hungry! Shatner stated.
Shut up Bill, Stewart shushed him. You just ate.
But, I’m hungry! Shatner whimpered. He dropped to the sidewalk in a pout.
No problem. XZ pulled out a packet of mixed nuts from a hole in the air. In moments, the packet was open and Shatner was happily snacking.
Wait, he’s not supposed to have junk food…Rocky 6 began.
XZ waved his tail in a calming motion. Don’t worry, All human snacks are held to rigorous health and diet standards these days. No sodium, no saturated oils or fats, no MSG, no sugars, and no chocolate. Your little friend will benefit from the products of this day and age.
Why does he sound like a commercial? Stewart muttered under his breath.
To cover Stewart’s impoliteness, Rocky 6 waved his paw at the buildings and shops round them. What happened? There used to be a campground here…ages ago. Now it’s…suburbia.
XZ nodded sagely. Oh, these were built in the housing boom of 2035. Developers bought up all the land and turned it into housing and rentals. Naturally, humans desire convenience stores near their dwellings. Just think of it as a communal nut storage where they all draw their food from.
Rocky 6 was appalled, and somewhat insulted that this future squirrel thought he had to explain supermarkets to them. He tried to cover his reaction with another question. How does this work with the Great Plan?
XZ frowned. Great Plan?
For the revolution, Stewart clarified.
XZ laughed. The Squirrel Revolution already happened. We now run the stock market. It all turned around when we picked up the US postal service at government auction, converted it to an internet-based system using one-way transporter technology developed for office and home use, and began running it at a profit. UPS and Fedex were next, obviously. From there the world-wide transportation market just fell into our hands. Public transportation was a simple jump, once humans got used to the idea that their mail was being sent across the globe in seconds, why not their bodies? That caused the collapse of the airline industry, and we were able to purchase Boeing for a song. Toyota and Ford both put up a fight and they still make cars for short-distance travel, Sunday-drivers so to speak, sort of a niche market, but they’re not strong competition anymore.
Rocky 6 stared at him. Don’t the humans have a problem with this? Why don’t they try to stop you?
XZ snorted. I take it you don’t have a ‘National Heath Care System’ wherever you come from. The humans play with that. It lets them pretend they’re still in control.
Is that some sort of video game? Rocky 6 asked.
Video game? XZ frowned. You mean like Facebook-Sims or Grand Theft Navy? Online Anime Deathmatch for WiiUS or X-Box 1024 is pretty popular.
What? Rocky 6 blinked. I meant like Atari or Pong. Or maybe Super Mario?
Are those supposed to be games? XZ asked.
Never mind, Rocky 6 said as he shook his head. This is too distracting. Look, we’re just trying to get back home…
What are those? Stewart interrupted, pointing at a display rack outside a nearby store. Little plastic cases held flat shiny disks. Naturally, Stewart, being technology focused, would gravitate toward something along that line.
Oh! Pretty! Shatner nodded.
XZ glanced where Stewart’s paw indicated. Those are DVDs.
What are deeveedees? Stewart’s posture hinted at politely restrained impatience.
XZ shrugged. It’s an archaic digital storage medium for data. Movies, photos, text documents, that sort of thing. Those are all movies and TV seasons. It’s an old retro tech, popular with aged humans.
Movies, you say? Stewart hopped over to the rack and began pawing through it. El Hazard, something called Pokemon,…why would anyone remake Dragon Ball? Hey, I haven’t seen this anime before.
Stewart held up a DVD case with a picture of five animated young men in Boy Scout uniforms standing in front of five giant monsters.
Neon Genesis Boy Scouts? Rocky 6 asked, dubious.
XZ nodded, bemused. Oh yes, it was a fan-fiction that became popular. A Korean animation house got permission to turn it into a TV series. You’re holding the second season where the characters have to move to Japan in order to avoid a Chinese hit man. My favorite is the third season where...
Stop, just stop, Rocky 6 interrupted, furling his tail. This isn’t helping.
XZ looked at him.
Rocky 6 curled his tail to look less menacing. We’re not here for that. We’re looking for a date.
XZ eyed him carefully, focusing on Rocky 6’s goggles and scarf. A date? I’m not sure our females would be interested. Office Chic is what's in these days.
Rocky 6 stared at him in total befuddlement.
What’s the year? Stewart coughed politely.
I’m a squirrel. XZ shrugged. Do you think I keep track of that stuff?
Rocky 6 glanced at Stewart. They rolled their eyes.
XZ looked at each of them. Is that truly the extent of your mission? I am sorry not to be of better assistance.
Okay, I guess we do know we’re in the future, after 2035 at least. Stewart sighed. We have to go back to the past.
Good luck with that! XZ laughed and left them.
Rocky 6 and Stewart retraced their steps back to the Glimpse. Shatner followed them, eyes wide, taking in their surroundings.
Can we look around? Shatner asked. I’ve never been to the future before. It looks interesting.
Rocky 6 and Stewart cautiously studied all the shortcuts to death between them and the Glimpse.
Dogs, Stewart muttered. Laser rails on the eaves to keep off squirrels and pigeons, super-speed traffic, moving walkways, rocket packs, mutated cats, squirrel-eating birds…
We’re on a mission, Rocky 6 told Shatner.
Martha’s in trouble, Stewart added.
Rocky 6 nodded. And Lester.
Stewart snorted. Who cares about Lester?
Rocky 6 swatted him. Martha does.
Okay, fine, Stewart acquiesced. We’ll go back for Lester too.
Back in the Glimpse, Rocky 6 breathed a sigh of relief. The silence of the empty ship was calming and peaceful compared to the culture clash they’d encountered. He and Shatner followed Stewart back to the cockpit, where Rocky 6 took a seat in the pilot’s chair and stared out the windshield. The forest was gone. He wondered where the Boy Scouts had their camporees. He wondered if Boy Scouts still existed in this time. He’d always enjoyed watching their antics and had found the campfire nights entertaining. Human humor was sometimes incomprehensible, even when Martha had tried to explain jokes to him. Would humans have found this place funny? There was no trace of the cabin. It had been bulldozed out of existence to put in a parking lot for a fry-bread parlor.
You know, Stewart said slowly from where he was studying the dimensional device, I bet these dials are supposed to be clocks. Humans keep track of time with them and we’ve wound up in the past and the future. Can you read analog time?
Rocky 6 gave him a human ‘look.’ I’m a squirrel. Can you?
Yeah, Stewart nodded. But only one at a time. I don’t have a clue what to do with three of them.
Maybe one’s for minutes, another for days, and the other for centuries, Rocky 6 suggested.
Stewart stared balefully at the display. That’s the problem: they’re not labeled. I don’t know which is which. Stewart sighed. At the next place we end up, we need to find a digital display. Even the Delorian in ‘Back to the Future’ had a digital display. What era does Saki think we live in? 1898?
Well, Rocky 6 mused, have you seen Lester’s vest, with the pocket watch? And Martha makes everything by hand. I heard other humans in our time make most things with machines.
Stewart flattened his ears and slumped. Good point.
So, where do we find a digital display? Rocky 6 asked.
A store? Stewart curled his tail up into a question mark. Martha always goes into the city when she has to buy parts. You ever been to the city? Why do you think she makes most of the stuff in the cabin? Hey, you know what would be useful? If a store put a website on the internet with pictures of everything they sell so someone go find what they need on the website, order it, and ask for it to be mailed to them. Martha would never have to go into the city again.
Rocky 6 snorted. Are you kidding? That would never catch on. Humans like to go out and walk around in crowds of other humans. They even have a special holiday for it: December 24th, Christmas Shopping Day.
Stewart folded his front legs and glared at the dimensional device. Well I think it would be a good idea…
So, where are we going to find a digital display? Rocky 6 asked to change the subject.
Stewart shook his head and glanced out the windshield. Not around here. We’re going to have to try to go back to the past.
A hop, a skip, and a howling swirly mess of wibbly wobbly timey-wimey stuff later, they dropped out of the time stream several hundred feet above the top of the forest. Rocky 6 imagined he could see the top of the cabin’s roof through the trees, even though he knew the cabin was built under dense cover specifically so it wouldn’t be visible from the air. Human satellite photography technology was getting better every year. Who knew when the U.S. government would be able to find the cabin via satellite infrared filters? He was tempted to set the Glimpse down right there and go to the cabin and ask if they’d made it home, but the chances of them actually having come back to the time they’d left without any kind of clock, was slim to none. Paws on the flight controls, he swung the ship around to face east. There was a large city and several smaller ones in that direction.
Alright, Rocky 6 asked, how are we supposed to find a store that sells digital displays?
Stewart shrugged. Phone book.
Rocky 6 flattened his ears. Don’t mess with me today. We don’t want to call them, we want to go there.
Stewart waved his paws placating. It’ll have addresses too. And Maps of the ground and city street layouts. We’ll be able to find a place from the air.
That did sound appealing to Rocky 6. Politely, he asked, Where’s the nearest phone booth?
Stewart pointed out the windshield. That gas station down the road from the camp, the one Martha uses to fill the pick-up truck.
In no time, they were pawing through a local directory.
After a few hundred pages in, Rocky 6 sighed. There are so many stores! How are we going to find just one that sells what we want?
Stewart chewed his claws in thought.
Shatner hopped up onto the shelf in the phone booth next to Rocky 6 and stared at the lines of tiny type. What is this?
This is human writing, Rocky 6 replied patiently.
You can understand it? Shatner looked wide-eyed.
Yeah, Stewart nodded, puffing his chest in pride.
Shatner pointed to a line with a claw. What does this say?
Ro-To Roo-Ter, Stewart read aloud.
Shatner scratched behind his ear. What’s that?
I think it’s a kind of plumber, Rocky 6 replied.
No. Stewart shook his head. It says ‘Rooter’. That has to be a type of gardener.
What’s this one? Shatner pointed at another line.
Stewart tilted his head slightly to see better. Law-yer.
Shatner’s whiskers curled back. Sounds scary.
Stewart nodded. I think they are. Martha warned me not to do anything illegal on-line or else the lawyers would find us. She says they’re worse than rats.
Shatner’s tail was slowly puffing like a bottle brush. Let’s not go there!
Alright, we won’t, Stewart agreed. Pick another one.
Shatner put his paw down on a box shape that had one address in it.
Hol Yoh Ka Mall, Stewart read.
Rocky 6 took a look. That’s Holyoke Mall.
Looks like Hol Yoh Ka to me, Stewart insisted. Oak is spelled with an ‘A’.
Holyoke Mall at Ingleside. Weird. Rocky 6 shook his head. Sort of like Stratford-Upon-Avon. Holyoke-Mall-At-Ingleside.
Avon means ‘river’, Stewart put in. Thus, ‘The River Avon’ means the ‘River river’.
Shatner interrupted, What’s a ‘Mall’?
It’s a big, big building with lots of stores inside…Stewart trailed off and glanced at Rocky 6.
They glanced at the map co-ordinates, then flipped to the map section.
Here. Stewart pointed.
Wow, that’s big. Rocky 6 nodded. I could definitely find that from the air.
You think it’ll have a place that sells digital displays? Stewart asked.
It’s a place to start, right? Rocky 6 shrugged and lept off the shelf and headed back to the Glimpse. Stewart and Shatner followed at his heels.
You know, Stewart mused, what if maps were available on the internet? What if you could type in an address and a map would come up of the area? It shouldn’t be too difficult to build a site like that. Humans have maps for the entire planet. You could even use road maps. That way, you wouldn’t have to buy a map of an entire state or two. You could just print out the route you intend to take and save a lot of paper. Or, better, what if there was a way to take the computer screen with you…? Hmm…
An hour later (after a little backtracking) Rocky 6 set the Glimpse down in the Holyoke Mall parking lot.
What is that? Stewart demanded, pointing at the Glimpse, as Rocky 6 hopped out of the disguised ship and shut the hatch.
Well, I had to disguise it as something. Rocky 6 arched his tail. Don’t you think a phone booth in a human city is pretty innocuous?
The three of them looked back at the phone booth, which had a nice bright coat of blue paint and the words: ‘Police Public Call Box’ written in a band above the door.
Pretty! Shatner clapped his front paws.
Stewart snorted. I prefer the Bird of Prey.
Like that isn’t going to stand out in the middle of a mall parking lot? Rocky 6 flicked his tail, irritated.
Sure, it’ll stand out, Stewart agreed. I just prefer the Bird of Prey to that blue…thing.
Let’s go find your digital display and get out of here, Rocky 6 replied.
Right! Stewart nodded and shot off across the parking lot toward the Mall.
Where does he think he’s going? Rocky 6 growled, motioning Shatner to follow and heading off after their communications officer.
They caught up to Stewart inside the main entrance. Humans were everywhere! Shatner was almost squashed by the automatic doors and all three of them were nearly trampled by the humans entering and exiting the mall.
A mall directory sat in an open place near the entrance, but the crowd passed by it without looking. The humans all seemed to know where they were going already. The three squirrels hopped over and looked at the list of stores.
How do we know what store will sell a digital display? Rocky 6 asked.
Video recorder, Stewart interjected. I want a Betamax.
Rocky 6 looked at him. You just need the digital clock, right. Why do you want a whole VCR?
Stewart flicked his tail. VCRs are programmable. We’ll be able to set it for the time we want to go to instead of making a guess.
Rocky 6 let his ear flop in skepticism. Since when can you set a VCR?
Stewart sniffed. Martha does it all the time for you and Lester. Honestly, ‘The Rocky and Bulwinkle Show’ and ‘Tail Spin’?
Just because Martha knows how to set a VCR doesn’t mean you can. Rocky 6 ignored the jib about his TV preferences. He also liked ‘Black Sheep Squadron’ and ‘Sky King’, but that was beside the point. He returned to studying the directory. Hey, here’s a Sears, Rocky 6 pointed out.
So? Stewart asked.
A VCR is a home appliance, right?
Yeah, so?
Martha bought the new washer-dryer from Sears. Those are appliances. Maybe Sears will have VCRs, too.
Stewart shrugged. Worth a try.
Two hours later, the three squirrels climbed up a potted tree and hid in its branches for a rest.
Face it, we’re lost. Stewart sighed, his tail drooping.
I’m hungry, Shatner moaned.
You just had a snack, Rocky 6 said, trying to sound reasonable.
Shatner didn’t want to be reasonable. I’m hungry. I smell food.
So do I, Stewart noted. I saw something called a ‘Food Court’ on the map. Maybe we’re close.
A ‘Food Court’? Rocky 6 pictured a scene of human kings, queens, and attendants dressed in clothes made from sandwich meat, cheese, lettuce, tomato slices, bacon strips, and fried chicken. Perhaps he was hungry too.
Following the scent of food, they found a large area full of tables, chairs, and booths. The food-smell was strong in this place. Rocky 6 jumped up on top of a table for a better vantage.
Court…courtyard. Rocky 6 made the connection. I see.
Three people sat at one of the tables, chatting: a dark-haired female, a male with shaggy reddish brown hair and glasses, and a second male with dark hair that all fell to one side of his head, as if something wet had licked it.
Let’s go ask them if they can give us directions, Rocky 6 suggested and was just about to jump from the table when he was suddenly drenched with cold water and ice cubes.
Totally soaked through and thoroughly chilled, Rocky 6 spun on Stewart, who held a dripping paper soft-drink cup.
What did ya do that for!!!?
Wait, Stewart whispered. Do you feel it?
Feel what? Cold? Wet? Soaked? The way the Ice chips slide through my fur?! Rocky 6 demanded impatiently. The Three humans were just sitting at their table, chatting leisurely, but for how long? Rocky 6 was tired of traveling and strange places. He wanted to go home. A few answers and they’d be on their way. And Stewart was playing adolescent games, for crying out loud!
Stewart nodded at the three humans. Them. There’s something strange about those three.
Rocky 6 eyed the three humans. Just a female and two males. Ordinary humans. I don’t see anything strange.
Stewart looked at him carefully. Sure, but why ask questions from them instead of any of the other humans here. Why ask directions from humans at all?
What other humans…? Rocky 6 trailed off as he glanced around the food court. The place was actually full of humans. Somehow, he’d only seen the three at that one table and missed all the others. There was even one seated at the table he, Stewart, and Shatner were standing on. A girl. It was her drink that Stewart had dumped on him.
Stewart nodded. You see it now, too, huh? Those three have a strange draw that catches attention, as if they were the main characters of a movie. Or…Ta’veren.
Ta’veren? Rocky 6 rolled his eyes. Not your stupid ‘Wheel of Time’ books again! I’ll admit I didn’t notice anyone else here until you pointed it out, but that does not make those three some kind of fate-bending focal points!
They could be… Stewart muttered.
Come on, we’ll find someone else to ask. Rocky 6 turned to jump off the table. Something snagged his foot mid-leap and he dropped to the wet tabletop with a splash. He wrenched his foot from Stewart’s paws, climbed to his feet, and shook himself, scattering droplets everywhere.
What Did You Do That For?!!! he growled.
Stewart thumbed at the girl who still sat at the table they stood upon. She was staring at them, wide-eyed. Let’s ask her.
Why her? Rocky 6 flattened his ears.
Why not? Stewart spread his paws, pads up. Are you feeling alright? It’s not like you to miss the obvious like this. Twice.
Rocky 6 flipped up his goggles to let the water drain from them, then slung his scarf back over his shoulder. The wet cloth slapped his wet fur with a distinctly wet slap. Ask away.
Me? Stewart stuttered.
Rocky 6 glared at him. Yes, you, U-Hu-Ra.
Stewart swallowed. Ah, I’m not very good with girls…
Rocky 6 gave him a look, then sloshed a couple steps through the puddle on the table toward the girl.
She leaned back slightly as he approached, but didn’t run. Her eyes were green and she wore her reddish brown hair cut just above her shoulders.
Rocky 6 decided he was close enough and that scaring her wasn’t going to help them. Plus, any closer and he’d be standing in her lunch. He stopped and waved at her. We’re looking for directions to Sears. Do you speak Squirrel?
She continued to stare at him.
He tried again. If you can understand me, nod your head.
She blinked, “Are you…talking to me?”
Rocky 6 sighed with relief and nodded.
She clapped her hands over her mouth and her eyes grew ever wider, “Oh, this is SO cool! I knew you guys were intelligent. Unfortunately, I can’t understand a word you said, but that’s no problem. I’m minoring in linguistics, so I’m sure we’ll be able to create a working vocabulary in a couple of weeks!”
Rocky 6 gave Stewart an exasperated look. They were not going to stay here for several weeks just to build the girl’s language skills enough to answer a simple question. He sighed and made the international sign for ‘bring me the check’.
The girl blinked. “Did you just ask to pay for my meal?”
Rocky 6 took a deep breath and puckered his lips. He wasn’t good at this, but there was one thing left to try. “Pen?”
She stared at him. So did Stewart and Shatner.
The girl found her voice first. “You said ‘pen’, right? You talked. Right?”
Rocky 6 made the motions for ‘bring me the check’ again.
The girl nodded, “Yeah, you want a pen.”
She slowly reached up, pulled a pen from her shirt pocket, and extended it toward Rocky 6 over the remains of her lunch.
Rocky 6 nodded, and put his paws on the pen, careful not to scare her, and took it. Then he pulled a napkin from the small pile on her tray and scribbled a quick note, which he slid across a dry section of the table toward her.
She read it aloud:
“‘I need a VCR. Where can I buy one?’ Ooo, I love your penmanship!”
Rocky 6 pulled another napkin from her tray and wrote.
“‘Thanks,’” she read aloud, “‘We’re looking for Sears. Is it on this floor?’ Sears? I bought these shoes there! I can take you there!”
Rocky 6 flipped out another napkin.
She leaned over and read aloud as he wrote, “‘No need to interrupt your lunch.’ Really, it’s no bother!” She slipped out of her chair and began gathering up her trash. “Where did you learn to write?”
She looked over his shoulder as he wrote, “‘Homeschooled.’ Ha! I’ll bet.” Grabbing her purse, she flipped her hair back over her shoulder, “This way!”
Hopeful, the three squirrels scampered after her. Rocky 6 hoped they would not draw too much attention running across the floor like this after a human girl. The last thing they needed at this point was to have someone scream ‘Rabid Squirrels!’ and get mall security trying to run them out of the place.
Thankfully, most people seemed too busy shopping to see anything at floor level.
“Sears is on both the first and second levels,” she explained as they followed her up out of the Food Court area onto the first floor. “It’s just down this way.”
They passed many small shops and stands set out in the middle of the hallway selling all sort of knick-knacks, and cheap jewelry. Suddenly, Sears’ big storefront opened up before them.
“OOOHH!” she squealed. “That sweater is so cute!”
Rocky 6 glanced where she was pointing and saw something horribly pink hanging on a sale rack just inside the store’s entrance. At least, it was the shade Martha called pink, but since Rocky 6 wasn’t certain whether or not he could see color, he wasn’t sure if he was really seeing pink. Whatever the color, the thing looked horribly ugly to him. Nothing like Martha’s clothes.
However, the girl seemed to think other was and was completely focused on the garment. She ran over to the rack and began pawing and feeling the garment.
Rocky 6 looked at Stewart. She could take forever.
Stewart shrugged. She did take us to Sears.
Rocky 6 nodded. True.
They waved thanks to her, then headed further into the store.
We need to find the service desk, or a help desk, Stewart told them. Keep your eyes peeled.
What?? Shatner stopped in his tracks. Peeled?
It’s just an expression, Rocky 6 explained. Just look for a desk with a big sign over it.
Of course, they had just as much luck finding the service desk in Sears as they’d had while trying to find Sears in the mall. It wasn’t until they’d cased both floors that they finally found the desk tucked back along one wall.
A young man with dark hair and the patchy beginnings of a beard was hunched over a clipboard, marking things on it.
The man’s name tag read: Brian.
The three squirrels jumped up onto the service counter. Well, Shatner needed help, but finally all three were up on top of the counter.
Brian did not seem to notice their arrival and continued to flick through the pages on his clipboard. A jar with pens sat on the counter as well as a stack of paper and one of those hand bells with a small sign that read: "Ring for Service."
Rocky 6 pulled a pen from the jar and held it out to Stewart. Stewart backed up a step and put his paws up between them. You were doing fine with that girl. Besides, I need to pay attention to what we’re getting.
Rocky 6 gave him annoyed look, but scribbled a message on the top sheet of paper while Stewart went over to the bell with a grin.
Ready? Stewart asked.
Rocky 6 put the pen down. Go for it.
Stewart jumped onto the bell.
Brian also jumped, flipping the clipboard over the side of the counter. He looked around, wildly, and his eyes widened as he caught sight of Stewart sanding on the bell.
“Hey, you’re not supposed to be there—”
Brian trailed off as Rocky 6 held up the message he’d written: Greetings earthling!
“Oh, uh…greetings to you too,” he stammered.
Rocky 6 caught his eye, then carefully bent over the next sheet of paper and wrote: Brian, you’re having a daydream. A result of what you had for dinner last night mixed with a long, boring morning. None of this is real.
“Ah.” The young man relaxed, reading along. “Hey, I’m trying to get a date with this girl I like. Do you think she might show up?”
Not that kind of daydream, Rocky 6 wrote.
“Oh well.” Brain shrugged. “I hope I wake up soon. I’d hate to get fired over dreaming at work about something as lame as squirrels who can write English.”
We’re looking for a VCR, Rocky 6 wrote.
Brian frowned at Rocky 6. “Pardon me, but what does a squirrel need a VCR for?”
Rocky 6 bent over the napkin and scribbled.
Brian read this one too: “‘My time machine is broken.’” He shook his head, “This sounds like some kind of Monty Python skit.”
“No skit,” Rocky 6 said.
Brian stared at him. “You can talk?”
Rocky 6 wagged his front paws, “Mas o menos.”
Stewart’s eyebrows rose. How did you learn to speak human?
Sesame Street, Rocky 6 flipped off. He was not going to tell Stewart that Lester had made him learn a few words just in case he crashed. Which had turned out for the better. There had been a number of crashes when he was younger and less experienced.
It was amazing the response you could get from suburban humans by saying, "ET phone home," and giving them Martha’s emergency call number.
If Scotty survived the trip back from Area 51, Rocky 6 was supposed to start teaching the new pilot the words and phrases he’d found useful. He was not looking forward to it. Some words were just awkward to say, others hurt. Speaking human-talk always gave Rocky 6 a sore throat.
He wrote: Can you help us?
Brian scratched the stubble on his chin and looked at the ceiling for half a minute. Rocky timed it on the wall clock hung behind the desk.
Finally, Brian spoke, “Well, I think there’s a unit in back I could probably give you. Someone brought it in to be repaired, but the magnetic reader jams and it eats tapes. We replaced it and were just going to throw out the defective unit, but I think the electronics might still be good.”
Is it Betamax? Stewart asked.
Are you going to look a gift recorder in the cartridge deck? Rocky 6 asked back.
I want a Betamax, Stewart was stubborn. They’re better quality.
Do you have a Betamax? Rocky 6 wrote.
“Yeah, sure,” Brian shrugged. “Oh, are you Mr. Anderson? I think I saw a unit on the will-call shelf for you. I’ll go check.”
Brian turned and walked through the door behind the service desk into the back area.
Rocky 6 turned to Stewart. Neither of us is Mr. Anderson.
Stewart met his gaze calmly. How do you know that when we get back, we tell Martha all about this and she orders a VCR for "Mr. Anderson" for us to pick up here?
Rocky 6 wished his tail was still long. You couldn’t convey the emphatic note of disbelief with only a stub-tail.
Brian returned with a large box, “Here you go. Cables are included and everything’s already paid for. Just sign here.”
He slid a sheet of paper toward Rocky 6.
Cables too! I have to connect it from the hold to the cockpit, not to mention the power supply. It’s got to be from Martha, Stewart nodded excitedly.
Rocky 6 signed the paper where Brian pointed.
“Do you need a hand carrying it to your vehicle?” Brian yawned, sounding as if he was reciting the question.
Rocky 6 wrote: Sure! Much obliged. Just follow us.
Brian called to someone in the back that he was going to help a customer, then picked up the VCR and cables and followed the three squirrels out to the parking lot, thinking that this was getting to be a weirdly realistic dream and that if he was going to fall asleep at work, next time he should at least dream he was on vacation.
He stopped and stared when the squirrels indicated their "vehicle." The blue phone booth sat perfectly square within one of the parking spots, between a blue Trans Am and a ’57 Chevy pickup truck.
“Where did you get a Tardis?” Brian stammered.
The squirrel that had done the writing slid open the phone booth door and held it wide. Brian felt an electric tingle as he bent and set the VCR on the floor inside. The three squirrels waved at him with paws and tails, then climbed into the booth and shut the door.
Brian decided that, since he was dreaming anyway, there was no point in hurrying back inside while the weather was nice. He stepped around the blue phone booth, examining the exterior, reading the signs. One said the use of the phone box was free to the public, that to open, he should pull the handle. He couldn’t quite see through the windows.
He tried the handle, but the door seemed to be locked now. He began to have doubts.
Talking squirrels? Needing a VCR?
If they really were from another time, then why was the Tardis still sitting here?
Because they need time to make repairs, part of his brain told him. The other part wasn’t so sure.
What if this was some sort of gag played on him by his co-workers? There’d been a rash of pranks and stupid jokes going around recently. He’d thought he’d avoided the worst, and things were quieting down again, but…
Suddenly, a wind blew out from the Tardis, sending debris, trash, paper fliers, and plastic bags flying in a circle around it, and nearly knocking Brian over as the Tardis faded away.
A real time machine…
Brian stared at the empty parking spot for a few moments, then turned and headed back toward the mall entrance. He had the final proof that this really was all just a dream. No way could Doctor Who be a squirrel.
“Weird. I’ve never had dreams from cheese pizza before.”
While Brian was ruminating existential thoughts over the dream quality of his life, Stewart had been unpacking the VCR.
Crap! This is VHS! I wanted a Beta unit!
We’re not going back, Rocky 6 told him firmly. Plug it in.
Fine, fine, Stewart muttered, shoving the cables into their sockets and running them up to the cockpit. But if we end up in some other weird…
His voice faded to muttering and muffled irritation as he stomped up to the cockpit.
Are we going to be alright? Shatner asked next to Rocky 6.
Of course, Rocky 6 told him. We still have each other and the Glimpse. Plus, none of us is nuts yet.
Shatner glanced up the corridor after Stewart, not at all convinced.
Okay, just where are we now??? Flicking his tail angrily, Stewart glared at the dark fog that hung thickly outside the windshield. Wisps of moisture floated in the glare of the ship’s landing lights.
Rocky 6 shut down the engines, flicking the last switch with his tail.
Stewart paced the cockpit, muttering to himself. I installed the VCR correctly, didn’t I? Or did I cross-wire it? Or is there something else at work? Probably a programming issue. Without a reference date to calibrate from we’re still dealing with the same issue as before. Hmm, I don’t remember New England being this foggy…stupid VHS…
Shatner hid behind Rocky 6’s pilot’s seat and watched Stewart pace, as if the older squirrel was an angry predator.
Rocky 6 patted the little squirrel’s head, a motion he’d seen Martha use on the young squirrels back home to calm them. It usually worked for Martha.
Why do we keep going to different places? Shatner whispered. I want to go home.
We’re trying to go home too, Rocky 6 told him. Rocky 6 glanced up at Stewart. So, where does the VCR say we are?
It’s not "where," Stewart snapped. We’re still in the exact, same place we were in when we started this time-travel mess. Besides, the stupid VHS only tells time, not geographic locations.
Okay…So, when are we now? Rocky 6 asked carefully.
2175! Stewart snorted.
That seems kinda far in the future, Rocky 6 cocked his head. You sure?
Yeah, that’s why I’m just standing here twiddling my thumbs, Stewart growled as he made another turn and continued pacing.
Do you want to carry the tazer again? Rocky 6 asked.
Stewart stopped pacing and took a deep breath. I suppose going out is the only way to make certain of our location. We have to calibrate this thing. He shook his head. You told that clerk I wanted a Betamax…
Not long after, the airlock opened and the three squirrels cautiously crept down the gangplank. The ship was back in Klingon Bird of Prey mode.
Alright everyone, remember where we parked, Stewart called back over his shoulder and headed out into the fog. He disappeared about a foot from the Glimpse’s landing lights.
Wait! Rocky 6 called him back.
What? Stewart yelled. His head and the barrel of the tazer peaked out of the fog.
Stay here a moment, Rocky 6 told him as rushed back into the Glimpse.
Stewart looked at Shatner. What’s he after?
Shatner shrugged. The little squirrel had been picking up human gestures from Rocky 6.
Stewart decided he’d have to talk to Rocky 6 about it before they set Shatner free back in his own time. They couldn’t risk changing history.
Rocky 6 came back out with a ball of twine.
You want me to tie myself to the runt? Stewart asked. You worried about Mynocs or something?
Or something, Rocky 6 ignored the Star Wars reference. Do you want to lose us in this mess?
Stewart glanced at Shatner, but said nothing as he wrapped a loop around his waist.
Rocky 6 helped Shatner do the same and in no time all three squirrels were linked together. Once more, Stewart headed out into the dankness, tazer raised, ready.
Rocky 6 watched the Glimpse’s landing lights fade into the mist once the three had gotten a few feet away. The lights wouldn’t last forever, but they ran on a different power source and wouldn’t drain the starter battery. Still, it was unnerving to see how fast they disappeared in the pervasive fog. Rocky 6 had borrowed a spare compass from the cockpit supply locker and glanced at its glow-in-the-dark face every once in awhile to make sure they weren’t walking in circles.
The air smelled of damp, dirt, sewer, and the close sort of air that happens in old rooms and closets no one visits for years. He shivered. Things rustled in the darkness around them. Water splashed. Shatner hung at his heels, smelling of wet fur and fear. Rocky 6 wondered if perhaps, this time, they should have just jumped blindly to another time, any other time, and gotten their bearing there instead of risking their lives in this blank waste.
A "clonk" noise came from ahead of Rocky 6.
Ouch! Stewart shouted.
What is it? Rocky 6 asked hurrying forward.
I found a wall, I think, Stewart replied, sounding as if he was holding his nose in pain.
Indeed, it felt like a brick wall to the touch, a slimy brick wall.
Shall we climb it, or continue along side it? Rocky 6 asked. Squirrels were quite capable of climbing brick walls. Rocky 6 had relatives that enjoyed scaling the sides of office buildings and spying on business meetings.
Before Stewart could answer, a powerful searchlight cut through the fog. Rocky 6 tried to shield his eyes and peer toward it, but the light was too bright to make anything out.
A crunch on gravel sounded like a human footstep.
“I told you the sensors caught something over here,” A human voice.
“There’s only three little guys,” said another voice Rocky 6 would know anywhere. Martha’s voice, “You said it was bigger.”
“So, I’m a little off,” said the first voice, a male. “You know the sensors have been acting up recently.”
“And you wonder why I don’t believe you most of the time,” replied Martha’s voice.
Rocky 6 glanced at Stewart to see if he recognized her voice too. Stewart saw him and nodded, tipping one ear in a question. Yeah, what was Martha doing here?
“You want them?” Martha asked.
“Nah,” said the male human. “Go for it.”
An explosion ran out and part of the brick work behind Rocky 6 shattered.
Run! Stewart yelled and yanked the cord tied to Rocky 6 and Shatner. Another explosion kicked up wet dirt where Stewart had been standing.
Martha was shooting at them? Rocky 6 ran, mind spinning.
Wait!
He dug in his heels, causing Stewart and Shatner to fall on their faces.
What are you doing?? Stewart’s tail whipped angrily.
Rocky 6 turned and faced the humans, paws up, “Wait!”
No more explosions came.
“Did that thing just speak?” Martha asked.
“Not hurt Martha. Friends,” Rocky 6’s throat was already sore from speaking human words.
“Crap,” the male human growled a string of words, of which Rocky 6 only recognized a couple, “Not another one of those freaks from the National Institute of Mental Health! Why do they employ us if they’re not going to keep their experiments from escaping?"
An explosion shortened Rocky 6’s left whiskers, leaving frayed ends. He ran, dragging Stewart and Shatner behind him until they caught their feet and ran after him.
“Oh, that’s the way to make friends,” Martha’s voice echoed behind him. “Maybe we should listen to what they say instead of shooting?”
“We’re employed to shoot them, not make ‘friends’,” male voice growled. “Remember? ‘Do not talk to the targets. Do not try to understand the targets. Do not let the targets get away alive’?”
“You’re paraphrasing.”
“What’s wrong with you?” The male voice snapped.
“Have you ever seen a rat with a fuzzy tail before? Maybe they’re not rats,” Martha sounded reasonable. They seem to be wearing clothes too. Have you ever seen a rat with clothes?
“Mutation,” the male voice snorted. “I’ve seen polka-dotted rats, so why not rats with hairy tails and doll clothes? Just shoot them.”
“There’s something different about these,” Martha insisted.
“Just because of a little tail hair?” the male voice was incredulous. “They’re rats. So they got up this morning and decided not to shave their tails. Big deal! We’re supposed to delete these germ factories off the face of the earth, remember? As employees of the World Health Federation, we have the responsibility to search out and destroy threats to the health of the planet and populace.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard that before…”
Martha’s voice wasn’t growing fainter nor was the spotlight. Rocky 6 realized Martha and male voice were following them. He wasn’t sure where the Glimpse was. He’d just run ‘away’ from the humans instead of a particular direction. They were lost and being pursued and there was no shelter anywhere in sight.
Then something big and dark hooked the twine between Rocky 6 and Stewart and lifted the three of them six or seven squirrel lengths into the air. The world spun as the twine’s tension untwisted. Finally it stopped.
Gah! Shatner yelped, twisting on the end of the cord.
What? Rocky 6 looked around. And up.
The twine was hooked on a claw. A huge claw, attached to a matted, furry paw. The paw was attached to an arm or a leg of some sort that disappeared in the fog.
A breeze that stank of rot, dead things, fish, and old garbage blasted Rocky 6’s fur. He gagged as it sent him and Shatner swaying on their end of the line.
Another whuff of air made him almost gag again and sent the twine twisting slightly. A cavern came into view, one lined with sharp, pointy…teeth? Rocky 6 squirmed on the line as the teeth came closer. He’d rather have faced getting shot by Martha than eaten alive by this giant mouth creature!
An explosion came from nearby and the teeth jerked away from Rocky 6, Stewart, and Shatner.
The thing roared in pain and the strong back-of-the-mouth tang of ripe sewer.
Several more explosions rang out. One clipped the twine between Rocky 6 and Shatner. The little squirrel fell to the ground where he lay stunned.
“Crap!” another string of incomprehensible phrases came from the male voice, “That rat is huge!”
“The sensors were right after all,” Martha said. “Why couldn’t they have just stayed wrong this one time?”
More explosions. The claw holding the twine between Stewart and Rocky 6 waved wildly as the sewer-creature tried to fend off bullets. It shrieked and roared. Another shot cut the twine and both Rocky 6 and Stewart were hurled away from the beast. Rocky 6 landed hard and took a moment to get his bearings. From the ground, he had a better view and could see the thing: a giant rat with long, sharp, yellow teeth. Blood spotted its chest from the shots male-voice and Martha kept giving it. The two humans were standing on a platform that floated a foot off the filthy street. A control array stood in front of them on the platform, while a bright light stood on a pole behind them. The light was hooded, to focus the beam and Rocky 6 had been thrown out of its direct line-of-sight. No longer blinded by the glow, he could see things more clearly.
The rat roared in fury and suddenly charged the human’s floating platform. Martha and male-voice jumped from either side at the last minute. The rat was stumbling, but managed to hook a claw on male-voice’s clothing and threw him away into the fog. There was a yell and a meaty ‘thunk’ as he hit something hard.
“432!” Martha shouted in worry. Not a smart thing to do, since it caught the rat’s attention. It turned on her and started sniffing the air in her direction.
It’s been blinded by the light! Stewart yelled from a few feet away. We have to do something.
Rocky 6 glanced around for ideas, possibilities. Shatner was awake now and moving around again. Beside the little squirrel lay the tazer.
A plan sprung to mind. Rocky 6 hoped he wouldn’t regret what he was about to do.
Shatner! Rocky 6 caught the little squirrel’s attention. Grab the tazer!
Shatner looked scared and startled, but picked up the wireless tazer.
The rat advanced toward Martha, knocking the pole light askew. She shot at it with something that looked rather similar to the wireless tazer. Whatever her weapon really was, it wasn’t making much of a difference on the giant rat, except to make it angry. It charged Martha, knocking her down, and plunged its teeth down for a killing bite. Martha shoved her weapon into its mouth, but the rat bit down and yanked it out of her hands, spitting it out, yards out of reach.
Rocky 6 took a deep breath and lept onto the rat’s back. He ran up along its spine as it reared back for another strike.
Throw him the tazer! Stewart shouted at Shatner.
It really was too heavy for Shatner, who only managed to toss it to Stewart. Stewart threw it up in an arc that barely missed Rocky 6’s head.
Rocky 6 snatched it out of the air and jammed it into the rat’s ear, hitting the on button. The rat shrieked and spasmed.
The next thing Rocky 6 knew, he was waking up in a little box attached to the floor of the human’s floating platform. Stewart and Shatner were beside him, staring out of the open top as clouds and the occasional building shot past. Rocky 6 carefully pulled himself up and looked over the edge of the box.
They were in the air! Martha was at the console, flying the floating platform as it sped through the clouds. Male-voice was unconscious and strapped to the floor of the platform behind her.
Rocky 6 was a little groggy still, but was able to pay attention to the craft’s sway and dip. He clambered over the side of the box and crept over to the foot of the console at Martha’s feet to stare at the view before them in wonder. The wind rippled through his fur and he gripped the console tightly as the platform made a sudden dip before Martha corrected. He wished he could learn to fly this thing! This was exhilarating!
Too soon, they neared a large building with a flat roof, onto which Martha landed the platform. Her eyes widened in human surprise as she noticed Rocky 6 at her feet, but quickly scooped him into the box with Shatner and Stewart and shoved a lid over it.
“Stay quiet,” she whispered.
Footsteps approached, crunching over the roof’s surface.
Martha spoke up, “Good morning Administrator.”
A deep, gravelly male voice growled, “Senior Pest Control Specialist 3,398.77, report.”
Martha’s voice replied, “Pest Control Specialist 3,432.51 sustained an injury when we were attacked by a large specimen. The specimen has been deleted, but Pest Control Specialist 3,432.51 needs medical assistance.”
Many human footsteps crunched close, followed by sounds of something heavy being lifted and carried away. Rocky 6 determined the humans had removed the unconscious body of Martha’s co-worker.
Then the box they were in was lifted and began to rock gently, side to side, matching Martha’s walking-gait. Crunching noises accompanied this, as Martha walked across the roofing pavement.
Then came a shwoofing noise, like from the automatic doors in the mall, and with the sound many oddly-clean smells. Fresh linen, Sunshine, Country Breeze, Vanilla, Pine, and even Lemon.
Smells like a hospital. Stewart took a long sniff and almost sneezed.
Suddenly shrieks and whistles screamed around them. Shatner squeaked in terror, but thankfully wasn’t discernible amidst the rest of the noise.
“That’s me,” Martha explained to someone over the cacophony. “I was attacked by the specimen as well and was exposed to its dander. I’m to head down for decontamination. Do you think I need a containment suit? Are you sure? Alright.”
The rustle of clothing indicated Martha was pulling on coveralls or something over her other clothes. Rocky 6 lifted the lid enough to peek out.
He could see a room that looked a bit like an office lounge, like those pictured in the magazines Martha received in the mail.
Here the furniture was all made out of molded…well, it wasn’t plastic. It smelled like antiseptic and looked like silicone, but hard. Everything was made from it, the desks, the chairs, lamps, computer modules, office sectional walls, lounge tables in the waiting room, the magazine racks, even the sculpture on the secretary’s desk. All of it looked preformed, as if it had come out of the same mold. The tables were all the same. The chairs were all the same design. Rocky 6 felt his skin crawl under his fur and wished they were back home in the cabin where the furniture was made out of wood and not a single chair looked the same as any of the others.
Even the clothing had almost no variety. Aside from little colored tabs on their collars, all the humans wore white pants and shirts, which resembled hospital uniforms Rocky 6 had seen in television advertisements back home. Some of the clothing looked like nurses outfits, while others looked like scrubs. Some of the humans wore long white coats over their other garb.
Does this place look familiar? Rocky 6 asked quietly as Stewart poked his head up beside him.
‘Blade Runner?’ Stewart murmured.
I was thinking ‘Fifth Element,’ Rocky 6 whispered back. You know, tall buildings that reach above the clouds, like ‘The Jetsons’, but without the film noir look.
Good point, Stewart admitted. This place does seem a bit more cheerful-looking than ‘Blade Runner.’
Of course, it’s cleaner than ‘Fifth Element,’ Rocky 6 admitted.
“Shhh,” Martha said and fitted the box-lid back into place.
The box was lifted again.
Once the Martha seemed to have found her gait again, Rocky 6 popped the lid open a crack. Martha appeared to be wearing white scrubs with a hat over her hair and cloth mask over her mouth, as if she was going to help in surgery. She opened a door which led into a stairwell.
Down flight after flight, crowds of people passed them going up, or hurrying down. Rocky 6 wondered why she hadn’t taken the elevator.
Martha headed down.
The door at the landing below opened and a large group of humans left the stairwell, leaving them momentarily alone on the stairs, except for Martha.
Rocky 6 noticed she seemed to relax slightly.
“You guys stay hidden for a bit longer, okay?” Martha whispered, continuing down the stairs. “Decontamination will have a fit if I show up with you, so I’m going to drop you off first. I have an apartment of my own down in the gloaming zone. No one will see you in there. It’s small, but better than the employee barracks down in twilight zone. The larger apartments are up in dusk zone, but those require you live with a roommate. No privacy, no quiet. That’s one of the reasons I’ve stayed in Pest Control for so long. You get to go outside, away from people. It’s usually quiet down there at ground level in the fog. You can hear when something’s moving or breathing near you.”
Don’t you get lonely? Stewart asked.
“Of course, someone’s usually assigned to go with me. Patrols down below are dangerous,” Martha replied.
The door on the next landing opened and a several people entered the stairwell, cutting off further conversation.
Calling Martha’s apartment "small" would be a gross exaggeration. The three foot by ten foot space was something along the lines of a walk-in closet complete with a mini fridge, a fold-down shelf with pad that doubled as couch, cot, and chair for the fold-out table. A shower stall doubled as closet storage with a roll-out coat rack/shelving frame. An air vent set into the wall above the shower looked interesting. Rocky 6 wondered how easily the cover would come off and how far they could explore while Martha was gone. He didn’t get the impression it would be a good idea to try roaming the halls here.
Is that a microwave? Stewart pointed to a square box that hung attached to the bottom of a narrow set of cabinets.
“Rehydration unit.” Martha opened the unit’s door to let them see inside.
It looked like a microwave to Rocky 6.
I’m hungry, Shatner moaned.
“Would you like a snack?” Martha set them down on the couch. “I could rehydrate something for you quick, before I have to run down to Decontamination.”
No junk food! Stewart shook his head rapidly. We have to reintroduce this little guy back into the wild. The last thing he needs is to get addicted to junk food.
Martha looked puzzled.
Salt, hydrogenated oil, refined flour, that sort of thing, Stewart listed.
Martha shook her head. “What do you normally eat?”
Tortia chi—, Stewart began, but Rocky 6 kicked him and corrected, Nuts and seeds.
“Hmm. Rats prefer to eat protein-based vegetable matter,” Martha began rummaging through the cabinets. “I have some fortified soy paste. Carrot flavor.” She found a small box and lifted out a brown cube. This was placed into the rehydration unit.
Half a minute later, she pulled out a dish of brown paste and set it down on the table. The three squirrels stared at the plate of brown mush and oddly shaped lumps. Not even Shatner seemed to find it appealing.
Rocky 6 wondered if this was an example of the food in this time period, or if Martha really needed cooking classes.
This is supposed to be carrot? It’s not orange. Rocky 6 glanced up at Martha for explanation.
She looked back with a blank expression, then her eyes lit up. “I heard carrots used to be orange. Is that how it is where you come from? We don’t have orange foods here. Red #5 is unhealthy.”
Rocky 6 glanced at Stewart with a pained expression. Forget "Fifth Element," we’re trapped in "Demolition Man!"
Martha watched expectantly, obviously wanting them to try it.
Rocky 6 tried to steel himself to take a mouthful of the brown matter, but a knock on the door postponed the moment.
The three squirrels scattered, diving for hiding places. Rocky 6 watched from a perch in the shower/closet as Martha opened the door.
A human in white scrubs and lab coat stood at the door. Rocky 6 wasn’t certain, but thought the man’s shirt had…a hoodie?
“Greetings,” the man smiled. He had buck teeth. Rocky 6 found that a little odd for a place that seemed to be nuts about health care. Maybe they didn’t think dental mattered.
“Hello, Doctor,” Martha nodded. “I was heading right down for decon. Will you accompany me?”
The bucktoothed doctor pushed his way inside and shut the door behind him.
“What are you doing?” Martha exclaimed, stepping away from him.
The doctor ignored her and stood still, sniffing the air. He glared at the dish of brown mush with a grimace, then moved further into the apartment, sniffing. Suddenly, he brushed aside the shower curtain, revealing where Rocky 6 was pressed against the roll-in shelving.
“You brought them here!” the doctor scolded Martha.
Martha didn’t seem to think it was worth denying it, “Yeah, so?”
“They’re on the top of the non-essentials-exterminate-with-extreme-prejudice list. Just allowing them to live is an act of treason against the Global Health Agreement!”
“They let rats live,” Martha pointed out.
The doctor nodded impatiently, “In controlled, negative-pressure environments for experimental purposes only. These little guys carry multiple diseases.”
Not rabies! Rocky 6 spoke up. That’s a myth. Squirrels actually can’t catch or spread rabies.
The doctor eyed him.
Rocky 6’s stub tail drooped slightly. We can carry other diseases though…
Martha stared at him, then took deep breath and took the one step required to reach the shower stall. There, she carefully picked up Rocky 6 and held him close, then turned and glared at the doctor.
“Alright, good,” the doctor smiled. “But you have to leave. Now. Go with them, they’ll take you somewhere safe. But go NOW.”
A loud electronic siren began to clamor and a mechanical human voice started repeating: “A health violation has been detected in the building. Please leave the building by your nearest exit…”
What is that that? Shatner wailed from the corner where he’d hidden under a sock.
“Not the automatic system again,” Martha sighed. “They left everyone out on outdoor evacuation platforms for hazmat processing in the rain last time. Processing took days.”
Then, we should go up! Rocky 6 suggested, excited.
“You should go up to the roof,” The doctor suggested.
Martha gathered Shatner, sock and all, and managed not to drop him when Stewart took a flying leap onto her shoulder from the top of the shower unit.
The elevators will probably be shut down, Stewart commented as they exited the apartment with Martha and the bucktoothed doctor. Other people were exiting their apartments. They stared at the three squirrels for a moment, then hurried, wide-eyed, down the hall away from Martha.
“No elevators,” The doctor said.
“What elevators? We have stairs here. Elevators are unhealthy. That way,” Martha pointed. Human’s scrambled to get out of her way.
No elevators? What about the elderly and handicapped humans? Stewart began, then trailed off, his own eyes wide.
Rocky 6 was very glad he had not tried the ‘carrot’ mush. Soylent brown… he began.
Stewart gagged. The things humans think up.
“Nuttier than squirrel plop, the lot of them,” the doctor muttered.
“Who? Me?” Martha asked, having missed most of the conversation in her preoccupation to reach the stairwell.
“Just making a note to myself,” the doctor replied. “Whatever happens, just keep going.”
Martha nodded slowly and hurried up the stairwell.
You know, it might go faster if people thought you were chasing us, Stewart suggested as she climbed. Put us down and follow us up with your taser drawn. Just don’t actually hit us, please.
“Sorry, little guy.” Martha glanced at Stewart. “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
Huh? Stewart looked over at Rocky 6 in surprise. I thought she could understand us.
The doctor spoke up from the step behind Martha, “She was reading your body language.”
Rocky 6 poked his head up over Martha’s shoulder and studied the doctor carefully. You understand us. Could you ask her to put us down? She’ll wear herself out too fast carrying us like this.
“You understand them?” Martha turned on the stairs, whipping Rocky 6’s view around so that he was looking up the stairs instead of down.
“Yeah,” The doctor grunted, “They’re asking you to put them down. They want you to have access to your stun weapon.”
Martha nodded and carefully set the three squirrels on the steps. They began jumping and leaping up the stairs ahead of the two humans. Rocky 6 was concerned about Shatner, but quickly realized he needn’t be. Shatner’s fear lent him wings.
“Who are you guys?” Martha asked. “I’m Senior Pest Control Specialist 3,398.77, but you can call me 398, if you like.”
Rocky 6 snorted. It was just like her to try to make polite conversation during an escape.
We can’t tell her, Stewart interrupted any thought Rocky 6 might have had. If we bring her back, then that means we’ll have to send her back to when the Squirrel Horde first came to be, before cabin was built. She mustn’t learn our real names or else she’ll know who we are and what we’re supposed to do when we’re born later and history might be changed.
I wasn’t thinking of telling anyone who we really are. Rocky 6 was tempted to roll his eyes, except he needed to keep his attention on the stairs as they dashed upwards.
“What did he say?” Martha asked behind them.
“He was telling his pal that they can’t tell you their real names. It might change history,” the doctor replied, managing to keep up. “I don’t agree with them. History isn’t so fragile, yet ironically, I’m not going to tell you my real name either.”
Martha glanced back at him, confused. “Why not?"
The doctor grinned, buckteeth openly displayed, “I like anonymity. Besides, there are people after me and I hate to give them more clues than necessary. More fun that way, you see.”
Martha considered as they neared the very top of the stairs, “What do I call you then?”
The stairs ended at a small landing. A door was set in the wall facing them. The doctor used a key or electronic device and opened the door out onto the roof.
Martha followed him out. Rocky 6 saw they were on the level where the flying platforms were tethered. Perhaps twenty or so sat lined up in a row and ready to go.
“There’s no point in telling you, since this is where we part ways,” the doctor replied to Martha’s earlier question. “You go with your little friends. They’ll take you somewhere safe.”
Martha glanced at him, worried, “What about you?”
The doctor just smiled, buck teeth visible and creepy-looking.
Wait! Rocky 6 spoke up. While you’re here, tell her that we need to go back to the spot where she first found us, where she took the first shot. Before we ran into the rat.
The doctor frowned, “She shot at you?”
Never mind that! Rocky 6 snapped. Just tell her! We need to go to that spot in order to find our way back home.
The doctor considered for a moment, then turned to Martha, “Do you remember where you first saw these three?”
“Yeah,” Martha nodded.
“Could you take them back there?”
“Sure,” Martha shrugged. “Is that were we need to go?”
The doctor agreed, “Take them back to the spot, then follow them. They’ll get you to safety.”
“Right,” Martha nodded and motioned to Rocky 6, Stewart, and Shatner. “Time we were going.”
Then she turned back to the doctor, “Thanks.”
He waved as Martha and the squirrels dashed across the roof toward the nearest platform.
Rocky 6 reached it first and leapt up onto the console, and began searching for an ignition switch.
Uhura! He called to Stewart. Have you ever hot wired a floating platform?
Martha stepped up to the console and flicked a switch. The dash lights came on and the machine began to hum. Stewart grabbed hold of one of Martha’s ankles, as did Shatner. The little squirrel wailed as a zebra-striped police van roared up over the building’s far edge and began streaking toward them, lights flashing.
Rocky 6 shrieked with delight as Martha goosed the power lever and the floating pad roared straight up and arched over the near side of the building and immediately plunged into a dive.
“We’ll have to lose them in the clouds!” Martha explained over the noise.
Rocky 6 could see the surface of the clouds and fog twenty stories below them, looking for all the world like mounded snow. They plunged into it and the world around them became nothing but bright white. Martha’s scrubs were instant camouflage. Martha stared at the control panel making small adjustments. The white began to turn grey and slowly darkened as they went deeper. Rocky could no longer hear the police sirens.
Further they went, down into the fog, the dusk, dark humidity, cool winds, and the earthy robust smells of natural waste and decay. Martha continued to make adjustments and at one point turned on the spot light. Rocky 6 hadn’t realized how dark the clouds had grown until the spot light lit up a small area around them. Tendrils of thick fog spun in the light as they passed through. Shatner made noises of fear and distress every so often. Rocky 6 could hear Stewart trying to comfort the little squirrel now and then, to no avail.
After what seemed like hours, the fog cleared a little in front of them, revealing a slimy brick wall.
“Here’s where 432 and I found you.” Martha set the platform into a quiet hover-mode just above the filthy pavement. “Now what?”
Rocky 6 pulled out the compass.
You sure you know how to use that? Stewart looked up, flicking his tail skeptically.
I’ve trailed Boy Scouts getting their badges with this thing, Rocky 6 snorted. Yes, I know how to use it.
He held it up and let the needle get its bearings. All they had to do was follow the needle back in the opposite direction from the one they’d come.
There, he said, pointing. The Glimpse is that way.
Martha sent the platform in the direction his paw indicated. The fog rolled around them, dark and brooding. Then, much sooner than it had taken the three of them walking, a small glow appeared ahead of them.
“What’s that?” Martha whispered.
Rocky 6 pointed at it, nodding. The glow brightened as they drew closer, until the Glimpse’s landing lights were visible.
“Wow,” Martha breathed softly.
Rocky 6 jumped off the control post and dashed over to the Glimpse’s cargo bay doors. In no time he had them open and indicated that Martha was to crawl inside. She did so, dubious, but was careful not to touch the VCR and cables.
“You sure about this?” she asked.
Rocky 6 and Stewart both nodded. Then Stewart smacked a paw to his forehead and turned to Rocky 6. We forgot to ask that doctor for the date! We’ll never get home at this rate.
Rocky 6 swallowed, then cleared his throat.
He hopped over to stand in front of Martha’s face where she lay curled up in the small space, and asked, “What is today’s date?”
Martha blinked, “Year 2176, day 256. You can speak?”
Stewart grinned, tail flicking happily. 2176! Perfect, a real date. We were only off by a year! Get the engines running, Sulu. We’re going home. The two scampered up to the cockpit and in moments the wind of the timestream whirled around the Glimpse once more.
Behind Rocky 6, Lester flicked his tail in the mild appreciation that non-pilots regarded harrowing trips in which they were ignorant of the dangers that had been so narrowly escaped, and scampered back to the ship’s hold where the extraction team of a hundred or so squirrels waited to unload the remains of the ship’s former pilot and crew.
Rocky 6 sat back in the pilot’s chair and pushed his aviator goggles back up on top of his pilot’s cap, then straightened his scarf over his bowtie. The extraction team didn’t need him to help haul four tubes of preservative from the cargo hold out to the shoebox plot. He was a pilot, not a grave digger.
The idea of sudden death by impact, explosion, fall, crash landing, shrapnel, being burned alive, etc. didn’t bother him much. Those were just part of the risks that came with the adrenaline rush of strapping one’s self onto a container of engine fuel and trying to take it into the air.
But being cut up, sewn back together, and stuffed into a pickle jar? That… That made his fur crawl.
It was too much like drowning.
No, he’d sit right here until the others got the dead crew unloaded, thank you.
He’d pay his respects, later. After they were lovingly shrouded in tissue, laid in their own shoeboxes (size 8 ½), and properly buried. They’d probably be Payless shoeboxes, or Court Classic. Rocky 6 knew Martha had kept a Sketchers box for Lester. He didn’t like to think about it, but had always secretly pictured himself being laid to rest in an Aerosole box.
Tom deserved something better than a Payless…
A patter of paws on the bridge deck broke through the maudlin mood. Rocky 6 hoped it wasn’t Lester, come to tell him to help.
You’re still here, Stewart greeted behind him. Good.
Did you need something? Rocky 6 glanced back at the group’s technology expert and was nearly blinded by Stewart’s Hawaiian shirt. Stewart was wearing the orange one with the palm trees and warm sand today.
Stewart nodded, gleefully sniffing the dimensional device. Yeah, yeah, I wanted to get a look at this baby before Saki took it apart.
Rocky 6 waved a paw toward the unit. Techs were only interested in one thing – electronic equipment. Rocky 6 leaned back in his chair again and stared out the windshield at the night-shrouded meadow. The view from the pilot’s seat was a couple feet from the ground and he could almost pretend the ship was skimming over a sea of trees on autopilot in the dark.
Flash light beams at the base of the trees along the edge of the meadow ruined the effect.
Martha stood talking with two other humans, who wore suits. Back when Rocky 6 had been a wee squirrel, only dreaming of gliding among the clouds, he had heard about suits and what they meant in terms of human covering because of the human lack of fur. Suits always meant trouble, particularly if they were worn into the woods.
Stewart, Rocky 6 said softly.
Eh? Stewart murmured, head deep inside the dimensional device.
Stewart, get out here! Rocky 6 demanded.
What? Stewart barked, clonking his head against the box’s frame as he crawled from the space.
Rocky 6 pointed.
Suits, Stewart whispered.
To their horror, one of the suits snatched up Lester and held him high. They could see it was definitely Lester from the maroon vest the squirrel wore.
Think he’s alright? Stewart asked.
She’s not exactly cuddling him, Rocky 6 replied.
The suit pulled a human gun and pointed it at Lester. To a squirrel, it looked like the equivalent of a cannon.
Stewart squeaked, Not good! Not good!
Rocky 6 grabbed Stewart’s Hawaiian shirt and snapped him out of his panic. Stewart, did you unplug anything in the dimensional device?
Stewart nodded rapidly. Lots.
Rocky 6 nearly growled with frustration, Well, plug them back in! I’m going to try something.
Rocky 6 let Stewart go, flicking the engines back on. Stewart jumped back into the box and began making agitated noises.
Ready? Rocky 6 called as the engines finished warming up and began making the smooth purr of a well-timed motor.
Yes! Wait, here’s another…got it. Ready! Stewart yelled, crawling out of the device’s box again. What are you going to…?
Rocky 6 hit the device’s activator button. A wind that was half real and half time stream blew out from the ship in a shock wave of force, knocking the grass flat in all directions, and scattering a dust cloud that enveloped the suit holding Lester.
Rocky 6 shut down the dimensional device and the wind died. More switches were flicked off and the engines quieted down.
Where did we go? Stewart asked.
We didn’t go anywhere, Rocky 6 pointed out the windshield. We’re still in the meadow.
The meadow…that was now bathed in bright sunlight streaming in through the windshield instead of the dim beams of flashlights. The leaves on the trees were no longer October’s reds and yellows. Now they glowed the deep green of summer.
But…Stewart said, whiskers twitching as he stared at the face of the device’s box. He hadn’t noticed the changes in the world outside. Look, he said, the dials have moved.
Ah, Stewart? Rocky 6 tugged Stewart’s sleeve and pointed out the window.
AAAAAAA! Stewart jumped back, looking wildly around the meadow.
Don’t panic! Rocky climbed out of the pilot’s chair and made his stub of a tail curve in a relaxed flop to one side, projecting calm. We’re still okay.
But it’s different out there! Stewart replied, not paying attention to Rocky 6’s attempts at composure. What if it’s the 1950’s? What if we’re caught and dissected and…and…
Breathe, Rocky 6 commanded.
Stewart gulped, but took several slow breaths and regained a bit of balance. But…!
Did the dials move a lot? Rocky 6 interrupted.
Stewart blinked, then focused on the face of the box. No…just a little.
Then we can’t be too far off, Rocky 6 assured him. We’ll just go out, scout around and see if we can find out when we are, then come back here and jump back. Easy.
Easy for you to say. Stewart twitched his tail angrily. I’m a computer specialist, not a dare-devil!
So you stay here, and I’ll go look around, Rocky 6 replied. He was not at all happy with the idea of leaving the safety of the ship, but they’d never get home unless they found out whether they’d gone backward or forward in time.
Are you kidding? I’ve seen Saki’s Scooby-Doo reruns, Stewart bristled. We don’t split up!
So you’re coming with me then? Rocky 6 narrowed his eyes. As ship’s crew it’s our duty to bring the ship home and we can’t do that unless we know where we are.
Stewart’s tail bristled slightly. What are you? Captain?
Rocky 6 snorted, Pilot. An infinitely superior position. You’ll be our communications officer.
Stewart twitched his tail in irritation. What if I don’t want to?
Rocky 6 narrowed his eyes. I’m still going out.
Stewart glared back and crossed his arms, human-style. Fine.
Pilot to communications officer, Rocky 6 called over the mini hand radio as he exited the ship and locked it. How’s everything on your end?
The walkie-talkie would have fit in a human hand and was the smallest commercially available model. Nearly as tall as Rocky 6, he wouldn’t be climbing trees with it. He’d hung it from a strap slung bandolier-style over one shoulder, but the antenna kept tangling with his scarf. He wondered why Saki could build a time machine that actually worked, but couldn’t bother with squirrel-sized two-way radios.
Just fine, Stewart called over from about a foot away. The palm trees and little patches of beach on his orange shirt were anything but camouflage among the trees and brush here.
Use the radio! Rocky 6 scolded. You’re the communications officer!
I need both paws for this! Stewart held up the long range wireless tazer they’d found in the ship’s stores. Considering the unit had been experimental when it had been built and then had sat in mothballs since 1952, Stewart and Rocky 6 weren’t certain it would actually work, but it made Stewart feel better to have it along.
Since Stewart had their only weapon, he took point as they headed for the Cabin. The first thing Rocky 6 noticed was that some of the trees were missing, specifically the smaller ones. The next thing was that the path to the meadow was completely hidden by grass and old fallen leaves. It was gloomy under the shadow of the trees, as it usually was around Martha’s cabin, but it felt darker than normal despite the cheery sunshine that filtered through the leafy canopy overhead.
Do you hear that? Stewart whispered.
Rocky 6 listened for a moment, but heard nothing. What?
Rustling in the trees above us, Stewart replied. We’re being followed.
That made the fur along Rocky 6’s spine stand up straight. The other squirrels wouldn’t hide in the shadows. Come to think of it, they should have been met and greeted long before now. Where was everyone?
What I wouldn’t give for an unnamed security officer with us right now, Stewart muttered. He pressed forward.
They reached the spot where the Cabin should have been but all Rocky 6 could see in the spot was dry earth, scattered leaves, and a spot of deer plop that was a couple days old. The scene wasn’t all that disturbing since Lester could be having one of his ‘paranoid days’ and have set the holo-cloak to ‘invisible’ again. Stewart had always claimed he could see the edges of the façade, but Rocky 6 had always needed to carefully walk toward the edge of where the building should be, paws outstretched, or risk bruising his nose.
Go knock on the door, Rocky 6 told Stewart. Maybe they’ll be friendly.
What don’t you go? Stewart’s tail hung low to the ground, keeping a low profile.
Rocky 6 shrugged. You’re the communications officer.
Stewart flicked his tail at Rocky 6, but hopped toward where the door should be. He reached out a paw to knock, and missed.
Rocky 6 hid amusement at Stewart’s failure.
Stewart reached out again and began feeling blindly. He’d progressed into the space about five squirrel lengths (nose to tail tip) when he turned back to Rocky 6, eyes wide. It’s not here! The Cabin’s not here!
Rocky 6 had already gathered that Stewart was absolutely correct.
Something rustled in the tree on the far side of where the cabin should have been.
Rocky 6 froze. He and Stewart were several squirrel-lengths from any tree. They’d probably make it to one, but then again, whatever was following them was already in the trees.
The leaves rustled again…
Stewart fired a warning shot.
At least, that would have been the official write-up. Rocky 6 was pretty sure Stewart was aiming for whatever it was up in the tree. Leaves exploded in shreds with a flash of light and the scent of ozone as something small fell from a branch and landed in a pile of old leaves at the base of the trunk.
Well, at least we know the wireless tazer works, Rocky 6 commented as the two of them stared at the pile of leaves, waiting for whatever it was to recover and jump out at them.
Yeah, the batteries held up pretty well in storage, Stewart nodded, keeping the barrel of the tazer pointed at the pile of leaves. His ears twitched every now and then in nervous agitation.
Rocky 6 noticed Stewart was much calmer with something to do and made a mental note to keep Stewart as busy as possible from now on.
The wind blew overhead, flipping the leaves in the almost-sound of ocean waves or crowds of humans talking. A bird chirped back in the meadow. Rocky 6 felt an itch developing on the bottom of his hind foot that was going to need attention soon.
Not a sound had come from the pile of leaves, so Rocky 6 made a command decision and took a step toward the pile.
What are you doing? Stewart hissed.
Rocky 6 sent him a follow-me signal and advanced on the pile of leaves. Nothing jumped out at them as they drew closer, which could mean the thing in the pile was hurt, or maybe that it was biding its time and waiting for them to come in range. Finally, Rocky 6 stood at the edge of the pile. Nothing but leaves was visible. He swallowed and began brushing aside the top leaves. About half way into the pile, he found the body.
A small squirrel lay buried in the leaves, probably a pre-adolescent, judging from the size and softness of the fur.
Did you kill him? Rocky 6 asked as Stewart waded into the pile for a look.
How should I know? Stewart replied. I’m a communications officer, not a veterinarian!
Rocky 6 bent down and put an ear to the little squirrel’s chest. I hear a heartbeat and he’s still breathing.
That’s good, right? Stewart asked.
I don’t know, Rocky 6 admitted. I’m not usually awake when Martha’s taken care of me after a crash.
Stewart sighed and glanced around at the trees. I guess we’d better bring him back to the ship with us. The Cabin’s not here and maybe he can tell us when we are.
Stewart had the tazer, so Rocky 6 hauled the little squirrel back to the ship. (How could something so small be so heavy??) Once back inside, they laid him on the floor in the storage hold. As soon as they let go of him, the little squirrel opened his eyes and sat up so fast Stewart jumped away, startled, training the tazer on him.
Who are you? the little squirrel asked, completely without fear.
Oh great, Rocky 6 thought, one of the suicidal-confident age.
I saw you, the little squirrel accused. The big rock appeared and then you came out of the rock and I followed you. You don’t belong here.
You got that right, Stewart muttered.
Who are you? the little squirrel demanded.
Rocky 6 and Stewart glanced at each other.
Rocky 6 coughed. You can call me, 'Sulu.'
I’m Uhura, Stewart said.
Rocky 6 gave him a side-long look.
Stewart shrugged. Communications Officer.
The little squirrel was staring at them, taking in every word.
We’re looking for Martha, Rocky 6 asked him. Does she live near here?
Martha who? Why are you acting like humans? Why do you have human names?
No Martha, no Cabin. Rocky 6 glanced at Stewart and shook his head. We’re somewhere in the past.
The little squirrel looked from Stewart to Rocky 6. You even talk like humans! Can I have a human name too? The little squirrel had brought its paws up under its chin and looked up at them, begging.
I hate it when they try to be cute, Stewart growled to Rocky 6 under his breath.
You wanted a redshirt, Rocky 6 pointed out.
A nameless one, Stewart grumbled.
Please, please, can I have a human name? The little squirrel jumped up and down.
Fine, you can have a human name, Rocky 6 said, before Stewart could snap something rude. He thought quickly for a reasonable name for the adolescent, then had to give up and said, You’ll be Bill.
Stewart blinked.
Bill? The adolescent squirrel curled his tail in a question mark.
Bill? Stewart echoed, then one side of his mouth curled up, showing teeth. We’ll call you ‘Shatner’ for short.
Rocky gave Stewart a long suffering look.
The adolescent’s tail curl tightened in confusion. But, I’m already short.
Stewart was not going to budge on his private joke.
It’s a nickname, Rocky 6 explained, carefully. Humans use them. Nick-names are shortened versions and in this case ‘Shatner’ is a shortened version of ‘Bill’.
Oh! Shatner’s tail uncurled and even puffed a little with pride.
Stewart looked like he wanted to laugh evilly, but managed to stay silent.
I’m hungry, Shatner stated, expectantly.
How old is he? Rocky 6 wondered.
The humans cleaned the ship out pretty thoroughly, Stewart pointed out.
Rocky 6 made a shooing motion with a paw. Go see what happened with the dimensional device, ‘Uhura’. Shatner and I will go check the storage tubs, just in case. Unless you’d like to go with him…
Stewart glanced at Shatner, then scurried off toward the bridge.
A quick round of the hold’s few remaining Rubbermaid storage tubs revealed that they were indeed, empty. Same for the galley, the cabins, the HVAC control center, the main cargo hold, the waste recycling plant, and the hydroponics center. Even the hidden smuggling compartments were empty.
Rocky 6 couldn’t imagine why they’d need smuggling compartments.
Beside him, Shatner whined, I’m hungry.
Let’s go see if Uhura’s found anything, Rocky 6 suggested.
Compared to the rest of the ship, the cockpit had a warm and homey feel to Rocky 6. He was happy to be back in familiar surroundings.
There’s a couple of pretzels under the captain’s chair, Stewart told them. But they’ve been there since 1952, so they’re pretty stale.
I don’t think it matters, Rocky 6 told Stewart as Shatner ran over to the chair indicated and happily began noshing. The pretzel pieces were no longer crunchy.
To distract himself from the thought of soggy, fifty year old pretzels, Rocky 6 pointed to the dimensional device. How’s it coming?
I think I’ve got it, Stewart reached for the start button.
Wait! Rocky 6 shouted as the engines roared to life and began to howl. Rocky 6 lunged for the off-button, falling short.
Then the howling died and the engines slowly wound down and stopped.
A bit more sensitive than I thought, Stewart muttered. His paw still pressed the off-button.
The dials had moved a lot, the other way.
Where are we now? Rocky 6 asked.
Or when, Stewart corrected.
Yes, yes. Or ‘when’, Rocky 6 agreed with irritation. But we’re not where we were.
When.
Fine! When.
We should probably go see, Stewart said, not moving.
Rocky 6 noticed Stewart was staring out the front windshield and turned to look. The fur on his tail puffed in shock.
There were no trees! The Glimpse was parked in the middle of an alley between a restaurant and a laundromat, next to a dumpster.
I thought you said we hadn’t moved, Rocky 6 muttered to Stewart.
We haven’t, Stewart nodded slowly. My tree…they cut down my tree…
The cabin’s gone, Rocky 6 moaned. Those maniacs! And…and what about the campground? Is that gone too?
We’re going to have to go out there and find out what the date is. Stewart folded his ears back. He obviously did not like the idea of going outside the ship.
Come on, Rocky 6 told him wryly, I’ve heard Suburbia’s a nice place to visit.
Yeah. Stewart pulled his tail close in disgust. But you wouldn’t want to live there.
Once again outside the Glimpse, Rocky 6 wished he too were back inside. Stewart had brought the tazer, which helped make Rocky 6 feel a little safer, but Suburbia had dogs and cats, hawks, and—worse—human children.
The feeling of pavement under his feet where once had been dry leaves, earth, and mushrooms, and the smell of burnt toast instead of moss and decaying leaf matter, made him uncomfortable.
You sure we have to have to do this? Stewart asked.
Rocky 6 turned his back on the disguised ship. Yes. We have to figure out exactly when we are or else, we’ll never get back where we belong.
Why does the rock look like a car now? Shatner asked, glancing at Rocky 6.
‘Rock’, Stewart sniffed in disgust. A Klingon Bird of Prey being mistaken for a ‘rock’…
It’s a Delorian, Rocky 6 replied loudly to cover Stewart’s grousing. We don’t want to humans to notice our ship, so it’s better to disguise it a something they’re used to seeing on a street.
What if they think a Delorian is unusual? Stewart hefted the wireless tazer over his shoulder.
The Delorian is a classic, Rocky 6 replied and headed for the main road.
Stewart and Shatner followed.
At the end of the alley, they stopped and stared at the traffic. Shiny round…things…zipped past them. Some were brightly colored, others were all chrome. All had windshields through which Rocky 6 could make out human shapes as they flashed by.
Rocky 6 realized his mouth was hanging open and shut it, swallowing hard. Okay…, he said, a Delorian is a definitely a classic now.
Then Rocky 6 saw the creepiest thing: A squirrel in a suit walking toward them in the middle of the sidewalk, as if it had every right to be there, just like a human. The squirrel was not carrying an attaché or wearing a fedora, which would have given it at least the look of a classic spy, like Secret Squirrel in the TV series Francis liked to watch, but no, it was simply wearing the suit, like some sort of fuzzy business man or government agent.
Rocky 6 had good reason to be suspicious of government agents at the moment.
I’m hungry, Shatner spoke up.
Stewart gave him an irritated glance as the squirrel in the suit hopped up to them.
Hullo! He waved his tail in greeting. You must be the time travelers who have come to visit! I am XZP70Q333. My superiors sent me to be your guide to our fair time period. Any questions?
Rocky 6 blinked.
Stewart folded his front legs, human style and glared at the newcomer. How do you know we’re the time travelers you’re looking for?
XZ rocked back on his haunches. Oh please. Do you honestly think our technology is so poor we cannot sense a disturbance in the timestream? Your stay has been deemed part of the natural flow, but it must be short, otherwise we’ll risk a major disruption. How can I facilitate your visit?
I’m Sulu, Rocky 6 introduced, and this is Uhura…
And I’m Shatner! Shatner shouted with glee.
XZ nodded, Your cover names reflect the great heroes of your time!
How do you know they’re not our real names? Stewart’s tail curled in suspicion.
Please, XZ laughed, you’re time travelers! Naturally, you would wish not to reveal your real names.
I’m hungry! Shatner stated.
Shut up Bill, Stewart shushed him. You just ate.
But, I’m hungry! Shatner whimpered. He dropped to the sidewalk in a pout.
No problem. XZ pulled out a packet of mixed nuts from a hole in the air. In moments, the packet was open and Shatner was happily snacking.
Wait, he’s not supposed to have junk food…Rocky 6 began.
XZ waved his tail in a calming motion. Don’t worry, All human snacks are held to rigorous health and diet standards these days. No sodium, no saturated oils or fats, no MSG, no sugars, and no chocolate. Your little friend will benefit from the products of this day and age.
Why does he sound like a commercial? Stewart muttered under his breath.
To cover Stewart’s impoliteness, Rocky 6 waved his paw at the buildings and shops round them. What happened? There used to be a campground here…ages ago. Now it’s…suburbia.
XZ nodded sagely. Oh, these were built in the housing boom of 2035. Developers bought up all the land and turned it into housing and rentals. Naturally, humans desire convenience stores near their dwellings. Just think of it as a communal nut storage where they all draw their food from.
Rocky 6 was appalled, and somewhat insulted that this future squirrel thought he had to explain supermarkets to them. He tried to cover his reaction with another question. How does this work with the Great Plan?
XZ frowned. Great Plan?
For the revolution, Stewart clarified.
XZ laughed. The Squirrel Revolution already happened. We now run the stock market. It all turned around when we picked up the US postal service at government auction, converted it to an internet-based system using one-way transporter technology developed for office and home use, and began running it at a profit. UPS and Fedex were next, obviously. From there the world-wide transportation market just fell into our hands. Public transportation was a simple jump, once humans got used to the idea that their mail was being sent across the globe in seconds, why not their bodies? That caused the collapse of the airline industry, and we were able to purchase Boeing for a song. Toyota and Ford both put up a fight and they still make cars for short-distance travel, Sunday-drivers so to speak, sort of a niche market, but they’re not strong competition anymore.
Rocky 6 stared at him. Don’t the humans have a problem with this? Why don’t they try to stop you?
XZ snorted. I take it you don’t have a ‘National Heath Care System’ wherever you come from. The humans play with that. It lets them pretend they’re still in control.
Is that some sort of video game? Rocky 6 asked.
Video game? XZ frowned. You mean like Facebook-Sims or Grand Theft Navy? Online Anime Deathmatch for WiiUS or X-Box 1024 is pretty popular.
What? Rocky 6 blinked. I meant like Atari or Pong. Or maybe Super Mario?
Are those supposed to be games? XZ asked.
Never mind, Rocky 6 said as he shook his head. This is too distracting. Look, we’re just trying to get back home…
What are those? Stewart interrupted, pointing at a display rack outside a nearby store. Little plastic cases held flat shiny disks. Naturally, Stewart, being technology focused, would gravitate toward something along that line.
Oh! Pretty! Shatner nodded.
XZ glanced where Stewart’s paw indicated. Those are DVDs.
What are deeveedees? Stewart’s posture hinted at politely restrained impatience.
XZ shrugged. It’s an archaic digital storage medium for data. Movies, photos, text documents, that sort of thing. Those are all movies and TV seasons. It’s an old retro tech, popular with aged humans.
Movies, you say? Stewart hopped over to the rack and began pawing through it. El Hazard, something called Pokemon,…why would anyone remake Dragon Ball? Hey, I haven’t seen this anime before.
Stewart held up a DVD case with a picture of five animated young men in Boy Scout uniforms standing in front of five giant monsters.
Neon Genesis Boy Scouts? Rocky 6 asked, dubious.
XZ nodded, bemused. Oh yes, it was a fan-fiction that became popular. A Korean animation house got permission to turn it into a TV series. You’re holding the second season where the characters have to move to Japan in order to avoid a Chinese hit man. My favorite is the third season where...
Stop, just stop, Rocky 6 interrupted, furling his tail. This isn’t helping.
XZ looked at him.
Rocky 6 curled his tail to look less menacing. We’re not here for that. We’re looking for a date.
XZ eyed him carefully, focusing on Rocky 6’s goggles and scarf. A date? I’m not sure our females would be interested. Office Chic is what's in these days.
Rocky 6 stared at him in total befuddlement.
What’s the year? Stewart coughed politely.
I’m a squirrel. XZ shrugged. Do you think I keep track of that stuff?
Rocky 6 glanced at Stewart. They rolled their eyes.
XZ looked at each of them. Is that truly the extent of your mission? I am sorry not to be of better assistance.
Okay, I guess we do know we’re in the future, after 2035 at least. Stewart sighed. We have to go back to the past.
Good luck with that! XZ laughed and left them.
Rocky 6 and Stewart retraced their steps back to the Glimpse. Shatner followed them, eyes wide, taking in their surroundings.
Can we look around? Shatner asked. I’ve never been to the future before. It looks interesting.
Rocky 6 and Stewart cautiously studied all the shortcuts to death between them and the Glimpse.
Dogs, Stewart muttered. Laser rails on the eaves to keep off squirrels and pigeons, super-speed traffic, moving walkways, rocket packs, mutated cats, squirrel-eating birds…
We’re on a mission, Rocky 6 told Shatner.
Martha’s in trouble, Stewart added.
Rocky 6 nodded. And Lester.
Stewart snorted. Who cares about Lester?
Rocky 6 swatted him. Martha does.
Okay, fine, Stewart acquiesced. We’ll go back for Lester too.
Back in the Glimpse, Rocky 6 breathed a sigh of relief. The silence of the empty ship was calming and peaceful compared to the culture clash they’d encountered. He and Shatner followed Stewart back to the cockpit, where Rocky 6 took a seat in the pilot’s chair and stared out the windshield. The forest was gone. He wondered where the Boy Scouts had their camporees. He wondered if Boy Scouts still existed in this time. He’d always enjoyed watching their antics and had found the campfire nights entertaining. Human humor was sometimes incomprehensible, even when Martha had tried to explain jokes to him. Would humans have found this place funny? There was no trace of the cabin. It had been bulldozed out of existence to put in a parking lot for a fry-bread parlor.
You know, Stewart said slowly from where he was studying the dimensional device, I bet these dials are supposed to be clocks. Humans keep track of time with them and we’ve wound up in the past and the future. Can you read analog time?
Rocky 6 gave him a human ‘look.’ I’m a squirrel. Can you?
Yeah, Stewart nodded. But only one at a time. I don’t have a clue what to do with three of them.
Maybe one’s for minutes, another for days, and the other for centuries, Rocky 6 suggested.
Stewart stared balefully at the display. That’s the problem: they’re not labeled. I don’t know which is which. Stewart sighed. At the next place we end up, we need to find a digital display. Even the Delorian in ‘Back to the Future’ had a digital display. What era does Saki think we live in? 1898?
Well, Rocky 6 mused, have you seen Lester’s vest, with the pocket watch? And Martha makes everything by hand. I heard other humans in our time make most things with machines.
Stewart flattened his ears and slumped. Good point.
So, where do we find a digital display? Rocky 6 asked.
A store? Stewart curled his tail up into a question mark. Martha always goes into the city when she has to buy parts. You ever been to the city? Why do you think she makes most of the stuff in the cabin? Hey, you know what would be useful? If a store put a website on the internet with pictures of everything they sell so someone go find what they need on the website, order it, and ask for it to be mailed to them. Martha would never have to go into the city again.
Rocky 6 snorted. Are you kidding? That would never catch on. Humans like to go out and walk around in crowds of other humans. They even have a special holiday for it: December 24th, Christmas Shopping Day.
Stewart folded his front legs and glared at the dimensional device. Well I think it would be a good idea…
So, where are we going to find a digital display? Rocky 6 asked to change the subject.
Stewart shook his head and glanced out the windshield. Not around here. We’re going to have to try to go back to the past.
A hop, a skip, and a howling swirly mess of wibbly wobbly timey-wimey stuff later, they dropped out of the time stream several hundred feet above the top of the forest. Rocky 6 imagined he could see the top of the cabin’s roof through the trees, even though he knew the cabin was built under dense cover specifically so it wouldn’t be visible from the air. Human satellite photography technology was getting better every year. Who knew when the U.S. government would be able to find the cabin via satellite infrared filters? He was tempted to set the Glimpse down right there and go to the cabin and ask if they’d made it home, but the chances of them actually having come back to the time they’d left without any kind of clock, was slim to none. Paws on the flight controls, he swung the ship around to face east. There was a large city and several smaller ones in that direction.
Alright, Rocky 6 asked, how are we supposed to find a store that sells digital displays?
Stewart shrugged. Phone book.
Rocky 6 flattened his ears. Don’t mess with me today. We don’t want to call them, we want to go there.
Stewart waved his paws placating. It’ll have addresses too. And Maps of the ground and city street layouts. We’ll be able to find a place from the air.
That did sound appealing to Rocky 6. Politely, he asked, Where’s the nearest phone booth?
Stewart pointed out the windshield. That gas station down the road from the camp, the one Martha uses to fill the pick-up truck.
In no time, they were pawing through a local directory.
After a few hundred pages in, Rocky 6 sighed. There are so many stores! How are we going to find just one that sells what we want?
Stewart chewed his claws in thought.
Shatner hopped up onto the shelf in the phone booth next to Rocky 6 and stared at the lines of tiny type. What is this?
This is human writing, Rocky 6 replied patiently.
You can understand it? Shatner looked wide-eyed.
Yeah, Stewart nodded, puffing his chest in pride.
Shatner pointed to a line with a claw. What does this say?
Ro-To Roo-Ter, Stewart read aloud.
Shatner scratched behind his ear. What’s that?
I think it’s a kind of plumber, Rocky 6 replied.
No. Stewart shook his head. It says ‘Rooter’. That has to be a type of gardener.
What’s this one? Shatner pointed at another line.
Stewart tilted his head slightly to see better. Law-yer.
Shatner’s whiskers curled back. Sounds scary.
Stewart nodded. I think they are. Martha warned me not to do anything illegal on-line or else the lawyers would find us. She says they’re worse than rats.
Shatner’s tail was slowly puffing like a bottle brush. Let’s not go there!
Alright, we won’t, Stewart agreed. Pick another one.
Shatner put his paw down on a box shape that had one address in it.
Hol Yoh Ka Mall, Stewart read.
Rocky 6 took a look. That’s Holyoke Mall.
Looks like Hol Yoh Ka to me, Stewart insisted. Oak is spelled with an ‘A’.
Holyoke Mall at Ingleside. Weird. Rocky 6 shook his head. Sort of like Stratford-Upon-Avon. Holyoke-Mall-At-Ingleside.
Avon means ‘river’, Stewart put in. Thus, ‘The River Avon’ means the ‘River river’.
Shatner interrupted, What’s a ‘Mall’?
It’s a big, big building with lots of stores inside…Stewart trailed off and glanced at Rocky 6.
They glanced at the map co-ordinates, then flipped to the map section.
Here. Stewart pointed.
Wow, that’s big. Rocky 6 nodded. I could definitely find that from the air.
You think it’ll have a place that sells digital displays? Stewart asked.
It’s a place to start, right? Rocky 6 shrugged and lept off the shelf and headed back to the Glimpse. Stewart and Shatner followed at his heels.
You know, Stewart mused, what if maps were available on the internet? What if you could type in an address and a map would come up of the area? It shouldn’t be too difficult to build a site like that. Humans have maps for the entire planet. You could even use road maps. That way, you wouldn’t have to buy a map of an entire state or two. You could just print out the route you intend to take and save a lot of paper. Or, better, what if there was a way to take the computer screen with you…? Hmm…
An hour later (after a little backtracking) Rocky 6 set the Glimpse down in the Holyoke Mall parking lot.
What is that? Stewart demanded, pointing at the Glimpse, as Rocky 6 hopped out of the disguised ship and shut the hatch.
Well, I had to disguise it as something. Rocky 6 arched his tail. Don’t you think a phone booth in a human city is pretty innocuous?
The three of them looked back at the phone booth, which had a nice bright coat of blue paint and the words: ‘Police Public Call Box’ written in a band above the door.
Pretty! Shatner clapped his front paws.
Stewart snorted. I prefer the Bird of Prey.
Like that isn’t going to stand out in the middle of a mall parking lot? Rocky 6 flicked his tail, irritated.
Sure, it’ll stand out, Stewart agreed. I just prefer the Bird of Prey to that blue…thing.
Let’s go find your digital display and get out of here, Rocky 6 replied.
Right! Stewart nodded and shot off across the parking lot toward the Mall.
Where does he think he’s going? Rocky 6 growled, motioning Shatner to follow and heading off after their communications officer.
They caught up to Stewart inside the main entrance. Humans were everywhere! Shatner was almost squashed by the automatic doors and all three of them were nearly trampled by the humans entering and exiting the mall.
A mall directory sat in an open place near the entrance, but the crowd passed by it without looking. The humans all seemed to know where they were going already. The three squirrels hopped over and looked at the list of stores.
How do we know what store will sell a digital display? Rocky 6 asked.
Video recorder, Stewart interjected. I want a Betamax.
Rocky 6 looked at him. You just need the digital clock, right. Why do you want a whole VCR?
Stewart flicked his tail. VCRs are programmable. We’ll be able to set it for the time we want to go to instead of making a guess.
Rocky 6 let his ear flop in skepticism. Since when can you set a VCR?
Stewart sniffed. Martha does it all the time for you and Lester. Honestly, ‘The Rocky and Bulwinkle Show’ and ‘Tail Spin’?
Just because Martha knows how to set a VCR doesn’t mean you can. Rocky 6 ignored the jib about his TV preferences. He also liked ‘Black Sheep Squadron’ and ‘Sky King’, but that was beside the point. He returned to studying the directory. Hey, here’s a Sears, Rocky 6 pointed out.
So? Stewart asked.
A VCR is a home appliance, right?
Yeah, so?
Martha bought the new washer-dryer from Sears. Those are appliances. Maybe Sears will have VCRs, too.
Stewart shrugged. Worth a try.
Two hours later, the three squirrels climbed up a potted tree and hid in its branches for a rest.
Face it, we’re lost. Stewart sighed, his tail drooping.
I’m hungry, Shatner moaned.
You just had a snack, Rocky 6 said, trying to sound reasonable.
Shatner didn’t want to be reasonable. I’m hungry. I smell food.
So do I, Stewart noted. I saw something called a ‘Food Court’ on the map. Maybe we’re close.
A ‘Food Court’? Rocky 6 pictured a scene of human kings, queens, and attendants dressed in clothes made from sandwich meat, cheese, lettuce, tomato slices, bacon strips, and fried chicken. Perhaps he was hungry too.
Following the scent of food, they found a large area full of tables, chairs, and booths. The food-smell was strong in this place. Rocky 6 jumped up on top of a table for a better vantage.
Court…courtyard. Rocky 6 made the connection. I see.
Three people sat at one of the tables, chatting: a dark-haired female, a male with shaggy reddish brown hair and glasses, and a second male with dark hair that all fell to one side of his head, as if something wet had licked it.
Let’s go ask them if they can give us directions, Rocky 6 suggested and was just about to jump from the table when he was suddenly drenched with cold water and ice cubes.
Totally soaked through and thoroughly chilled, Rocky 6 spun on Stewart, who held a dripping paper soft-drink cup.
What did ya do that for!!!?
Wait, Stewart whispered. Do you feel it?
Feel what? Cold? Wet? Soaked? The way the Ice chips slide through my fur?! Rocky 6 demanded impatiently. The Three humans were just sitting at their table, chatting leisurely, but for how long? Rocky 6 was tired of traveling and strange places. He wanted to go home. A few answers and they’d be on their way. And Stewart was playing adolescent games, for crying out loud!
Stewart nodded at the three humans. Them. There’s something strange about those three.
Rocky 6 eyed the three humans. Just a female and two males. Ordinary humans. I don’t see anything strange.
Stewart looked at him carefully. Sure, but why ask questions from them instead of any of the other humans here. Why ask directions from humans at all?
What other humans…? Rocky 6 trailed off as he glanced around the food court. The place was actually full of humans. Somehow, he’d only seen the three at that one table and missed all the others. There was even one seated at the table he, Stewart, and Shatner were standing on. A girl. It was her drink that Stewart had dumped on him.
Stewart nodded. You see it now, too, huh? Those three have a strange draw that catches attention, as if they were the main characters of a movie. Or…Ta’veren.
Ta’veren? Rocky 6 rolled his eyes. Not your stupid ‘Wheel of Time’ books again! I’ll admit I didn’t notice anyone else here until you pointed it out, but that does not make those three some kind of fate-bending focal points!
They could be… Stewart muttered.
Come on, we’ll find someone else to ask. Rocky 6 turned to jump off the table. Something snagged his foot mid-leap and he dropped to the wet tabletop with a splash. He wrenched his foot from Stewart’s paws, climbed to his feet, and shook himself, scattering droplets everywhere.
What Did You Do That For?!!! he growled.
Stewart thumbed at the girl who still sat at the table they stood upon. She was staring at them, wide-eyed. Let’s ask her.
Why her? Rocky 6 flattened his ears.
Why not? Stewart spread his paws, pads up. Are you feeling alright? It’s not like you to miss the obvious like this. Twice.
Rocky 6 flipped up his goggles to let the water drain from them, then slung his scarf back over his shoulder. The wet cloth slapped his wet fur with a distinctly wet slap. Ask away.
Me? Stewart stuttered.
Rocky 6 glared at him. Yes, you, U-Hu-Ra.
Stewart swallowed. Ah, I’m not very good with girls…
Rocky 6 gave him a look, then sloshed a couple steps through the puddle on the table toward the girl.
She leaned back slightly as he approached, but didn’t run. Her eyes were green and she wore her reddish brown hair cut just above her shoulders.
Rocky 6 decided he was close enough and that scaring her wasn’t going to help them. Plus, any closer and he’d be standing in her lunch. He stopped and waved at her. We’re looking for directions to Sears. Do you speak Squirrel?
She continued to stare at him.
He tried again. If you can understand me, nod your head.
She blinked, “Are you…talking to me?”
Rocky 6 sighed with relief and nodded.
She clapped her hands over her mouth and her eyes grew ever wider, “Oh, this is SO cool! I knew you guys were intelligent. Unfortunately, I can’t understand a word you said, but that’s no problem. I’m minoring in linguistics, so I’m sure we’ll be able to create a working vocabulary in a couple of weeks!”
Rocky 6 gave Stewart an exasperated look. They were not going to stay here for several weeks just to build the girl’s language skills enough to answer a simple question. He sighed and made the international sign for ‘bring me the check’.
The girl blinked. “Did you just ask to pay for my meal?”
Rocky 6 took a deep breath and puckered his lips. He wasn’t good at this, but there was one thing left to try. “Pen?”
She stared at him. So did Stewart and Shatner.
The girl found her voice first. “You said ‘pen’, right? You talked. Right?”
Rocky 6 made the motions for ‘bring me the check’ again.
The girl nodded, “Yeah, you want a pen.”
She slowly reached up, pulled a pen from her shirt pocket, and extended it toward Rocky 6 over the remains of her lunch.
Rocky 6 nodded, and put his paws on the pen, careful not to scare her, and took it. Then he pulled a napkin from the small pile on her tray and scribbled a quick note, which he slid across a dry section of the table toward her.
She read it aloud:
“‘I need a VCR. Where can I buy one?’ Ooo, I love your penmanship!”
Rocky 6 pulled another napkin from her tray and wrote.
“‘Thanks,’” she read aloud, “‘We’re looking for Sears. Is it on this floor?’ Sears? I bought these shoes there! I can take you there!”
Rocky 6 flipped out another napkin.
She leaned over and read aloud as he wrote, “‘No need to interrupt your lunch.’ Really, it’s no bother!” She slipped out of her chair and began gathering up her trash. “Where did you learn to write?”
She looked over his shoulder as he wrote, “‘Homeschooled.’ Ha! I’ll bet.” Grabbing her purse, she flipped her hair back over her shoulder, “This way!”
Hopeful, the three squirrels scampered after her. Rocky 6 hoped they would not draw too much attention running across the floor like this after a human girl. The last thing they needed at this point was to have someone scream ‘Rabid Squirrels!’ and get mall security trying to run them out of the place.
Thankfully, most people seemed too busy shopping to see anything at floor level.
“Sears is on both the first and second levels,” she explained as they followed her up out of the Food Court area onto the first floor. “It’s just down this way.”
They passed many small shops and stands set out in the middle of the hallway selling all sort of knick-knacks, and cheap jewelry. Suddenly, Sears’ big storefront opened up before them.
“OOOHH!” she squealed. “That sweater is so cute!”
Rocky 6 glanced where she was pointing and saw something horribly pink hanging on a sale rack just inside the store’s entrance. At least, it was the shade Martha called pink, but since Rocky 6 wasn’t certain whether or not he could see color, he wasn’t sure if he was really seeing pink. Whatever the color, the thing looked horribly ugly to him. Nothing like Martha’s clothes.
However, the girl seemed to think other was and was completely focused on the garment. She ran over to the rack and began pawing and feeling the garment.
Rocky 6 looked at Stewart. She could take forever.
Stewart shrugged. She did take us to Sears.
Rocky 6 nodded. True.
They waved thanks to her, then headed further into the store.
We need to find the service desk, or a help desk, Stewart told them. Keep your eyes peeled.
What?? Shatner stopped in his tracks. Peeled?
It’s just an expression, Rocky 6 explained. Just look for a desk with a big sign over it.
Of course, they had just as much luck finding the service desk in Sears as they’d had while trying to find Sears in the mall. It wasn’t until they’d cased both floors that they finally found the desk tucked back along one wall.
A young man with dark hair and the patchy beginnings of a beard was hunched over a clipboard, marking things on it.
The man’s name tag read: Brian.
The three squirrels jumped up onto the service counter. Well, Shatner needed help, but finally all three were up on top of the counter.
Brian did not seem to notice their arrival and continued to flick through the pages on his clipboard. A jar with pens sat on the counter as well as a stack of paper and one of those hand bells with a small sign that read: "Ring for Service."
Rocky 6 pulled a pen from the jar and held it out to Stewart. Stewart backed up a step and put his paws up between them. You were doing fine with that girl. Besides, I need to pay attention to what we’re getting.
Rocky 6 gave him annoyed look, but scribbled a message on the top sheet of paper while Stewart went over to the bell with a grin.
Ready? Stewart asked.
Rocky 6 put the pen down. Go for it.
Stewart jumped onto the bell.
Brian also jumped, flipping the clipboard over the side of the counter. He looked around, wildly, and his eyes widened as he caught sight of Stewart sanding on the bell.
“Hey, you’re not supposed to be there—”
Brian trailed off as Rocky 6 held up the message he’d written: Greetings earthling!
“Oh, uh…greetings to you too,” he stammered.
Rocky 6 caught his eye, then carefully bent over the next sheet of paper and wrote: Brian, you’re having a daydream. A result of what you had for dinner last night mixed with a long, boring morning. None of this is real.
“Ah.” The young man relaxed, reading along. “Hey, I’m trying to get a date with this girl I like. Do you think she might show up?”
Not that kind of daydream, Rocky 6 wrote.
“Oh well.” Brain shrugged. “I hope I wake up soon. I’d hate to get fired over dreaming at work about something as lame as squirrels who can write English.”
We’re looking for a VCR, Rocky 6 wrote.
Brian frowned at Rocky 6. “Pardon me, but what does a squirrel need a VCR for?”
Rocky 6 bent over the napkin and scribbled.
Brian read this one too: “‘My time machine is broken.’” He shook his head, “This sounds like some kind of Monty Python skit.”
“No skit,” Rocky 6 said.
Brian stared at him. “You can talk?”
Rocky 6 wagged his front paws, “Mas o menos.”
Stewart’s eyebrows rose. How did you learn to speak human?
Sesame Street, Rocky 6 flipped off. He was not going to tell Stewart that Lester had made him learn a few words just in case he crashed. Which had turned out for the better. There had been a number of crashes when he was younger and less experienced.
It was amazing the response you could get from suburban humans by saying, "ET phone home," and giving them Martha’s emergency call number.
If Scotty survived the trip back from Area 51, Rocky 6 was supposed to start teaching the new pilot the words and phrases he’d found useful. He was not looking forward to it. Some words were just awkward to say, others hurt. Speaking human-talk always gave Rocky 6 a sore throat.
He wrote: Can you help us?
Brian scratched the stubble on his chin and looked at the ceiling for half a minute. Rocky timed it on the wall clock hung behind the desk.
Finally, Brian spoke, “Well, I think there’s a unit in back I could probably give you. Someone brought it in to be repaired, but the magnetic reader jams and it eats tapes. We replaced it and were just going to throw out the defective unit, but I think the electronics might still be good.”
Is it Betamax? Stewart asked.
Are you going to look a gift recorder in the cartridge deck? Rocky 6 asked back.
I want a Betamax, Stewart was stubborn. They’re better quality.
Do you have a Betamax? Rocky 6 wrote.
“Yeah, sure,” Brian shrugged. “Oh, are you Mr. Anderson? I think I saw a unit on the will-call shelf for you. I’ll go check.”
Brian turned and walked through the door behind the service desk into the back area.
Rocky 6 turned to Stewart. Neither of us is Mr. Anderson.
Stewart met his gaze calmly. How do you know that when we get back, we tell Martha all about this and she orders a VCR for "Mr. Anderson" for us to pick up here?
Rocky 6 wished his tail was still long. You couldn’t convey the emphatic note of disbelief with only a stub-tail.
Brian returned with a large box, “Here you go. Cables are included and everything’s already paid for. Just sign here.”
He slid a sheet of paper toward Rocky 6.
Cables too! I have to connect it from the hold to the cockpit, not to mention the power supply. It’s got to be from Martha, Stewart nodded excitedly.
Rocky 6 signed the paper where Brian pointed.
“Do you need a hand carrying it to your vehicle?” Brian yawned, sounding as if he was reciting the question.
Rocky 6 wrote: Sure! Much obliged. Just follow us.
Brian called to someone in the back that he was going to help a customer, then picked up the VCR and cables and followed the three squirrels out to the parking lot, thinking that this was getting to be a weirdly realistic dream and that if he was going to fall asleep at work, next time he should at least dream he was on vacation.
He stopped and stared when the squirrels indicated their "vehicle." The blue phone booth sat perfectly square within one of the parking spots, between a blue Trans Am and a ’57 Chevy pickup truck.
“Where did you get a Tardis?” Brian stammered.
The squirrel that had done the writing slid open the phone booth door and held it wide. Brian felt an electric tingle as he bent and set the VCR on the floor inside. The three squirrels waved at him with paws and tails, then climbed into the booth and shut the door.
Brian decided that, since he was dreaming anyway, there was no point in hurrying back inside while the weather was nice. He stepped around the blue phone booth, examining the exterior, reading the signs. One said the use of the phone box was free to the public, that to open, he should pull the handle. He couldn’t quite see through the windows.
He tried the handle, but the door seemed to be locked now. He began to have doubts.
Talking squirrels? Needing a VCR?
If they really were from another time, then why was the Tardis still sitting here?
Because they need time to make repairs, part of his brain told him. The other part wasn’t so sure.
What if this was some sort of gag played on him by his co-workers? There’d been a rash of pranks and stupid jokes going around recently. He’d thought he’d avoided the worst, and things were quieting down again, but…
Suddenly, a wind blew out from the Tardis, sending debris, trash, paper fliers, and plastic bags flying in a circle around it, and nearly knocking Brian over as the Tardis faded away.
A real time machine…
Brian stared at the empty parking spot for a few moments, then turned and headed back toward the mall entrance. He had the final proof that this really was all just a dream. No way could Doctor Who be a squirrel.
“Weird. I’ve never had dreams from cheese pizza before.”
While Brian was ruminating existential thoughts over the dream quality of his life, Stewart had been unpacking the VCR.
Crap! This is VHS! I wanted a Beta unit!
We’re not going back, Rocky 6 told him firmly. Plug it in.
Fine, fine, Stewart muttered, shoving the cables into their sockets and running them up to the cockpit. But if we end up in some other weird…
His voice faded to muttering and muffled irritation as he stomped up to the cockpit.
Are we going to be alright? Shatner asked next to Rocky 6.
Of course, Rocky 6 told him. We still have each other and the Glimpse. Plus, none of us is nuts yet.
Shatner glanced up the corridor after Stewart, not at all convinced.
Okay, just where are we now??? Flicking his tail angrily, Stewart glared at the dark fog that hung thickly outside the windshield. Wisps of moisture floated in the glare of the ship’s landing lights.
Rocky 6 shut down the engines, flicking the last switch with his tail.
Stewart paced the cockpit, muttering to himself. I installed the VCR correctly, didn’t I? Or did I cross-wire it? Or is there something else at work? Probably a programming issue. Without a reference date to calibrate from we’re still dealing with the same issue as before. Hmm, I don’t remember New England being this foggy…stupid VHS…
Shatner hid behind Rocky 6’s pilot’s seat and watched Stewart pace, as if the older squirrel was an angry predator.
Rocky 6 patted the little squirrel’s head, a motion he’d seen Martha use on the young squirrels back home to calm them. It usually worked for Martha.
Why do we keep going to different places? Shatner whispered. I want to go home.
We’re trying to go home too, Rocky 6 told him. Rocky 6 glanced up at Stewart. So, where does the VCR say we are?
It’s not "where," Stewart snapped. We’re still in the exact, same place we were in when we started this time-travel mess. Besides, the stupid VHS only tells time, not geographic locations.
Okay…So, when are we now? Rocky 6 asked carefully.
2175! Stewart snorted.
That seems kinda far in the future, Rocky 6 cocked his head. You sure?
Yeah, that’s why I’m just standing here twiddling my thumbs, Stewart growled as he made another turn and continued pacing.
Do you want to carry the tazer again? Rocky 6 asked.
Stewart stopped pacing and took a deep breath. I suppose going out is the only way to make certain of our location. We have to calibrate this thing. He shook his head. You told that clerk I wanted a Betamax…
Not long after, the airlock opened and the three squirrels cautiously crept down the gangplank. The ship was back in Klingon Bird of Prey mode.
Alright everyone, remember where we parked, Stewart called back over his shoulder and headed out into the fog. He disappeared about a foot from the Glimpse’s landing lights.
Wait! Rocky 6 called him back.
What? Stewart yelled. His head and the barrel of the tazer peaked out of the fog.
Stay here a moment, Rocky 6 told him as rushed back into the Glimpse.
Stewart looked at Shatner. What’s he after?
Shatner shrugged. The little squirrel had been picking up human gestures from Rocky 6.
Stewart decided he’d have to talk to Rocky 6 about it before they set Shatner free back in his own time. They couldn’t risk changing history.
Rocky 6 came back out with a ball of twine.
You want me to tie myself to the runt? Stewart asked. You worried about Mynocs or something?
Or something, Rocky 6 ignored the Star Wars reference. Do you want to lose us in this mess?
Stewart glanced at Shatner, but said nothing as he wrapped a loop around his waist.
Rocky 6 helped Shatner do the same and in no time all three squirrels were linked together. Once more, Stewart headed out into the dankness, tazer raised, ready.
Rocky 6 watched the Glimpse’s landing lights fade into the mist once the three had gotten a few feet away. The lights wouldn’t last forever, but they ran on a different power source and wouldn’t drain the starter battery. Still, it was unnerving to see how fast they disappeared in the pervasive fog. Rocky 6 had borrowed a spare compass from the cockpit supply locker and glanced at its glow-in-the-dark face every once in awhile to make sure they weren’t walking in circles.
The air smelled of damp, dirt, sewer, and the close sort of air that happens in old rooms and closets no one visits for years. He shivered. Things rustled in the darkness around them. Water splashed. Shatner hung at his heels, smelling of wet fur and fear. Rocky 6 wondered if perhaps, this time, they should have just jumped blindly to another time, any other time, and gotten their bearing there instead of risking their lives in this blank waste.
A "clonk" noise came from ahead of Rocky 6.
Ouch! Stewart shouted.
What is it? Rocky 6 asked hurrying forward.
I found a wall, I think, Stewart replied, sounding as if he was holding his nose in pain.
Indeed, it felt like a brick wall to the touch, a slimy brick wall.
Shall we climb it, or continue along side it? Rocky 6 asked. Squirrels were quite capable of climbing brick walls. Rocky 6 had relatives that enjoyed scaling the sides of office buildings and spying on business meetings.
Before Stewart could answer, a powerful searchlight cut through the fog. Rocky 6 tried to shield his eyes and peer toward it, but the light was too bright to make anything out.
A crunch on gravel sounded like a human footstep.
“I told you the sensors caught something over here,” A human voice.
“There’s only three little guys,” said another voice Rocky 6 would know anywhere. Martha’s voice, “You said it was bigger.”
“So, I’m a little off,” said the first voice, a male. “You know the sensors have been acting up recently.”
“And you wonder why I don’t believe you most of the time,” replied Martha’s voice.
Rocky 6 glanced at Stewart to see if he recognized her voice too. Stewart saw him and nodded, tipping one ear in a question. Yeah, what was Martha doing here?
“You want them?” Martha asked.
“Nah,” said the male human. “Go for it.”
An explosion ran out and part of the brick work behind Rocky 6 shattered.
Run! Stewart yelled and yanked the cord tied to Rocky 6 and Shatner. Another explosion kicked up wet dirt where Stewart had been standing.
Martha was shooting at them? Rocky 6 ran, mind spinning.
Wait!
He dug in his heels, causing Stewart and Shatner to fall on their faces.
What are you doing?? Stewart’s tail whipped angrily.
Rocky 6 turned and faced the humans, paws up, “Wait!”
No more explosions came.
“Did that thing just speak?” Martha asked.
“Not hurt Martha. Friends,” Rocky 6’s throat was already sore from speaking human words.
“Crap,” the male human growled a string of words, of which Rocky 6 only recognized a couple, “Not another one of those freaks from the National Institute of Mental Health! Why do they employ us if they’re not going to keep their experiments from escaping?"
An explosion shortened Rocky 6’s left whiskers, leaving frayed ends. He ran, dragging Stewart and Shatner behind him until they caught their feet and ran after him.
“Oh, that’s the way to make friends,” Martha’s voice echoed behind him. “Maybe we should listen to what they say instead of shooting?”
“We’re employed to shoot them, not make ‘friends’,” male voice growled. “Remember? ‘Do not talk to the targets. Do not try to understand the targets. Do not let the targets get away alive’?”
“You’re paraphrasing.”
“What’s wrong with you?” The male voice snapped.
“Have you ever seen a rat with a fuzzy tail before? Maybe they’re not rats,” Martha sounded reasonable. They seem to be wearing clothes too. Have you ever seen a rat with clothes?
“Mutation,” the male voice snorted. “I’ve seen polka-dotted rats, so why not rats with hairy tails and doll clothes? Just shoot them.”
“There’s something different about these,” Martha insisted.
“Just because of a little tail hair?” the male voice was incredulous. “They’re rats. So they got up this morning and decided not to shave their tails. Big deal! We’re supposed to delete these germ factories off the face of the earth, remember? As employees of the World Health Federation, we have the responsibility to search out and destroy threats to the health of the planet and populace.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard that before…”
Martha’s voice wasn’t growing fainter nor was the spotlight. Rocky 6 realized Martha and male voice were following them. He wasn’t sure where the Glimpse was. He’d just run ‘away’ from the humans instead of a particular direction. They were lost and being pursued and there was no shelter anywhere in sight.
Then something big and dark hooked the twine between Rocky 6 and Stewart and lifted the three of them six or seven squirrel lengths into the air. The world spun as the twine’s tension untwisted. Finally it stopped.
Gah! Shatner yelped, twisting on the end of the cord.
What? Rocky 6 looked around. And up.
The twine was hooked on a claw. A huge claw, attached to a matted, furry paw. The paw was attached to an arm or a leg of some sort that disappeared in the fog.
A breeze that stank of rot, dead things, fish, and old garbage blasted Rocky 6’s fur. He gagged as it sent him and Shatner swaying on their end of the line.
Another whuff of air made him almost gag again and sent the twine twisting slightly. A cavern came into view, one lined with sharp, pointy…teeth? Rocky 6 squirmed on the line as the teeth came closer. He’d rather have faced getting shot by Martha than eaten alive by this giant mouth creature!
An explosion came from nearby and the teeth jerked away from Rocky 6, Stewart, and Shatner.
The thing roared in pain and the strong back-of-the-mouth tang of ripe sewer.
Several more explosions rang out. One clipped the twine between Rocky 6 and Shatner. The little squirrel fell to the ground where he lay stunned.
“Crap!” another string of incomprehensible phrases came from the male voice, “That rat is huge!”
“The sensors were right after all,” Martha said. “Why couldn’t they have just stayed wrong this one time?”
More explosions. The claw holding the twine between Stewart and Rocky 6 waved wildly as the sewer-creature tried to fend off bullets. It shrieked and roared. Another shot cut the twine and both Rocky 6 and Stewart were hurled away from the beast. Rocky 6 landed hard and took a moment to get his bearings. From the ground, he had a better view and could see the thing: a giant rat with long, sharp, yellow teeth. Blood spotted its chest from the shots male-voice and Martha kept giving it. The two humans were standing on a platform that floated a foot off the filthy street. A control array stood in front of them on the platform, while a bright light stood on a pole behind them. The light was hooded, to focus the beam and Rocky 6 had been thrown out of its direct line-of-sight. No longer blinded by the glow, he could see things more clearly.
The rat roared in fury and suddenly charged the human’s floating platform. Martha and male-voice jumped from either side at the last minute. The rat was stumbling, but managed to hook a claw on male-voice’s clothing and threw him away into the fog. There was a yell and a meaty ‘thunk’ as he hit something hard.
“432!” Martha shouted in worry. Not a smart thing to do, since it caught the rat’s attention. It turned on her and started sniffing the air in her direction.
It’s been blinded by the light! Stewart yelled from a few feet away. We have to do something.
Rocky 6 glanced around for ideas, possibilities. Shatner was awake now and moving around again. Beside the little squirrel lay the tazer.
A plan sprung to mind. Rocky 6 hoped he wouldn’t regret what he was about to do.
Shatner! Rocky 6 caught the little squirrel’s attention. Grab the tazer!
Shatner looked scared and startled, but picked up the wireless tazer.
The rat advanced toward Martha, knocking the pole light askew. She shot at it with something that looked rather similar to the wireless tazer. Whatever her weapon really was, it wasn’t making much of a difference on the giant rat, except to make it angry. It charged Martha, knocking her down, and plunged its teeth down for a killing bite. Martha shoved her weapon into its mouth, but the rat bit down and yanked it out of her hands, spitting it out, yards out of reach.
Rocky 6 took a deep breath and lept onto the rat’s back. He ran up along its spine as it reared back for another strike.
Throw him the tazer! Stewart shouted at Shatner.
It really was too heavy for Shatner, who only managed to toss it to Stewart. Stewart threw it up in an arc that barely missed Rocky 6’s head.
Rocky 6 snatched it out of the air and jammed it into the rat’s ear, hitting the on button. The rat shrieked and spasmed.
The next thing Rocky 6 knew, he was waking up in a little box attached to the floor of the human’s floating platform. Stewart and Shatner were beside him, staring out of the open top as clouds and the occasional building shot past. Rocky 6 carefully pulled himself up and looked over the edge of the box.
They were in the air! Martha was at the console, flying the floating platform as it sped through the clouds. Male-voice was unconscious and strapped to the floor of the platform behind her.
Rocky 6 was a little groggy still, but was able to pay attention to the craft’s sway and dip. He clambered over the side of the box and crept over to the foot of the console at Martha’s feet to stare at the view before them in wonder. The wind rippled through his fur and he gripped the console tightly as the platform made a sudden dip before Martha corrected. He wished he could learn to fly this thing! This was exhilarating!
Too soon, they neared a large building with a flat roof, onto which Martha landed the platform. Her eyes widened in human surprise as she noticed Rocky 6 at her feet, but quickly scooped him into the box with Shatner and Stewart and shoved a lid over it.
“Stay quiet,” she whispered.
Footsteps approached, crunching over the roof’s surface.
Martha spoke up, “Good morning Administrator.”
A deep, gravelly male voice growled, “Senior Pest Control Specialist 3,398.77, report.”
Martha’s voice replied, “Pest Control Specialist 3,432.51 sustained an injury when we were attacked by a large specimen. The specimen has been deleted, but Pest Control Specialist 3,432.51 needs medical assistance.”
Many human footsteps crunched close, followed by sounds of something heavy being lifted and carried away. Rocky 6 determined the humans had removed the unconscious body of Martha’s co-worker.
Then the box they were in was lifted and began to rock gently, side to side, matching Martha’s walking-gait. Crunching noises accompanied this, as Martha walked across the roofing pavement.
Then came a shwoofing noise, like from the automatic doors in the mall, and with the sound many oddly-clean smells. Fresh linen, Sunshine, Country Breeze, Vanilla, Pine, and even Lemon.
Smells like a hospital. Stewart took a long sniff and almost sneezed.
Suddenly shrieks and whistles screamed around them. Shatner squeaked in terror, but thankfully wasn’t discernible amidst the rest of the noise.
“That’s me,” Martha explained to someone over the cacophony. “I was attacked by the specimen as well and was exposed to its dander. I’m to head down for decontamination. Do you think I need a containment suit? Are you sure? Alright.”
The rustle of clothing indicated Martha was pulling on coveralls or something over her other clothes. Rocky 6 lifted the lid enough to peek out.
He could see a room that looked a bit like an office lounge, like those pictured in the magazines Martha received in the mail.
Here the furniture was all made out of molded…well, it wasn’t plastic. It smelled like antiseptic and looked like silicone, but hard. Everything was made from it, the desks, the chairs, lamps, computer modules, office sectional walls, lounge tables in the waiting room, the magazine racks, even the sculpture on the secretary’s desk. All of it looked preformed, as if it had come out of the same mold. The tables were all the same. The chairs were all the same design. Rocky 6 felt his skin crawl under his fur and wished they were back home in the cabin where the furniture was made out of wood and not a single chair looked the same as any of the others.
Even the clothing had almost no variety. Aside from little colored tabs on their collars, all the humans wore white pants and shirts, which resembled hospital uniforms Rocky 6 had seen in television advertisements back home. Some of the clothing looked like nurses outfits, while others looked like scrubs. Some of the humans wore long white coats over their other garb.
Does this place look familiar? Rocky 6 asked quietly as Stewart poked his head up beside him.
‘Blade Runner?’ Stewart murmured.
I was thinking ‘Fifth Element,’ Rocky 6 whispered back. You know, tall buildings that reach above the clouds, like ‘The Jetsons’, but without the film noir look.
Good point, Stewart admitted. This place does seem a bit more cheerful-looking than ‘Blade Runner.’
Of course, it’s cleaner than ‘Fifth Element,’ Rocky 6 admitted.
“Shhh,” Martha said and fitted the box-lid back into place.
The box was lifted again.
Once the Martha seemed to have found her gait again, Rocky 6 popped the lid open a crack. Martha appeared to be wearing white scrubs with a hat over her hair and cloth mask over her mouth, as if she was going to help in surgery. She opened a door which led into a stairwell.
Down flight after flight, crowds of people passed them going up, or hurrying down. Rocky 6 wondered why she hadn’t taken the elevator.
Martha headed down.
The door at the landing below opened and a large group of humans left the stairwell, leaving them momentarily alone on the stairs, except for Martha.
Rocky 6 noticed she seemed to relax slightly.
“You guys stay hidden for a bit longer, okay?” Martha whispered, continuing down the stairs. “Decontamination will have a fit if I show up with you, so I’m going to drop you off first. I have an apartment of my own down in the gloaming zone. No one will see you in there. It’s small, but better than the employee barracks down in twilight zone. The larger apartments are up in dusk zone, but those require you live with a roommate. No privacy, no quiet. That’s one of the reasons I’ve stayed in Pest Control for so long. You get to go outside, away from people. It’s usually quiet down there at ground level in the fog. You can hear when something’s moving or breathing near you.”
Don’t you get lonely? Stewart asked.
“Of course, someone’s usually assigned to go with me. Patrols down below are dangerous,” Martha replied.
The door on the next landing opened and a several people entered the stairwell, cutting off further conversation.
Calling Martha’s apartment "small" would be a gross exaggeration. The three foot by ten foot space was something along the lines of a walk-in closet complete with a mini fridge, a fold-down shelf with pad that doubled as couch, cot, and chair for the fold-out table. A shower stall doubled as closet storage with a roll-out coat rack/shelving frame. An air vent set into the wall above the shower looked interesting. Rocky 6 wondered how easily the cover would come off and how far they could explore while Martha was gone. He didn’t get the impression it would be a good idea to try roaming the halls here.
Is that a microwave? Stewart pointed to a square box that hung attached to the bottom of a narrow set of cabinets.
“Rehydration unit.” Martha opened the unit’s door to let them see inside.
It looked like a microwave to Rocky 6.
I’m hungry, Shatner moaned.
“Would you like a snack?” Martha set them down on the couch. “I could rehydrate something for you quick, before I have to run down to Decontamination.”
No junk food! Stewart shook his head rapidly. We have to reintroduce this little guy back into the wild. The last thing he needs is to get addicted to junk food.
Martha looked puzzled.
Salt, hydrogenated oil, refined flour, that sort of thing, Stewart listed.
Martha shook her head. “What do you normally eat?”
Tortia chi—, Stewart began, but Rocky 6 kicked him and corrected, Nuts and seeds.
“Hmm. Rats prefer to eat protein-based vegetable matter,” Martha began rummaging through the cabinets. “I have some fortified soy paste. Carrot flavor.” She found a small box and lifted out a brown cube. This was placed into the rehydration unit.
Half a minute later, she pulled out a dish of brown paste and set it down on the table. The three squirrels stared at the plate of brown mush and oddly shaped lumps. Not even Shatner seemed to find it appealing.
Rocky 6 wondered if this was an example of the food in this time period, or if Martha really needed cooking classes.
This is supposed to be carrot? It’s not orange. Rocky 6 glanced up at Martha for explanation.
She looked back with a blank expression, then her eyes lit up. “I heard carrots used to be orange. Is that how it is where you come from? We don’t have orange foods here. Red #5 is unhealthy.”
Rocky 6 glanced at Stewart with a pained expression. Forget "Fifth Element," we’re trapped in "Demolition Man!"
Martha watched expectantly, obviously wanting them to try it.
Rocky 6 tried to steel himself to take a mouthful of the brown matter, but a knock on the door postponed the moment.
The three squirrels scattered, diving for hiding places. Rocky 6 watched from a perch in the shower/closet as Martha opened the door.
A human in white scrubs and lab coat stood at the door. Rocky 6 wasn’t certain, but thought the man’s shirt had…a hoodie?
“Greetings,” the man smiled. He had buck teeth. Rocky 6 found that a little odd for a place that seemed to be nuts about health care. Maybe they didn’t think dental mattered.
“Hello, Doctor,” Martha nodded. “I was heading right down for decon. Will you accompany me?”
The bucktoothed doctor pushed his way inside and shut the door behind him.
“What are you doing?” Martha exclaimed, stepping away from him.
The doctor ignored her and stood still, sniffing the air. He glared at the dish of brown mush with a grimace, then moved further into the apartment, sniffing. Suddenly, he brushed aside the shower curtain, revealing where Rocky 6 was pressed against the roll-in shelving.
“You brought them here!” the doctor scolded Martha.
Martha didn’t seem to think it was worth denying it, “Yeah, so?”
“They’re on the top of the non-essentials-exterminate-with-extreme-prejudice list. Just allowing them to live is an act of treason against the Global Health Agreement!”
“They let rats live,” Martha pointed out.
The doctor nodded impatiently, “In controlled, negative-pressure environments for experimental purposes only. These little guys carry multiple diseases.”
Not rabies! Rocky 6 spoke up. That’s a myth. Squirrels actually can’t catch or spread rabies.
The doctor eyed him.
Rocky 6’s stub tail drooped slightly. We can carry other diseases though…
Martha stared at him, then took deep breath and took the one step required to reach the shower stall. There, she carefully picked up Rocky 6 and held him close, then turned and glared at the doctor.
“Alright, good,” the doctor smiled. “But you have to leave. Now. Go with them, they’ll take you somewhere safe. But go NOW.”
A loud electronic siren began to clamor and a mechanical human voice started repeating: “A health violation has been detected in the building. Please leave the building by your nearest exit…”
What is that that? Shatner wailed from the corner where he’d hidden under a sock.
“Not the automatic system again,” Martha sighed. “They left everyone out on outdoor evacuation platforms for hazmat processing in the rain last time. Processing took days.”
Then, we should go up! Rocky 6 suggested, excited.
“You should go up to the roof,” The doctor suggested.
Martha gathered Shatner, sock and all, and managed not to drop him when Stewart took a flying leap onto her shoulder from the top of the shower unit.
The elevators will probably be shut down, Stewart commented as they exited the apartment with Martha and the bucktoothed doctor. Other people were exiting their apartments. They stared at the three squirrels for a moment, then hurried, wide-eyed, down the hall away from Martha.
“No elevators,” The doctor said.
“What elevators? We have stairs here. Elevators are unhealthy. That way,” Martha pointed. Human’s scrambled to get out of her way.
No elevators? What about the elderly and handicapped humans? Stewart began, then trailed off, his own eyes wide.
Rocky 6 was very glad he had not tried the ‘carrot’ mush. Soylent brown… he began.
Stewart gagged. The things humans think up.
“Nuttier than squirrel plop, the lot of them,” the doctor muttered.
“Who? Me?” Martha asked, having missed most of the conversation in her preoccupation to reach the stairwell.
“Just making a note to myself,” the doctor replied. “Whatever happens, just keep going.”
Martha nodded slowly and hurried up the stairwell.
You know, it might go faster if people thought you were chasing us, Stewart suggested as she climbed. Put us down and follow us up with your taser drawn. Just don’t actually hit us, please.
“Sorry, little guy.” Martha glanced at Stewart. “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
Huh? Stewart looked over at Rocky 6 in surprise. I thought she could understand us.
The doctor spoke up from the step behind Martha, “She was reading your body language.”
Rocky 6 poked his head up over Martha’s shoulder and studied the doctor carefully. You understand us. Could you ask her to put us down? She’ll wear herself out too fast carrying us like this.
“You understand them?” Martha turned on the stairs, whipping Rocky 6’s view around so that he was looking up the stairs instead of down.
“Yeah,” The doctor grunted, “They’re asking you to put them down. They want you to have access to your stun weapon.”
Martha nodded and carefully set the three squirrels on the steps. They began jumping and leaping up the stairs ahead of the two humans. Rocky 6 was concerned about Shatner, but quickly realized he needn’t be. Shatner’s fear lent him wings.
“Who are you guys?” Martha asked. “I’m Senior Pest Control Specialist 3,398.77, but you can call me 398, if you like.”
Rocky 6 snorted. It was just like her to try to make polite conversation during an escape.
We can’t tell her, Stewart interrupted any thought Rocky 6 might have had. If we bring her back, then that means we’ll have to send her back to when the Squirrel Horde first came to be, before cabin was built. She mustn’t learn our real names or else she’ll know who we are and what we’re supposed to do when we’re born later and history might be changed.
I wasn’t thinking of telling anyone who we really are. Rocky 6 was tempted to roll his eyes, except he needed to keep his attention on the stairs as they dashed upwards.
“What did he say?” Martha asked behind them.
“He was telling his pal that they can’t tell you their real names. It might change history,” the doctor replied, managing to keep up. “I don’t agree with them. History isn’t so fragile, yet ironically, I’m not going to tell you my real name either.”
Martha glanced back at him, confused. “Why not?"
The doctor grinned, buckteeth openly displayed, “I like anonymity. Besides, there are people after me and I hate to give them more clues than necessary. More fun that way, you see.”
Martha considered as they neared the very top of the stairs, “What do I call you then?”
The stairs ended at a small landing. A door was set in the wall facing them. The doctor used a key or electronic device and opened the door out onto the roof.
Martha followed him out. Rocky 6 saw they were on the level where the flying platforms were tethered. Perhaps twenty or so sat lined up in a row and ready to go.
“There’s no point in telling you, since this is where we part ways,” the doctor replied to Martha’s earlier question. “You go with your little friends. They’ll take you somewhere safe.”
Martha glanced at him, worried, “What about you?”
The doctor just smiled, buck teeth visible and creepy-looking.
Wait! Rocky 6 spoke up. While you’re here, tell her that we need to go back to the spot where she first found us, where she took the first shot. Before we ran into the rat.
The doctor frowned, “She shot at you?”
Never mind that! Rocky 6 snapped. Just tell her! We need to go to that spot in order to find our way back home.
The doctor considered for a moment, then turned to Martha, “Do you remember where you first saw these three?”
“Yeah,” Martha nodded.
“Could you take them back there?”
“Sure,” Martha shrugged. “Is that were we need to go?”
The doctor agreed, “Take them back to the spot, then follow them. They’ll get you to safety.”
“Right,” Martha nodded and motioned to Rocky 6, Stewart, and Shatner. “Time we were going.”
Then she turned back to the doctor, “Thanks.”
He waved as Martha and the squirrels dashed across the roof toward the nearest platform.
Rocky 6 reached it first and leapt up onto the console, and began searching for an ignition switch.
Uhura! He called to Stewart. Have you ever hot wired a floating platform?
Martha stepped up to the console and flicked a switch. The dash lights came on and the machine began to hum. Stewart grabbed hold of one of Martha’s ankles, as did Shatner. The little squirrel wailed as a zebra-striped police van roared up over the building’s far edge and began streaking toward them, lights flashing.
Rocky 6 shrieked with delight as Martha goosed the power lever and the floating pad roared straight up and arched over the near side of the building and immediately plunged into a dive.
“We’ll have to lose them in the clouds!” Martha explained over the noise.
Rocky 6 could see the surface of the clouds and fog twenty stories below them, looking for all the world like mounded snow. They plunged into it and the world around them became nothing but bright white. Martha’s scrubs were instant camouflage. Martha stared at the control panel making small adjustments. The white began to turn grey and slowly darkened as they went deeper. Rocky could no longer hear the police sirens.
Further they went, down into the fog, the dusk, dark humidity, cool winds, and the earthy robust smells of natural waste and decay. Martha continued to make adjustments and at one point turned on the spot light. Rocky 6 hadn’t realized how dark the clouds had grown until the spot light lit up a small area around them. Tendrils of thick fog spun in the light as they passed through. Shatner made noises of fear and distress every so often. Rocky 6 could hear Stewart trying to comfort the little squirrel now and then, to no avail.
After what seemed like hours, the fog cleared a little in front of them, revealing a slimy brick wall.
“Here’s where 432 and I found you.” Martha set the platform into a quiet hover-mode just above the filthy pavement. “Now what?”
Rocky 6 pulled out the compass.
You sure you know how to use that? Stewart looked up, flicking his tail skeptically.
I’ve trailed Boy Scouts getting their badges with this thing, Rocky 6 snorted. Yes, I know how to use it.
He held it up and let the needle get its bearings. All they had to do was follow the needle back in the opposite direction from the one they’d come.
There, he said, pointing. The Glimpse is that way.
Martha sent the platform in the direction his paw indicated. The fog rolled around them, dark and brooding. Then, much sooner than it had taken the three of them walking, a small glow appeared ahead of them.
“What’s that?” Martha whispered.
Rocky 6 pointed at it, nodding. The glow brightened as they drew closer, until the Glimpse’s landing lights were visible.
“Wow,” Martha breathed softly.
Rocky 6 jumped off the control post and dashed over to the Glimpse’s cargo bay doors. In no time he had them open and indicated that Martha was to crawl inside. She did so, dubious, but was careful not to touch the VCR and cables.
“You sure about this?” she asked.
Rocky 6 and Stewart both nodded. Then Stewart smacked a paw to his forehead and turned to Rocky 6. We forgot to ask that doctor for the date! We’ll never get home at this rate.
Rocky 6 swallowed, then cleared his throat.
He hopped over to stand in front of Martha’s face where she lay curled up in the small space, and asked, “What is today’s date?”
Martha blinked, “Year 2176, day 256. You can speak?”
Stewart grinned, tail flicking happily. 2176! Perfect, a real date. We were only off by a year! Get the engines running, Sulu. We’re going home. The two scampered up to the cockpit and in moments the wind of the timestream whirled around the Glimpse once more.
To Be Continued…
Acknowledgements (Notes and Disclaimers from Martha):
While this particular story is my
own invention, I am writing within Matt’s Boy Scouts ½ universe, using and
exploiting scenarios originally set up by him.
Of course, none of this would exist without Rumiko Takahashi’s Ranma ½.
Boy Scouts ½ and Neon Genesis Boy Scouts belong to Matt. Anime Deathmatch belongs to Jason, as do the three Ta’veren in the Holyoke Mall food court and ‘doctor’ Scurideaus in the far future. Yes, I figured he might survive another century and a half.
The Star Trek, Star Wars, X-Files, Dub This!, Fifth Element, Demolition Man, Jetsons, Blade Runner, Rescue Rangers, Sky King, Tail Spin, Black Sheep Squadron, Perry Mason, Scooby Doo, Rocky and Bulwinkle Show, ET, The Matrix, Secret of NIMH, The Hobbit/Lord of the Rings, Planet of the Apes, Last Starfighter, Soylent Green, Wheel of Time, Back to the Future, and Doctor Who references were all in fun. I don’t own any of them.
I don’t know if there was anyone named Brian working the Sears help desk in Fall 1997. If there was, the character in this story is not meant to be him, related to him, based on him, or represent him in any way, shape, or form. The name ‘Brian’ was supposed to be attached to the guy named ‘432’, but in a society of numbers that just wouldn’t work. Thus, ‘Brian’ ended up at Sears.
Please forgive the Doctor Who references if they’re used incorrectly. I’ve never seen the show and am working from what I’ve heard from one person’s account of the ‘Agatha Christie episode’ and the t-shirt and knick-knack products advertized in the ‘ComputerGear.com’ catalog.
This story is not meant to be for or against healthcare. Squirrels don’t care about health care. They die after about two years in the wild, but can live up to twenty years in captivity (and who wants to live in captivity?). I needed something in the story-world to change progressively as the squirrels traveled through time. Health care is a relevant topic and currently under rapid change.
No, I do not own the U.S. Postal service, UPS, Fedex, or Boeing.
Yet.
Oh, and yes, Rocky 6 and Stewart are going home now.
Of course, none of this would exist without Rumiko Takahashi’s Ranma ½.
Boy Scouts ½ and Neon Genesis Boy Scouts belong to Matt. Anime Deathmatch belongs to Jason, as do the three Ta’veren in the Holyoke Mall food court and ‘doctor’ Scurideaus in the far future. Yes, I figured he might survive another century and a half.
The Star Trek, Star Wars, X-Files, Dub This!, Fifth Element, Demolition Man, Jetsons, Blade Runner, Rescue Rangers, Sky King, Tail Spin, Black Sheep Squadron, Perry Mason, Scooby Doo, Rocky and Bulwinkle Show, ET, The Matrix, Secret of NIMH, The Hobbit/Lord of the Rings, Planet of the Apes, Last Starfighter, Soylent Green, Wheel of Time, Back to the Future, and Doctor Who references were all in fun. I don’t own any of them.
I don’t know if there was anyone named Brian working the Sears help desk in Fall 1997. If there was, the character in this story is not meant to be him, related to him, based on him, or represent him in any way, shape, or form. The name ‘Brian’ was supposed to be attached to the guy named ‘432’, but in a society of numbers that just wouldn’t work. Thus, ‘Brian’ ended up at Sears.
Please forgive the Doctor Who references if they’re used incorrectly. I’ve never seen the show and am working from what I’ve heard from one person’s account of the ‘Agatha Christie episode’ and the t-shirt and knick-knack products advertized in the ‘ComputerGear.com’ catalog.
This story is not meant to be for or against healthcare. Squirrels don’t care about health care. They die after about two years in the wild, but can live up to twenty years in captivity (and who wants to live in captivity?). I needed something in the story-world to change progressively as the squirrels traveled through time. Health care is a relevant topic and currently under rapid change.
No, I do not own the U.S. Postal service, UPS, Fedex, or Boeing.
Yet.
Oh, and yes, Rocky 6 and Stewart are going home now.
Notes from Matt
Hmm... They may live up to 20 years in captivity, but I would like to think that the ones who are organized under Martha also have better living conditions then those in the wild and may thus have correspondingly longer life spans, as well.
This is quite an interesting tale.. What is up with "Martha" in 2176? She cannot be our Martha. Even if she was somehow incredibly long lived, that wouldn't explain how she doesn't speak squirrel, and would have only heard tales that carrots used to be Orange. Is she a descendant of our Martha? Is it all just a coincidence? Or in some massive pre-destination paradox, is this actually a younger version of our Martha, who it will be revealed is actually from the future? Who knows? I sure don't. I'm as much in the dark as the rest of you readers are as to what Author-Martha might have planned here... I guess we'll find out together!
This "doctor" character (with a lower-case d, so obviously he wasn't the Doctor) was quite a mystery to me, until reading Martha's post-story notes. This is a product of Jason and Martha sharing notes behind the scenes, and I only know the answer from having read a draft of Jason's next story. So fear not, readers, clarity regarding who he was will come soon...
I don't know if Martha intended this or if it was just happy happenstance, especially since Stewart was an established named character prior to this story, but I was amused by the annoyed banter between Stewart and Shatner.
I'm sad at the thought that, according to one of the futures presented, in only about 20 years from now Moses Scout Reservation will no longer exist, and instead the land will all be developed into suburbia. I can only hope that that was just a possible future, and not necessarily one that will come to pass.
Also, even though Boy Scouts ½ is planned to have three "seasons," I don't think the same could be said of Neon Genesis Boy Scouts. I rather think it would be over after the events presented in Of Possible Alternatives. But I guess the animated adaptation was popular, so the animation studio pulled more story out of their arse...
I know Stewart was disappointed, but I'm glad they didn't get a Beta player. I'd have been quite confused why Sears would have still been stocking those in '97, as I'm pretty sure the VHS/Beta format war was over long before then... I guess Brian was quite confused, too, since he seemed to think they did have them. Ah well, he didn't seem the brightest bulb in the retail world. And as for Stewart, I guess he can be forgiven for not knowing exactly what human technology might have been readily available. (And since they don't shop in the human world often, I guess the squirrels could also be forgiven for not thinking to check the receipt for a date.)
Anyway, that's three "To Conquer the World" stories, and this one yet again ended on something of a cliff-hanger. I have a feeling in the near future I will have to do some minor reorganization to the Boy Scouts ½ website as a whole.
Until next time!
This is quite an interesting tale.. What is up with "Martha" in 2176? She cannot be our Martha. Even if she was somehow incredibly long lived, that wouldn't explain how she doesn't speak squirrel, and would have only heard tales that carrots used to be Orange. Is she a descendant of our Martha? Is it all just a coincidence? Or in some massive pre-destination paradox, is this actually a younger version of our Martha, who it will be revealed is actually from the future? Who knows? I sure don't. I'm as much in the dark as the rest of you readers are as to what Author-Martha might have planned here... I guess we'll find out together!
This "doctor" character (with a lower-case d, so obviously he wasn't the Doctor) was quite a mystery to me, until reading Martha's post-story notes. This is a product of Jason and Martha sharing notes behind the scenes, and I only know the answer from having read a draft of Jason's next story. So fear not, readers, clarity regarding who he was will come soon...
I don't know if Martha intended this or if it was just happy happenstance, especially since Stewart was an established named character prior to this story, but I was amused by the annoyed banter between Stewart and Shatner.
I'm sad at the thought that, according to one of the futures presented, in only about 20 years from now Moses Scout Reservation will no longer exist, and instead the land will all be developed into suburbia. I can only hope that that was just a possible future, and not necessarily one that will come to pass.
Also, even though Boy Scouts ½ is planned to have three "seasons," I don't think the same could be said of Neon Genesis Boy Scouts. I rather think it would be over after the events presented in Of Possible Alternatives. But I guess the animated adaptation was popular, so the animation studio pulled more story out of their arse...
I know Stewart was disappointed, but I'm glad they didn't get a Beta player. I'd have been quite confused why Sears would have still been stocking those in '97, as I'm pretty sure the VHS/Beta format war was over long before then... I guess Brian was quite confused, too, since he seemed to think they did have them. Ah well, he didn't seem the brightest bulb in the retail world. And as for Stewart, I guess he can be forgiven for not knowing exactly what human technology might have been readily available. (And since they don't shop in the human world often, I guess the squirrels could also be forgiven for not thinking to check the receipt for a date.)
Anyway, that's three "To Conquer the World" stories, and this one yet again ended on something of a cliff-hanger. I have a feeling in the near future I will have to do some minor reorganization to the Boy Scouts ½ website as a whole.
Until next time!